Hello! This is Evil Demon Warrior Bunny. First off, I have a confession to make: this is my first ever fanfic. I did, however, work quite hard on it and edited it several times and all that jazz, so I really hope you'll like it. Secondly, this isn't a songfic. I think. Rather, it's a story where a character sings about three lines. Just read it; you'll see. This is set sometime pre-series.

Disclaimer: I own FMA and the song My Girl just as much as you do. Therefore, unless you're the great Hiromu Arakawa or one of the founding members of The Temptations, in which case I both apologize and bow down to you, I don't own squat.

It was a quiet night in the office at Central. The men had all gone home—the only people left were the Colonel and his most loyal assistant.

"Hawkeye?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Remind me again why I'm sitting here at one in the morning trying to finish paperwork that I should have gotten done three hours ago."

"I think that question is rather self-explanatory, sir."

Roy sighed. He'd known the answer to his question before he'd asked, and it seemed his attempt to break the monotony of the night was failing. The Colonel glanced at his Lieutenant. She had her head bent over a stack of papers and wasn't even pretending to pay attention to anything he might say. He felt a stab of guilt—she shouldn't have to stay late, as he did—but quickly turned his gaze back to his own documents when the woman looked up and gave him a very pointed glare.

Riza rolled her eyes. She didn't mind helping, really she didn't, but this was getting ridiculous. It was the third night in a row that the Colonel had been forced to stay late because of unfinished paperwork, and, as his aide, she was duty-bound to help him. Havoc and the others had left hours ago, without even offering to assist, but that was to be expected. In fact, the two of them were probably the only ones in the building.

Riza blushed as her thoughts started going in a very unneeded direction. Thinking about things like that certainly wasn't going to get these papers completed any faster. And anyway, it wasn't like the Colonel knew about or reciprocated her feelings on that particular matter. Definitely not.

Quite unbeknownst to Riza, Roy's thoughts were traveling a similar path to hers. However, like she, Roy didn't think anything would ever come of these…feelings, so he never said anything. And so the night looked to be going in the same direction as the last two, and numerous nights before them. At least, it would have if they were truly the only ones it the building.

"ROY!!" The shout came from somewhere outside the office, and caused both Roy and Riza to jump from their seats and look about them for the source. As it happened, the source was currently barreling down the hallways toward them at a speed rarely achieved by humans. It turned left, ran into a drinking fountain, turned left again, and skidded to a stop just outside the door.

The source of the shout turned out to be none other than one Maes Hughes. One, if his breath was any indication, extremely drunk Maes Hughes. He took two steps into the office and tripped over a wastebasket. Hughes, several pound of paper, and an apple core went sprawling.

"Hughes," said Roy resignedly, "what, exactly, are you doing here?"

Hughes giggled. He used the desk as a brace and managed to pull himself to a position that somewhat resembled standing. "Jusht shaying hi," he mumbled. "It'sh late, ne?"

"Yes, Lieutenant Colonel," said Riza. "And, um, what—"

She was cut off by a fit of laughter that erupted from the man. This, apparently too much for his sense of balance to take, caused him to fall all over again, scattering more papers.

"Haf—haf you SHEEN my new—my new pho—pho-whatsh it called?" asked Hughes from the ground. "It'sh of Elyshia! Hee hee hee hee hee…" And with that, he pulled out a crumpled photograph from the pocket of his uniform. "She'sh my wittle girl…"

This brought up a flurry of protests from the other two, none of which were heeded. Hughes proceeded to wave the photo in their general direction while muttering to himself. Roy and Riza cast despairing looks at each other.

"It'sh—it'sh a SHONG!" Hughes suddenly yelled. Roy and Riza looked at him like he was insane.

"Maybe we should just ignore him, sir," Riza suggested.

"Negative, Lieutenant. He'd probably just try harder to get our attention," said Roy regretfully. Riza nodded and was about to offer up another course of action when she was interrupted by Hughes. Singing. Loudly.

"My girl, my girl, my girl!" he belted, standing up with a pointed lack of anything resembling grace. Roy groaned and banged his head against his desk, scattering papers. Riza silently moved to him to help gather the documents that had fallen on the floor.

"Talking 'bout my girl! Oooooooooh!" With the extended ooh, Hughes spun around in a circle, lost his balance (yet again), and fell against the Lieutenant's knees. She staggered backward and Roy just barely managed to get up from his desk quickly enough to catch her from behind. Nestled in his arms, she turned her head to face the Colonel, and he couldn't stop the heat from rising to his face. Damn. He hadn't held her like this in years, not since Ishbal. Not since that night—

"I'ff got shunshiiiine, on a cloudy daaaaaaaaaaay!" Hughes, apparently, was not in the least deterred by his fall or by the consequent position that his comrades found themselves in. Rather, he seemed determined to finish out his balled.

"Hughes—"

"When it'sh cold outshiiiiiiiiiiide, I'ff got the monsh of Maaaaaaay!"

"Lieutenant Colonel—"

"I guesh you'd shay, what can makesh me feel dish way—"

"HUGHES!" The combined force of both Roy and Riza shouting was enough to make Hughes pause. He looked up at them from his spot on the floor innocently.

"Yesh?"

It was at this point that both the Colonel and Lieutenant remembered the position they were currently in. They quickly moved apart and Riza dusted off her (immaculate) uniform. Hughes looked from one to the other, and then gave one of the widest grins either of them had ever seen cross his face.

"What?" asked Roy, rather warily.

"You guysh—you guysh should get married!"

Roy and Riza blinked. And stared. And blushed. And blinked again. And subtly edged away from each other, so as not to give the man any more ideas.

Hughes sighed in contentment. "Yesh yesh yesh. And it'd be a biiiiiiiig wedding, wish a lot of fanshy foodsh, and I would be your besht man, and, and,"—he seemed to be tearing up at the prospect—"Elyshia could be your FLOWER GIRL!!" The vision seemed to hold so much joy for the man that he couldn't stop himself from bursting into full-blown sobs. He wrapped his arms around a helpless Roy's knees and blew his nose on his friend's pants. Roy, embarrassed and more than a little disgusted, gingerly patted the top of Hughes's head. He made eye contact with Riza, but then quickly looked away.

He should have known it would happen sooner or later. Maes was forever going on about getting him a wife; it was inevitable that he would eventually pick the one woman that Roy actually felt anything for. He just hadn't expected it to happen when the man was dead drunk and singing a song about sunshine and May. There were probably mentions of honey and birdies in it, too. Where exactly Maes had learned the song Roy didn't want to guess.

"Colonel…" Riza was looking at him with a mixture of pity and something he couldn't identify. He gave her a weak smile and dragged Hughes to his feet. Hughes, however, seemed entirely incapable of supporting his own weight, so Roy was forced to let him lean against his own body. Though his voice was muffled by Roy's shoulder, Hughes could be heard faintly mumbling something. It sounded suspiciously like, "My girl…"

Roy shifted Hughes's hand off of an awkward part of his anatomy and glanced and his subordinate. "Um…" He paused. "Er, I guess I'd better take him home. Not that," he hurried to say, "I won't be back. I will. To finish the paperwork." God, how pathetic was that? He couldn't say one straight sentence to her after a drunken man who wouldn't remember in the morning had told them to get married, for crying out loud.

Riza nodded. "Of course, sir." She waited until he had half dragged, half carried Hughes away before leaning against the wall and slowly sinking down it. Damn. Damn damn damn.

This wasn't supposed to happen. People had made cracks about her and Roy's relationship before; they had never bothered her. If the idiots were stupid enough to be convinced that she was planning on sleeping her way to the top then she wasn't going to waste her time trying to explain the truth of it to them. She and Roy hadn't been intimate since one night in Ishbal, and that was years ago now.

Shaking her head to clear it, Riza got up and made her way back to her desk. She grabbed a paper and began filling it out, the assignment so routine that it had become practically automatic and gave her plenty of time to think on other subjects. Riza closed her eyes for a minute, and then did her best to concentrate on the task at hand.

Roy quietly entered the office. The lights were still on—apparently the Lieutenant was still working even though he had been gone for nearly an hour. It wasn't entirely his fault—it had been raining, and Gracia had insisted on his coming in and having tea, of all things—but still, he felt bad. He walked over to his desk and sat down.

"Don't bother—I've just finished." Riza walked over and handed him a stack of completed paperwork. "Could you please drop these off on your way out?" She began gathering her things. "Goodnight, sir."

It felt like the bottom had dropped out of Roy's stomach. She was being—cold. She was Riza, so of course she was stern, but…he hastened over to her.

"Lieutenant!"

Riza turned around. "Sir?"

Suddenly he felt self-conscious. "Look," he mumbled, staring at his feet, "about what Maes said—I hope it didn't upset you or anything." He looked up at her, eyes pleading.

"Of course not, sir. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to walk home. I need to feed my dog." She turned away.

"Riza!"

Riza turned back, shocked. He hadn't called her by her name in years. Not even in Ishbal. In fact, the last time she could recall him saying it was at her father's funeral. Roy shuffled his feet.

"Um, can I give you a ride?" Riza stared at him. "It's just, it's dark, and late, and you need to feed your dog, and, um, I have a car," he finished rather lamely. Dear lord. He was babbling. He was an adult male with a (well earned) reputation as a huge womanizer, and he was babbling.

Then, to Roy's surprise, his aide began to smile. She turned back toward the door, and glanced back over her shoulder at him. "I suppose," she said warmly. Then she was gone, headed toward the lot.

Roy took a minute to shake himself out of his amazement, then grinned and followed.

The completed paperwork remained behind on his desk.

...So? You like? You hate? You think my attempt at humor totally petered out about halfway through? (Because I sure do.) Anyway, please tell me in a review. First fanfic, remember? Constructive criticism is great, praise is greater, and anonymous reviews are, I think, the best thing ever. I didn't have an account for a long time, so, if you don't either, please review anyway! Thanks.

A couple of notes: I'm really really sorry if they were OOC. Were they? Also, I can see Maes being drunk. He would definitely be a happy drunk, though. I repeat, this wasn't intended to be a songfic. I was listening to my iPod the other day and I thought, 'Wow, My Girl describes Maes to a tee.' Presto, story!