HOW TO WRITE FANFICTION
Chappie numero 15: I'm so so very sorry
The rec hall was a mess. Too many angry pissed as hell people were squished within a tiny space, and in the middle of all...lay Jiraiya. These people were near ready to kill the guy, and Sakura and Ino stood by the sidelines with a queasy face.
"Just kill him and get it over with!"
"Rock him down with the laptops!"
The two girls eyed each other with an uh-oh; should they mention Mike wasn't Jiraiya, or should they let the mob have its fun?
Neji suddenly raised his arms in attempt to calm the mob down.
"Look people, let's settle this in a pleasant, civilized manner. We're mild mannered level headed Konohanians, no?"
Kiba grimaced at the name as someone in the audience attempted to stifle a snort. (cough Hidan cough)
"Konohanians? That is such a gay nam-"
"Shut up dog lover."
Having stuffed dog food in Kiba's mouth, Neji regaled his audience with a shit eating smile. He looked down upon Jiraiya with a gentle, benevolent, kind, merciful, all-forgiving look-which contrasted with the words that flew out of his mouth.
"Let's chop off his balls."
Jiraiya dry-heaved.
"'That's' your idea of pleasant and civilized...?"
"At least...hic, it's not a part of your body you use on a regular basis, no? HA!"
Tsunade suddenly materialized in front of Jiraiya, gloriously dunk, brandishing the biggest fucking kunai in the world she had in chappie 13. Even as he trembled at the sight of her, he was indignant at the blatant lash on his manhood. He pushed aside a few 'Konohanians' as he stood and vented:
"Are you calling me a virgin? I should remind you, that I'm quite a lady's man! Before I begin writing my books, I always cavort with my gorgeous-"
"-right hand. Yes, yes, we ALL know. Don't remind me."
She pinned the poor man down with her left leg and held the blade up, directing it at his private area. He would have broken free, had it not been for the Godaime's alcohol infused super strength. The men cringed, and everybody held their breath.
"Here we stand-hic- to annihilate the cause for all this...this brouhaha...haha...hahahahahaha hihihihihihi-hic"
Chuckling hysterically, she raised her hands high above her head. The kunai was about to hit target when the main doors and a small boy ambled in with a laptop tucked into his left armpit.
"Why is it so noisy in here?"
Iruka dove in front of the godaime, hiding from young Konohamaru's eyes, the biggest fucking kunai in the world attacking the smallest fucking...well, we wouldn't know that would we.
"We're having an adult situation here, my dear Konohamaru. Which reminds me, out underage kittens, OUT I say!"
Iruka brought out the biggest fucking pepper spray in the world and sprayed pepper at the 'underage' bunch. Shino with his sunglasses remained unhurt but many were rolling around in pain, covering their eyes as a desperate Itachi wailed-"Not Sasuke's eyes!" Gaara attempted to maintain his stoic face, but the whites of his eyeballs were turning red and a telltale vein jumped on his forehead. Naruto bawled. Choji ate his pepper tears as he cried.
Sakura, with mascara tears streaming from her eyes, shrieked at the perpetrator:
"Oh for the love of Kyuubi- it's not Jiraiya! Seriously people! "
Immensely pissed and with panda eyes, Ino backed her up as she wailed:
"Yeah! The laptops were all inside the rec hall when you guys went out to look for icha dude, but look! An update!"
Jiraiya pumped his fists as a skeptical Pein examined the new update (with a red face) and checked the time.
"I would've believed...that this was one of your attempts to free the sennin from his wrong doings, but...well, come to think of it, there's no reason for you to defend him."
"That's weird."
"You sure it's not him..?"
"Oi...hello?... aren't we missing something?"
Shikamaru, with both his eyes swollen shut, pointed an accusing finger at...Konohamaru. The sandaime flinched at the mention of his grandson, and fixed his eyes on the apple of his eyes. Everyone followed suit. Anko blinked down at the sweet looking little kid, and frowned.
"...come to think of it. Sweetie? Why do you have a laptop?"
Konohamaru blinked, and smiled angelically. There was a bitter silence.
"I...Ehhhh...Ummmm... how are babies made? "
Even Kakashi rolled his eyes at that one.
"Get the kid monster."
A month had passed from the event that most people dub as the "Fanfic Fiasco." Or the "Mystery Mike Massacre."
For the most part, Konoha had been quiet after this fanfic had been uploaded...
165. I'm so so so sorry by Mike(aka HaremKonoha) reviews
Grandpa made me write this in exchange of getting Tsunade baba cut my jewelries off.
Fiction rated: PG –English- Drama/Family –Chapters 1- Words: 150 Reviews: 21
Eh... I'm so very sorry for having caused this big trouble .
First of all, I'm so sorry Jiraiya Icha man, for almost having your jewelries hacked off. And for having paired you up with Orochimaru when I should have paired you up with someone less feminine. Okay fine, stop hitting me! I mean, masculine. Or whatever.
Second, sorry Tsunade baba, for having you go nuts with the stories I wrote, and for having Konoha being the laughingstock of the Akatsukis. I meant to pair them up too, but imagine pairing up a plant with a fish. Or a gay mask dude with a crazy bomb dude. I mean, it's just too weird. (but just to settle the score, I don't believe that the reputation of the village is as important as my jewelries. OWW ow... I was joking!)
Next, I'm so sorry scary Sasuke nichan, for having you paired up with...here, utilizing Sasuke nichan's words: A senseless idiotic dobe with as much sense and style as a pickled blonde toad, and with no exceptional talent... except being appropriately born with a nine tail beast trapped inside his belly button to buff out his tragic past. (As for Naruto nichan, I'm not so sorry, since you don't really read fanfics that go above 50 words. I highly doubt you'd read this at all.)
I'm also vey sorry Iruka sensei, for not having you on top. (Also, I'm sorry Kakashi sensei for having even paired you at all. So I guess I'll have Iruka sensei on top with Asuma sensei on the botto...ouch. Sorry Kurenai sensei...what about, Ebisu sensei? No? Not your taste?...Fiiine. Tough crowd.)
I'm so very sorry Temari nechan, for having your future fiancee paired up with a coconut eyed long haired masculine future sugar daddy- ( OOWOW WHAT? Can't I put a few jokes in to make this funny?...well why noooot...? FINE)
I'm also sorry Kiba nichan, for pairing up your dog with Shino nichan's flies. I get why you're so upset, but really, it's like a fly harem no? 1000000 flies and 1 dog... just kidding, don't blow a fuse. Oh yeah, also sorry about pairing you up with Shino nichan. (Shino nichan was cool about it though.)
And sorry Choji nisan, for not even pairing you at all. I'll give you a free donut the next time I see you. It's really not because you're unattractive. I just can't imagine how you'd (crush)...stroke your partner and shower them with (saturated fat) love.
Lastly, Gai sensei. Thank you for your enthusiastic response to being paired up with Lee nichan. I sort of doubt you really know what the meaning of "paired up" is but... some good response is better than none I guess.
PS: And I'm so so very sorry for being a way better writer than y'all, not to mention a very young one to boot. You guys suck at writing. Peace.
Reviews:
DaHokake: Say what? Someone sumarise dis for me
KillBBro: you forgot 'stupid'. I mean stupid. Did I mention it? Stupid.
9livesminus3: So pairing up bug dude and dog boy isn't weird, but Kisame and Zatsu is? You moronic hypocrite.
Troublesome: Get out of wherever you are kid, I'm serious, Temari's punches hurt!
inustyle: Fly...HAREM...?...
HyuugaHizashi: Neji? Is it time you and I had the boyfriend talk?
ISeeThroughClothes: Father... I'm a DUDE! My god.
PinkCutezBlossom: They were really good tho. Just saying.
IceFlowerIno: Girl, I'm with you there.
AnkoDango: Mail us the next chappie sweetheart!
DoubleTchan: Love you mike! More lemon please.
Iruka: Bah, forget the fucking children.
OhSoEvil: Bwrahahahhaha, dead on, you're so dead on kid- crazy bomb dude...PLANT ack, that one's the best
VenusFlyTrap: It's not that funny.
SnakeyEmoMan: SSSSsssscandalous.
ArtisticAtomicBomb: Wha-? Oh I am so pissed. I may be crazy, but I'm art-crazy, and that's totally different. And Zatsu? So not my dream guy.
AngryBlueFish: Riiiight. At least you didn't get paired up with a pot of plant.
Ichamylife: Kid, you might do better writing about heterosexual couples. How about you and I talk about you being the next Icha man?
PersevereX100: I know, I know, I know what paired up means! I looked it up in the dictionary!
Sandbox: So why are you not cursing, if I may ask.
FoodGloriousFood: ...I'm hurt. I need a donut.
...NOT.
(Bloodiedsugs30's words on HTWFF-
I'm so so very sorry for having my readers wait for so long.
Bear with me)