Now I know I've got a heart, because it's breaking.

-The Tin Man

The first time she looks at him and sees him not staring at her, the world doesn't end.

There is no earthquake, no tsunami, no flash floods or raging infernos.

This surprises her, scares her really, because she feels like her world is falling down to pieces right in front of her eyes and everyone knows that the world has always revolved around Serena van der Woodsen.

She tears her eyes away, expecting a comforting comment about low-rent taste and Brooklyn, but instead she hears the annoying buzz of newfound hummingbirds. Finishing the rest of her Perrier, she grabs her bags and heads off solo. The bubbles still burn the back of her throat as she walks away and forever suddenly seems a lot shorter.

He gives into his descent back into anonymity. Accepts it even. Because this is Serena's world and he's just living in it. Troy and Gabriella must be on something, because fighting against the status quo is getting pretty tiring at this point.

So he focuses on his work. He stops writing stories about the sunshine girl and starts writing about long lost mothers and death by ignorance fathers. He thinks that he's actually progressing. That he's being healthy and unobsessive and moving on. But the secrets aren't his to reveal and he likes writing what he knows.

At the end of the month, he's already written his college application essay. It's about Serena and him and bridging the gap between penthouses and lofts. His counselor praises him for the wise insight and says that this will definitely help his already impressive resume. Of course, he thinks, because everything she touches turns to gold.

He doesn't know if he should be grateful or bitter.

She glides through the first half of senior year as Queen S by partying and drinking. She's changed, naturally. Become more ruthless, less genuine, and a lot of plastic smiles and brittle laughs. And the boys. Oh, the boys. She parades into school, pressing against an innocent bystander a little too hard, with a little too much flirty invitation in her voice. Flavor of the week ogles and she winks and everyone else stares in disbelief. Sometimes she smirks, but she never laughs because that's why a boy loves her.

It's in the middle of one such encounter with a certain junior that she feels a tap on her shoulder. Wondering who would be idiotic enough to interfere with a lioness' hunt, she turns around with a Blair-worthy sneer on her face. Instead, her heart stops beating and all the blood rushes to head because she's making eye contact with a boy she loved for the first time in months.

He shrugs awkwardly, running a hand through his hair and obviously waiting for her to detach from Thomas? Terry? Teddy. Definitely Teddy. Instead, she clings to him harder. She hears a sigh of annoyance but he stands his ground.

"I just wanted to thank you. I got into Yale."

He turns around and leaves, leaving the courtyard buzzing along with Serena's thoughts.

But mainly, she's wondering when Yale became his first choice.

He finds out Serena got into Yale. Not only Yale, but also Brown, Columbia, and a few unorthodox choices like UCLA.

Serena. Who boozed her way through freshmen year, skipped out on her sophomore, worked during junior year, and then shot all the previous year's work to hell in her senior year.

He literally sees red for a second but realizes he should've expected it. She's Serena van der Woodsen. People fix elevators in blackouts for her. Isn't this exactly what he wrote his college essay about anyways?

Still, he doesn't know if he should be happy for her or hate her.

This seems to be a pattern with him.

But when she walks over to them when they're alone in the hallway, his breath still hitches in his throat.

She whispers, "I'll see you next year Humphrey."

And he realizes he couldn't be happier that she'll be in New Haven.

This loving her thing?

Yeah, that seems to be a part of the pattern also.

She sits next to Blair at graduation because V and W will always be next to each other no matter how much they fight.

She squirms through the famous alumni's speech, bounces around during headmaster's farewell, and is miraculously sitting still when names begin to be called.

Of course she cheers for Nate, loudly and obnoxiously but not nearly as loud as Vanessa who's beaming in an even more obnoxiously colored neon dress. Chuck suavely walks across the stage, accepting the diploma. Blair's hands politely clap, and Serena sees the corners of her mouth twitch.

Dan Humphrey walks across the stage, and she has to grip her seat to keep her hands from making a loud noise that would resemble clapping. She allows herself a smile, but that immediately disappears when she feels Blair's eyes on her face. Serena shrugs at her, and Blair understands. After all, they're both suffocating their feelings.

The rest of the alphabet goes by without much attention paid to the graduates, and then it's Blair's turn. If she listens hard enough, she can hear her brother's smooth voice bordering on yelling and she smiles. But now it's her turn and she can practically feel the limelight follow her onto the stage. She remembers wondering how this would feel, standing on the stage with everyone cheering for her, but now only one thing seems important.

Dan clapped.

And honestly? That's the only shade of limelight she's been wanting for a while now.

They both spend the summer fantasizing about the other.

She has Blair back, the result of bonding over long concealed feelings, and succeeds in driving her crazy with endless talk of possibilities, maturity, and how different it would be in college.

He has his sister back, who's been re-enrolled in Constance Billiard thanks to a lovely recommendation by Eleanor, and drives her crazy with endless talks of possibilities, maturity, and how different it would be in college.

She gives in first and calls him. They have a long meaningful conversation about honesty and money and silver spoons and miscommunications.

The entire exchange makes them both feel a little too claustrophobic.

He hangs up on her after one too many van der Woodsens are thrown around, and the phone still vibrates on his bedspread. He doesn't pick up.

She's pissed, to say the least, and nothing sounds better than one (or five) martinis.

He feels stupid, and takes a cab to her apartment.

She leaves fifteen minutes before he gets there, dressed to kill and on her way to the Palace.

He waits with the smug bastard of a doorman, again. Talk about déjà vu.

She walks through the door around one, talking to Carter Baizen (who was back from Guatemala or Tanzania or some third world country) flirtatiously and leaning in a little too close.

He makes some sort of snarky comment about the situation, but the fire's not in his eyes and all she really sees is hurt.

He walks out the door, and she tells herself to chase after him. But relationships shouldn't be this hard, she tells herself, so she lets him go. Still, when Carter's hands start roaming she sends him out the door too.

So much for maturity.

Sometimes it hurts in places he doesn't even know he has.

But then he stares at the computer screen and stares at the horrid, cliché line and erases the entire thing.

Because really, yeah it sucks and he hasn't seen her around campus and half of him is glad and half of him is scared to death he'll never see her again. After all, it's been four months.

It really doesn't help that he's stuck in this dorm room with a lecturing, nerdy roommate named Dale who tells him it's what he deserves for having premarital sex.

So he unplugs his computer and opens his door, walking out to the nearest park bench and sitting down.

The next time he looks up he's staring at long long long blonde hair from a distance that's waving at him. His whole face lights up when he hears a throat clear from behind him.

"Really Cabbage Patch? You expected her to recognize you from here? She's had her pick of the litter here."

He really hates Blair Waldorf sometimes but that's just another mundane pattern he's discovered as of late.

"Even if she didn't recognize you, she talks about you all the time. God knows why. Just quite being a wannabe poetic, reclusive ass and call her already. Give Cedric my love, as always."

Sometimes patterns were broken. And Blair Waldorf knew how to do that better than anyone.

She's studying, actually studying, when he knocks on her door. It's one in the morning and she's had three Red Bulls in the last half hour. She's wearing an old t-shirt and a pair of boxers from Target, but she's not Blair and she doesn't care so she answers the door anyways.

He's there. Staring at her with those eyes. Those nervous, I love you eyes that looked at her that way for the first time. All she can think is 'I don't deserve those eyes'. But still, he's here and her knees actually go weak and she grabs the door a little tighter.

"You are Serena van der Woodsen. And I'm Dan Humphrey. And we've been over why we shouldn't work hundreds of times and they all make sense. Really, they do. But for some reason, I can't stop loving you. It's like that ridiculous pants movie you dragged me to see except I'm Kostos and you're Lena and we're just terrible at not loving each other. But I'm not Greek, and neither are you, and that was cliché and cheesy and I hate cheesy and cliché because I'm a writer! But you're all I can write about anyways so I'm probably not a very good one…"

They just stand there, looking at each other, when she launches herself onto him.

Finally. That's what it feels like. Like home away from home and happily ever afters and Christmas mornings.

She drags him inside, beyond thankful for those three Red Bulls and the amounts of energy they would supply for the night.

A/N. So there it is. I really really loved the first half, but the second half makes me worried. basically? LEAVE A REVIEW.