This... is an AU. A high school AU, to be clear (yes it's horrendously overdone, I know). And an actual chapter fic (for once).

Mostly written because some cracky things have happened to me in my lifetime, and a lot of them start in around three AM.

WARNINGS : Okay, I'm writing this once. There will be gay. Lots of it. Of the LaviKanda/KandaLavi variety. Smut. Mischief. Cops. Mentions of the abuse of Youtube and the Internet. House Arrest. Hangovers. All that good stuff. Don't like? Don't read.

three AM

It was the phone that woke him up first.

His cellphone, really. He vaguely noticed that the ring tone was different this time – some weird, chipper beat that made him want to suffocate himself with his pillow.

Lavi. The redhead had probably fucking gone and changed it again.

Well, the quicker he answered the phone, the sooner it would be over.

A pale hand extended as the black haired boy attempted to blindly grasp the compact, ringing device on his bedside table, turning his face slightly so it wasn't hidden in the pillow and taking one look at the caller ID.

Lavi B.

Kanda promptly flipped the phone open, and then flipped it shut again, attempting to pursue sleep once more. It was too fucking early to put up with this shit.

Unfortunately, the caller in question didn't seem too keen on letting particularly murderous friends lie in peace. In about half a minute his cell was ringing again.

The onyx eyed boy repeated the procedure from before, instead switching his phone to "vibrate".

But when it rang again one minute later, it rattled the top of his bedside table.

...

Asshole –

"This had better be good," he managed between grit teeth as he brought the small communication device to his ear.

"Oh, but it is," he heard the redhead's drawl loud and clear, "and trust me, I have a perfectly good reason for calling you at this unholy hour."

"You'd better... it's," he shot a glance at his digital clock, "three AM – fucking God, Lavi, what the hell is wrong with you? If it's anything short of the apocalypse I'm coming over right now and kicking your ass."

"As much as I'd love for you to show up at my house in the wee hours of the morning to screw me within an inch of my life, we'll have to save that for later."

"... God, you must've had one fucked up childhood."

"Like you don't know the half of it? Please," his voice was dry, but then it took on a different tone, "Yuu, goddammit I just took on the biggest realization of our young lives. Help me."

"Enlighten me," he grumbled, about two seconds away from hanging up again, but he knew Lavi would just find some other way to contact him if he turned off his cellphone, "you have twenty seconds. If you fail to catch my interest, I'm hanging up and if you try contacting me again I'll rip your balls off and shove them down your throat."

"Charming."

"Starting now."

"We're gonna die."

The statement was so blunt and to the point that Kanda actually blinked.

"... Well no shit. I'll die. You'll die. Don't become a whiny little bitch on me."

"No, Yuu, I mean it. We're gonna die and nobody's gonna think we're worth remembering jack shit about. Hell, nobody's gonna think we're worth remembering once we leave high school. It's... really depressing."

"And I care?"

"Okay, just hear me out. Everyone knows the Star Wars Kid, the Internet lets just about anything go viral, and it's been five years since Noleen graduated and fucking hell, Yuu, we've never even so much as seen her face-to-face but everyone knows she set those pigs loose on the last day of school before she left. We weren't even here to see it; we were fucking grade sevens and we still heard about it. Kids will forever hear about it."

"Your point?" His interest was fading fast.

Lavi took a deep breath.

"I want to be immortal."

"... Then paint a fucking picture. Write a book. Sculpt. Just don't drag me into anything," and his patience was fading even faster.

"But Yuu, that's so... last century. Besides, I need your help, there's no way I can pull half the shit I've planned off without at least another pair of hands helping me out."

"What's in it for me?" he was picking at a loose thread on his pants.

"What, immortalizing yourself isn't enough?"

"I under no circumstances want footage of me portrayed as a dumb ass spread all over the world via the Internet. That sounds more like your thing."

"I'll come up with something to tempt your obviously picky tastes," Lavi sighed all too dramatically on the other line, "I just wish you would realize what an amazing opportunity we have laid out in front of us, Yuu."

"Whatever. I'm hanging up."

"I'll just nag you more during class I suppose," his long-suffering tone made Kanda wish he could somehow reach through the phone and strangle the eye patch sporting teen.

"Fuck you too."

He hung up and, thankfully, his phone didn't ring anymore.

But he'd forgotten to bitch out the redhead for the annoying new ring tone.

tbc... .

... And I'll be back with a new chapter for this soon, hopefully.

If you read, please do review, for it encourages me to actually crawl out from under my rock and write every once in a while.