A/N: This is something I just sat down and started writing during an off-period at school. It's been expanding over the past week, and I've decided to submit it in pieces now. Basically one big fairy tale parody, using all the classic fairy tales and classic stories (I used animated Disney movies as an inspiration). Even though I never directly state the specific story, I'm sure you'll easily recognize them as they come along.

Disclaimer: I promise I own nothing except my insert, Kate. Who I really don't own, either, as she is based off a friend.

Once upon a time, Kate was born in a daisy flower, like Thumbelina. One day she was wandering alone among the grass when she came upon a mushroom. It was a most peculiar mushroom, pink with purple polka-dots, and sitting on top was an exotic caterpillar smoking a pipe. Kate was so small, of course, that the caterpillar was even bigger than she was.

"My dear child," it said, "It is not natural for a girl like yourself to be this size. You should be TALLER." And the caterpillar showed Kate a piece of mushroom. "Eat this, and you will grow."

So Kate ate the mushroom and shot up until she was the normal size of a small girl. The world did not seem as big anymore. Kate began to look for something to eat.

Soon she came upon a charming cottage in the woods. Smoke was coming out of the chimney, and the place seemed quite friendly. Kate knocked on the door, but there was no sound from within the house. The door stood slightly ajar, so Kate stepped inside. The place was filthy! Kate could hardly contain her horror. Instantly, she began to sing for her animal friends to come to her aid. They came in twos, flocking by land and sea and sky to her side, and began to clean the house. Within an hour, it was spotless. Kate was so tired that she sat on the couch and fell asleep.

"CINDERKATE!!"

Kate bolted upright, staring confusedly around. The cottage had been transformed into a grand mansion, and she was lying on a velvet pouf by a sweeping marble staircase. An old, angry woman stood before her.

"Cinderkate! Get your lazy body to the kitchen and scrub those pans! Stop soiling the furniture!"

And Kate found, to her surprise, that she no longer wore her simple green dress, but instead wore a filthy brown sack and apron. She jumped up from the couch, muttering her apologies (for Kate was a very polite girl), and scuttled off down a hallway. But she became lost in the winding labyrinth of the manor, and soon found herself in a bedroom. She was so exhausted that she lay down on the bed and fell asleep.

She was awakened by a tender kiss upon her lips, and sat up, startled to find herself once more in the cottage. A handsome man with a crown stood before her.

"Who are you?" she asked.

He bowed. "Fair maiden, thy hast been in sleep this past century. I hast comest to wake thee up and carry thee away to be my bride."

Kate stood up and backed away from the man. "Sir, I think you are mistaken. I don't know what you want."

"To marry thee, dearest!"

"Oh no, ya don't! That's my princess!"

Kate turned with alarm to see a large green ogre coming in the back door, a donkey trotting at his heels and a cat riding his shoulder.

"Away, foul beast!" The prince brandished a sword, pushing Kate behind him.

"Donkey!" the donkey suddenly yelled, making Kate jump.

"'Tis not a donkey, but an ogre, cursed beast," the prince said bravely. "Flee now and I will let thee and thy feline companion live."

The cat jumped off the ogre's shoulder and addressed Kate. "Senorita, truly, your prince lacks in the brain department."

Kate blushed. "He isn't my prince…"

"I tell you, this is your last-" The prince began, then stopped abruptly at the adorable look the cat was giving him. His eyes had gone all wide and he was audibly purring.

Kate's heart melted. "Awwww…"

The prince lowered his sword, and in one quick swipe, the cat had knocked him unconscious.

"Right, well, let's get on with it, then," the ogre advanced on Kate. She retreated quickly.

"Oh, dear…"

The front door reopened just then and a troupe of dwarves filed in, a variety of tools slung over their shoulders. They stopped abruptly upon sight of the others.

"Shrek? Snow White? What a pleasant surprise!"

"Oh, no, I'm not Snow White-!" Kate began, but the men were already crowding around her, hugging her knees. "Please-!"

"All right, let the girl through," the donkey commanded.

The men paid him no mind, and suddenly their grips were suffocating Kate, who squeezed her eyes shut.

"Please, please, get me out of here!"

The pressure was gone in an instant. She opened her eyes and found herself alone in the cottage. It was eerily quiet.

"Hello?" she asked timidly. No answer. She sighed in relief. Now for something to eat…

She stepped to one of the cupboards and opened it. A gingerbread man popped out and ran across the floor, laughing merrily.

"You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" he cackled gleefully before disappearing out the door.

"But what am I supposed to eat?" Kate cried in desperation.

"Try the house," a voice echoed throughout the room. Kate jumped and glanced around quickly.

"Who said that?" she demanded.

"ME!" the voice laughed.

"Eat the house…But that's absurd!" Kate giggled nervously.

"Why, everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable!" The voice laughed. "But that, my dear child, is called cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. Besides…I wouldn't taste very good!"

Kate moved cautiously over to the kitchen table and tried to break a piece off. It came off easily in her hand, and she timidly bit into it. It tasted like a sugar cookie.

"Mmm…" she muttered.

"Enjoy! But eat quickly! For when the witch returns…she won't be very happy!" the voice laughed again.

"Witch? What witch?" Kate was alarmed.

"…all mimsy were the borogroves and the mum's wrath outgrave…" the voice said faintly, fading out of hearing.

"Hello? Hello?"

Kate was alone once more.

to be continued...