Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto character nor do I make any money from writing about them.

A/n: yeah, this is angsty, this chapter is shorter than the other's just because this wasn't actually supposed to be a fic (it started as a journal entry), but after more than a few people on y! asked, I continued it, so there's more chapters coming. If you don't like angst or cant stand to read suicidal thoughts then i suggest you hit the back button now Don't ask if Sasuke is gonna die, cause right now, I'm not sure, so we'll all have to wait and see as the chapters come out. As always, thanks for reading and comments are greatly appreciated

Damaged

Sasuke's frown deepened. He growled inwardly to himself watching as the blonde continued to prance around and hug the others, laughing and talking as if he wasn't there. It's not his fault that he shattered his leg,(much like the life he was leading at the moment), that he was forced to be crippled and had to sit on the sidelines for everything, coming in second again. He was never the best no matter how hard he strived to be. He was always being compared to Itachi or Naruto and Sasuke was sick and tired of sitting and watching them continue to grow and get better while he was stuck, hindered by his own self doings.

Fuck.

His fist tightened around the can of root beer but not enough so that the thin metal crushed but just enough to turn his pale knuckles white. He was envious of the jubilant man, grinning madly as his muscular frame moved between 'their' friends. He was perfect in every way while all Sasuke saw were flaws. It never mattered how much he changed the way he did things, or how much he pushed what he wanted back (until even he couldn't remember his own dreams and aspirations), it was never enough. Never.

Always quick to analyze anything he thought, Sasuke knew his feelings could be construed as jealousy, but it's not that he thought he deserved what the blonde was getting, it was just that he wished that he could possess it as well. But of course, he was here, useless and alone because he chose to not be a hindrance on anyone. The heavy cast holding his leg together only seemed to bring him down more. It was supposed to help him, not continue to slow him down and keep him from the things that would make him happy, but it was. Sasuke was beginning to think that his brain needed some sort of helium attachment because he was always so down.

A loud laugh permeated his thoughts and those onyx orbs slowly lifted from floor where they had drifted to watch as the group writhed in laughter and happiness, easily lost in their own musings... without him. Sasuke snorted. He was easy enough to forget, to be pushed back where he was out of the way. He wanted to punch of the son of a bitch that had told him he was acting like a door mat. He was trying to be less of an asshole and that was his payment for being nice. Uchihas shouldn't be nice, he was selfish enough as it was and didn't appreciate the conclusion.

Blue eyes turned in his direction for a second, checking to see if there were any signs of discomfort with the raven, but Sasuke knew himself well enough to make it look as if he were bored or maybe less unhappy than what he currently was. He was good it, an expert maybe. It had become so much easier the last few months to hide how he felt from the world, to keep it all inside, while he acted happy or as if nothing was bothering him at all. Naruto knew he did it, but the beautiful blonde wasn't aware of how deep his sadness ran. The bright smile Sasuke received for his indifferent slouch was enough to make his heart clench and his chest ache.

His fingers tingled, a physical manifestation of the pain coursing though his veins. Always wanting. He should be happy with what he had. He had everything most people only dreamed of. A semi-functional family, friends, talent (even if in his perfectionist nature, he saw none), money... but... Sasuke exhaled heavily, a borderline sob, escaping him. He wanted something more; something that he had had, but had given up, only to realize later that he was a fool for even making it a choice. He had known what he wanted but chickened out in the last second throwing every iota of happiness he could have had away; and he hated himself more for it.

Sasuke turned around, showing his back to the crowd of happy people now put behind him. Sure, they missed him but it never really mattered if he was included nor not, if he was present or absent; they'd all move along with their lives. That's how they were, how they worked... those... optimistic people. Always looking on the bright side of everything while he was stuck contemplating the dark, something he seemed to constantly be in. The last to know. The last to be thought of. Another snort. It shouldn't bother him this much, but it did. Besides, he was only talking to himself at the moment, so it didn't matter if he was being weak or girlish. He knew he was weak no matter how strong he pretended to be on the outside. It was simple enough to fool everyone else into thinking that he was happy, or rather, that he was fine, but it was something completely different to try and fool himself of that fact. He wasn't going to lie, he'd done enough of that when he was younger, instead, he was just going to keep his mouth shut. They all had enough to worry about as it was without adding him to the list of things that caused headaches, worry, and pain.

The pale flesh of his jaw flexed as Sasuke clenched his teeth in an attempt to quell the burning liquid pressing at the back of his eyes. It was ridiculous to be this... upset, over something so stupid. Well, stupid to him. Naruto wasn't his to be possessive of. No, he'd made that point abundantly clear... to everyone but himself. It was getting on his own nerves that he'd get jealous of anyone who received the blonde's attention that wasn't him. He even tried to sate his lust, but it wasn't the same, it was never enough, they weren't him. He longed to feel the other's body over him, pressing into him, making him forget all his sadness, all his suffering and anguish. Oh what those beautiful, sun-kissed lips could do to him.

Sasuke growled. He had no right, he chose this cast, this metaphorical ball and chain, because he wasn't strong enough, no matter how much he said otherwise, that and... he was scared. Scared to jump, afraid to risk everything in his controlled, perfect, little life and jump into something new, something he craved for. He was scared to fall, scared that in the end he'd lose everything he wanted and everything he left behind.

Fuck!

His head hurt. He was thinking too much again. The pain in his chest had taken over once more, causing the muscles in his shoulder to tighten in ache, stiffening him and hindering his movements. He needed to let go. To get away from all of this and to think, by himself for a while, but he wanted to be here, wanted the love, the attention, the fleeting happiness that everyone else provided. Still Sasuke didn't feel he was worthy of the praise he received, the affection. He hated feeling like a hurt puppy that needed to be nursed but his parents had never been there to tend to his wounds and they had torn, bled until they were filled with sugar and salt. He was beautiful (though he would deny that as well) but damaged. Nursing was needed just as he needed crutches to walk.

Sasuke felt the overpowering urge to hide. To crawl into some place dark and disappear. He glanced over his shoulder, looking back his friends. The want to be there flooded over him again, sending another urgent plea to his feet to make him leave. It was all too much for him. He wanted but couldn't have, couldn't have because he was afraid and the fear seemed to just cripple him more than any injury ever could. He idly wondered when he had gotten so weak, but the thought was gone as he concentrated on walking. The crutches didn't help, they were too big, to long and they were not his own but he was determined to use them until he could get to somewhere he didn't need them anymore or until someone came to help him walk, to help him get on his own two feet because he didn't possess the strength to. He couldn't ask Naruto, he had once, and the blonde had willingly agreed to help him, to save him, to fix him; but now... now he was on his own, still needing to be saved from himself (as well as a few other things).

Ignoring the pain in his chest and the cool liquid sliding down his cheek in a single stream, Sasuke walked though the door, knocking the stopper out of the way for it to close behind him. That dark hiding spot only had enough room for him.

a/n: please feel free to leave a review, I cherish them greatly as they help encourage me to continue writing, and no this is not the end