Author's note: It's been an incredibly long time since I've touched this story, or been involved in this sphere of writing. I had discussed writing an epilogue to the story, but I had felt it was fairly acceptable to leave it as it was by the last chapter. However, I have at times picked up the pen to write this final, conclusive bit of the story, as I felt badly about suggesting an epilogue and never really delivering on it. So, for any of my old readers, if you somehow stumble across this story, I am sorry that this delivery was so delayed : ) Its been a long time, but I hope this is somewhat satisfactory. Also, I am so so grateful for the encouragement and support I have received from each of you. It was, and is, incredibly dear to my heart. Now, here we go!
Five, ten more minutes and she'd be here again.
His leg was jumping up and down and he couldn't find it in himself to care that it was bouncing his chair along with the whole row of seats connected to his. Others waiting alongside him obviously cared a great deal, and kept peering down the row to see the person, of clearly ill intent, who was behind the shaking seats.
To his credit, he had tried pacing. That did little to ease matters though, and being up all night the night before made sitting down rather a necessity as the minutes ticked into hours. The plane had been delayed another three hours but he had opted to stay at the airport to wait. Driving back to the house would have taken an hour anyway, and he was far too impatient to miss a moment with her by getting caught in the bustle of the preparations for July 4th getting sparked around the city.
Joe Hardy grinned. He had missed this. Missed waiting on Nancy Drew. Not that he had really done much of that throughout their friendship. Quite the opposite to be honest, a fact which she never really brought up unless he became intolerably, unforgivably impertinent and made one too many remarks about her being late for all dates, even skype ones. He didn't bring it up much either, at least not lately. Not until a moment came where it had been too long between calls and suddenly she was there again and he had to catch his breath and she laughed and asked what that startled smile meant. Then, he had to say it. He still couldn't believe it sometimes, how he now got to wait for her now.
Even if it was just for a call. As she liked to point out. And while as she said it, she gave him a smile that was just only that strange and wonderful magic—Love.
Entr'acte
She trailed along the beach, looking up and trying to catch the Big Dipper in the sky. She wouldn't normally walk along down here alone, and this late. But she wasn't really alone, she reasoned. Blake was somewhere back there and he knew she had walked this way, away from the lights and the glimmer and flash upholding the celebration of their country's independence. She didn't dislike it, was in fact proud of all the day stood for. But it was hot and late, and all that was left was sticky yellow cake and halfhearted attempts at sparklers, so she could afford to step away now.
It had been a long time since she had done this—wandering along the beach at moonlight, alone. Or almost alone, she amended internally. Others walked near her, and she could hear someone catching up to her, the sand spraying up slightly at the quick steps. The memories that caught at her slowed her down despite her wish to be away from others for a while. The last time she had done this had been a night so long ago she had forgotten all the things that made beaches at night so lovely. Salt wind, grey night sand, the crash and tumble of black waves. It was haunting, a shade frightening, and she wanted to breathe it in without a tug of regret pulling at her.
And then there was something else tugging at her foot as she was lifting it from the sand and she stumbled. She had plenty of time to react but no ability to regain her balance, so she gracelessly half tumbled, half knelt into the wet sand.
"Whoa, hey there! Are you alright?"
A voice rose above the dull thud and roll of the waves as the quick steps she'd heard caught up to her.
"Oh, hah, quite—quite fine. Clumsy yes; but hurt, not an iota."
"Well, anyone would stumble over that. All these branches washed up here…." Steady arms helped her regain footing as she slipped in the seafoam and sand. And then—
"Wait… don't I know you? Amy?"
Amy Holden gapped. She couldn't help it.
"Frank?"
"Well, I'll be darned." Frank's eyes glinted in the moonlight and bewildered laughter tumbled out. It was instinctively tossed out laughter, an attempt to help ease their mutual surprise and awkwardness, Amy knew, but she didn't mind and it gave her time to catch her breath and study him.
"It's been a long time! How are you?" Frank stepped back from her as he said it, and Amy could see him adjusting to her shorter hair and glasses, taking in the windswept hair and feet wet and sandy from her slip and waves she had wandered too near.
"Well, I think… Honestly, I don't think I've seen you since that one time Joe and I…?" Amy let the sentence hang out a question, stumbling over her words more than she'd like as she wondered whether Frank would remember the date she'd shared with his brother.
"Wow, really? Huh… been what… two years? Almost?" Frank rubbed the back of his neck, only a little awkwardly.
"Mmhmm, about that long I'd say." Amy gave a half smile, brushing away her hair, trying to catch the curls made tighter and unruly by the salt and humidity. She wasn't entirely sure what to do and Frank just looked at her bemusedly, so she grasped at the first question she could think of.
"So did Joe finally get settled down with Nancy?"
As soon as she said it, Amy realized maybe it was unwise to assume that what she had guessed at that September night with Joe had come to pass. And wasn't Frank dating… crap.
Frank's eyes widened slightly for a moment, and then he laughed. It was a good, clean laugh, Amy noticed, and she liked it right away. For one, it meant she was most likely right but regardless, it meant he wasn't bothered by the question.
"You could see the…mutual connection, huh?" Frank asked, shaking his head in amused exasperation.
Grinning back, Amy shrugged.
"It wasn't hard to guess. I mean…" Amy paused, pulling out the moments in her mind. "Joe wasn't falling over Nancy or anything like that. But the way he watched her, noticed her. Didn't want to be too near her, but also didn't like it when she was too far from him … well…" shrugging again, "That, I noticed."
Nodding his head thoughtfully, Frank motioned with his arm to a crowd some ways down the beach, slowly beginning to walk towards them. Amy hesitated. But, though she was not necessarily keen on joining a whole new party, chances were, she'd be free to turn back around and head back to her own friends after walking a short way and finishing the conversation with Frank, so Amy stepped softly forward through the sand with him.
"Yeah, well, he hadn't really registered much of what he was feeling at that point. But he had started to get a clue around then. You weren't the first to see the signs too."
"Right, that makes sense. They had been friends for a while" Unable to resist, Amy tried to casually shrug, tilting her head towards Frank and pausing before asking, "so… how did it get worked out?".
"Ah," Frank glanced over with a smile. "Now that took some planning."
"Care to elaborate to a…. rather remotely involved stranger?" There was more curiosity in her tone than Amy had expected. While she had liked the evening, had liked Joe, she hadn't necessarily thought much further into the time with him. Maybe it was because she had already learned how being in love looked like when she met Joe, and by the end of the evening, she'd recognized it that night in the way Joe watched Nancy. But she couldn't deny that there was something about that night that had left her a little bit…well haunted was too strong a word, but with a peculiar pang of empathy for the confusion and sadness in Joe's eyes as he had seen Nancy's steps towards another. Maybe the feeling was what made her suddenly alert and eager as she waited for Frank to answer.
"Well, Joe and Nancy are actually walking around here too. She's just come back from Europe actually, now that she's out of school. We're all celebrating the 4th with some friends and family down there," Frank began, nodding toward the crowd ahead surrounding a bonfire, their laugher now more audible as Frank and Amy angled closer.
"And, as you guessed, they are together. Exclusively." Frank let out a scoff that Amy felt held more fondness than a smile could have, "Joe always specifies that, not that there's ever any question about that—he's just that proud of finally settling down. And even more," Frank really smiled now, "that it's with Nancy."
"Mm." Amy couldn't help her relieved smile in response. Frank didn't need to say more than that. His tone said all he hadn't yet, and the words themselves, in their simplicity, held a world of lights.
"Well, seeing them together after all the time they've been friends must be something." Amy cocked an eyebrow, as she continued. "But weren't you…"
"Dating her at the time?" Frank kicked at some sand with a crooked smile. "You bet I was."
"Well then…" Amy paused, shaking her head. She wasn't quite sure how to continue the thought, and it seemed more presumptuous than she was willing to be to ask him just why he was so fine with it all if had been dating Nancy. But as she hesitated, Frank continued.
"I told you it took some planning for them to get together, didn't I?" Frank's eyes looked more distant as he looked back at Amy and stopped again, still several yards away from the crowd laughing down the beach. "About three months before I asked Nancy to go with me to a banquet held for the three of us, I broke up with Callie. And, quite frankly, I was a bit of a mess. Not as much of a mess as Joe believed and would have everyone else think, but… still. I wasn't handling as well as I had hoped I could."
Amy nodded. Everyone had known how close he and Callie had been, and it had been a surprise, even to someone as disconnected from the Hardy boys as her, to hear they had broken up.
"Because of how things had been for a while with Callie, my world, my relational world anyway, had narrowed down around working things out with her. I hadn't been paying much attention to Joe and Nancy and the friendship they were making whenever we were together. But then, after breaking up with Callie, out of the blue—at least in my eyes—Joe started pushing me to date Nancy. I mean," Frank sighed, squinting a bit as he glanced at Amy. "I knew, we all three knew that the rumors about, you know, Nancy and I, were out there. Especially after a couple of our cases when we were stuck together, just the two of us, and Ned had walked out of the picture. But I never once really took them seriously, and I thought Joe felt the same."
"Ah… For a detective…that was a slight oversight maybe?" Amy grinned with a wink to soften her words, but she still could see the smile Frank gave in return was a sheepish one.
"Don't get me wrong, I could see why people thought that. She's a spectacular friend, and about as accomplished as anyone in our line of work could want to be. But yeah…I don't know." Frank cleared his throat, and Amy leaned in towards him to catch the next words as his voice became quieter, "It was, uh—it was pretty much all about Callie for me." The care in his tone was so clear, Amy felt herself wincing internally, feeling almost guilty for unintentionally bringing the story up that wasn't hers to hear.
Giving another half-smile, Frank shook his head. "So, yeah, Nancy just never felt that way to me—there was never the thought that there could be something between us. We weren't all that close, you know. For a while there, we were, but only because of the amount of time we spent together on some cases, and that changed whenever we went back to working apart. Maybe I should have been more careful to make it clear to everyone else that that's all there was between Nancy and me, but I just was grateful for another friend who knew me well, looked out for Joe and I, and was committed to the work that we did. For Joe though…it was always different I think." The thoughtfulness in his voice gave Amy some pause, and she wondered how often Frank had gotten a chance to explain this story.
"Joe… He hadn't had a lot of girls be part of his life for some time, except as a short fling. And, well, I'm sure you had heard of what happened to Iola- " Frank paused, and looked into Amy's eyes for a brief moment, before glancing back towards the crowd.
Amy nodded; she had heard enough of the story throughout the years, and she didn't want to push Frank to talk about it more than he felt comfortable with.
The waves crashed against the shore with greater force and there was silence for a moment as Amy shifted her feet from side to side, burying them in the cool sand.
"Well, anyway, Joe hadn't had a relationship, and certainly not a friendship, with a girl in a long time. So, I think when Nancy came along, it took him off guard. He tried to get her attention his usual way," Frank grinned, "but of course with Nancy's no nonsense attitude, she carefully and sweetly cut him off before he could start. And at first, it seemed that was it for the two of them. But you know… Somehow, that was just the thing that made Joe actually be himself—with her, I mean. He's always had this giant capacity to care for people—he's constantly putting his relationships first. Everything else comes second, which I'll admit is sometimes feels completely unhelpful when we're trying to get our jobs done".
Studying Frank's eyes which had drifted towards the dark waves barely visible in the light of the moon and bonfires dotting the sand, Amy couldn't tell if there was something like envy in Frank's voice. Frank's reputation of wait-evaluate-respond, was well established—but she knew there are times in a person's life when they're confronted with a choice that makes them wish they could repaint all the moments they loved calmly with a wild love that gave recklessly. Maybe she was projecting the feeling on Frank's words, but still, Amy gave a small smile. "Mm… sometimes I wish I had taken time to grow that skill more, to be honest: a willingness to love with more priority on expressing that love, and not waiting to see if it would pay off the way I think it should. But," she added with a quick smile, as Frank quickly fixed his eyes on hers with more intensity than she was ready for, "I am sure that's not always the best response, considering the situations you both often work in."
Frank studied her a moment, a wry smile slipping on his face. "True. I guess I've wished I had that instinct that Joe does, that readiness to act with his heart, more often than I'd like to admit…to him anyway." And they both really grinned, and Amy felt something like respect that went beyond just what she knew of Frank's character bubble up inside her.
"Anyway, so when Nancy started just sticking around, not someone to try and win over, but someone he really only had two options with—either a friendship or a working relationship— I think Joe didn't get a chance to be anything but himself with her. That was so different for him. For me, Nancy was a friend early on; But, I had other friendships with girls, and, like I said, I had Callie. For Joe, this kind of a relationship was new. She teased him, and wasn't charmed by him. She asked him real questions and didn't accept jokes as answers. With her, he couldn't justify hiding behind a grin, and he didn't have a reason to try and impress her because she'd made sure he'd know the effort was pointless from the beginning. Eventually, he started taking her teasing without turning red, and went running with her jokes till she was laughing so hard she'd have to ask him to stop; he began trusting her with the real answers to her questions. He'd buy her ice cream when she was sick and it would be just because he felt bad she'd have to stay in bed instead of joining the rest of us—the rest of his friends. Because she became one. It gave him a chance to be the fantastic friend he's always been. I think," Frank looked up at the stars and smiled, "I think for her, that's what changed things."
Amy cocked an eyebrow to let know Frank she was curious for more, and in response, he chuckled and crouched down to the sand to sit. It was nice to feel the coolness of the sand as she joined him, ignoring the way the sand immediately clung to her wet jeans and stretching her legs out as they both leaned back and supported themselves with their palms kneading into the sand.
"Again," Frank turned his head to meet Amy's eyes as they faced the waves together, "this was a while ago, and I wasn't watching them with eyes fully open. But I think Nancy hadn't really expected to become close to Joe. I mean, what she'd read and seen didn't say much about what he could be as a friend. When she first met him, I think she was more impressed than she'd admit to herself, and also less exasperated or annoyed at how he acted around her and other girls than she'd expected based on what she'd been led to believe about him. But that said, I think she just sought to create comradery between her and us, and while she hoped for that, she didn't hope for much more than that."
Frank shook his head, and there was again a bit of mingled admiration and envy in his eyes, as he continued, "The thing she didn't expect was for Joe to be the kind of friend he was. He has all this emotional energy, this strength and insistence—that's what you are struck by first, and it's an incredible force that pushes him and helps him when we're working. But as a friend, what that translates into is a really honest, open care. A really brave care."
"Mm." Amy nodded, as Frank paused. It made sense—Joe was known for trusting his instincts. She could imagine him fighting for his more emotion-driven perspective to have its voice when he worked with Frank. To be that intuitive, that trusting of his emotional instincts, would require self-awareness that was beyond intellectual analysis and an ability and willingness to express those feelings and intuitions.
"Nancy" Frank's eyes softened, which the back of Amy's mind collected and noted. "Nancy…well she comes across as more like me—as more intellectual and above it all in a way. But while I instinctively take that approach, Nancy chooses it. Everything in her—it centers on people being their most honest, most open selves. Truth is something all three of us—Joe, Nancy, and myself I mean—value; but for Nancy, she wants someone who isn't afraid of it, who steps into it and speaks it out. She wants someone who speaks out the core of their hearts and lives it out. Someone who will make truth not so hard to uncover in themselves…and through that, not so hard to uncover and share in herself. Her mind may be like mine, she can make it work it like mine, but her heart… I think it works, it wants, it loves, like Joe's. It just took time for them both to see that."
Frank shook his head, pulling his eyes back towards Amy, and laughing, and taking a breath, as he seemed to snap out of the reverie he'd led himself into as he talked. Amy let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding, and smiled back at him. While she knew Frank had a gift for exposing hidden things, she hadn't expected him to so deeply trace the roots of the story between Joe and Nancy. There was something precious about how Frank was opening up his thoughts to her, and Amy could feel herself trying to do everything she could to encourage him to continue. There was something in his eyes that looked almost embarrassed, and Amy wondered if he felt as surprised with himself as she did.
"So, anyway, all of this is to say, they had a couple things holding them back from each other. But, eventually, as you know, they became closer and I was still pretty oblivious, both to their growing friendship and to the way they could be more to each other if given a good shake and half of a chance."
Amy gave a half grin at this. The backstory was helping to fill in the blanks of her imagination. She could see them now: Joe, his heart walled up to a degree perhaps, but wildly loving when anyone entered. Nancy, her head cooler perhaps, but her eyes seeking those who would hold up their whole selves to her and bring it out in others.
"I came into the picture more when Joe began hinting, and finally outright pushing, for me to ask Nancy out. I was annoyed and frankly a little frustrated that he'd push me towards someone so soon after Callie. But as I took a step back to evaluate the situation, Joe's insistence slowly began to appear to me as more than a clumsy attempt to help me get over Callie. I'd observed Joe and Nancy's closeness by that point, but had filed their relationship as purely platonic for so long it took me seeing Joe's unusual degree of insistence to realize that maybe there was something else at play here. But," Frank shrugged away his slightly sheepish expression, "when it finally crossed my mind that Joe could have feelings for Nancy, it didn't take me long to find enough proof to satisfy my suspicion."
"So when you saw that they could like each other even though Joe was asking you to ask Nancy out, you thought Joe was just in denial or what?" Amy broke in, growing a little impatient.
"Right. So, by that point, I thought, I might as well at least act like I was going to ask Nancy out. That way, Joe might have a chance to get jealous and finally wake up to what he really wanted his relationship with Nancy to be. But right when I had begun to consider this, Nancy called me. We hadn't seen each other for a few weeks so I thought it must be a case or something along those lines. But to my complete shock, she told me that she'd been offered this incredible opportunity to study criminal behavior in England. When I got over my surprise it hit me that maybe this was my shot. I asked her to go to the banquet that was going to be held in Bayport in a week in our honor."
"Right, I was there for that", Amy smiled but felt reproach tinging her words "Mm… weren't you going to lead Nancy on by asking her out only to help Joe wake up? At least, if you didn't have any feelings for Nancy I suppose…." It drifted off quietly, a question as much a statement.
Frank studied her a moment, smiling but somehow solemnly, a little thrown off but seeming to understand her hesitation. "Right…well, for starters, I was almost positive Nancy had no interest in myself. While I wasn't positive where she stood with Joe, I felt fairly confident of her stance on myself, and I knew asking her to be my date to a banquet she, Joe, and I would be expected to attend anyway wouldn't come across as a definite pursuit."
She could feel her smile fading further despite this explanation, and Amy squinted a little at Frank. "That was kind of a risk still though…I have to say", Amy looked down at the sand for a moment, grasping a handful of the grain, letting them slide through her fingers and create tiny rows in the sand between herself and Frank. "I think I'm a little surprised that you'd take that kind of a risk with someone's feelings."
It was a rebuke and Frank looked like he knew it. His faced, lit with the moon and fires along with shore turned darker and Amy knew he was blushing.
"Well actually…I did think of that. But—well. I felt fairly sure…and I called George."
"George?"
"One of Nancy's best friends, and someone who, as I found out, had for some time been very aware that Nancy wasn't interested in me." Amy could feel herself studying him, as he said this, but Frank continued without missing a beat, "And, who knew what I did not find out until later—that Nancy had been fighting against her feelings for Joe for about a year. So, she told me, even if I thought it'd help Joe, it still might be good for both Nancy and I to go out, and George ended up encouraging me to go ahead with my idea."
Still vaguely dissatisfied, Amy shook her head. "With all this back and forth, unspoken feelings and meddling…I feel like this would only work in a book. But, I think asking George sounds wise, especially if you knew she wouldn't put Nancy into a position she'd be opposed to." Frank looked a little more at ease at her response, though still slightly sheepish. A small piece of Amy's mind, a detached piece nudged her a little. Why had they both been so tense about Amy's questions? Her opinion about Frank's behavior couldn't be that important to either of them. Something about the question made Amy's stomach tighten, and she pushed it away.
"So, you saw this next part—I asked Nancy out, it was casual, but it trigged something in Joe right away…" Quickly, Frank summarized Joe's subsequent revelations and conversation with Biff and Chet. "But," Frank's smile faltered a bit, "while I made sure that when I asked Nancy out, the dates sounded more like times to catch up before Nancy left for England, Nancy did begin to think I liked her or at least, was trying to… Apparently, Joe's attitude towards her combined with how he talked about my break up with Callie made her think I might actually be trying to find someone to help me get over the break up." Again, Amy could feel herself becoming alert to Frank's movements, to his posture. A piece of her realized she was looking for that softness in his eyes to turn to pain, something that might indicate whether maybe Frank had…Amy shook her head, and tried to focus on Frank, despite the question that had begun bothering her. "…So, one night…" Frank paused, his face becoming suddenly stiffer than it had been, "well actually the night after you and Joe went out together…. she asked to talk." Amy could feel herself flushing at the mention of her and Joe, but she nodded, trying to pretend she'd barely noted the mention, and trying to ignore the awareness of Frank's eyes,
"At first, she was so embarrassed and seemed to feel so badly that I couldn't tell what she was saying," Frank let out a chuckle. "But eventually I realized she was trying to tell me that she was sorry for possibly leading me on, and she wasn't interested in me in 'that way'. That's when I finally told her my side of the story—not everything, but enough to let her know that I thought there was something that could be there between Joe and her. And," Frank shot a glance so quickly right into the heart of Amy's eyes that she felt strangely exposed, and something in her wished she knew what it was she suddenly felt he was looking for. There was only a second of a pause but it felt long, and then, "And, that I was only interested in caring for her as a friend."
Ah. The answer to the question she had wanted to ask since Frank started explaining his thoughts on the story. Somehow, it had seemed more and more important to ask, and less and less something she felt like she wanted to know as she watched the tenderness in Frank's eyes as he spoke, and felt herself becoming tense at the sight of. Which was stupid, because she was just listening, just a curious, remotely involved acquaintance. No matter what the strange relaxing of her arms might say to the contrary. There was a beat of silence, and in it Frank's eyes went from hers to a shell he picked up and tossed in the air with what she almost could say was studied casualness. Amy cleared her throat quickly.
"Was she surprised by that? That you thought there could be something between them?"
The question seemed to pull Frank back into the storyteller stance, and his eyes grew distant again. Old sadness seemed to crinkle the edges of his mouth, as Frank nodded. "She was pretty taken aback. But she was also even more sure that if Joe still hadn't felt anything after I'd asked her out, he couldn't be interested in her. That…" Frank sighed. "That was hard for her. And that's when she decided to leave early for England."
"Oh…that makes sense though." Amy replied thoughtfully, lacing her fingers together over her knees and leaning forward to rest her head on them. "It sounds like their friendship was close enough that Nancy could trust Joe didn't need to get to know her better for him to know if he wanted to be with her. If the barrier of friendship was the only thing she thought may be a barrier to him expressing feelings for her or denying them, it makes sense that when Joe was presented with the possibility of losing the potential for more with her and didn't respond, Nancy would assume that it'd be because he just would never care for her in that way."
"Exactly," Frank nodded. "And so, she decided to leave. And then," Frank's eyes took on a new brightness, and Amy felt herself sit up in response. "And then, I told Joe about her leaving. And well…." Frank narrated the rest of the story with relish—Joe's drive to Nancy's hotel room, his unexpected declaration, and Nancy's eventual trust of Joe's revelation –and Amy found herself grinning through the rest of it, even as she groaned with empathy at Joe's shock and hurt, and Nancy's initial disbelief.
"At the end," Frank said, still laughing a little from telling Amy how long it took for Joe to really grasp how Nancy felt about him, "Nancy still decided to go to England. Once Joe and Nancy finally talked through everything, Joe was adamant that she should go and was a little ashamed that he'd ever tried to convince her to stay. So, she left, and they've pretty much fallen even more in love every day since." Frank stood as he finished, brushing off the sand his jeans and grabbing the back of his shirt to shake off the grains that had caught in the seam of the hem. Following his lead, Amy stood as well, only bothering to rub her hands along the back of her pants and shirt, knowing that her jeans from the knees down were still too wet to shed much sand even with her best encouragement. "That took a little longer than you expected I guess." Frank concluded, looking at her with some apology in his eyes.
"Thank you for telling me the story." It was a simple statement, but something in Amy's tone, laced around the words, seemed to encourage Frank and he grinned. There was something boyish, something so different and yet so familiar about the way his mouth faltered a bit nervously and how he suddenly seemed uncertain and self-conscious that Amy's stomach, which had sunk uncomfortably when he stood to leave, flipped suddenly.
"So," Amy nodded towards the crowded circle around the bonfire, "Joe and Nancy, and the rest of your friends are over there?"
Frank seemed caught off guard for a second, and then his smile widened and he nodded slowly. "I didn't think you wanted to come?"
Widening her eyes in pretend shock, Amy pretended to contemplate, tapping a forefinger to her lips… "I mean…I never actually said that….and you never actually asked me."
"Ah", laughter, the good clean kind he'd let out in the beginning of their meeting, came out again. "Well, do you want to come along then?"
Amy looked at him. She'd begun the night wanting to be alone, wanting to forget the stories she'd never gotten to write in her life, and wanting to stop missing them. For a while, this time had distracted her from those thoughts. But no, it was more than that. It'd helped her remember that she was ready for stories again.
"Yeah…I think it'd be good".
"Well, let's go". Frank grinned, and she grinned back, slowly walking together towards the group quietly talking and laughing together. Somehow, after all she had heard, as she walked beside Frank, she didn't feel like she was walking towards strangers at all.
Flashforward
"Well." Joe grinned at Nancy. It was nearing 2:00, and while the bonfire still crackled on, their friends had quieted, and most had drifted to sleep, some on old beach towels, others in disheveled tents carelessly pitched on the sand.
Raising her head from his shoulder, Nancy, yawned and rubbed her eyes. "Yes?".
"I've missed you."
"Oh okay, mister. That's what you woke me up for?"
Wrapping an arm around Nancy's back, and letting her tuck her head under his chin as she groaned into his chest, Joe laughed.
"You weren't really asleep. Come on. What were you thinking about?"
Sighing, Nancy leaned away from him, facing him more fully. "Okay, you got me."
Joe grinned at that, feeling somehow proud. "I was thinking…" Nancy paused, and Joe studied her eyes, reflecting the dying flames of the fire. "Seeing Amy again just reminded me of, you know, that time before we were together."
"Ah…". The memories created a quiet moment between them, and Joe and Nancy shifted away from each other, simultaneous resting their heads on their bent knees, and turning to stare at each other over their arms wrapped around their knees.
"Was that weird? Seeing her again?" Joe asked softly. It had been surprising to see her, but he had felt the time went well overall. Both he and Nancy talked with her for a while, joking lightly about their last meeting after Frank told them he had filled in the blanks of that time to Amy, until Frank walked her back to her car after Amy mentioned having to get some rest before work the next day.
"Mm…no, not really." Nancy shook her head slightly against her knee, and smiled reassuringly, knowing the concern tinged tone. "I think it's just always surprising to me, to realize how long it took you to admit to what you felt, to realize that somehow it was that obvious others and," Nancy grinned knowingly at Joe, cutting him off before he could begin the apology she had already heard more times that she could count and knew he was about to begin again, "and honestly, how long it took me to see that you felt that way towards me."
Nancy laughed at Joe's blank look. "I think I just feel like you tend to take the responsibility for not knowing your own feelings but honestly, we both were pretty blind. And I was thinking that it's so odd, because one of my favorite things about you is that you're always so frank about expressing yourself." Joe could feel his face breaking into a grin, and Nancy reached over and affectionately rumbled his hair, eyes twinkling at his unabashed delight. "Yes yes, I love that about you. But you know what I mean? You feel something, and you say it. And I mean, I'm a detective, we're detectives. Why did we miss this? Why, when everyone else didn't?" The questions were sincerely asked, but with such softness and warmth that Joe knew Nancy wasn't expecting or demanding an answer. As Joe smiled in response, Nancy's hand moved from his hair, tracing along his temple, his cheek, before dropping back to her side, and he held his breath at the pleasant ache the easy tenderness left in his chest.
"Mm… well, I don't know. But, I appreciate that you seem to be wanting to remind me not to take whole responsibility for how long it took for us to get together." Joe looked into Nancy's eyes, letting her see that he knew what she was trying to tell him, and letting her know he'd let her words in. Letting out a little sigh of satisfaction, Nancy gave a crooked smile to him, and Joe knew from it that this was a moment she was telling them both to remember later.
Staring at each other, their faces shielded by their knees from the rest of their circle of friends, they let silence drape gently over them again. Joe didn't want to break the moment, and he could feel Nancy was content to let the conversation pause there. After a couple of minutes, Joe saw Nancy's eyelids blink slowly closed. Looking up into the sky, Joe let his mind roll the questions in his head. Quietly, so as not to disturb Nancy, Joe began to speak out loud—he'd done this before, talked through things to a dozing Nancy, so many times in the past and it had always somehow helped him to walk towards a solution
"I don't know Nan… I don't. But I think it may have had something to do with the fact that sometimes what we want feels to big, to good, and because of that, too unattainable. I think, our friendship, maybe, was something so good already. It wasn't planned, and it happened without our having to realize how much it would mean. But to have it become a relationship…It would ask to deliberately choose to fight for it, to ask for it. To pursue it would ask us to maybe be a bit braver than we were ready to be."
Nancy's eyes were still closed, and Joe paused, feeling his throat thicken as he took in her hair, her bent back, the old faded blue sweatshirt form her alma mater that he'd always secretly thought offered more comfort than warmth…he loved this girl.
"I don't know all of why, but that might be part of it. Because we may be detectives. We may run towards danger, run towards our fears, grasp the sacrifice, the pain, the loss it costs. But I think falling in love, choosing love, asks us to do more than that. It asks us to run towards hope, towards trust, not just towards loss and cost. It asks us to believe we can be people who heal, not just those who fight off harm." Joe collected his thoughts for a moment, shaking his head. While he'd thought through this before, he hadn't put words around it, hadn't fully fleshed it out, but he wanted to try tonight and practice before telling Nancy again later, when the topic arose again.
"Why we, as detectives couldn't figure it out then….well, I think it's because love asks us to be more than detectives… it asks us to be ready to choose something so good that it feels unattainable. It asks us to believe we are more than fighters, more than investigators—it asks us to trust and believe we are also healers. This, us? Only you being my best friend could make me ready for that. And maybe," Joe gave a half smile. "Maybe my being your best friend did the same for you."
Falling silent, Joe nodded to himself. It wasn't well said, and not a full answer, but he knew Nancy would appreciate it, would understand it. Reaching behind himself, Joe grabbed an old blanket someone had brought and hadn't used and reached over to pull it over Nancy. As he leaned over to gently wrap the blanket around her, Nancy stirred slightly, and Joe looked down into her clear eyes that were shining with more than the reflected firelight.
"I thought you had fallen asleep!" Joe shook his head, amused and a little embarrassed.
Ignoring his whisper, Nancy pulled him down beside her, and wrapped her arms around him. "Now that…" Nancy whispered softly into his ear, "is how you make my life clearer. How you make it better." Letting his laugh rumble out muffled in Nancy's blanketed shoulder, Joe held her tightly. He felt the small ring box in his pocket shift slightly, as they broke apart. Not tonight, but soon, Joe thought, as Nancy nestled down in her makeshift bed, and he drew the blanket over her again. Standing up, Joe moved to the fire, and added more wood, before sitting back down beside Nancy. Resting his head on his arms, Joe listened to the deep breaths of Frank across the fire from them, the slight snore from Biff, and the occasional rustle of his other friends moving in their sleeping bags. And beside him, Nancy's gentle breath. Closing his eyes, Joe felt his heart beat, silent, steady, and somehow dancing.