Well... two years is a bit of a wait between updates, I'll admit. This story was always at the back of my mind, and some of the recent comments really pushed me into realizing that I needed to discover what was happening in the Bleach world again. I stopped working on this story when licensing changed and I couldn't find updates anymore. The other day I looked and found that the manga chapters were back. It didn't take long to get caught up (although, seriously, 2 years and no Nanao?). Thanks to everyone for still reading and asking for more. It was really a delight to return to this story and refresh it in my mind; I'd actually forgotten how it went, so it was great fun to reread it and remember what I had in mind. Will it turn out now as it would have if I hadn't stopped working on it? Probably not... but that's not necessarily a bad thing!

I'm a bit rusty, but I hope this will end up being worth the wait!

Chapter 28: Acceptance

Nanao remained silent for several moments as she pondered over what she had just been told. Behind her, her captain, Macha, and Hashida Mitsuko waited breathlessly for her reaction. And so, Nanao discovered to her surprise, did she. Given the past few days with one revelation coming after another, it would not be surprising for this last piece of information to send her over the edge into either an angered fury or a mental collapse. Strangely, though, the anxiety she'd been experiencing ever since Morrigan resurfaced seemed to go away. There was no emotional outburst, no despair of learning about her true self, no denial, no fear. The only feeling she could identify was a slight sense of sad resignation.

"So," she finally said in a distant voice, "I haven't actually been Nanao Ise in a long time."

"Technically, no. Not solely at any rate. Not since you died," Mitsuko replied.

Kyōraku placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's just a name."

"It's an identity, Taichō," she corrected quietly. "To me, Anan is just a name. I don't recognize it at all when I hear it, at least not the way I recognize Nanao. But I know what they said is true. I am Anan and Nanao together."

"To limit her powers, Anan agreed to be a dormant presence. She stifled her memories and merged her soul with an incoming young girl's."

Nanao shook her head. "You mean I did all those things; not 'her.'"

"That's correct," Mitsuko stated with an approving nod. "As a result, you remember your life on earth and you remember certain features of your past life. You are still Nanao Ise, but you're not only her. Most of your personality and spirit are from Anan."

Nanao did not respond. She could feel her captain's nervous energy behind her, but she did not react.

"Are you all right with this, Nanao-chan?" he asked in the low tone she knew so well.

"Strangely, yes. It all sounds so foreign and strange, but at the same time it's like a door I never knew existed is opening. I don't know how to describe it. It's as if… as if I were learning that I have the opposite of multiple personalities. I am made of two different people, but they've been fused together to create one being. And yes, strangely, I am perfect all right with this. In fact," she continued with a laugh, "I'm happy… and I don't know why." She turned to give them all a confused smile.

"Why can I accept this so easily when I fought everything else?"

Macha shrugged. "Probably because this is the final piece that makes everything else make sense. Without this knowledge, everything you have gone through in the past few days is beyond bizarre. And now it's not… or, at least, less so. But if everything you recently encountered hadn't happened, you probably could not have accepted what we have just told you."

She nodded and turned back to look out the window. She felt a strange sense of peace and well-being, one she could not remember feeling for her entire life.

"Nanao-chan, this changes nothing," Kyōraku murmured in her ear.

"Kyōraku-taichō, I am an ancient Celtic war goddess linked with two other Celtic war goddesses. Do you really not think that this might not change things a little?" she chuckled.

"Nope," he responded as he playfully rubbed his cheek against her forehead. "I didn't know the full nature of your relationship with Morrigan, and I admit the Anan thing has thrown me for a bit of a loop, but, to me, you are whom you have always been."

"Without even realizing it, Shunsui has played a familiar role with you, actually," Mitsuko interjected with an amused grin. "That's probably why you feel so much more comfortable with him than with others."

"Really?" he smiled. "Do tell!"

"In ancient Ireland, Anan had such a fearsome and somewhat ruthless reputation that the locals used to try to placate her by calling her 'Gentle Anan.' It's sort of similar to your referring to her as Nanao-chan and trying to pay her compliments when she's riled up."

Nanao clamped a hand over Kyōraku's mouth to block his proclamation of delight. "Do not encourage him."

Mitsuko tilted her head. "It's true."

Nanao stood at the window watching the forest in the rain for a long moment, relishing the feeling of at last knowing and accepting who she was. The feeling of her captain's encircling her shoulders and his chin resting atop her head only contributed to the feeling of contentment.

"So, what do we do now?" she asked at last.

"We must restore Badh to her rightful place," Macha responded.

"Already?"

Mitsuko bowed her head. "As I said, I'm a placeholder. I don't actually have any powers of my own, and while your unique abilities are innate within you as Anan, your full strength comes from the combined power of the three sisters. Now that you are in the key position, it's actually a bit uncomfortable for me to be here."

Kyōraku frowned. "Does this mean that I will never see Baba again?"

"It might. However, now that she is more comfortable with us, Nanao can bring us forward. Badh will be in the position of the raven, but if you know of her spirit you will be able to hear her speaking, as you can with me."

"How do we make the switch?" Nanao asked.

"It could happen at any time. It will probably be relatively simple. However, for purely selfish reasons I would like to ask that you refrain from initiating the transfer until I have had the chance to say goodbye to someone. I do not know when I will have the opportunity to see him, but, if we can wait, I would greatly appreciate it."

Such humble talk coming from a being that Nanao generally associated with sarcasm and disdain surprised her. Now, in this moment, with her past and her present finally lying clearly before her, Nanao realized that this power she'd always had was dearer to her than she ever knew. This was not some separate inner demon she had to quell or hide; it was her very essence.

"I'll do my best to wait for your signal," she promised. "If the situation calls for it, though, we may not be able to wait." Mitsuko nodded in appreciation.

"Yare, yare," Kyōraku said lightly as he turned Nanao around to face him. "Just listen to you. You have changed Nanao-chan. I suppose you won't be needing your ole Shun-kun around to protect you anymore." She looked up into his sad eyes.

"No. I don't." She waited a beat before continuing. "But I know you'll be there just the same."

"What now?" he asked towards Macha and Mitsuko. "Should I pull her into battle? Is she supposed to lead the charge against Aizen?"

Nanao shook her head. "No, that isn't what my power is. It's much more subtle than that, isn't it?" she asked the goddesses.

"The power of yin," Macha responded. Nanao nodded.

"I thought as much. I think I finally understand. Mine is a dark power," she explained to her captain. "Not in that it's evil, but rather that it truly is something steeped in physical darkness. Before, I couldn't comprehend the distinction and I was frightened of it for a long time. I was terrified of what it meant I was capable of. But I understand now. It's a strong feminine power, and it thrives on features of yin – darkness, valleys, water… it's subtle. It's not meant to shine in the middle of battle. Mine isn't a power to openly display before others. I'm meant to move in shadows and operate in secrecy. After all, look at my zampakutō: it's an assasin's weapon. I realize now that it's not simply that I am most comfortable in a supporting role in the sidelines – that's where I belong."

"Suits me. You know I've always had a fondness for the shade."

She smiled and shook her head. "Not this time. You belong in the heart of battle. You may not like it, but it suits you."

Kyōraku groaned and rested his forhead against hers. "Are you trying to tell me I'm supposed to go back and do my duty?"

"You can't just whisk me off whenever the going gets tough."

"I would like to bring up the point that Yama-ji was attempting to incinerate you."

"Shunsui," Mitsuko chided.

"Well it appeared that way!"

"You know very well he would never do that. He was just testing to see where she was at."

"And clearly she wasn't ready yet."

"And now she is."

Kyōraku gazed at the crow's beady eyes for a long moment.

"She's shifted to the power position, Shunsui. She knows who she is and has embraced her power. The change has happened; the only one left to accept it is you."

He sighed and turned back to Nanao.

"It had to happen," Mitsuko added.

"I know it did. I know it was necessary. Sometimes I can't help but look at you and still see the little girl with the giant book." His eyes looked whistfully down at Nanao. "I always knew there was a powerful goddess inside of you; I just didn't know how right I was!"

Nanao furrowed her brow. Despite his proximity, her captain had never felt further away.

"I will miss you, Nanao-chan," he said as he lightly stroked the outline of her face. She caught his hand.

"I thought you said nothing changed."

"And then you corrected me to point out that you changed."

Nanao felt as if a dead weight had settled in her stomach. "But I'm still me. Nanao, Anan, Morrigan… none of it matters. In essence, I am the same."

"But a more self-assured version of yourself. Someone who can stand on her own without needing anyone else. You've become the person I always knew you would be. As I came to care for you, I had hoped to delay the transformation, break through your walls a little. But now, it's happened anyway. And in front of me is a strong, self-reliant fukutaichō. My little Nanao-chan is gone."

He tilted his hat to cover his face and turned away. Nanao felt a sense of panic rise inside her.

"Is that what you think? Now that I finally feel as if I at last know who and what I am, suddenly I do not need friendship and support? Because I feel a sense of confidence in myself for the first time in my life, you decide to discard me? What, you only want weak-willed women who must rely on you? Strength and self-determination are turnoffs, is that it?"

"Yare yare, Nanao-chan," he said quietly, "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"Well, I don't understand! No, I don't feel like I need to rely on your strength anymore, but there is still much I can learn from your experience and abilities. I don't understand at all what you think that I am now, but whether I need others or not, I still want them there. I still want you, Taichō."

Kyōraku remained with his back to her and his head bent down. As she watched, Nanao thought she could see his shoulders quivering. Was he… crying? No, that didn't seem right. Kyōraku-taichō only cried over small things like discovering the last of his sake was missing. This was too important, even to him. But then… what else could it be?

With a flash of intuition, Nanao circled around to see him throw his head back in full laughter. Her eyes flew open in shock as he wrapped his arms around her. She thought she could vaguely hear Mitsuko sigh.

"Something you clearly have not learned yet, Nanao," the crow said in a clipped tone, "Shunsui will never miss an opportunity to manipulate others to satisfy his own curiosity."

"Ma-manipulate? What was there to manipulate?" Nanao demanded. She fought through her captain's arms to readjust the glasses he'd knocked astray.

"Nanao-chan, don't you see? I needed to know, but I couldn't be sure," he managed between bursts of laughter. "You've always been so cold and unapproachable. It took me years to start melting you down. And now, finally, you've started to show me a glimpse of the passion that lives inside you. Then, the worst thing possible happens. You've transferred to your second stage, the power stage. The one where, if you truly wanted, you could live completely separate from everyone else: not relying on anyone or anything, even for friendship. You and your books. And, if you wanted, your own squad. In this stage, fully attaining your bankai would be no difficult objective. And that bankai… that bankai, Nanao, is not a merciful thing."

"So, what, the past one hundred years or so have been an attempt to humanize me?" she folded her arms.

"In part. Especially at first. Everyone else saw your potential when they looked at you, but I saw a lost, lonely little girl who was abandoned by the vice-captain she so greatly admired. I wanted to fill that role for you, if I could. And yes, I knew a little of what power lurked in you. I never lost sight of that. Over time, though…"

"Over time, you lost focus," Mitsuko interjected.

"Ba-chan," he wheedled.

"Don't try that with me, Shunsui. You were supposed to shepherd her through this stage ages ago. What he's trying to tell you, Nanao, is he came to care for you too much to let you grow as you needed to. It was selfish, Shunsui. Try to justify it all you want, but you actively worked against her development to keep her in the first stage. You wanted to keep her a child."

"Ba-chan, we're not meant to be fighting machines."

"You're soldiers! You're shinigami!"

"But we're alive too. I wanted Nanao-chan to laugh, to have friends, to have fun."

"You wanted those things! What about what was best for her, for her power, for Soul Society? If she'd matured to the second stage as she was supposed to, this whole situation with Aizen could have been avoided. She could have identified his powers long ago, her own would have been too fearful to oppose. Not only did you keep her in the developing stage, you weakened her resolve."

"I encouraged her to feel, Ba-chan."

"You wanted her to have human-like emotions. With the will of Nanao and the power of Anan, she would have been an incorruptible force of justice. But instead you confused her, and the barriers she set up sealed off Morrigan's influence in her life. Now, she's a woman with foibles and weaknesses like any other woman. She was entrusted to you, Shunsui, but you became too invested. You wanted her to be how you wanted her to be, not how she was supposed to be."

"Yes," he murmured as he gazed down at Nanao. "And of course you know I'd do it again. Besides, don't pretend to be so heartless, Mitsuko ba-chan. Remember, just a moment ago I heard you asking to delay the fulfillment of her powers in order to say good-bye to a certain someone."

"I don't suppose anyone would be interested in my opinion in any of this?" Nanao asked, her arms still folded. They waited. Nanao looked back and forth between Mitsuko and her captain.

"Mitsuko-san, when you were in the imperial guard, did you know Kyōraku-taichō well?"

She cocked her head. "He was still a child, of course, but my husband and I would visit often. Yes, I'd say I knew the boy Shunsui Kyōraku very well."

"In some ways I'm sure he is very different. But, in essence, I imagine he is very much the same as he always was," Nanao stated with a rueful smile. "Thus, that would make him an unlikely choice for what you're suggesting, don't you think?" With Mitsuko in crow form, it was impossible to read her expressions. Even so, Nanao imagined she would have been smiling as well.

"Well…" she finally said, "we had to tell Anan something along those lines or she never would have agreed. Anan hated emotions. She was rather callous, and our compromise was that she would agree to merge herself with a human soul as long as it was one who seemed to possess a sufficiently stoical demeanor. However, I knew that, with Shunsui as a constant companion, no human soul could stay heartless for long. I'm sorry, Shunsui, but it was my idea that you enter the academy. I knew even then you would be trained to become a captain. And, eventually, I knew you would be entrusted in raising the next person to bear the Morrigan zampakutō, whomever she might be. Under anyone else's guidance, Anan's influence would be too strong."

Kyōraku let out a sharp breath. "What? Well then what was all of this before? And why have Baba give me such extreme instructions to keep her in that insensitive state?"

"I know how much you hate doing anything you're supposed to. I was trying to spare you the embarrassment of finding out you'd acted exactly as I'd hoped you would, but Nanao is simply too clever."

He simply grinned with delight and looked down at Nanao. "I'll say," he agreed. Nanao locked eyes with him and smiled back. Unfortunately, the moment couldn't last.

"The battle's getting worse," Macha said, her eyes looked unfocused into the far distance.

"You're needed, Captain," Nanao said regretfully as she pulled away.

"Ah, but I'm wanted here, and that's where I'd much rather stay." He grasped Nanao's hands and drew her back.

"Taichō, if we could freeze all time outside of this place, I'd gladly stay here. But we'd both regret learning that any of our comrades died while we were here."

He sighed. "That was a low blow. But yes. What will you do?"

"I think I need to return to Soul Society. I can't help but feel that the battle will transfer to there at some point."

He nodded. "I'll try to see that it does not, but Sōsuke's a clever one. Be careful, Nanao-chan."

She turned to Mitsuko and Macha and held out a hand to them. They disappeared and reabsorbed into her body.

"You too, Captain. After all, you promised me a long talk when all of this is over."

"Sometimes I think talk is overrated," he murmured as he reached down to kiss her.