AN INTERVIEW WITH THE ANGEL & DEMON
a Good Omens fanfic by quantum witch (c) 2008

Rating: R, slash (Crowley/Aziraphale)
Summary: Just what the title says.
Note: Technically this is created for use with Original characters, but I don't have enough of them to make this worthwhile. (And besides, I'm posting to ff. net, so, duh, fandom stuff)
Artist Note: Cover illustration is my own work, titled "Portrait Of the Demon and Angel".

Rules:
1. Choose a few of your own characters. Five at the most.
2. Make them answer the following questions.
3. Then tag three people. Feel free to do this if you like. †

Characters Chosen: Crowley, Aziraphale (my fanon versions, with a fair amount of canon thrown in).

† (which I never do)

1) How Old Are You?

A: It's impolite to ask such a question, isn't it?
C: Oh, give it over, it's usually women who say that. You get something changed I need to know about? *leers downward*
A: *heavy sigh* Roughly 6000 years old. We both are.
C: I prefer to count my years on earth, rather than taking my... previous life into account. That makes me a little over 4000.
A: Cheater.

2)Height?

A: 6'1. Rather taller than most people perceive.
C: It's because they're too busy looking at your terrible dress sense.
A: *long suffering sigh*
C: Myself, I'm 6'3". I like being taller than him.
A: Psychologically, one could say you're desperately trying to prove you're the bigger man, in other ways. *smug look* Which isn't true.
C: *gets out measuring tape* … Damn.

3)You Got Any Bad Habits?

C: Got any good ones, you mean?
A: Nothing but good ones, here.
C: Liar. You drink. A lot.
A: With you.
C: And that makes it even worse.

4)You a virgin?

A: Now that IS a rather personal question.
C: I'll answer for us both then. No, and a resounding no.
A: *turns to look elsewhere*

5)Who's your Mate/Spouse?

A: Er. Do they mean best friends?
C: I think they mean "fuck buddies".
A: Oh good Lord, must you say –
C: Yes. FUCK BUDDIES.
A: Keep doing that, and matters may change…
C: *grovels*

6)Have Any Kids?

A: I should say not.
C: I should HOPE not.
A: Angels aren't allowed to breed, not after that unpleasant business with the Nephilim.
C: Demons aren't bound by that, of course.
A: So do you-?
C: As I said. I should HOPE not.

7)Favourite Food?

C: Don't ask him, he'll go on for days. *pokes at soft angel tummy*
A: *almost growls*
C: Well, I for one like eating angel. Food. Angel food cake.
A: (puts head in hands*

8)Favourite Ice Cream flavour?

A: Hm, a simple vanilla is fine. Any other flavours can be added as one desires, with syrups and the like.
C: *pours chocolate syrup on angel's fingers, licks it off*
A: Er… *flushes and moans* May we… continue this interview… a bit later?

*runs off to shag*

9)Killed anyone?

(returning from shag)

A: Ah… well… I've found it unfortunately necessary a few times. But I didn't enjoy it.
C: And you didn't inhale.
A: *utterly puzzled by cultural reference* What?
C: Never mind. Me? Killed anyone. Only those who deserved it. Then I ate their livers with fava beans and a nice chianti. *sees angel is horrified, and missing yet another cultural reference* Cripes. Kidding! So very kidding. But to answer the question. Yes. Unfortunately.

10)Hate anyone?

C: Pfft Let me find the list.
A: Of course I don't hate. Angels are love incarnate.
C: *whoops with laughter*
A: Really, now.
C: What about that guy who torched the library back in—
A: *fumes and splutters with rage, unable to articulate*
C: *looks smug*

11)Any Secrets?

*looking at one another, then Up, then Down, then back at each, nervously*

C & A: No comment.

12)Love Anyone?

A: Er… I love all God's creatures. And we are all His creatures… *looks sidelong at the demon and smiles gently*
C: As if. *looks disdainful, as if the concept is entirely alien, but not really, and he'll be damned if he'll admit it, even to the angel… especially to the angel…*

13)TACOS?

C: Depends on whether you mean food or feminine anatomy.
A: *hopelessly lost in the slang void*
C: *rolls eyes* Yeah, both are fine. If you can't have a foot-long hot dog.
A: *puzzled again*
C: I'll show you later…

14)Ever slept in All day?

C: You kidding? I slept most of the 18th century. Got up once to use the toilet - sticky sheets from a wet dream, not other bodily functions - and that was it, until the 19th century rolled around.
A: I don't sleep. Angels don't need to sleep.
C: Need to? Maybe. Don't do it? Right. I'll show you the pyjamas I don't let him wear when he falls asleep after -
A: *coughs loudly*

15)Favourite Show?

A: I really don't bother with television. Especially since my companion here has spent so much time developing the worst of it.
C: Too true. Some of my finest work has been in TV.
A: I thinks he likes something called "Golden Girls". And something else called "Cheers".
C: Oy, those are long gone, angel. I'm working on reality TV now. And game shows. Hideous stuff, designed to rot the mind and frustrate those who desire intelligent TV.
A: *sighs deeply* Give me strength. And books.

16)Favourite Movie?

C & A: Absolutely NOT "The Sound of Music".

17)Favourite Band? (if they lived in our world, our time)

A: Band?
C: Musicians, singers. Don't get all last century ignorant on me, here.
A: *huffs* I prefer last century music, so why not. Classical, they call it now. Though I've listened to your music while driving.
C: Queen isn't "my music", it just happens. I like the old stuff, too.
A: Indeed. And we've got tickets to a concert this weekend, so do get your tuxedo ready.
C: "Yes, dear."

18)Eye Colours?

A: Somewhat greyish-blue. Like clouds, I suppose.
C: Gold. Snakey. I can't even remember what they were before that.
A: *smiles softly* They were always golden, my dear.
C: *blinks* … Ah…

19)Skin?

C: *pokes angel tummy* again Lots of it. But better to grab hold of that way…
A: I believe they mean "colour of skin", though of course that oughtn't to matter.
C: *lifts angel's shirt* Very pale pinkish. Almost white. Sitting indoors all the time makes you pasty.
A: *fights to lower shirt* Stop that, you impudent thing!
C: Me, I'm tanned and fit and luscious. *preens*
A: And aiming for "Ego of the Year".
C: Ooh, an insult! *grins*

20)Fat/Average/Slim?

A: That's another rather personal question.
C: I think we've established your physique enough already. I, however, am tanned, fit and luscious, as I previously mentioned.
A: Serpentine, really. Thin and bendy… *licks lips surreptitiously* Able to twist in the most interesting ways…
C: *leers* We'll be back in a few, okay?

*runs off to shag again*

21)Rain, sunshine?

*returning much later*

A: Both are creations of God. They are equally lovely, and serve a grand purpose on the earth.
C: Sssunshine. Sssnakes like the sssun. Warm.
A: *looking coy* So is cozying up beneath the blankets…
C: Yesss… Don't worry, we're finishing the interview this time.

22)Pool, Beach?

A: I suppose both are fine. It's not as though I spend much time at either.
C: Those old fashioned swimsuits were ugly anyway. Especially on you.
A: And of course you'd wear the tiniest thing possible. One of those, what do you call them, f-strings.
C: "G", angel. Butt floss. *laughs at angel's expression of disgust* Nah, uncomfortable. I'd just go naked. At either beach OR pool.
A: He would, too…

23)Camping, staying home?

C & A: Home.
C: Spent enough time wandering around in the days before decent houses not made of animal hide or twigs and mud. You get to see more when you travel, but it gets really, REALLY tiring.
A: Agreed.
C: Of course, at least I get out of my flat now and again. I don't think your shop has seen daylight through its windows in decades.
A: It would fade the books.
C: Riiiight.

24)Dog, Cat?

A: Both are God's creatures, of course, but I haven't any real preference.
C: If you'd added ducks to the list, however… What are your thoughts on sssnakes?
A: The ones I've known - i.e. you- have been devious and wicked and -–
C: …Tempting?
A: *blushes* Ah. Yes.

25)Believe in aliens?

A: There is no life beyond what God has created upon this earth.
C: So explain Michael Jackson.
A: *is lost for words*

26)Natural Born, or Clone?

A: We are the initial Creations of God. We weren't born of humanity, and certainly weren't cloned. I'm not sure I ought to approve of cloning in the first place…
C: Unless Upstairs sends a memo saying to promote it.
A: Well, I suppose so…
C: They did tell you to encourage the concept of "Intelligent Design".
A: Your people told you the same thing…
C: Yeah, drives everyone crazy.

27)Car or Ship?

C: Car, of course. *smiles lovingly at Bentley* The full-body glove.
A: I have never driven either car or ship, but a cruise can be rather pleasant. And a drive isn't so bad. As long as the car isn't driven by a speeding demon with no regard for the safety of pedestrians, other drivers, bicyclists, or innocent hedgehogs…
C: *rolls around laughing*

28)Ever destroyed something out of Blind Rage?

A: Good heavens, of course not!
C: I don't think you've ever had a blind rage. Unless they mean "Blind Rage" as some sort of mixed drink. I've never had either kind. Maybe I ought to invent a drink with that name…
A: And you'll no doubt make it of healthful, natural ingredients, marketing it toward eco-friendly pacifists, I suppose, while secretly adding 90 proof whiskey which won't be on the label.
C: I hadn't thought of that. But now…
A: *groans*

29)Any Unusual Things about you?

C: What isn't?
A: True.

30)How much food/drink do you need a day?

C: *laughs at angel, who crosses his arms over pudgy tummy*

31)Favourite Place?

A: My bookshop. Or the park, down by the pond.
C: Wherever there are gullible people. And bookshops. With lots of angel food... winks
A: I ought to protest your remark about people… but…
C: *licks lips*
A: Ah… fidgets

32) Any last words?

*running off to shag again*

C: Ciao!
A: God bless!