SNL Labyrinth Celebrity Jeopardy
Trebek: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. We've had a less than stellar first round. Let's hope Double Jeopardy proves more intellectual. Or not. First let's meet our players. In last place we have Sarah Williams, with negative five thousand, two hundred, and seven points. Once again, I don't know how anyone can get minus seven points.
Sarah: (panicked) I have to save Toby!
Trebek: Of course. In second place is the King of the Goblins, Jareth, with negative three thousand, one hundred points.
Jareth: Your eyes can be so cruel, Alex. (holds up a crystal) Just as I can be so cruel.
Trebek: Yes, my eyes are cruel. And in first place with one thousand points is Sean Connery.
Connery: (laughs) Hello, Trebek!
Trebek: I hate you. And the categories are: "Potent Potables", "Days of the Week", "Kitties", "Words That End in 'ascar'", "Hair Color" -in this category, you just say what the color of your hair is-"Small Countries", and finally, "Famous Disney Mice". Sean Connery, unfortunately, it's your board.
Connery: Victory is mine! I'll take Ass Cars for $500.
Trebek: That's 'ascar', Mr. Connery, not 'Ass Car'.
Connery: Are you sure about that, Trebek? I'd sure like to see a car that I could control with my ass!
Trebek: I'm sure you would. Mr. King, why don't you pick a category?
Jareth: Alex, how are you enjoying my Labyrinth?
Trebek: We're not in your Labyrinth, Mr. King. I'll pick for you. How about "Days of the Week" for $400? And the answer is: "This is the day in the middle of the week".
Connery *rings in*: What is Saturday?
Trebek: No. You are very stupid.
Jareth *rings in*: What are my balls?
Trebek: Now, there's no need to be vulgar.
Jareth: Crystal balls, Alex. Crystal balls.
Trebek: Very well. Miss Williams, would you like to answer the question?
Sarah: You have no power over me!
Trebek: I had to ask. The answer was "Wednesday". Wednesday is in the middle of the week. Mr. Connery, it's still your board.
Connery: How is your mother these days, Trebek?
Trebek: That's none of your concern, Mr. Connery.
Connery: On the contrary! I think she'd like to hear from me. I could really rock her world!
Trebek: That wasn't necessary. Let's do "Hair Color" for $800. And the answer is: "This is the color of your hair".
Jareth *rings in*: Peach.
Trebek: No, Mr. King. Not even close.
Connery *rings in*: Blue.
Trebek: Go away. Miss Williams, you've got to get an answer right sometime today.
Sarah: I can't do anything right, can I?!
Trebek: Apparently not. Let's go to Final Jeopardy. And the category is: Who Am I? *lights dim; music starts* I could be a game show host. I could be a male. Mr. Connery should know exactly who I am, considering he constantly says my name. *lights come on; music stops* I'm afraid to even look. Miss Williams, you wrote: "Drugged". I don't believe that's either true or appropriate. And you wagered: "Peaches". I see now. Drugged Peaches.
Sarah: Everything's dancing.
Trebek: I'm sure it is. Mr. King-
Jareth: I have been generous up until now.
Trebek: You make me want to cry. You wrote: "Bog". I'm not sure I understand. And you wagered: "of Eternal Stench". That's wonderful. Mr. Connery.
Connery: Back for more, eh Trebek?
Trebek: I'm going to ignore you. You wrote: "Man". My God, that's a valid answer! Let's see what you wagered: "Kisser".
Conner: Ha ha! Man-kisser! HA!
Trebek: I'm not David Bowie, Mr. Connery.
Jareth: And neither am I!
Trebek: This has been Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm going to jump out of a window.
Trebek: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. We've had a less than stellar first round. Let's hope Double Jeopardy proves more intellectual. Or not. First let's meet our players. In last place we have Sarah Williams, with negative five thousand, two hundred, and seven points. Once again, I don't know how anyone can get minus seven points.
Sarah: (panicked) I have to save Toby!
Trebek: Of course. In second place is the King of the Goblins, Jareth, with negative three thousand, one hundred points.
Jareth: Your eyes can be so cruel, Alex. (holds up a crystal) Just as I can be so cruel.
Trebek: Yes, my eyes are cruel. And in first place with one thousand points is Sean Connery.
Connery: (laughs) Hello, Trebek!
Trebek: I hate you. And the categories are: "Potent Potables", "Days of the Week", "Kitties", "Words That End in 'ascar'", "Hair Color" -in this category, you just say what the color of your hair is-"Small Countries", and finally, "Famous Disney Mice". Sean Connery, unfortunately, it's your board.
Connery: Victory is mine! I'll take Ass Cars for $500.
Trebek: That's 'ascar', Mr. Connery, not 'Ass Car'.
Connery: Are you sure about that, Trebek? I'd sure like to see a car that I could control with my ass!
Trebek: I'm sure you would. Mr. King, why don't you pick a category?
Jareth: Alex, how are you enjoying my Labyrinth?
Trebek: We're not in your Labyrinth, Mr. King. I'll pick for you. How about "Days of the Week" for $400? And the answer is: "This is the day in the middle of the week".
Connery *rings in*: What is Saturday?
Trebek: No. You are very stupid.
Jareth *rings in*: What are my balls?
Trebek: Now, there's no need to be vulgar.
Jareth: Crystal balls, Alex. Crystal balls.
Trebek: Very well. Miss Williams, would you like to answer the question?
Sarah: You have no power over me!
Trebek: I had to ask. The answer was "Wednesday". Wednesday is in the middle of the week. Mr. Connery, it's still your board.
Connery: How is your mother these days, Trebek?
Trebek: That's none of your concern, Mr. Connery.
Connery: On the contrary! I think she'd like to hear from me. I could really rock her world!
Trebek: That wasn't necessary. Let's do "Hair Color" for $800. And the answer is: "This is the color of your hair".
Jareth *rings in*: Peach.
Trebek: No, Mr. King. Not even close.
Connery *rings in*: Blue.
Trebek: Go away. Miss Williams, you've got to get an answer right sometime today.
Sarah: I can't do anything right, can I?!
Trebek: Apparently not. Let's go to Final Jeopardy. And the category is: Who Am I? *lights dim; music starts* I could be a game show host. I could be a male. Mr. Connery should know exactly who I am, considering he constantly says my name. *lights come on; music stops* I'm afraid to even look. Miss Williams, you wrote: "Drugged". I don't believe that's either true or appropriate. And you wagered: "Peaches". I see now. Drugged Peaches.
Sarah: Everything's dancing.
Trebek: I'm sure it is. Mr. King-
Jareth: I have been generous up until now.
Trebek: You make me want to cry. You wrote: "Bog". I'm not sure I understand. And you wagered: "of Eternal Stench". That's wonderful. Mr. Connery.
Connery: Back for more, eh Trebek?
Trebek: I'm going to ignore you. You wrote: "Man". My God, that's a valid answer! Let's see what you wagered: "Kisser".
Conner: Ha ha! Man-kisser! HA!
Trebek: I'm not David Bowie, Mr. Connery.
Jareth: And neither am I!
Trebek: This has been Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm going to jump out of a window.