A/N: So, I don't have class tomorrow and my Sims crashed right when my Sim was about to get married and I am really angry. Furthermore, I missed five teams on my March Madness bracket today. Let's take my anger out on a new chapter of AAE!

Also, no judging of the Sims! My friends wouldn't talk to me until I got it. I have nice friends. And I named my whole family after Philippa Gregory characters. No, seriously the mom's name is "Jacquetta Rivers."

… I do not have a problem.

The questioneer this week is Bolt and Chi-Chi because they bothered to re-log in and ask a question, and I really appreciate that!

(Also, keep in mind the following is not what I personally thought of the Les Mis movie).

Dear Enjolras,

Have you seen the new Les Mis movie? I know the author did, but did you? Did the rest of the Amis? What did you think of your characters?

Oh, and if you heard that, that was the sound of the fourth wall breaking. I'll fix it later. And bring brownies.

Loves!
Bolt

Dearest Bolt,

Do you happen to be that dog from that Disney movie I never saw? Because that would be kinda cool… anywhoodles!

I did indeed see the motion picture spectacular that was Les Misérables. Combeferre told me that if I came with him to see it, he would smuggle in some brownies for me. And I just love brownies as much as I love being a butt trumpet to Grantaire, so naturally I went! Courfeyrac and Marius came along for the ride, too. And somehow Grantaire had saved seats for us at the theatre even though 'Ferre promised me he would not be there… but I digress…

Wait, why am I explaining this to you all hear in the answer? Let's tell it in story/flashback form!

MEEP MEEP

"Saved y'all seats!" Grantaire announced as he gestured to the random items strewn across four seats near to him.

"I thought you said he wasn't coming," I muttered to Combeferre.

"Well, I had to… I mean, we all wanted you to come and stuff. And who do you think helped me to bake the brownies?" Combeferre replied.

I immediately spat out a brownie bit. "What?"

"No, no, no, they're not 'special' brownies, it's more like Grantaire really wanted to wear a chef's hat and watch me cook. And, to a six-year-old, that is considered 'helping,'" he said.

I shrugged it off and stuffed the rest of the brownie in my face and glared at Grantaire in silence until we sat down. Combeferre placed his coat over the seat next to me and said he had to run to get more snacks, and I told him to get me everything, to which he rolled his eyes in response. Marius immediately tossed Combeferre's coat onto the chair next to him and settled in next to me instead.

"What are you doing, Pontmercy?" I sighed.

"I'm scared, and you're the Fearless Leader," he squeaked.

Great. An inebriated stalker to my left and a squirmy Buonapartist to my right. Fan-tucking-fastic.

Courfeyrac scooted next to Marius and leaned forward. "Don't worry, Enj, I got your back. But if he starts screaming, he's all your problem," he said.

"Thank you, Courfeyrac. I know I can always count on you being there for me," I deadpanned. He nodded and smiled.

Combeferre came back a few minutes later with a tub of popcorn and a blue slushy. Without looking, I immediately held my hand out for a treat, to which Combeferre sighed audibly. I smiled at the cool blue-raspberry beverage I now possessed.

"Ah! It's starting!" Marius said as we saw the image of a very dirty French flag in very dirty French water. There were subtitles, but my eyes immediately singled out "1815" and "Napoleon," and already I was done. Marius whispered a cheer for Napoleon, who could not hear him for he was dead. I hate Marius, have I mentioned that recently?

From the first part of the movie, all I remember was that guy from Master and Commander couldn't sing and the cute little grandpa guy who was as cute as a box of babies. And then there were women in a factory and I stopped caring.

Grantaire kept poking me and giggling during the scenes with the prostitutes, and I felt as unamused as Queen Victoria during, well, anything. Courfeyrac shielded Marius's eyes to protect his innocence. I did like the part where they pulled that girl's teeth out, because she was in pain and I thought that was funny since she was annoying as hell. I sure hope she dies. Five minutes and an unnecessary song later, my wish is granted.

I don't really care for real until Master and Commander stops singing on the roof of some old building. Because then the music gets all cool and the subtitles say "Paris" now! I like Paris; I've been there… y'know, once or twice.

"Look, Enj! It's the giant dilapidated Napoleon elephant that Napoleon built during the Napoleonic era!" Marius whispered excitedly, pointing at the screen. God, I hate Marius.

"Thirsty, Mar-bear?" I asked. He nodded enthusiastically. "It's water," I said handing him my slushy. He drank it in quick and then stifled a scream as he thrust the slushy back at me. He put his hands to his temples and moaned.

"You purposely gave Pontmercy a brain freeze? You dog, you," Grantaire said quietly, leaning in.

"He deserved it," I snapped back. Grantaire chuckled softly.

Combeferre held a note card in his hand so he could point out who was supposed to be playing us in our life story. I didn't really understand why my actor was standing within a 50-mile radius of Marius, but I liked the cut of his jib. The Marius actor guy reminded me of Kermit the Frog, and that is all I have to say about that.

As the movie progressed I got less interested as more female characters were introduced. I found myself longing for the actors playing my friends and me to come back. Finally, they had a less-than-accurate rendering of the Musain appear on the screen and I smiled. This oughta be good.

We were all there, at least for the most part. Bahorel was conspicuously absent… maybe he was sick that day and couldn't go to the meeting and the movie wanted to be accurate. They better have him at the insurrection, though, 'cause that's when shit gets real.

They were spot-on with me taunting Marius about Colette, or whatever her name is, so that was pleasing. And Grantaire being obnoxious was also good, so points for that. I decided to just enjoy the movie until the revolution.

And there it was. The funeral of General Lamarque. The spark that lit the fire. Please don't screw this up, movie.

Okay, good, there I am with the giant flag, I dig that, I dig that. Jump on the black thing, all right, all right. Wait… what is Marius doing there? Why aren't I pushing him off the thing and making him stand in the corner? Movie, what are you doing to me?

It doesn't get much better from there. We see Marius's other skank, Eponine, and then I have to see Gavroche die for some reason. And the movie makes Marius seem as though he actually cares about what is going on and stuff, and not writing terrible emo poetry about his lost love who was not yet lost.

Worst of all, this movie made it seem as thought Marius Pontmercy and I were friends! I hate the boy! Where was Combeferre's starring role, hm? Where was Marius ranting and raving about Buonaparte, aka He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named? Where the hell was Bahorel? Where were my sassy one-liners? And, by golly, where the frig was my Red Vest? Let's just skip over the rest of the film, including the part that no one died because… of reasons. The next time I get an ounce of emotion from this motion picture is when I get to see the cute old grandpa guy for two seconds at the end. He's such a little nugget, like seriously.

When the movie ended, I turned to look at my companions to see if they were as disappointed as I was. As expected, Marius was sobbing as if he had re-watched Queen Jane Seymour's death on The Tudors for the millionth time, even though we keep telling him not to. Grantaire looked like he just found the US Amendment of Prohibition was being re-instated, and Combeferre and Courfeyrac also had tears streaming down their faces. The four of them were puzzled as to why I was not crying like I had just heard the band on Titanic play "Nearer My God to Thee."

"It was inaccurate," I said.

"But, the story, Enj! The redemption, the obsession… surely you must like that," Courfeyrac said.

"Meh," I shrugged.

"Jane! Jane why did you have to dieee," Marius wailed. Combeferre nodded to Courfeyrac as a signal to collect his roommate and escort him out of the theatre.

"What was your favorite part?" Combeferre asked.

I reached into the Ziploc bag I was holding to give him my answer. "The brownies," I smiled, before devouring the last one.

MERP MERP

And, there you have it, Bolt the Wonder Dog from the Disney movie Bolt. Did you enjoy the Les Mis movie? How about the part when Borat peed in a bottle and pawned it off as wine? Or when Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother from The King's Speech sexually assaulted that soldier guy who looked eerily similar to the main love-interest guy in Anna Karenina? Hmmm? I'm waiting, Wonder Dog.

Oh crap, I just heard something break. I hope it's Gavroche is shooting clay pigeons off the roof again and not the fourth wall breaking. Either way, I'll have to call in the Doctor to fix this creepy crack in my wall.

Cheers,

Enjolras. And his Red Vest.