A/n: This is something I just came up with and put it down in words. I don't even understand why I even write when clearly, I could be saving the word from traffic. Anyway, I'll stop rambling and begin with the story already.

Disclaimer: It amuses me that people actually don't claim Death Note when they clearly know for a fact that no one will come after them. Especially with me because I'm a serial killer in the making.

Pairing: MelloXNear

Mello and Matt's Room in The Wammy House

"Matt I'm bored. Entertain me."

Matt briefly looked up from his totally kick-ass winning streak on the Nintendo and arched an eyebrow at his best friend. He has been playing the game for about five and a half hours in a row and wasn't about to give it up now. How did he get the time to actually sit down and play his video games instead of sneaking them into classes and killing the bosses there? Well, it was winter break and all classes were off for a week. So as usual, Mello did all his homework on the first night so that he didn't have to worry about it for the rest of the week. Near being the rational one, did his homework in little proportions everyday. Matt just procrastinated, crashed on his couch in his room and put off his homework by saying 'I'll get to it in a second' when really, he was just saying 'screw homework I'm on a freaking roll baby!' While the entire Wammy House was planning for Christmas and other holiday shit, Mello and Matt were in their room lazing around.

"Why don't you do your homework?"

"I already did."

"Watch T.V."

"I'm tired of the porn."

"Eat chocolate."

"I ate the last of those strawberry marshmallow chocolates and I'm not in the mood for normal ones."

"Read."

"Nothing interesting."

"..."

Yes! Mello finally cracked him.

Matt sighed, saved his game and threw it aside careful not to damage the vital parts of the contraption.

"'Kay what do ya wanna do?"

"Dunno. I was hoping you would."

"Damn it Mello, didn't you think of that when you told me to shut my game?"

"Shut up!"

Matt sighed.

Silence. A minute passed. Two.

"I got it!"

The blond beat a fist against his open palm.

"What?"

"We should mess with Near."

"Like what?"

"Remember last Christmas when Rodger accidentally gave L those liquored chocolates?"

"Yeah. L got all drunk, started stripping and did the hokey pokey in his boxers in the Common Room," Matt replied, "oh, and then he left the next day without telling anyone."

"So if L, the most composed and collected person of all time, did all those things when he was drunk, just imagine what would happen to Near!" Mello was practically squealing. Matt was used to this kind of crap happening all the time. Just the idea of hurting Near mentally, physically or another was like having a billion chocolate bars in your hands to Mello. But Mello was always like this, being melodramatic and all. Ha. Mello is being melodramatic. Matt mentally chuckled at he inside joke.

"... and we could make him eat tampons pluck his pube hair and – Matt are you even listening to me?"

Matt snapped out of his thoughts.

"Uh – uh – yeah. Tampons, pube hair. Got it!"

Mello was still suspicious. Nonetheless, he grabbed Matt's hand and flung him along with him where ever he was going. Without any memory of actually making it there Matt found himself in the kitchen with Mello.

"Okay here's what we're going to do. You're going to distract the Hispanic witch of a cook – damn woman won't make brownies for dessert everyday – and I'll get the sake and milk form the fridge."

"Why milk?"

"That's the only thing Near drinks, duh!"

"... and you know that because...?"

"Whatever your thinking, I was not spying on Near while he was eating.

"Uh huh. Sure."

"I wasn't!"

"Okay, just get the sake before the cook hits me with the bread again."

Mello muttered something about Matt being paranoid - which the redhead just shook his head at - and sneaked out of the cook's sight. Matt, on the other hand, moved toward the Hispanic woman, who was currently making tacos. At Christmas time.

"Hey... uh," Okay, Matt had been in the Wammy House for all his life and he never knew the name of the person who cooked his food.

"Mines name is Blanca," the brown skinned woman answered with a thick foreign accent, "What do red-haired boy want?"

Matt sweatdropped.

"Answer before I get the bread!"

"I was wondering if you know whether or not it's normal to poop feces the size of watermelons,"

Clearly the boy didn't have any conversational skills.

"Um..." the woman was at a loss for words. Hell, she was at a loss for sounds.

Luckily Mello was pitiful enough to pull Blanca out of the awkward situation by grabbing Matt's arm, and sprinting in the other direction with something bulging out of his shirt.

"Kids these days..." Blanca muttered after they were out of earshot. Then she continued making tacos. At Christmas time.

Mello and Matt's Room in The Wammy House

They finally made it back to their room, Mello pulling out a glass and pouring the milk and Matt on the floor catching his breath.

"Really Matt, 'watermelon sized feces'? You really couldn't come up with anything better?"

"Hey, I was under a lot of pressure."

"Whatever. C'mon help me pour the sake."

Matt came closer and helped Mello tip the gigantic glass bottle of alcohol into the milk. When they were all done, they slumped down with a content sigh.

"Hey Mels?"

"Hn?"

"What if Near refuses to drink the thing? Worse, what if Near doesn't really get drunk?"

Mello quickly got out of his position and slammed Matt against the wall with inhumane force.

"Don't you say that. Don't you say that. We went this far Matt, we can't give up now. This is for Near's own humiliation."

"Okay, Mels, Jesus!"

Matt cringed as Mello released him. See what he means by melodramatic? Ha. Mello. Melodramatic. Gods he needed a life!

"Besides, there is enough sake in there to fill a dam."

"Now comes the hard part."

"What?"

"Getting Near to drink the damn thing."

In The Common Room

Near was working on his puzzle as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary. No one was even around. They too were busy making their Christmas list. It was ridiculous. There was no possible way a fat man in a red and white suit could fit down a chimney. And according the laws of aerodynamics, a sleigh could not be held up in midair for so long, especially with so many reindeer. It was impossible to travel around the world in such a short time, giving gifts to all the children of the world. And even the thought of elves in the North Pole was insane! Near refused to believe in Santa Clause and refused to participate in such a irrational holiday. And so, here he was in The Common Room playing with his blank puzzle when Satan himself and his humble dog came emerged form the door. According to Near, Satan was Mello. The dog was Matt. It wasn't that Near hated Mello. In fact, Near wanted to be friends with the older boy. Of course, he would never admit it. He had too much pride and dignity for that.

"Hey Near," Mello said nonchalantly as if he had nothing whatsoever up his sleeve with both his hands behind his back.

"Hello Mello," Near replied. He knew Mello was going to try something. It always went this way. So why didn't he stop all those painful pranks before? Near knew he would feel terrible if he beat Mello in even pranking. Also, Mello would probably loose his mind in his streak of losses and shoot Near on the spot. But that was another story for another time.

"So Near, doesn't all that puzzle solving take great energy?"

"No."

"Don't you ever get thirsty?"

"No."

"Well drink this!"

Mello thrust a glass of milk into Near's chest. Near sighed. He knows that the drink had probably been spiked but he took the glass nonetheless. He stared at the glass wondering what kind of drug Mello might have put in.

"C'mon it's milk. I know ya like your milkies!" Matt slapped Near's back.

Near hesitated. But if he didn't drink, he might disappoint Mello. And we can't have that, now can we?

"Alright." Near took small sips at first. But then the sips became continuous and deep and loud and slurpy. After a few minutes Near drained the glass. He dropped it and luckily Matt grabbed it with his lightning fast video-game-trained reflexes before it shattered into a million pieces. Mello, on the side, grinned wickedly and he watched a tipsy Near with eyes half closed.

"Augh!" The albino stood up and tried to walk, failing miserably. Instead he fell on Mello. Mello caught the boy with ease and held him up. He was going to enjoy every second of this!

"So Near, they say that if you're drunk, anything is possible. Is that true?"

"Yessss." He slurred.

This was awesome. Even Matt was enjoying this. He took out his video camera and aimed it at the broken Near.

"Matt get this," Mello turned back to Near, "is it true that you kiss your toys?"

"Yes! I do!" Near got off Mello and tried walking again and but failed once more. He was about to fall again when Mello caught him.

"And is it true –"

"But I always imagine that I'm kissing you!"

"What the hell?"

Mello wasn't sure he heard right.

"And when I do, I always imagined it would be like this."

And Near got a hold of Mello's head and brought their lips together. Near sloppily kissed Mello's mouth, tongue, teeth and other parts somewhere on his face. Mello was utterly shocked. He was going to pull away but for some sick reason, he couldn't. Instead he put his arms around Near and kissed back. By now, Mello took the lead. He pushed Near against the wall and roughly kissed him. There was no way he was going to let Near be the one to take the initiative.

Matt, who as gleefully taping this, was enjoying this better than both of them. When they finally pulled away, Mello just stared in pure shock. More in himself than in Near. Near was still drunk and fell into Mello's open arms.

"Aw man. Why did you guys stop?"

"Shut up Matt!" Mello barked, "Help me with him. He's out cold."

Matt switched his camera off and helped Mello carry Near to his bedroom. Matt left to fetch his camera in the Common Room and left Mello alone with Near.

"Why did that just happen?" he asked himself staring at the sleeping Near. The kid was going to have a hell of a headache when he wakes up but for now... Mello leaned in and softly kissed the boy on the lips. And he could have sworn that his lips kissed back. But no time to contemplate that. Matt's back. He was watching the video that was recently taken.

"Dude. That was hot."

Mello and Matt's Room in The Wammy House

It's been half an hour since the 'incident' and Matt was in the corner and instead of a Nintendo in his hands he was watching the mini kissing session Mello had with Near in the video camera repeatedly. Normally Mello would have killed him for taping that but he was too confused to. The 'getting Near drunk plan' was solely to embarrass Near. But instead Mello ended up enjoying it. It was wonderfully awesome in a sickening twisted way.

"Mels?"

"Yeah?"

"Do that again."

A/n: Ah I hate this! Tell me if I did any grammatical or spelling mistakes. It was just a stupid drabble I did cuz I was bored... review please!

~Silver