He-e-y peeps. Sorry it's been a while, I had massive block. I'm having the same problem with 'I'm not okay, I promise', so if anyone has any tips, they'd be most appreciated.

Merry Christmas!

My Dearest, Darling B e l l a.
A Twilight FanFiction
by Becky Scarlett-Cullen

Chapter 4

He looked tired—an impossibility, of course. His bronze hair was windswept and dishevelled, just the way I liked it. His eyes were dark, the bruise-like shadows underneath them obvious.

Edward.

EPOV

How could she?! Alice… she was going to ruin everything… everything I'd striven for. Because of that stupid letter.

Alright, so maybe I should have told my family the reason for actually leaving Bella… but it hadn't seemed important at the time… not really, not compared to everything else. I hadn't been around much, so I'd had no idea about the scale of resentment my family felt towards me. If I'd known, would it have stopped me?

Probably not.

I'd been travelling back to see the family when I'd heard her thoughts. Travelling at high speed, in the direction of Washington.

I hadn't thought anything of it, though… Alice often had crying jags when thinking about Bella. I generally stayed as far away from her as possible at those times—it was hard enough encountering Bella in my own memories, without hearing Alice's thoughts, too. So I'd continued on, to the house. I'd been looking for the letter. I wanted it with me… but when I'd escaped my family, and finally was alone enough to check in my hiding place, under the floorboards, the piece of paper was no longer there.

And then, it all clicked into place.

And I'd started running. Very, very quickly, in the direction I'd heard Alice earlier. I was faster than her… but she'd have been there long ago. She could already have given Bella the letter she was never meant to see, automatically placing the love of my life straight back into harm's way.

Damn you, Alice…

I swore as I ran. I was fast… but there was no way I was fast enough. In fact, as I reached the outskirts of Forks, WA, and heard Alice's thoughts, they were already focussed on Bella. And these were not memories… no, this was happening. Right now.

"You left, Alice. You and Carlisle and Esme and, and… everyone. I knew it would happen of course, I expected it. But it hurt. More than I thought it would. It still does. In fact this… will hurt me a lot more. Later, when my mind has stopped playing tricks on me, and my hallucinations stop."

"You think I'm… a hallucination?"

"Yep."

"Bella, do you truly believe that?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

I was transfixed for the shortest of moments, watching this scene. Bella was… well, she looked awful… she clearly hadn't slept, and her hair hung limply around her lovely face. But it was too gaunt, her eyes huge against her too-pale skin. This was my fault…

Alice's thoughts speculated, as she watched Bella reading the letter. Wondering about her reaction. I wondered if she knew I was here, yet. That she her close proximity to Bella was making me positively green with envy.

And then she looked up, a bemused smile on her face.

"It's actually nice to know that I am such an optimist, you know?"

I was aghast.

"I don't think that was entirely the point that he was trying to get across, Bella."

Of course it wasn't! What had I done to my Bella… my lovely, trusting, wonderful Bella? I was running again, and in seconds I was outside of Chief Swan's house. I could see Bella's window from here. It was open.

Climbing up the side of the house with the agility of a monkey, I was in the window in a moment, just in time to hear Bella speak again.

"You mean, my mind was? It's okay, honestly. I know he doesn't want me. That's what he told me. I'll probably never accept that, but I can't do anything else, can I? I love him. I love him… I love him."

I gasped. In my wildest dreams, I hadn't imagined that she would still, after all this time, love me.

As she turned, I was distracted by her face. It had looked pretty bad in Alice's thoughts, but she'd been optimistic. Bella was… Bella looked… She looked broken.

The bemused expression returned to Bella's face.

"Oh, are the others here too, Alice? That's nice. I've been wanting to see Esme again. And Carlisle… and Emmett. I didn't really miss Rose that much, though. It'll be nice to see Jasper again, too. I owe him an apology."

"No!"

The single word left mine and Alice's mouths at the same time, and we turned towards each other, before looking back to Bella simultaneously.

"No, Bella, what have you got to apologise to Jasper for?" Alice asked the question I'd been wanting to.

She laughed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "For bleeding everywhere, of course! It wasn't his fault, it was mine."

That was my Bella… always taking the blame… I might have chuckled, if I hadn't already been striding across the distance between us, and wrapping my arms tightly around her, again.