Hey everybody! This my first ever fanfic, so I'm really excited! Review, please! Let me know what you think of it so far, and what I can improve on! No flaming please! Constructive critism is appreciated, but don't flame. It's my first fic, as I said before, so go easy on me!

So, without further ado, here it is!

(Post-completion notes: Now that the story is finished, the earlier chapters will be revised so they match the level of writing found in the later ones. From this point on, any chapter marked 'Completion Revision' has been edited since its original release. Content will not be changed; grammar and spelling will simply be fixed.)

*Completion Revision*

~ The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass ~

Chapter 1: The Ghost Ship

"Once, not so long ago, there was a group of brave pirates, led by a beautiful and salty captain. One day, these handsome pirates stopped on an island and met a boy. This boy had a sister who had been kidnapped by a giant bird. The brave pirates and the boy sailed to where the sister was being kept and freed her. Then, the boy and the captain got caught up in an adventure involving an ancient kingdom. During the adventure, the captain was revealed to be the princess of said ancient kingdom. She was then kidnapped by an evil man, who was a fat ginger. The boy found where the evil man had waited for him and they fought, long and hard, until eventually the boy won with the help of the captain/princess. The boy and the captain then set sail with the awesomely gorgeous pirates, looking for a piece of land or something. For some weird reason that the captain never stated what exactly they were doing, so her crew could only guess and question her sanity. Not long after-"

"NIKO! Why are you slacking off?" yelled an angry voice.

"Uh-oh," the pirate, whose name happened to be Niko, said in a small voice, seeing that he'd been caught.

A girl stormed over to the prow of the ship, where Niko sat with a bunch of picture cards. She was about twelve years old, with tanned skin, blonde hair kept in a swirly bun, and blue eyes. And right now, she wore an angry expression. This girl, who happened to be the captain from the story, was named Tetra.

"I w-was just retelling o-our adventures, Miss Tetra, and making picture cards to go along with it," Niko whimpered.

"Retelling our adventures to who? You're the only one over here!" Tetra replied angrily, though looking a tad puzzled.

"To m-myself," Niko answered, shaking.

"…You were retelling our adventures… to yourself," Tetra said slowly as the pirate nodded nervously.

"In case anybody overheard and wanted to know of... our..." Niko trailed off, waiting for the inevitable explosion.

"GET UP AND GET WORKING! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING FOR THE GHOST SHIP! IF WE'VE MISSED IT, YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!" Tetra shouted at the top of her voice. Niko jumped up quickly and ran off to the crow's nest. Tetra watched him go, thinking about what they would do when they found the Ghost Ship.

Tetra and her crew had been looking for a ship that was sailing these waters. Rumour was that there was a mysterious boat that was out and about, striking fear into any sailor that stumbled across it. It was a ship that was said to be cursed and that it could even, it was whispered, steal your very soul. People reported that their friends had gone missing while in the general area of where it could be located, and much of the Great Sea was now fearing sailing at all.

Tetra thought it was a load of crap.

In her opinion, it was just a bunch of lousy pirates who were causing mischief and pillaging other ships' treasure. The whole 'cursed' thing was probably just a hoax to scare others and to build up a reputation. Well, Tetra wouldn't stand for it. She was going to teach them that pirates have rules too, and she was going to teach them good. As well, they had no doubt collected a lot of treasure with all their pillaging. Tetra would probably take all of that too, seeing as she was a greedy pirate. All that gold and rupees, and shiny gold, and some rare artifacts- hell, there might even be gold on that ship! Tetra had a particular fondness for gold.

"Hey Tetra! Any sign of that Ghost Ship?" called a voice. A boy Tetra's age walked onto the deck, stretching his arms until the joints popped. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, wore a green tunic with a matching hat, white tights, and brown boots that were ridiculously small compared to the rest of his body, particularly his head. He is also the boy from the story, if you haven't figured it out yet. Oh, and since it might be important, his name's Link.

"Tetra?" Link asked again as he approached her. He saw she had a glazed look in her eyes while standing perfectly still, and was drooling a bit.

"Oh great," Link muttered, shaking his head. "She's thinking about gold again. Man, she needs to stop spacing out when she does that! It's really starting to get annoying. I mean, it's just gold! She doesn't need to ignore everyone, that's just rude. And then to drool and everything too, it's disgusting! …I should really stop talking to myself. Everyone thinks it's creepy."

After Link was finished his schizo self-conversation, he proceeded to snap Tetra out of her trance, which was done by shouting 'TETRA!' in her ear as loud as he could until she came around.

"OW! WHAT?" Tetra finally yelled after her name was screamed for the seventh time.

"You were thinking about gold again," Link stated, looking at her with an annoyed expression. Tetra smiled dreamily.

"Yeah, I was thinking about how much treasure must be on the Ghost Ship! How much do you think there is? Lots?" Tetra asked him excitedly.

"I don't particularly care, to be honest," Link replied. "As long as something stupid doesn't happen and one of us disappears into a life-endangering situation, I'm satisfied."

Tetra snorted. "Come on Link, you know those haven't happened since we defeated Ganondorf and left his stoned ass at the bottom of the sea with the remains of my kingdom that your king-boat neglected to treat properly and was forced to drown when the King of Evil attempted to take it over. You know, another routine day."

"I'm just saying, it wouldn't surprise me. I saw a lot of unpredictable things on my journey, so stuff randomly happening again would be nothing new. I just wish you'd let me keep my items and not lock them away in your cabinet."

"You don't need them anymore, and I'm not having you charge around the ship with arrows and bombs. You'll end up shooting one of the crew or blowing a hole in my boat. And I swear to Din, if you do I'm beating you to death with your little red boat that's sitting in the cargo hold."

"What if I need them in a pinch? I'm going to fight with a stupid lock while everyone else may be getting killed?"

"There's a sword and shield by your cot, that's all you ever need. I think you'll live if we get attacked," the captain argued sternly.

"C'mon, at least let me keep my Wind Waker on me, please? The King even said that I was chosen by the Gods to use it! That's why I'm the bloody Hero of Winds!" the boy whined.

"Let you keep a wand-baton that lets you manipulate the elements and the very fabric of time and space itself? Let you keep it. Do you see where my concerns stem from?"

"Better me than Mako! He's tried three times to break into the cabinet to get it! Says he wants to act out his book so he can feel closer to Harry. Or something like that."

"No, Link," the captain said with an impatient sigh. Link crossed his arms and frowned.

"Some princess you are, Zelda." The girl's eye twitched in annoyance.

"I've told you all already: do NOT call me Zelda! I am not some stupid, prissy princess; I'm Captain Tetra, the fiercest pirate on the Great Sea! That's why I burned that stupid dress as soon as we got back from Hyrule!"

"Really? Because it seems that lately, we've done very little pirating. No murders, no stealing, we haven't so much as scared someone! In fact, have you ever killed anyone while being a pirate? Has anyone on this ship?"

"No. But only because we've never had to! We're respectable pirates. I'm not a psycho," Tetra argued.

"Yeah, you're just a meanie. Oh, you have a big pile of drool at your feet."

"Huh? Ew!" Tetra exclaimed, looking down at her feet and seeing the rather large puddle she was standing in. "I've got to stop drooling when I do that."

"Ya think? Hell, just stop doing that spacing thing, problem solved. Now shouldn't you maybe clean it up? It looks gross, and someone may slip on it," Link commented, glancing down at it again.

"I'm not cleaning it up!" replied Tetra. "I'm the captain of this ship, damn it, so someone else can clean it up."

"MISS TETRA, MISS TE-AAAAAHHHHH!" came a voice from above. Link and Tetra looked up to see Niko falling to the deck. He landed with a loud 'thud'.

"…Ow," Niko said finally as he slowly stood up.

"There is a ladder, you know," Tetra told him as he dusted himself off. "That's how Zuko gets up there. You never see him fall from the crow's nest, do you?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I totally knew that! Yep, always knew about it! Uh-huh. Knew there was a ladder," Niko said quickly, looking foolish.

"Dumbass…" Link said under his breath so that only Tetra could hear as he looked away. The captain let the shadow of a smile flicker onto her lips, but kept her attention on Niko.

"So what do you want, Niko? Piss off Zuko again? You know he likes to be the only one up there. Y'know, because he rarely talks and likes his peace? And you never shut up?" Tetra asked him.

"No, Miss Tetra! Well, maybe, but I think I slipped before he could push me off. Anyway, we've sighted the Ghost Ship!" Niko said excitedly, like a little schoolgirl.

"The Ghost Ship? ALL HANDS ON DECK!" Tetra shouted. Within seconds, the entire crew was on the deck, looking over the side at something in the distance.

In the midst of an unusual fog there was a large ship, brown and grey in colour, with black sails. Said sails were tattered and torn and there was a huge skull on the mast. There were two lanterns shaped like eyeballs hanging off the prow of the ship; the light from the lanterns shone forward brightly, so it appeared as if the ship had headlights. It was also weird that you could see the lights at all, seeing as it was midday. Ah well, it was probably to make it appear more spooky… or something.

"Woah, it looks spooky up close," Niko commented.

"Well duh, it's the GHOST Ship, it's supposed to be scary," Tetra said, looking at the ship and trying to judge it.

"So… what do we do now? I mean that is the Ghost Ship, right?" a glasses-wearing pirate named Mako asked. Tetra slapped him.

"Yes, stupid! What have we been talking about for the last five minutes?" Tetra yelled at him.

"I dunno, I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy reading 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows'", Mako told her, showing her the book in his hands. Tetra took it and threw it over the side.

"MY BOOK! NOOOOOOO!" Mako screamed, falling to the deck and sobbing.

Tetra stared at him for a minute, then turned back to her crew. "So anyways, back to the Ghost Ship-"

"I say we bomb the crap out of 'em!" a large pirate called Senza shouted excitedly.

"No, we should board 'em and slice 'em all up like pigs!" another large pirate named Nudge proposed, drawing his sword.

"We should bomb 'em! Sinking is more fun!" Senza shouted louder.

"No, slicing 'em up is gory! We're pirates, we're supposed to kill people!" Nudge screamed louder.

"You're wrong! Bomb!"

"You're wrong! Slice!"

"BOMB!"

"SLICE!"

"BOMB!"

"SLICE!"

Senza and Nudge grabbed each other and began fighting. Gonzo, being the only one as big as the other two, ran forward and pulled them apart.

"Miss Tetra's the captain, morons! She'll decide what we do!" Gonzo yelled at them both.

"Thank you, Gonzo," said Tetra.

"Suck-up," Zuko muttered quietly.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Gonzo screamed, turning to Zuko and raising a fist.

"GONZO! You don't have to react to every insult thrown at you!" Tetra scolded. "Just ignore it!"

Gonzo shot Zuko a dirty look, then turned away to face Tetra once again.

"Wait, did Zuko just talk?" Link asked in amazement. Everyone ignored him.

"Okay, here's what's going to happen," Tetra told them. "We'll get up beside them, and I'll get on the ship and try and find the pirates. When I do, I'll let you know, and you come aboard and tie them up. Though one of you will have to stay behind to watch the ship. Probably Mako, because he's such a pathetic baby." Tetra looked at Mako, who was still lying on the floor of the deck, rolling back and forth while sobbing uncontrollably. "Then, when that's done, we take their treasure and get outta here! Everyone understand?"

"AYE!" came the reply from the pirates.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever," Link said with a wave of his hand, playing with a spider that was swimming in Tetra's drool-puddle.

"Alright! Gonzo! Pull up beside them!" Tetra commanded. Gonzo nodded and ran to the wheel. He directed the boat at the Ghost Ship, and within moments the ships were side by side. Studying the weird fog that appeared to follow the Ghost Ship, Tetra quickly dismissed it and walked over to the deck's edge before she turned towards her crew.

"Okay, I'm gonna go over now, so be ready to- LINK! STOP PLAYING WITH THAT DAMN SPIDER!"

"But he's fun," Link whined, looking at Tetra. The captain narrowed her eyes darkly.

"Link, if you don't get up in three seconds, I'm swear I'm going to-"

"Alright, alright," Link said hastily, standing up and glaring at Tetra. "Fun-sucker. You don't let me enjoy anything on this boat."

"You know it," Tetra smirked, then jumped onto the railing. "Alright, be right back."

And with that, she jumped onto the deck of the Ghost Ship.