Soo... *deep breath in and out* This is it, the end. I wanted to send out a big thank you to my beta (who has only watched the anime, doesn't follow the fandom, and probably won't even see this XD;;). Her support, encouragement, and watchful eyes have really helped me through this process.

Chapter 15: At Peace

After Lavi left, Lenalee sat alone in her room, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them tightly against her. The blood that had rushed to her face and neck receded with time, and her heart beat returned to its normal pace. However, that did not mean that she was any less confused at the situation she was in. How could she have feelings for two different men? It didn't make sense. Love wasn't supposed to be this complicated. She never imagined that love could be this difficult.

At that moment, she felt impossibly young and naïve. Setting her head against the wall behind her, she stared at the blank ceiling of her bedroom hoping it would give her some sort of sign. Only silence answered her plea, seeming to mock her indecision.

Her eyes slid shut as she attempted to sort through her emotions. Allen, Lavi… Lavi, Allen. They were so different. How could she be in love with both of them?

Forcing herself to mentally back away from the situation, Lenalee tried to stop thinking about the impossibility of her position, because such a mindset provided her no benefit. The fact of the matter was that she was in love with two men and that she would need to choose one of them. However, attempting to tackle the problem from a logical standpoint wasn't helping. It was as if she was trying to solve an equation with too many defined variables. Nothing was working out, because it just simply couldn't. With that realization, panic started overwhelming her, and she put her head in her hands. Emotional overload. No two words better expressed what she was feeling.

She wondered how much time Lavi and Allen would give her as a grace period. Although she knew that dragging out the decision process was unfair to both men, she needed sufficient time to think… But before she could consider both of them, she had to clear her mind. Without soothing her frazzled emotional state, she knew she would never be in the right mindset to work through the situation. What could she do to accomplish such a feat?

Maybe she would go see Kanda. He had always had a calming affect on her. She paused on her way out the door, frowning at a sudden realization. Wasn't going to others what ultimately led to her troubles in the first place? She had gone to Lavi for advice about Allen…

Shaking her head, she cleared it of such silly and superfluous thoughts. She was just being paranoid. Kanda's stoic demeanor was just what she needed. With Kanda she didn't even have to talk, and he wasn't the type to pry. So, she headed out to find her oldest friend from the Order.

Half an hour later, Lenalee was sitting in a training room with Kanda enjoying tea in silence. Although he could probably tell that her emotional state was at unease, he never said a word about it. She knew he wouldn't ask, and she appreciated his respect for her privacy.

Luckily for Lenalee, the earthy taste of the tea and silence in the presence of company was exactly what she needed. With the sudden complications in her personal life, it was nice to take a time out. After the tea was gone and both she and Kanda were ready to head back to their own room, her friend offered one statement of reassurance as they parted ways. "You'll figure it out."

Ducking her head, she gave him a brave smile to thank him for his understated support but said nothing. She knew he wasn't looking for a vocal answer. He was expecting her to take his words, and well, as he put it, "figure it out." And she would, too, after she gave her mind and body some much needed rest.

Although she was emotionally and mentally exhausted, Lenalee found that sleep didn't come easily for her. Drifting in and out of slumber seemed to be a pattern for her tonight. Every time her mind found rest, unease would creep into her subconscious system and cause her to wake in a cold sweat.

After a few frustrating cycles of falling asleep only to awaken feeling panicked and anxious, Lenalee gave up on the idea of rest and decided to start working through her thoughts and emotions. Soon, she found herself returning to old thought habits, specifically about her own confusion and the seeming impossibility of her situation. Before long, frustration welled up inside her, threatening to bubble out of her being. She wasn't sure what she wanted, but she was sure that no matter what her decision was, it would cause her to lose someone. Lavi had made that perfectly clear during the day. And there had been something in Allen's sad smile that gave her the impression that he wouldn't be able to accept her and Lavi.

She found herself latching onto the image of the pale, white-haired, young man. There really were a lot of great things about Allen, but she still felt a little nervous. Would he really be able to shirk his compulsion to travel for his job? Would he expect her to leave Headquarters? She couldn't do that. She hadn't been able to commit to that the first time he had asked, and she couldn't do it now.

How could she leave her brother and her comrades? At the thought of "comrades" the first thing she envisioned was Lavi's smiling face.

Shock coursed through her body at her reaction to the word "comrade." When had Lavi become such a big part of her life? Had he been part of the reason she hadn't wanted to leave Headquarters originally?

Looking back, she tried to think of her state of mind then. At that point, she had been desperate for Allen's attention… and she had been relying on Lavi's kindness as a crutch. She found herself focusing on Lavi - on how she had really enjoyed spending time with him discussing philosophies on life as well as opinions on the novels they read, and on all of the support he had provided her during her time of need. She had really depended on Lavi at that time. He had always been a constant in her life, someone to provide the feeling of safety and stability. And it was something she had always needed (although she hadn't been aware of that until after she and Allen had starting dating).

Had Lavi known that? Had he figured out exactly what she had needed before she knew it herself? Had they always been on the same wavelength? Or was this just Lavi trying to be what she needed, because he really loved her that much?

No matter which scenario of her preceding guesses was true, all reflected well on the red-headed young man, and she found herself focusing on Lavi, truly considering all of him, for the first time. He really had always been there for her… had always been what she needed. Warmth rushed through her at the realization. Had she really taken Lavi's presence for granted for that many years? She was shocked at herself, and she felt self-disgust pool in the bottom of her stomach. How could she not have realized something this important until now? Maybe it had always been on her mind but only in the background, out-shadowed by her fixation on Allen.

Now, in her reflective mood, she wondered what the past few years would have been like if Lavi hadn't been a steady friend. She simply couldn't imagine not having him there for her. The realization left her cold. Again, she wondered how she could have overlooked Lavi for so many years. In retrospect, it was easy to see that he had always been important to her, and she was sure that he had been part of the reason she had wanted to stay at Headquarters.

Although she had hated it when Allen was away while they were dating, she couldn't fathom the idea of not having Lavi near her. In the past, Lavi had shown nothing but steady support when she had needed it the most – during the loss of her mobility, during the time when Leverrier had been stationed at Headquarters, during her emotional struggles with respect to Allen. Earlier that day, he had made it clear that he wanted nothing more than to stay near her… Lavi was offering her his devotion, and that in itself was tempting. If she chose Lavi, she would be guaranteed security, love, and companionship. Those were all things that Lenalee needed and valued, and he truly understood that aspect of her, a fact that she appreciated.

Thinking back to the past few months, Lenalee marveled at how much she had truly enjoyed his Lavi's company. Memories as bright and as warm as sunshine flooded her senses making her realize that a special bond existed between Lavi and her. Something about the past few months – no, the past few years – was telling her that their connection couldn't be broken easily. When she thought of a future with Lavi, she didn't feel any uncertainty, which was something she knew that she would be constantly worried about if she chose Allen. In that moment, Lenalee knew exactly what had to do and exactly whom she couldn't let go of…

~*~*~*~*~

When Lenalee found Allen the next day, he was standing on a balcony overlooking the courtyard. A pang hit her heart when she saw him looking so calm and handsome with a breeze blowing through the strands of his fine, silvery hair. Although she had made her choice, she couldn't help but feel something when she saw Allen. Gathering her courage, she spoke, "I thought I'd find you here."

He turned to look at her and gave her a soft smile. However, his eyes still looked sad, like they often did. "Hi, Lenalee."

She joined him by the banister and forced her gaze to meet his.

"I guess you have something to tell me." Although he sounded just as pleasant and controlled as ever, there was something resigned in his voice.

"I guess I do," she said, slowly. She was beginning to lose her nerve.

"Go ahead, Lenalee," he told her, the smile dropping off of his face. "Tell me whatever you want to say. I'll be okay, as long as it's what you want."

Her fingers instinctively curled around the cuff of her sleeves, and she found comfort in the familiarity of her nervous habit. Allen must have seen her motions, because he grasped her hand within his and calmed the motion of her fingers.

"Just say it, please."

"I'm sorry," she managed to squeeze out, her voice a dry whisper. "I… I…" She couldn't think of the right way to get her feelings out. "I think the timing for us has passed. It's too late to go back. And Lavi—" She stopped midsentence when Allen winced at the mention of Lavi's name. In response to his reaction, warmth pooled in her eyes. She tried to keep the tears from falling, but it didn't work. Against her will, wetness spilled out of her eyes and stained her cheeks.

"Shh, don't cry, Lenalee," Allen said, releasing her hand in favor of brushing her cheeks with his fingers. He tilted her head up so that his gaze and hers met. "I told you that I'd understand if you've moved on. It's my own fault for not realizing what you were worth to me until it was too late."

Lenalee could see something shining in his eyes, too. When she reached out for him, he stepped away, as if he didn't want her to know that he was about to shed tears as well.

"Thank you for being honest with me, though," he told her, his voice beginning to waver. He was backing away from her now, slowly, taking one step at a time.

"Allen!" she cried out, reaching for him. She didn't want him to leave, not when the atmosphere between them felt so unfinished.

He shook his head, lips pursed together. "I need a moment for myself. Besides, you should go to Lavi," he suggested.

Lenalee hesitated, feeling as if she shouldn't leave him alone. "Allen," she tried again.

When his gaze met hers, she was met with a sorrow-filled, broken look on his face. "Please," he said, his voice strained. "I'll be fine. We'll talk later."

So she let Allen leave, because he looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but near her. It wounded her soul to have him looking at her with such a pained expression, especially knowing that she was the one who had put it there. She couldn't stand it and didn't want to see it. Although it was selfish of her, she decided to heed Allen's suggestion to go find Lavi.

Knowing that she couldn't show Lavi her tearstained face, she waited until she had calmed considerably before leaving the balcony. As she headed towards the room that Lavi and Bookman shared, she assuaged her guilt about Allen by telling herself that she'd see him later. He had said so himself that they'd talk again later.

However, for now, she reassured herself with Allen's words and went to find Lavi, telling herself that the red-headed young man deserved to know the truth as much as much as Allen did. When she arrived at Lavi and Bookman's room, she knocked loudly only to be met with silence. Frowning, she searched all of Lavi's other favorite spots – the cafeteria, the library, the common room – but had no luck in finding him. Brow furrowed with displeasure, she headed back to her room in disappointment… only to find Lavi sitting in front of her door.

"Yo," he said, his smile merely a ghost of his normal good-humor.

Studying his pale, shadowed face, Lenalee gathered that Lavi hadn't slept well last night either.

"I figured you'd want to talk to me sometime today."

Lenalee found herself oddly impressed that he again knew her well enough to predict her behavior. "And what made you think that?"

His smile widened. "I know you," he said with a shrug. "That's all."

Unsatisfied, Lenalee frowned at him.

He elaborated. "You're not the kind of girl who would take a long time to make this sort of decision. Although you'd want to make the right decision, you wouldn't want to drag it out. You have too much… affection and respect for both Allen and myself. Am I right?"

Lenalee was taken aback. Everything he said was the absolute truth. How did he know her so well? "You know what, you amaze me sometimes," she told him, bending down beside him.

He looked up at her through strands of crimson hair that hung in his face and gave her a devastating smile. "Is that a good thing? Did your decision go my way?"

Lenalee opened her mouth to tell him, but the words stuck in her throat. Numbly, she nodded. All of a sudden, she found herself being pulled to her feet in an enthusiastic embrace. She was vaguely aware of being spun around before being set down on the ground again.

"I thought I'd lose you," he said, burying his head in the crook of her neck. "I thought that I hadn't done enough to win you over…"

The feel of his breath, warm and soft against the nape of her neck, sent a shiver down her spine. And soon, she found herself fumbling for her key, opening the door to her room, and eagerly pulling Lavi in after her. His lips were locked on hers even before she managed to shut the door to her room to ensure them privacy…

Later that afternoon, after she and Lavi had had ample time to enjoy each other's company and to discuss things between the two of them, as well as to discuss what had happened between her and Allen earlier that day, they decided it was best find Allen to set things straight between all three of them.

However, Allen was nowhere to be found. Nobody answered the door to his room. He wasn't in the cafeteria. A nagging suspicion overcame Lenalee, and she couldn't shake the bad feeling that was developing in the pit of her stomach. Rushing to the Science Department, Lenalee desperately sought her brother. If anybody would know where Allen was, he would.

Bursting into Komui's office with Lavi in tow, Lenalee asked with a ragged breath, "Have you seen Allen?"

Komui shot his sister a confused glance. "He left a few hours ago. He said… that he had already bid goodbye to you."

Lenalee opened her mouth to contradict her brother's statement but thought better of it. No good would come from an outburst by her. So with a forced smile, she assured her brother that Allen had been telling the truth, and she and Lavi left in dumbfounded silence.

Once outside of her brother's office, Lenalee's mask of calm slipped and her emotions crumpled. As much as she hated it, she couldn't help but let the tears that had gathered in her eyes stream down her face.

'Like master, like pupil,' she thought, in reference to Allen's nomadic tendencies. 'Maybe he can't help it… He can't help his learned behavior… Maybe I was a fool to ever think that I could change it…'

Tugging Lavi close, she buried her head into his chest and sobbed noisily. Somehow (her memory was fuzzy as to the details), Lavi managed to get her back to her room, and held her as she cried for Allen – for his unannounced departure and for the overwhelming loss she felt because of it. Like always, Lavi didn't judge her. He was simply there for her understanding her pain. And, again, he was exactly what she needed.

Afterward

~Two years later~

"Miss Lena, Miss Lena!" a neighborhood youth cried, bursting into the library and waving a book at her. "It's not too late is it?"

She looked down at her watch and smiled at him. "No, Tommy, it's not too late," she told him. "But remember, you are in a library," she reminded gently, putting a finger to her lips.

"Un!" he uttered with an enthusiastic nod, skipping to the counter she was sitting behind.

"Did you enjoy the book?" she asked, stamping the cover.

"Yeah," he said. "Dad said we could come back tomorrow to get more books when we have more time."

"That's great!" she exclaimed.

"Are you going to be working tomorrow, Miss Lena?" he asked.

"Actually," she said, a smile breaking across her face. "I'm taking a vacation starting tomorrow."

"Awww," the little boy said. "Well, I'll see you when you get back!" With a wave, he turned and ran out the door.

Lenalee sighed, feeling a sense of satisfaction wash over her. She loved her job as a library assistant, a position that she had held for nearly two years, but today was her last day at work for the next couple of weeks. All that was left for her to do was to lock up. While tidying her desk, she heard the bell ring indicating another guest.

"I'm sorry," she found herself saying automatically before looking up. "We're closing up for tonight. We open up tomorrow again at 10 am."

"But you won't be here tomorrow," a familiar man's voice stated softly.

Lenalee felt the hairs on her arms and at the back of her neck stand on their ends. Although she hadn't heard this particular voice in the past two years, the pleasantly calm and slightly melancholy tone was instantly recognizable. "Allen," she whispered, looking up, a wistful smile twisting her lips. When she looked up, he was standing in front of her desk giving her a grin (even if it didn't quite light up his eyes).

"Here," Allen said, thrusting a bouquet he was cradling in his arms at her.

She accepted the flowers reflexively. "I don't know what to say," she managed to get out shaking her head.

"Read the card," he told her, his smile widening.

One word was written: "Congratulations." She read the word aloud slowly, as if trying to comprehend the concept of the word.

"When I heard the news, I knew I had to come back. I want to be here for your big day, Lenalee. Yours and Lavi's… wedding."

Lenalee surveyed his face as he acknowledged her and Lavi together and found only acceptance. Although his eyes held a slightly sad light, there was no trace of ill will. "Thank you for the flowers. They're beautiful." She fumbled with her emotions. The last time she had seen Allen Walker was to tell him that there was no future for them as a couple. However, that didn't mean that they weren't on good terms, as they had exchanged many letters in the interim in which things between them were somewhat resolved. In fact, Allen had quickly become one of Lenalee's favorite pen pals. However letter correspondence was different than speaking face to face, which was becoming painfully obvious.

"Umm," she stalled. "I'm about to lock up." Reaching into a drawer, she pulled out a set of keys. "Let's go back to Headquarters together. We can… talk… there." She was hoping against hope that she didn't sound nearly as awkward as she felt, knowing deep down inside that she was failing.

"There's a bench outside, here," Allen suggested. "We could talk there. I'm sure everyone at Headquarters is buzzing with preparations right about now. Once we return, I won't have a chance to speak to you."

Allen had a point, but Lenalee was still hesitant. She just wasn't sure how she felt about being alone with Allen at a time like this.

"Please." He gave her a deep, penetrating look. "Lavi told me I could find you here."

That one statement wiped away all of Lenalee's doubts. If Lavi told Allen where to find her, it meant that Lavi wanted her to have some time alone with Allen, perhaps to really find closure. It was his gift to the two of them; she was as sure of that as she was sure she loved chocolate cake. "Alright, then," she said graciously.

Once the appropriate lights had been turned off and the doors had been locked, Lenalee found herself sitting outside with Allen in an uncomfortable silence.

Allen broke the silence first. "Are you happy, Lenalee?"

She turned to look at him to see his face turned down, his eyes trained on the hands that were resting on his knees.

"Yes," she replied immediately.

He turned his slate blue eyes to her, a look of relief in them. "Good. Then, I have no doubt you made the right choice… two years ago. You know that I want you to be happy, right?"

"I know that," she responded, putting a hand on top of his to reassure him.

His eyes then clouded over, shadowed with doubt.

"Do you have something to say?" she asked, smiling at him encouragingly. There was something about this moment that was building; the atmosphere hummed with energy and seemed to promise catharsis. However, she got the distinct feeling that now was the last chance they'd have to set things right between them. So, when he looked unsure, she urged him on. "Now would be the time to say it, to get it out in the open."

"You do know that for all the mistakes I made while we were dating, I really did love you." Although his voice was as quiet and controlled as ever, she could hear something else in his voice, an emotion that he had been trying to hide with his good-natured calmness.

She recognized that sad and uncertain quality in his voice as… guilt. At the realization, Lenalee felt as someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over her. He had been feeling guilty since their break-up. So she told him what he needed to hear to help him come to terms with how their relationship ended; she told him the truth. "I know you loved me. I never doubted it."

This was it – the last of the unfinished business between them. Or was it? Anxiety rippled through her, and she was suddenly flooded with bittersweet memories and emotions. She, too, had things she needed to clear up, things that had been left unspoken for far too long. She started, her voice shaky at first, "Let me make the record clear by saying I wasn't the perfect girlfriend by far…" She gave him a weak smile and was encouraged when her statement was met with an understanding smile.

"I loved you, too, then," Lenalee continued, the words slipping out before she had a chance to think about what she was saying. "I wanted to make that clear to you. When we were dating, I was devoted to you. I don't want for you to think that I was fickle or unfaithful in any way with my emotions." After the words tumbled out of her mouth, she knew what her subconscious was directing her to clarify. She needed make sure there was no misunderstand about how she and Lavi had started dating.

Allen's eyes widened in surprise. "I never thought anything like that, Lenalee."

"Thank you," she whispered, his words setting her free. A trembling smile on her lips, she tried to bring all the loose ends together, to resolve all of their past issues. "We gave it our all, but… it just didn't work. That… us… everything dealing with us happened a long time ago."

"A lot of time has passed," Allen agreed.

"And a lot of things have since changed." After she made that statement, Lenalee noticed that Allen, too, seemed lighter, as if weight had been lifted off of him. Some part of their conversation in the past five minutes had gotten through to him and seemed to take away the guilt he had been burdened with for the past two years. Lenalee felt relieved to see Allen's expression looking more serene than she could ever remember.

She paused for a moment to allow them both to reflect on things past and how the present came about. Once she saw the last trace of confusion leave Allen's eyes, she changed the subject. "How are you doing? How's work and life going?"

"Fulfilling," Allen answered immediately. "I'm happy with the work I'm doing. Helping others has always been a passion of mine, probably the strongest passion of mine." He shot her an ironic smile.

A light laugh escaped from Lenalee's lips. "I guess I can't contradict that." Another silence engulfed them, but this one, instead of being awkward, felt almost therapeutic in nature. A calm evening breeze blew, bringing with it the scent of dusk with its dewy musk. They sat in the comfortable silence for just a moment, before Lenalee spoke again. "Thank you for coming back… for wanting to be here tomorrow. I had been hoping all along that you'd be able to make it." Turning towards him, she pulled him in for a warm hug. "I appreciate the effort."

Returning her embrace, Allen whispered in her ear. "I couldn't not come back. No amount of work would keep me from celebrating your special day with you." And with that, he released her by placing a hand on either shoulder and pushing her back gently.

Lenalee's gaze met Allen's, and she felt an instant mutual understanding. "Let's go home," she suggested.

"Yes," Allen said. "Everyone's waiting for you, especially Lavi, and you shouldn't keep him waiting."

'Yes,' she thought, agreeing with Allen. Silently, even as she thanked Lavi for knowing both her and Allen well enough to give them this time together, she couldn't help but thinking, 'But I'm coming back to you, Lavi.'

With that, they stood up in unison and headed back to Headquarters together. For the first time in a long time, Lenalee felt tranquil, and she knew that Allen felt the same way.

The End

So... I'm kind of a sucker for LavixLena, although I do like AllenxLena, too. I just think that the former is far less represented (and I think I like it just a little bit better). (I know, it's dumb to say it now). I sort of didn't want to finish this fic at one point, because I knew I'd make some readers upset. I hope that even if she didn't end up with who you (individually) wanted, that you could see the story I was trying to set up and that it made some sense in the end. m(____)m

My views on DGM, particularly on Allen's character sort of seem to focus on the melancholy part of him. [/feels need to explain myself]

Lastly, the ending to my fic (with the wedding) really made me think about how exactly one would marry into the Bookmen clan - what rule set would allow such an event to take place. The answer I came up wasn't pleasant. Gaining freedom for one would naturally come at the price of losing freedom for another (say an offspring). So, I was of contemplating delving into my own dark speculations about how Bookmen perpetuate their clan using a future after the end of this fic as a scenario, specifically Lenalee and Lavi's future child being brought up by Bookman, and Lenalee and Lavi trying to get him back. I'm sort of putting out feelers to see if anybody would really be interested in this, as it is rather dark. ~.~ If not, then, that's cool, too. This isn't the kind of fic I'd normally write, and I guess I'm not really up to the challenge without knowing other people find the idea interesting? *is lazy*

Everyone, thanks for reading and for making it to the end!~