Behind the Shell: The Life of Bowser

Koopa Strikers

"All right Bowser. It's nine o'clock, I can't find Paul, one of my teammates has a broken shell, you gassed out Kizo into unconsciousness, and your son threw a gigantic bowling ball at my head. Tell me, why am I still interviewing you?" asked Koket.

Bowser scratched his head. "Because I was gonna reveal to you how you make a Kooky Kookie."

Koket gasped. "Oh snap! My mom always made those when I was a kid! I love Kooky Kookies!"

"Okay, first of all, you need--"

Bowser shouted when a koopa shell zoomed right under his feet, nearly tripping him.

"WHOA!! What was that?"

"I dunno. Right, so what you need is a Koopa leaf and a--"

The same koopa shell zoomed by him and tripped him on his belly. Bowser heard a taunting laughter in the distance.

"Junior, is that you!?"

Bowser was tripped again, nearly falling on the back of his shell.

"Screw the recipe, I'll just film this for the next three hours!" laughed Koket.

"Oh, a wise guy huh? Junior!! If you're trying to get me to fall on the back of my shell, I swear I'm gonna--"

Junior tripped Bowser again.

"ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!!"

Bowser went into his shell and began to spin around over and over again until he was zooming across the ground the same way his son was.

"Bowser…? Where'd you go?"

Suddenly a small shell and a giant spiked shell clunked against each other and zoomed in the opposite direction.

"Oh, this is cool! It's like soccer with koopa shells you can't control!"

Bowser and his son kept striking each other with their shells over and over again until they suddenly were spinning themselves against each other. The noise was so loud it sounded like their shells were grinding away. Koket even saw the shells turn red because of the increasing friction.

"Wow, this is getting intense. I get the feeling I should move out the way before something bad happens."

Koket changed his position and continued filming. Now their whole shells were red and a few of Bowser's spikes flew off and almost hit Koket.

"Guys!! Call it a draw before your shell breaks off! GUYS!!"

Bowser yelled and his son flew in the opposite direction and hit Koket right in the stomach, falling on top of him. Bowser got out of his shell and yelled, HA! I won Junior!"

"Not again…" moaned Koket.

The Band

Kizo ran into Ludwig's room and asked, "Hey is your father in here?"

"No. Why?"

Kizo sighed. "Okay, good. I don't want him to gas me out again or hurt me."

"Oh. Well, since you're here, why don't you film us doing our little band performance?" asked Ludwig.

Kizo sighed. "All right. We're kinda just filming random stuff now."

"Right. Morton!! Get out here!"

"No, I look stupid!"

"Just get out here so we can see your new shell."

"…Fine."

Morton walked from behind a curtain wearing a tacky pink shell. Lemmy and Ludwig started to laugh and snicker at him.

"Hey, shut up! Roy wears a pink shell."

"Well he has glasses to go with it, so he looks cooler." said Lemmy.

"Whatever. Just shut up and let's play."

Morton had the drums and Lemmy and Ludwig played the guitars.

"1...2…1, 2, 3, GO!!"

As soon as Ludwig said go, he and Lemmy only played one string before Morton started to furiously bang his drums and scream.

"Morton--" began Kizo.

He still started beating the drums so hard as though he was trying to break them, squealing like some cat and sputtering random words.

"STOP!! STOP!! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!" yelled Ludwig, covering his ears.

Morton stopped drumming and dropped his sticks.

"What?"

"Remember what we said about drumming before? Where it's not just about banging the snot outta stuff?" asked Lemmy.

"But banging the snot outta drums makes it sound better!" said Morton.

"No, it doesn't! I'm the musical genius here, so listen to me and just go by the notes I told you about."

Morton sighed. "Okay."

Ludwig, Lemmy and Morton started playing the music again, which sounded a lot better since Morton wasn't randomly banging his drums again.

"Yeah…this sounds a lot better without Morton randomly playing beats." said Kizo.

Morton's eye twinkled and he slowly started playing off track again.

"Morton, don't you dare!" said Lemmy.

Morton started to bang the drums furiously again, screaming like an idiot. Lemmy and Ludwig didn't even bother playing anymore; they just stopped and observed Morton's stupidity. He finished after a minute or two and dropped his drumsticks, smiling.

"So how was that?" asked Morton.

"Get out."

"I thought you didn't want me in the band cause my hair sucks?" asked Larry.

"It does suck! What koopa dyes their hair orange and grey?!" said Lemmy.

"A rock star, that's who!" said Larry.

Ludwig sighed. "Just shut up and take that guitar."

Instead of Morton being with the drums, Ludwig took over and let Larry have the guitar.

"All right. One, two, a one, two, three, four!"

Two seconds after Ludwig and Lemmy started playing their instruments, Larry started singing by going,

"OOOHHO, OO-OOO-OO-OO, OohOO-OOOOOHOHWEOHWEOHWE-OOO, OOO-OOOOOOO, OO-OO-OO-OO, OOOOH!"

Larry shouted when Lemmy whacked the back of his head with his guitar, breaking it in the process.

"Let's face it, all of us wanted to do that." said Lemmy.

Kizo panned the camera down, noticing that Larry wasn't breathing.

"Guys, I think your brother's dead…"

"No, this has happened before."

"Really?"

"11 times actually."

Paul

"You still recovering from those burn marks Paul?" asked Koket.

"I'm still black! What about you, why do you have a red bruise on your chest?"

"Shut up Paul. I'm gonna go film grass growing out back, it's the only thing I know won't hurt me."

"Kay. Oh, hey Roy."

Roy walked into the room Paul was staying in and punched him to the ground, making him land on the back of his shell."

"Roy?! ROY!! Get back here and help me up! Okay, Paul, just remember what you saw on Futurama: All I gotta is roll from side to side and I'll get back on my feet."

Paul started grunting and rolling around left and right. It'd take a while, but Paul would eventually get back on his feet and walk away.

One hour later…

"C'mon…C'MON!! THERE!!"

Paul sighed heavily as he finally stood back up on his two feet after rolling around for a whole hour.

"Okay, now to just--"

Paul grunted and fell back down on his shell again after being punched by Roy. He started whining and flailing his arms and legs around.

"I…HATE…INTERVIEWS!!"

Cheese!

"HEY! Hey, Kizo!"

"Yeah, Iggy?"

"Do you think you could get your whole film crew here so we could take a group photo of you guys?"

"Uh…sure. Kinda weird you'd ask that, but okay."

"Okay, everyone say cheese!" said Iggy.

"CHEESE!"

As soon as Iggy took a picture, a colossal amount of bowling balls fell on top of the film crew and knocked them all out.

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Dad's gonna kill me! Where's the cream pie I put in the ceiling?!"

Roy walked into the photo room, licking all the cream off his fingers and watching Iggy freak out.

"Oh, that's where I put the bowling balls."

"You idiot! Why did you take my cream pies and replace it with bowling balls?!"

"Calm down Iggy. If dad asks, we'll just say you did it."

"You're right. You're right, we'll just say I…HEY!!"

A Painful Goodbye

"I'm really sorry that your interview didn't go as planned." said Bowser.

"Yes, you should be." said Koket.

"And that I burned your boss with my fire breath…"

"Yeah…" moaned Paul.

"And that my son kept throwing bowling balls at you guys..."

"Yeah, well kids will be kids."

"Maybe next week will be better?"

"Who said we were coming next week?!" yelled Kizo.

Bowser growled. "Who didn't say that?"

"…Right. I guess we'll see you guys next week."

"Yes…yes we will." said Bowser, smiling.

Bowser shut his large metal door and locked it.

"Let's get out of here."

"Run!" yelled Kizo.

Kizo and Paul and the rest of the members ran into the van and started it, the tires screeching on the gravel.

"Don't you dare leave me here! STOP THE VAN!!" yelled Paul, running after the van.

Eventually Kizo stopped driving and let Paul jump in the back.

"Where are we gonna go?! Bowser will kill us if we don't interview him next week!"

"CANADA!! Nothing bad ever happens in Canada!" shouted Koket.

"Yeah! Off to Canada!"

The koopa film crew drove off into the night, not daring to look back at Bowser's castle. They had to admit, going to Canada, filming Canadians, leaving there stuff behind was a big risk. Of course, they thought of Bowser and his mischievous kids and realized one important thing:

It was worth it.

FIN.