Animals

Guess who isn't dead and still remembers this story exists! This kid! (Adult! Person! Who can now legally drink!)-Just an FYI, some of the Zack and Reno lines might start getting swapped up a bit. I'm pretty sure they're all marked properly on my printout of lines I wanted to use but...things happen. - There's a little more written but I decided to break this one up some, just for my own sanity's sake.

Sephiroth was hiding out in Tseng's office. Mind you, Kira and Rude weren't about to phrase it that way where he could hear him. Nonetheless he was hiding out in Tseng's office. Kira had shown up only to be ordered to grab up his outbox and several files follow him. Her boss had promptly set up shop at the coffee table in the office and began working through his inbox, starting with the paper versions; he hadn't even brought his computer with him. Kira made sure he was set for the time being and proceeded to flit around Tseng's office, ignoring the man himself.

Tseng eyed the woman over the folder he was reading as she warily looked between him and the shadows under his desk. "Sephiroth, what is your secretary doing?"

"Looking for your stash of alcohol."

"This is an office."

The silver haired man stared him dead in the eyes. After a moment Tseng looked away, he was not about to have a stare down with Sephiroth while the other man looked like a cornered animal. He'd seen photos and reports from the war when the general should've been done in.

"Really? In the air vent?"

The secretary was nowhere near as terrifying, though, at least not to him. Gods willing it stayed that way. He cooly met her eyes and held the stare. She tilted her head to the side before turning back to remove the whiskey from the vent.

"I suppose this is one of the last places Reno would look. Being too short and all. Good thinking." Neither man dared mention the side table she was currently stood on.

"Won't her presence make you easier to find General?" Tseng asked after some moments of silence save papers turning and a drinks tray being set up.

"I'm not hiding." Sephiroth paused, why was he being informed about an expenses report belonging to a general army troop? "Zack called this morning to tell me he ran into Reno and Elena and dragged them into an op he's running. I felt relocating here would make sorting out their mess more expedient."

"Reno is making sure Scarlett's weapons testing doesn't get...out of control. Elena is with the President's son in Corel." They shouldn't be anywhere near one another, Tseng pulled up the tracker information for both Turks.

"Well her 'weapons testing' is linked to the missing zoo animals we're looking into."

Tseng went slack-jawed. "You're looking into missing..zoo...animals."

"Yes." Now he had paperwork on a missing trooper. Someone would be getting a visit with Kira and all this mishandled paperwork.

"Shinra's SOLDIER forces are looking into missing zoo animals."

Sephiroth scowled at the other's derogatory tone. "You say 'zoo animals' as though they don't deserve to be found."

"No, I simply feel that the regular army forces or perhaps the police would be a more common option in this situation."

"They would be, except several of the missing animals were formerly kept for experimentation by the Science Department. They were 'donated' to the zoo. The scientists wanted to see how they would adapt and what attributes would be exhibited by their offspring due to the augmentation."

Tseng's hand twitched, a phone rang, three solid knocks came rapping at the office door, a second phone began to ring, Kira was grinning at both men.

"Rock-Paper-Scissors?" Sephiroth asked hopefully.

"My office, my door." Tseng told him as he rose out of his chair after hitting ignore on his phone.

Sephiroth grabbed a pad of paper and a pen as he answered his phone. "Hello, Zack. How is Corel?...That far out?...I can't hear you over all that bleating…" On the paper he wrote 'CASINOS' above 'BLEATING?' Kira added 'SHEEP OR GOAT?' "There's a broken elevator in the casino?...There's a goat in the broken elevator...A goat king...I have no idea. You'll have to fix the elevator...I do not count 'goat whispering' among my many talents...I've heard stories about Reno's singing. Why don't you have him...That's how they ended up in the casino?..."Zack, I can't hear you over all that bleating, call me back from somewhere quieter." Sephiroth hung up the phone and turned to Kira. "You are supposed to be helping me with my work, not making more of it for me."

"But, Sephiroth, think of the team building the SOLDIERs could have. Sacrifice of a goat is traditional where some of the men come from, they might want that reminder of home. Wasn't Gren getting married soon? What if he is from one of the cultures that sees goat rather than cake as central to wedding celebrations?"

"No. If the goats somehow make it back here I will ask some of the men if they want one for their own reasons or if their families want them to raise. Quit being an asshole."

"We could have so much goat curry." Kira whispered as she sulked in her chair. "or with stuffed grape leaves and olives and proper cheese."

"If you want goat curry go get some for lunch. If you want your grandmother's cooking you have two weeks worth of leave ready so long as I have a week's warning." He shoved the papers about the happenings in the general army at Kira. "Sort these will you? I have no idea why I have them."

"Yes sir." Kira grabbed her blazer, side stepped the cooing crate Tseng and Rude were eyeing and headed for the elevator. Stepping in she hit the glowing '3' and leaned against the wall to figure out she got to visit. Maybe she could get away with visiting Cloud. Maybe one of the units was being forced to do reps in the general yard. With the 'ding' of the elevator and those salacious thoughts to occupy her mind she trotted off through the now open doors.

Meanwhile, Sephiroth had joined the other two men in staring at the crate. It was wooden and square, of a height with his hips; there were small air holes on the top and sides, a few of which had bits of hay poking out.

"The delivery man said it's a couple of chocobo chicks. From the sound and look of things. One yellow, one red. The yellow might be a really young gold though." Rude handed the note and shipping papers to his boss.

"Exactly what were the species of your missing animals Sephiroth?" He asked, skimming over penned scrawl and focusing on the official printed information.

"Not chocobos."

Both Tseng and Rude looked at him for a moment.

"I'm not going to enjoy Reno's post mission report, am I?"

Tseng's response reminding the general about the alligators froze in his throat. He'd forgotten the earlier mention of Elena. She was in Corel. She should have been far enough away to avoid being dragged into the situation. If distance wasn't enough to have kept her from the chaos of the two men, the fact she was with Rufus Shinra should have. This was shaping up to be an Incident. "What did Zack have to say?"

"Goats. There are quite a lot of them and they are in a casino. Their king has gotten himself stuck in an elevator, and the rest aren't dealing with it very well."

"There's a goat king?" Rude asked. Sephiroth sighed.

"I'm not sure. I couldn't hear Zack over the sounds of bleating so may have misheard him. I told him to call me back when he was somewhere quieter."

"Was this job supposed to involve goats?" Tseng asked.

"No. I knew there was something missing from the reports but wasn't sure at the time I received them. The zoo was going to send a report detailing every missing animal and injury incurred in the 24 hours preceding the discovery of the missing animals."

Neither man wanted to ask him to be more specific about the 'injuries' he was inquiring about.

The box warbled.