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00 Drabble 24
Dear Mr. Erde…
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To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart.
-Phyllis Theroux
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Dear Mr. Erde,
To start, I hope this reaches you properly. I know you aren't in a position to read it directly now, and even if you were, I would still have to apologize for the mess. I've never written an actual letter before, and as you can surely tell my handwriting is atrocious. Who writes by hand anymore? But Ms. Grace told me that she had written such a letter for the first Lockon, and so I felt it would just be proper if I did the same for you.
Not that you're dead, of course! Or you are, but aren't. I admit I don't quite understand what happened to you; they said you were gone but not dead, and Mr. Seiei assured me you would get this letter somehow.
I think I'm starting to ramble now. Please forgive me, it's just that I've never written one of these before and I'm not sure what to say. I just know that it really hurt when I thought you had died, and I am very sad that you won't be returning to us. I know that you have to stay where you are, that Celestial Being isn't simply forgiven and accepted by the world, and that there's so much left to be done, but…
I'll miss you. You'll never be there to answer my questions, and it's like I'll never talk to you again. I'm sure you'll be much too busy now to humor a young girl anyway. But I wish nonetheless.
I think I'm straying again, so I suppose I should end here. Farewell, Mr. Erde.
Most fondly,
Mileina Vashti
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Dear Mr. Erde,
Really?! Do you mean it? Thank you so much, Mr. Erde! Even if it's only by mail, I'm so happy that we can keep in touch. Even from inside Veda, you're still so kind. I promise you, I will always remember to respond to you by email. No, not by email… by real mail, the truest expression of a maiden's heart!
Oh, there's so much to say, but I can't find the words! Everything is so different now. Celestial Being is returning to the shadows again. Mr. Haptism is so happy with Marie (Is she Ms. Peries or Ms. Parfacy is the daily question!), and they're content to live in peace. Mr. Stratos is also still with Celestial Being, ready to intervene at a moment's notice.
Others are going their own way, now, but it's not sad. Well, maybe a little; I didn't know him well, but seeing Mr. Seiei leave was sad, but I know as a true Innovator it will be for the best for the upcoming Dialogue. I was a bit disappointed to see Mr. Crossroad leave, but I forgive him because he finally reunited with his true love. They're even getting married next month! Isn't that romantic?
Oh, there's so much left to say, but I haven't the time. With so few people I have even more work to do, and I still have to pick out a dress for the wedding. I'll be sure to tell you all about it, Mr. Erde!
Yours truly,
Mileinia Vashti
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Dear Mr. Erde,
Oh, I wish you could have seen it, it was all so beautiful! Everything! Everyone was dressed up so perfectly, and the weather was just marvelous, and the bride was just so beautiful!
Everyone was there, Mr. Erde. Everyone from Celestial Being, and a number who weren't and were apparently on the other side during the war. But no one cared. Mrs. Sumeragi was there with Mr. Katagiri, and Mr. Haptism and Mrs. Parfacy were the other big couple there. Mrs. Parfacy was even the Chief Bridesmaid; apparently she and the bride knew each other from the A-LAWS. (I was just a Bridesmaid myself, I'm afraid.)
There were a lot of people there, many I've never seen, but you know who showed up without a warning? Mr. Seiei! He came back just for the wedding, apparently, and was even the Best man. I don't know how they contacted him to arrange it, but he escorted Mss. Halevy down the carpet, and even stayed for the reception. Everyone was so glad to see him; I saw him and Mr. Crossroad talking, and you could just tell that he was glad he came. It really meant a lot to him.
I can't say just how wonderful a day it was, Mr. Erde. I wish you had been there in person, and not just watching through the cameras. You could have even seen me catch the garter, and you know what that means!
I hope I have a day like that someday. It really would be wonderful. And just between you and me, and don't tell my father, I think there's a guy my age back at Celestial Being who's caught my eye… it might be love! I've caught him looking at me recently, and I'm working up the courage to speak to him. Wish me luck, Mr. Erde!
Please keep my secret,
Mileinia Vashti
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Mr. Erde,
You betrayed a maiden's trust trust. How could you? To think I confided in you all these last few years! You can't lie about it; you're the only one I've breathed a word about Michael to, and we promised each other that we wouldn't tell a soul.
Not that you have a soul anymore, do you Mr. Erde? No soul and no shame, wrapped up in that precious computer of yours. To be confronted by my own father with such a scandalous video evidence in hand? That was beyond the pall, Mr. Erde; I don't care how omniscient Veda is, there are some things even you should not spy on.
I know you didn't approve of Michael, and neither did my father. No one here does. But I never thought you would go so far. Believe it or not we are in love, Mr. Erde. We are true lovers, and nothing you or my parents say will change that. My Maiden's Intuition will prove you all wrong!
But you'll only be watch from now on, Mr. Erde, because from now on I never want to hear from you again. Ever. Don't even bother replying to this last letter; I won't open anything from you, and I'll be even more unhappy with you if you try and mask your writing as someone else's. I may not be a quantum computer, but I can spot the differences.
This would be where the goodbye would be, but right now I don't want to wish you good. Or even a farewell. I just want you away from me, forever.
-Mileinia Vashti
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Dear Mr. Erde,
I know it's been awhile. I'm not even sure if you will respond to this; I wouldn't blame you if you don't, not after what I said. I can't even ask for your forgiveness for what my accusations. All I can say is… I'm sorry. I truly am.
You didn't record that video, even if you surely knew about it. I didn't want to believe it for so long, I rejected everyone who tried to help me, choosing to foolishly believe his lies. I deluded myself, and I never would have realized it had I not overheard him boasting about it to those louts he calls his friends. Even then I nearly refused to believe it.
I didn't think I would write this letter. I wouldn't have, but Feldt told me I should when I went to her after realizing the truth. She told me that it would be best to put it on paper, and that I should be honest with my feelings. And they tell me that I owe you at least the admission that you were right, and I was wrong.
It hurts to say that. A lot. It feels like a hole's been torn in my heart; I trusted, I believed, and he took advantage of that, and of me. It's such a scandal, everyone must know, and I'm so ashamed of myself. I doubt anyone could respect me after how I've acted these last several months. But it's no more than what I deserve.
What you didn't deserve, though, was my hasty anger. For what little it's worth, even if you never bother to reply, I'm sorry. From the bottom of my foolish heart, I am so very sorry.
Sincerely,
Mileinia Vashti
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Dearest Mr. Erde,
You are a far better person than I could ever hope to be. Your words mean a lot to me, and so do your actions. I was surprised how quickly Michael was mysteriously transferred to the asteroid belt, but that was your doing, wasn't it? Even before my letter likely got to you. It made me think, and realize something. Even when I forbid you to talk to me, you were looking out for me. Looking back, I see events that I had attributed to chance or luck, but I know they must have been you. Even when I put you out of mind, you never stopped looking after me.
The aftermath of Michael is still going on, but I know I'm finally making progress. You were right when you said that there would still be people who cared enough to stand up for me. Everyone was, even if I couldn't see it at the time. Only hours after I wrote the last letter and fell into a mournful sleep, Mr. Haptism and Mr. Stratos both arrived at the base and immediately confronted Michael with hard words and even harder blows. I think Feldt must have had something to do with that; she has been supporting me the entire time, and not merely out of pity as I had feared.
And most importantly, I've finally reconciled with my Father. I think only he was more hurt by my actions than you, and afterwards I was terrified he would spitefully hold it over my head forever. But he didn't. I know he had strong views on the matter (we certainly fought loud enough over them), but he's being very understanding. It's times like these I'm reminded of just how fortunate I really am, to be blessed with such wonderful friends and family. And you, of course, are as close to both as can be.
I'm sorry I have to go now, but I've resolved to work harder around here, both to make up to my father, and to help Celestial Being towards the new future. It's not merely about me anymore. But rest assured, Mr. Erde, you retain a special place in my heart, and I will be sure to write to you often once again.
Yours truly,
Mileinia Vashti
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Dear Mr. Erde,
Has it already been a decade since I last saw you, gallantly launching from the Ptolemaios? And yet, even now, I can remember just how charming you were in your pilot suit, set to reclaim Veda from the Innovators.
Oh, but how time flies! Now we remember them as the Innovades, because true Innovators like Setsuna are being born. And to think Mr. Crossroad would have been among them; do you think it was from so many sorties in the 00 Raiser, and so many trips inside it? Or was it because Mr. Crossroad has been involved with the construction of new GN drives for the world, and he's had so much more exposure there? Either way, he seems happy enough, and I understand his second son is on the way. The last one is still so cute, though I never heard why they named the boy Soran. Was that the name of Mrs. Crossroad's father, do you think? Either way, he's still the gentle and kind man I remember.
Mr. Crossroad isn't the only person to have changed (or not changed) over the years, though. Mr. and Mrs. Haptism remain just as much in love, and Mrs. Sumeragi finally got around to marrying her own love, even if they agreed that she would keep her name. That was a wedding to remember; she looked so beautiful in her gown, even if the baby was beginning to show. And do you remember when Setsuna arrived late in the 00, and in the panic of a possible attack the Best Man launched his nearby mobile suit? Mr. Katagiri still won't let him live that down, or so I hear.
Not everyone's gone down the marriage path though. Though I hear Lasse may or may not be interested in some girl he refuses to talk about, Mr. Stratos has settled firmly into bachelorhood. Not that he's unhappy, he's like the big brother to everyone in Celestial being these days, but I think he remembers Mrs. Returner to this day. I tell him she would want him to move on and be happy, but he always shakes his head and asks me when I intend to do the same.
…and though I haven't told anyone else yet, I think I might. I know I mentioned Darian, one of the mechanics, to you? How he asked me to dinner a while ago, and how we've been strictly social up to now? Well, he just asked me to this year's social ball. Normally I would have said no to most anyone else, but I remembered that you've written approvingly of him in our past correspondences, and so I agreed.
Just between you and me, I think he expected to be shot down. I think I've gained a bit of a reputation as a beautiful untouchable, and Mr. Stratos's Big Brother antics don't help. Darian even knows of Michael, and what happened to him afterwards. But he's been dancing around asking me out for weeks now, and to be honest my woman's intuition approves of him. Not like it did with Michael, and so I leaned on your own opinion, but I think he means well. I want to give him a chance.
But if he gets a few threatening anonymous warnings against harming me, and has an ulcer at the prospect of meeting my father, that's just weeding out the weak. Isn't that right, Mr. Erde?
Your dear friend,
Mileinia Vashti
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Dear Mr. Erde,
I'm sorry to send you this email, but I don't can't wait for a regular letter to get to you. I don't wish to break a tradition nearly twenty-five years in the making, but Darian just came across your letters and I'm afraid… I'm afraid he believes I've been having an affair. I'd never told him of you, you see, and so when he stumbled across your letters, which I keep in a memory box…
I can't believe this is happening, Mr. Erde. Have I ever given the man cause to question my fidelity? These have been some of the happiest years of my life, and I've born him two children for Heaven's sake! But he wouldn't, couldn't, listen to me when I tried to explain. He was so afraid, and I stumbled in my explanation and now-
He had already been drinking by the time I came home, and so his judgment… If you're worried that he might have hit me when he confronted me, don't. My husband is a gentle man, just as both you and my father said when both of you approved of him all those years ago. He put the children to bed and didn't so much as raise a hand to me.
But he fled after confronting me, and we haven't been able to find him since. Mr. Stratos is already searching the streets, and so are many of the others. But they're getting older, Mr. Erde. Mrs. Sumeragi's years of drinking are finally catching up to her, and the Haptisms and others have settled down far away. I'm not sure they can help in a situation like this.
My husband is a kind man, a good man. But he is also the sort of man to blame himself and act disproportionately. Please, help us find him. Help us make him understand, before he does something we will all regret. I don't want to lose my husband, not to a misunderstanding like this.
For all that our friendship over the years has mattered to you, please Mr. Erde.
Earnestly,
Mileinia Vashti
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Dear Mr. Verde,
I wanted to personally thank you for your condolences. My father lived a full life, and one he was proud to have lived, able to build something meaningful that helped change the world for the better. For an engineer like himself, that was all he could hope for in life, and indeed he did. He lived a happy and content life.
In some ways, I think he was glad to go peacefully when he did. My father told me that he always wanted to be the first to pass on of the crew of the Ptolemaios; he was the oldest, he would say, and it would be sad if younger people died before him. He reasoned that if he passed on of natural causes before the rest, it would mean that we had all survived and won. I think knowing that he was right for the better part of fifty years after the war made his later life that much better, even after my mother died last year.
Wherever he is now, I know he is happy. He was firmly convinced that if there was an afterlife, he would wind up back with Celestial Being some way or another. Doctor Moreno, Lichtendahl, Christina, those who died in the first war. Others who died in the second. Those who have passed since then. But my father had the blessing to pass on surrounded by friends and family, and the funeral saw many familiar faces.
Familiar, but so much older. My only regret is the knowledge that some will follow sooner rather than later, even in this age of modern medicine. I don't recall Mr. Haptism having so many white hairs, or of Mrs. Crossroad having so many wrinkles when she isn't that much older than me. But worst of all is Mrs. Sumeragi. The years of alcohol, of self-neglect are showing, even with nanomachines. She's trying to stay strong for Mr. Katagiri's sake, but she knows. Barring something horrible, the next funeral will be hers.
It's natural, but sad none the less. We can end wars, understand hearts, and colonize space, but we still can't conquer death. But then, if we did, we might not appreciate what we do have.
I need to go now, Mr. Erde. The grandchildren will be arriving soon, and they'll be so energetic. Just how did my father put up with me when I was that age?
Your faithful correspondence,
Mileinia Vashti
p.s.: Darian sends his regards.
p.s.s.: He actually sends more, but commenting over my shoulder does him no favors. Maybe next letter.
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Dear Mr. Erde,
Happy seventy-fifth Deathday, Mr. Erde! It really has been that long. Time passes, and it's almost as if it's faded into a mist so that no one can recall it. But I remember. I remember them all, even if my memory these days isn't what it once was.
I remember the Haptisms before they were the Haptisms, when they were two young lovers bound together by fate and human modification. Even if they outlive all of us yet, I remember when they were young and vibrant, not old and content to watch time go by with their grandchildren.
I remember Lockon Stratos and Lasse when they were vibrant men in their prime. I am one of the few who remembers them before they passed on at respectable ages, one leaving a legend and the other leaving a legacy of a single child to carry his name.
I remember Feldt, dear Feldt who helped me in my times of need and waited the longest of all of us to be with the one she loved. I remember her, see her still, as the strongest woman I have ever known. No one was sadder at her loss but happier in her memory than when her life was traded for the life of her child at birth. After so many years, so many dashed hopes, I knew she would have carried through again.
I remember Mrs. Sumeragi, who indeed was the next after my father to pass away, a legend in the history of military commanders as the woman who ended wars between humans. I stand witness to how she regained her passion for life, how she carried on. And at the same time, I remember even Mr. Katagiri, who like a songbird followed his life's love soon after. He left his own legacy of power and accomplishments, one to stand beside and in contrast with Mrs. Sumeragi's.
I remember the Crossroads. I stood outside the door when Louise Crossroad passed away, I bore witness to Saji's cries as she say her parents once again. I remember how he quietly vanished during the night, never to be seen again.
And though I have never told another soul other than my husband, I alone remember the last and final time Setsuna F. Seiei stepped foot on amongst us. Most believe it was Feldt's funeral, on one of his few final visits between his preparations for the Dialogue.
But I remember that it was the evening Louise Crossroad passed away. Most of the others had gone away, gone to bed. They had given Saji his space, let him simply sit beside his love for one final night. I, too, had left, and only witnessed the sight because I had to fetch something or another for one of the children. I stepped outside, and saw it. The twin drives, towering over the house.
At first I didn't see it, so dark was the night. Then I thought I was hallucinating. But at the sight of movement in the house, I crept forward to observe through the open window. I saw their eyes, the glowing gold of Innovation. There were no words, not even a gesture besides a sympathetic arm on the bereaved's shoulder. Between Innovators, no such words are necessary. And then, with some unspoken message between them, Saji Crossroads rose and followed Setsuna out of the room. Soon the twin drives left into the sky as silently as they arrived, and in the morning no sign of either man remained. I never said anything; it didn't feel like it was my place to.
And so I remember them all, Mr. Erde. I remember. But of them all, on this day I remember you best. Not for how you died, but for how you lived, both then and now.
Yours faithfully,
Mileinia Vashti
p.s.: Darian insists I remember to remind you that we still have no idea what sort of gift to give you on this or any other occasion. You cracked those last codes so easily, and we spent weeks crafting them!
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Dearest Tieria,
I'm afraid this will be the last letter I can write to you. Even now it takes the mightiest of efforts to raise this pen, and I tire so easily from the slightest things these days.
I do not have much longer, my dear Meister. I have known this day was coming for some time. I am the last, if not the least, of our great ship. All the others have either passed away before me or left for unknown Dialogues. But I will rejoin them soon. My bones are weary, my eyes tired. Soon I will rest, and like my father I know that I will once again open my eyes on that beautiful ship, alive in spirit if not in flesh. My friends, my family, and even dear Darian await me there. I know it.
But before I go, I make one last wish, a wish so selfish I only dared utter it in the foolishness of my youth. Once, long long ago, I demanded you never speak to me again. Now I ask the opposite: please, just one more time. I wish to see you again.
Farewell,
Mileinia Vashti
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"You're as beautiful as I remember you," the bedridden woman marveled softly. "It's as if you just returned from that battle, not a day having passed."
"If only," her young visitor replied. "Then you wouldn't be here now."
"Bah," said the old women, refusing to dwell on it. "I was destined to die the moment I was born. All humans are. The difference is that some get a final request granted, and some don't. I never expected mine to be granted to such an extent."
"You asked to see me, and so I came," the purple haired man said. "Isn't seeing, believing?"
"Not with eyes like these!" cackled the patient, for a moment not sounding as close to death as she was. "I only meant one final reply, but you came all this way so quickly!"
"It was the least I could do," he said.
"And yet far more than I deserve," countered the woman affectionately, leaning further into her bed pillows. "You've always looked out for me, haven't you?" she asked.
"It was the human thing to do," he demurred. "Anyone should have."
"But only you did," she countered. "You are the most human person I have ever known, rivaled only by my late husband." She sighed, sinking deeper into her final bed. "Oh, Darian…"
"You'll see him soon," her eternal companion promised. "He's waiting for you."
"…will you come too, later?" she asked, a hint of uncertainty in her tone. But he nodded.
"Later," he promised. "Even Veda must change, must innovate. And when that time comes, I will be there."
"I'm glad," she said, fighting the urge to close her eyes. "You deserve to. You truly are beautiful." She did not mean merely of body, but of spirit.
"Rest," he bid her, gently covering her eyes. "I'll be here to the last."
"You're too kind," she chided even as her body slowed. "I think… that's why I loved you first."
He leaned over, giving her a final, gentle embrace. "I'm sorry I had to leave you," he apologized, giving her a soft, chaste kiss on her forehead.
"-didn't," she murmured. "You were always there, guiding and protecting. To the man I married, and beyond."
"I did," he acknowledged.
"Thank you, Tieria," she the wizened woman whispered one last time, and then her breathing fell silent.
Tieria left shortly afterwards. There was little left for him to do. Regene awaited him, the Dialogue needed to be continued, and the Plan must be continued. But, before that, he took the time to finish one last task. Sitting down, he carefully took out a piece of paper and began to write one final letter, much as others had done before.
"Dear Mielinia Vashti…"