A/N: WHOOT! Brisingir is out! I haven't read it yet so NO SPOILERS in the reviews, please? Thanks in advance.

Anyway...

As I'm sure many Inheritance fans will agree, the Eragon movie was possibly the worst book-to-movie adaptation in the history of book-to-movie adaptations.

What better way to vent frustrations than in a parody?

Disclaimer: FrescaPower doesn't own the Inheritance series or its characters, nor do I own the movie (fortunately). Enjoy the story.

Summary:

nogarE

Everything in Algaesia is the opposite of what it's supposed to be. Brom is young, Angela is sane, Arya is weak and a total pansy, Murtagh wants to go to the Varden, Orik is nowhere to be found, and Eragon questions nothing. It's not a lame fanfiction, it's the movie...parodied in a lame fanfiction.

Chapter One: No Title As Of This Moment Due to the Fact the Author Cannot Think of One.

There once was a land called Alagaesia, populated by humans, elves, and dwarves, and other creatures. However, the elves and dwarves looked just like humans, so you couldn't really tell the difference between them. There were also the Dragon Riders who protected Alagaesia, but they became corrupt and old and fat, so fat that their dragons toppled over and could not support them.

One Rider, known as Galbatorix, took this opportunity to overthrow the Riders. In a single bloody battle, all the Riders were defeated and killed. Yes, one guy versus one thousand. He didn't have a group of minions known as the Forsworn, it was just him. Of course, this victory was made a lot easier since the Riders were so fat.

Anywho, he created an Empire and became king. Something very valuable was stolen 20 years ago, and at this moment the King has just realized it has gone missing.

"Isn't this awesome? We have matching nails!"

Durza and Galbatorix were getting manicures. Galbatorix looked up at the camera, gave an "Eeek!" of surprise and tossed the manicurists and tables off-screen.

"My stone is missing," said the King.

"Sir, that's what I've been trying to tell you for the last two decades," said his henchman, Durza the Shade.

"My stone gets me stoned. I suffer without my stone. Do not prolong my suffering."

"Stone? I thought it was an e-"

Galbatorix clapped a hand over Durza's mouth and said in a whisper, "Shhh. Don't spoil it. The audience obviously doesn't know that the stone is really a dragon egg, even though they've already read the books and/or movie summary and reviews. As a matter of fact, I don't even know why I'm here. I haven't even been properly introduced in the books yet. It hasn't been said what I look like. For all the anyone knows, I might look young."

"Very well my king, I will retrieve the 'stone.'"

Galbatorix's face went blank. "What choo' talkin' 'bout, Durza? Stone? It's an e-"

Durza magically transported himself from one end of the country to the other in one second flat. Not to mention a group of his Urgal minions happened to be there and he also just happened to run into the person who stole the 'stone.'

It seemed as though he was in a forest at nighttime. However, there was a lot of light between the trees - a sort of glowing, radiant light - but the moon was out and everywhere else was dark. Maybe 'even the moonlight was like sunlight for the Shade' was taken too literally.

So, there's this elf…human….well, we don't quite know what she is….named Arya who has the 'stone.' Her guards were shot down with arrows by a group of bald tattooed men hiding in the bushes.

Are they Urgals, you ask? No, not exactly. All the money was spent on special effects and Saphira, so there was no money left for making the movie-Urgals look like book-Urgals.

Instead, the company hired some tattooed hobos to play 'Urgals.' They were even able to find a few that could wield bows. Unfortunately, the 'Urgals' were not told to shoot real arrows, and…well…they're still facing the lawsuits.

Arya ran, but Durza trapped her in a fire ring. She held up a mysterious blue something. It looked like a giant pill. She swallowed it and pulled out another blue pill-shaped object, only this one was much larger.

She ran out of the fire ring, holding the blue object like a football. Durza ran after her and soon caught up. However, he was too late.

Arya threw the object onto the ground. The object smashed into pieces upon impact.

"TOUCHDOWN!" cried Arya triumphantly.

"Wha-What? Was that a watermelon? Painted blue? Just how many blue pill-shaped objects do you have?"

She shrugged. "Just one more." She pulled out the last blue object. "Go, magical blinding light transporter spell that conveniently enough makes you stop and look at it instead of grabbing it!"

The object glowed. Durza stood there, looking angry. "NO! Ooo…pretty light."

And it disappeared.

Thousands of miles away – well, not really, it was the same exact set – a farmboy named Eragon was hunting and ran into a blonde and a freaky guy with red hair.

"Huh? Who're you?"

Durza gave an exasperated sigh. "I knew it was bad idea to film these scenes on the same set…" he pointed to Eragon. "You there. Ignore us, and go find something to shoot at." Eragon aimed his bow at the Shade. "NOT ME! Shoot a deer! And go off-screen somewhere where we can't see you!"

Eragon sighed and walked off screen. Immediately he saw a deer. Durza and Arya were still in the background, but thanks to the magic of digital editing they were absent in the DVD and theatrical releases.

He shot the arrow, and everything exploded. "WHOA! SWEET! Did I just do that? Aw man, the deer's gone. Now my family's gonna starve. Hmm, maybe they can eat this. It looks like an Ostrich egg." He picked up the 'stone'/pill and decided to test his hardness.

He immediately fell unconscious.

Arya was, for a completely inexplicable reason, able to see Eragon and the stone from the movie camera's point of view. "Ha. Poor Durza," she taunted, "What will you tell the king? You failed."

Durza stared at her. "That's a rather immature taunt."

Arya pouted.