Disclaimer: I do not own House MD or any character of this show. (Unfortunatly)
Lullaby
Chapter 1 – Till I Collapse
It was such a thing with secrets in hospitals. They were spreading like wildfire and there was nothing you could do against it. The only satisfaction, Allison Cameron had, was that nobody except for her knew the truth and this was something completely comforting. She could barely understand, why everything seemed to be about her. Wasn't there anything more important than her private life? First the break-up with Chase and now, when everything seemed to be so clear, everybody started speculating. Of course. It was human nature. Curiosity was after all an evolutionary imperative.
Tired she laid a hand on her by now swollen belly and looked down, unable to take a deep breath. Stunned by her own apearance. She just hoped that it was worth this whole mess. She sat on one of the empty gurneys in the ER. It was somewhat between 2 and 5 am. She didn't know, didn't care at all. It seemed like an eternity had passed since she last took a glance at her watch. Time didn't matter. Not anymore. Nurses were sneaking around her, trying to find out who did this to her. Chase from whom she walked away before she got pregnant? A stranger? Wilson who seemed to be her best friend by now? House who couldn't stand her any longer and just caved? Nobody knew and Cameron wouldn't spill. There was no need to start stirring the rumor pot much more.
It was weirdly quiet foran ER. Usually there were always noises.
In the end people got hurt always and everywhere. They stumbled over their own feet, bones cracked. Ligaments ripped. Organs failed cause of ludicrous reasons. Not here. Not now. Complete peace. A few interns were suturing some small lacerations. A little girl with a broken arm was being carried by her mother in the surgical wing of the hospital. Everwhere laid nurses and doctors in their own deep sleep, their private paradise. Cameron didn't have another choice. She just let envy roll over her. She couldn't sleep. She just had the feeling she would throw up any minute and that feeling didn't pass since the last weeks. In her breaks and at night an infusion stuck in her arm. A light version of hyperemesis gravidarum, but until now she didn't need to worry. The hydration was keeping her up in the morning. She shouldn't be here, at work. Her doctor had forbidden it, but there wasn't a better distraction and the nurses took care of her.
She let her eyes wander. It was strange. Sometimes she could feel his presence, even if he was hundrets of meters from her away, almost as if he had an aura after all. Maybe he had one. Hard to say. She shook her head albeit her naivity and stared at him, while her fingertips run over the perivpheral venous catheter in her left hand. Almost as if she had to remind herself.
He seemed to put all his weight on his cane, while he glanced into her direction. Hesitating. She knew that he didn't knew and that this ignorance was driving him crazy. But she wouldn't cave. He had to find the way through the dark by himself. This time. It was for his peace, not for hers. If he knew. If only he knew...In the end, it didn't matter at all. At least, she told herself.
There wasn't a question about what kind of father he would be. Not a good after all. He wasn't even able to take care of himself, let alone deal with some kind of twisted family. She didn't fool herself. He would try. She truly believed he would try but she was afraid to think what would happen if he'd fail.
Minutes passed and he just stared at her. She didn't have much of a choice, so she held his gaze. Her relationship, if you could call it so, was…well…kind of complex, even if 'complex' when it came to House wasn't bad after all. Most of the time.
It was the voice of a nurse that took her out of her lethargy.
"Dr. Cameron…Carcrash is rolling in. 6 victims. The surgeon's know we'll send them up as soon as possible and we've already paged everyone who's on call."
She nodded and her gaze searched for him, hoping he would be there, helping, but he was gone. Of course. This kind of situation's didn't seem to affect him. She got her hair into a loose ponytail and pulled the catheter out of her hand, grabbing a pair of gloves, right before the chaos started.
The work in the ER was, compared to the work she'd done for House, well…completely different. She had to rethink, what could kill a person first. When there was a guy with pain in his chest they first thought it was an aortic dissection, because it killed faster than myocardial infarction, even if it wasn't killing any cells.
It was about keeping the patient alive. Well, with House…It was to find a reason for some symptoms which didn't fit together. There she had to concentrate on another level, but it wasn't less satisfying.
She loved the ER. She could do good down here. Helping people. Saving lives. Without having to bend rules after her own judgement. The world wasn't turning around one person anymore. It was about helping as many people as fast as possible. It was a liberating feeling and when she got in her dark apartment at the end of the day she felt it. The burden on her shoulders subsided. Slowly.
While her hands were buried in the chest of a 19 year old girl and she was shouting orders on the staff around her, she could feel the adrenalin running through her veins. Her eyes were glowing and she felt more alive than all these years under House. She missed playing private investigator, sneaking around. To do whatever it takes to get what you want, but if she had the chance to trade this life with her current situation she was happily doing it.
It was the first time she felt it. The minute the girl got her sinus rhythm back on the EKG monitor. Well, Cameron thought it was a light kick. It felt more like a little butterfly that got lost in her belly. Not that kind you had when you were in love. Much more intense. It. The thing burried deep inside of her. She was overwhelmed from the situation and nearly started crying. She could already feel the tears. Her legs started shaking as she took a step back from the gurney. She was mumbling orders, laying one hand on her belly, not realising she was leaving bloody fingerprints on her scrubs, on her unborn child.
Suddenly everything seemed to shift out of her focus. Reality blurred. The world spinned. Doctors ran back and forth. Patients, bloody, dirty. Everywhere. Somebody said her name and she didn't realize. Of course. How could she notice such a triviality when her unborn called attention the first time? It existed. It was for real.
She didn't notice the arrhythmia from her patient. She didn't see that she was pulled away, didn't feel hands grabbing her, leading her out of the room. Everything became blurry and the first thing she realized after a while was the scream in the hallways of the ER. She wasn't in the room with the girl anymore and she didn't see her mother sobbing over the corpus of her daughter. Breaking down.
TbC
A/N: Well here I am. It seems that my English is bad, but not so bad you won't read my crap. So I hope you'll enjoy it. Love you. Love reviews. :) Thanks to moca frappalicious for betaing. Still looking for an English speaking.