A/N. Here it is, the promised epilogue. An epilogue which actually in word count is as long as 1/6th of the story itself.... Can it still be called an epilogue?
Rather quicker than I had thought, but well... hope you enjoy!!! I am quite proud for finishing this story, and even before it celebrates its one year birthday. Well enough of this... happy reading.

M
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Scarlett O'Hara Butler stood at the aft of the grand ship as it left the harbour. She was clad in a stylish travel gown that she had actually chosen herself, and on seeing her critical husbands pleasing response to it, subsequently been very pleased with. To onlookers she was a sight for sore eyes, a beautiful silhouette against the sky. Well proportioned and slender. Scarlett, however, for once was not concerned with her look, her eyes rapidly snapped around taking in the scenery. The view was spectacular. Scarlett not normally one to marvel at the wonders of nature was enthralled. The early morning sun was painting the sky in vivid tones ranging from intense oranges to soft pinks. The ocean was surprisingly calm, despite the flowing wind that filled the billowing sails overhead, and it looked silvery pale compared to the aggressively coloured sky. Waves erupted in the wake of the ship creating a tail of ripples that gradually grew smaller before being swallowed again by the vastness of the surrounding waters.

Except for the clucking sound of the water against the wooden frame of the ship, silence reigned almost undisturbed. It was a blessing after the noisy hustle and bustle on the harbour amidst travellers saying goodbye to their families, workers hurrying to get all the remaining cargo on board the ship before departure, and merchants looking for a last trade offering their goods to the departing voyagers. Normally Scarlett thrived on such an atmosphere of busy thriftiness as the one that had ruled at the harbour, but today she had been too preoccupied with the excitement of the impending travel. So she had just found it annoying, and had been hard pressed to conceal her impatience with the wait to Eleanor Butler and Rosemary, who had been waving them on their way. In the end Scarlett had barely been able to contain herself enough to respond politely to the gentle small talk that they had kept going to pass the minutes until they were able to board the ship. She had thanked the Gods that a small cold and the earliness of their departure had hindered her two aunts from being there with them. The mindless chitter chatter of her Mother's elder sisters, well meaning as they were, was sure to have driven her insane. The older Mrs. Butler had taken her daughter in law's mono syllabic answers and distracted eagerness to be on the way, not as the insult it might have been perceived as, but with a forgiving smile. She had accepted it as a sign that her son and his wife were on the right track. Their behaviour to each other since New Years had indicated as much, but you never knew with those two. She had been thrilled when she had seen them return to the party together, both emitting a happy glow. She had not dared to hope they would find themselves on the same page quite so quickly. But was all the more pleased that they had, their nonsense had been going on for too long already. In the end it just added up to the fact that it took more than a rushed goodbye to subtract from her happiness that her eldest son had finally found his peace, or at the least the closest thing to it.

This would be their last feel of land for some days, and it filled Scarlett with excitement, but also a small sense of dread. Apart from a picnic that involved a rowing boat back in the hazy dreamland that was her life before the war, she had never been on the water before. Not that she cared to admit as much to anyone. Secretly though she was more than a little happy that she would not have to face this experience alone. And that Rhett who was so familiar with life on the water was the one who accompanied her. Also this first part of the trip would not take them too far away from solid ground, as they would make their first stop in New York. After that... After that would be the real test. Crossing the vast Atlantic Sea, she had gaped stupidly as her handsome husband with a twinkling smile had shown her the weathered map of the world that hung in his office at the Landing. She had wondered at the distance and the vastness of the world in general. She of course knew that America was one amongst many countries in the world; she had just never consciously considered exactly what that implied. Back at the Fayetteville Academy not much attention had been put on the subject of Geography, even less so by Scarlett herself. The little teaching there had been on the subject she had easily let fly out as soon as it had entered her head. Too busy to soak up the learning she had actually been interested in, which fell more into the category of should we say social skills. Later the world had gone haywire and she hadn't had too much time to devote to musing of Atlases, or any other books for that matter. Now however she looked forward to seeing what the world had to offer outside the country that had been hers for all of her life. At first she had been a little sceptical at going, when she had suggested to Rhett that they go away it had not really been thought out, but the more they had talked about it the more the idea had grown on her. Now she just wanted to be on her way.

She mentally waved goodbye to this city that she had grown to love over the past weeks. Not so much perhaps for the qualities that the Charlestonians would have preferred to have admired, but because here was where she had finally gotten what she had longed for, for so long. Consciously and unconsciously, love and just as importantly, companionship. The long dreadful days of loneliness seemed so far away, like a bad dream. Like her nightmare, that had not shown its ugly head at all since coming to Charleston.

The ship's horn rang eerily over the water, signalling its adieu to the mainland. In a way also triumphantly telling Fort Sumter, which they glided past in that moment, and the Yankees that resided there, that no matter their effort, life had resumed and the South were slowly healing it's wounds. A few seagulls left their comfortable seats in the masts, squawking angrily at the sudden disturbance to their high placed resting spots and noisily flapped away to resume their scouting in calmer surroundings. The people on the quay grew smaller by the second, and were already now just faint dots, against a backdrop of blurry houses. If Scarlett ever were to chance a meeting with a French painter of Le Havre, who just a year before had painted a much discussed painting of such a rising sun as she had just witnessed, she would have nodded knowingly, thinking back to this morning where Charleston grew fainter and fainter, until finally disappearing under the horizon.

Scarlett's smile widened, finally, finally, they were taking their first step out in the world. Now that they were actually on their way the thrilling sense of adventure overtook her and she forgot to be scared. She enjoyed the wind rustling her hair, tugging at the hairpins holding her locks in place. One or two strands of dark hair broke loose and danced playfully in the wind; enjoying the sudden freedom they had been granted. Adrenaline rushed through her veins as the ship swayed lightly. The water also grew more restless as they got further away from the mouth of the harbour. Scarlett never felt more alive than in a moment such as this, close to the wildness of nature that so resembled her own vitality and lust for life. She felt like shouting her joy for the world to know. The lack of privacy on the deck however held her back from doing as much. Not many, but still quite a few of the other passengers, had like her chosen to take a visual goodbye to the beautiful old city. Instead she just breathed in as deeply as her corset allowed, tasting the salt in the air, smelling the distinct freshness that can only be found on the open sea, her green eyes glowed wildly. Life was good, and she was in love with the world.

Her hands clutched the railing and she leaned back lightly, tilting her head backwards as she let the feeling of happiness flow to every part of her body making her feel light and bubbly, high on this ultimate sense of existence.

This was just the beginning of a great adventure.

For a moment she closed her eyes again and let the memories of the past month seep over her. New Years Eve! The beginning of this whole amazing dream that her life had turned into...

She had entered the ballroom on Rhett's arm, the immediate centre of attention. She had caught the eyes of Rhett's mother who intuitively had perceived the change between her stubborn son and his green eyed wife. She had given Scarlett a conspiratorial wink, which had made Scarlett giggle in return.

And the dancing. They had danced every dance the rest of the night, moving in happy unison, enjoying the physical closeness this allowed them. It naturally caused quite a few raised eyebrows seeing the host so openly neglecting his duties of dancing with the most prominent ladies and the young débutantes. A few had tried politely to interrupt to obtain either the wife or the husband as their next dancing partner, but all attempts had been futile. The couple however had been so engrossed with each other that they either hadn't noticed it, or had ignored these approaches based on the fact that they felt it would be too great a punishment for them to be separated for even one tune after just having found each other. So they had thrown away convention and kept flowing around the floor in each others arms. After the fireworks that had marked the passing of yet another year, they had stayed out on the lawn enjoying a silent waltz, to the melodic tones of the orchestra that could be heard through the open doors.

Even now as Scarlett relived the memories, her one foot softly tapped away mirroring their dance moves. She was about to start humming when a pair of warm hands were placed lightly on her shoulders.

"I hope it is me on your mind" Rhett's voice whispered close to her ear, placing a light kiss just below her ear, causing shivers to run down her spine. It was amazing how Rhett affected her. She had before only been given the smallest glimpses at this physical connection between them; now her eyes had been completely opened to what physical attraction meant. Something that during this last month had been made undeniably evident...

Even the lightest touch from him sent shivers throughout her body, making it clear just how strong their connection really was. Her cheeks reddened lightly as she thought of the universe of pleasure that he had shown her. She didn't know if it was simply the fact that she was deeply in love with him that made her so sensitive to his touch, or if the physical connection was an altogether separate thing. She didn't consider it much, just accepted it as a wonderful gift. She was amazed that she could have gone for so long without noticing or even guessing at this aspect of marriage.

That night after Ashley's party of course had been filled with rapture. But she had also been amazingly out of her head due to the vast quantities of brandy she had been drinking. So had Rhett for that matter! Thus, deep down, she had never really been trusting of what she had experienced then had been real. Also so many unspoken feelings had been between them then. They had both been angry and hurt, aiming to inflict pain and using the unexpected passion between them as a convenient weapon to meet that end.

Now their passion unfolded itself in a completely different way. Sweet and tender, but no less intense, taking time to investigating each other's body. She who had never appreciated or wanted to look at her husbands in their unclothed state, now could spend hours just looking at Rhett. Investigating every inch of his body. Admiring the movement of his skin over his muscles, that presented itself with each movement he made. It surely was something she would never in her wildest dreams have thought could give her any joy; now it brought her immense pleasure. It felt indecent, and she still did not feel very confident talking about their intimacy, but stronger than her bashfulness was her curiosity. She wanted to know, wanted to learn. She was an eager student and gradually her confidence grew. She remembered Rhett's surprised happiness when she had actively initiated intimacy. Playing the role as seductress had been oddly fulfilling to her and surprisingly fun, she had revelled in the control it gave her over him.

Her body remembered and thirsted for more of his touch, so instinctively she leaned back a little and curved herself against his strong form behind her. Inwardly cursing at the restriction her garments provided. Thick fabrics and steel wires were not exactly made to be admired up close.

Rhett's arms snaked down around her waist and he pulled her to him, instantly responding to her gesture, feeling the want rushing through him. He slowly placed a row of feather-light kisses down the side of her neck, tracing its gently sloping line, enjoying her intake of breath. Pleased that he affected her, just as much as she affected him.

"Ah my wonderful temptress you have cast a spell on me" He whispered huskily. They stood there, more closely pressed together than propriety allowed for quite some time. Both wanting to take their passion to the next step, but both equally knowing that they would have plenty of time for that later. Also knowing that after a day of constricted togetherness, where only light touches and teasing glances were allowed, their time together when they could finally retire to their cabin this evening would be all the more powerful.

With a deep sigh Rhett Butler released his hold on his wife. He too was amazed at the intensity of the feelings he had experienced lately. After all he had spent more than a decade lusting for and dreaming of the day that he would own Scarlett, mind, body and soul, and even to him the reality far outstripped what he had imagined. He would never tire of her, and he was so grateful that he had been pushed to actually take the step to allow her back into his life, and the leap of faith that had been involved in handing her his heart. Rhett knew that he owed his mother some measure of thanks for this.

He had never really believed that this day would actually come, not even in the early days of their marriage. Which was probably one of the main reasons, he had been so reluctant to even hint at his feelings in more than a light offhanded slightly mocking way.

Not that everything had been smooth sailing. He guessed that even an openly reciprocated love was not enough to completely extinguish their fiery tempers. Their first clash had been only a few days into the New Year. He didn't now remember what the probably insignificant detail that had sparked it was, but all of a sudden they had found themselves at each others throats. Hurling maliciously hurtful words at the other, not caring what wounds they were inflicting. He didn't know whether loving each other made the words hurt more or less, but the resolution of their fight had been a damn sight nicer than anything he had experienced up till then as a married man. When they had finally exhausted their well of wicked words, they had stood panting in front of the other. Unsure what it meant, both not used to dealing with fighting with a loved one, scared that they had broken the fragile trust that was being built between them. He didn't know what in the end had caused it, but as if deciding to do so in the very same moment they had flung themselves in to the arms of the other. Simultaneously lavishing hot passionate kisses at the other, and removing garments in order to be as close as possible. Eager to let the other know that despite the harsh words, they still wanted to be there, not just in that embrace, but in their life together. First it had been an angry frustrated intimacy, but as they found that the other wouldn't reject them they had relaxed and words pleading for forgiveness, words to express their love, and words saying sorry had been intermingled with their kisses. The intensity of the lovemaking had been heartbreaking so eager had they both been to show the extent and depth of their feelings. Had Rhett Butler not been the realist he was, he would have said that it had been a mingling of their souls. Luckily he was a realist, so he had just thought of it as some of the god-damn best sex he had ever had.

Though, no matter how sweet the making up was, he always shuddered at the thought of their next blow up. Scarlett along with discovering her love, it seemed had also honed her skill to throw well aimed barbs at him. It was as if she had suddenly been granted a special sight, which enabled her to see the holes in his armour. Laced words that inflicted excruciating pain was her speciality. And he knew that his retaliations were just as bad, just as sure to hit their target as well as hers. It amazed him that two people who claimed to love each other, would stop at nothing, or almost nothing, to also hurt the other. After each battle as they would lie in each others arms, he would swear to himself that next time he would stay in control keeping the cool façade, and refrain from throwing the words that he knew would hurt the most, but somehow he failed miserably every time. He hoped that in time they would learn to control their tempers just a bit, or at least for the fighting to grow rarer. It was exhausting to battle with her. Yet he couldn't help himself to go all in when first the fireworks went of.

On the bright side, it made the times where they were in perfect unison the more precious. Being let into Scarlett's mind was something that brought him great joy every time she chose to include him in her train of thought. She could be ruthless, yet she was generous, and her opinions always amused him. She could be sarcastic, though mainly when it concerned other people. She had still to learn the benefits that could be derived from laughing at ones self. It was like the best part of their previous friendship, only an enhanced version of it. He hoped sincerely that one of them wouldn't involuntarily say something in the heat of an argument that would be too harsh to take back, and shatter this connection between them beyond repair. It was his single greatest fear. Sensing this, both had refrained from putting a toe on the other side of that line, he hoped they were able to keep up this balance game. Now that he had known the bliss of being loved by her, he was sure that her leaving him would finish him off.

Their love was at the same time unbelievably strong and preciously fragile.

He breathed in her scent of her freshly washed hair, and planted a soft kiss there.

"So my dear, what is your first thought of life at sea?" He hoped and believed that she would enjoy it, and so wanted to share his love of the ocean with her.

She turned to him, a big smile on her face telling the tale of great enjoyment.

"Oh Rhett it is wonderful" Her face shone openly so filled with love and excitement. Her cheeks red and glowing from the hint of cold in the air. The stray locks of her hair framing her face, in a way that made her look young and vulnerable, yet amazingly filled with life.

He couldn't resist the unspoken invitation that he read in her eyes, and he leaned in to plant another kiss at her smiling lips. For a moment forgetting that they were not alone, and under the curious observation of the other passengers who also enjoyed the crisp morning air on the deck. Scarlett's arms snaked around his neck and deepened the kiss savouring the taste of his lips, and the smell of fresh soap that mingled with the smell that was so distinctly Rhett. With a dazed sigh she pulled back.

"It seems I should have taken you sailing years ago, seeing what it brings out in you" he smirked at her teasingly.

"Perhaps you should have Rhett Butler, it my have opened my eyes to your... ahem, charms, years before" She gave him her most charming smile, though she wanted to stick out her tongue at him.

Laughing out loud as he guessed what was going on behind her face.

"My, my we sure are brazen today, come now Mrs. Butler let me take you for the grand tour of the ship before we get up to something all together indecent" He pulled her gently by her hand and they strolled arm in arm up the whitewashed gangplanks of the ship, while Rhett told her some of the tales from his many adventures on the open waters.

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Foreign voices everywhere speaking in a melodic foreign language – nothing like the school French that she had been taught - nor like the muddled accent created by years away that her Grand Pere practiced. She understood nothing of it, but enjoyed the rapid flow of words, and the lively scenery that played out around her. Though it was a setting much like the one she had experienced as they had boarded in New York, there just was a completely different flavour to the atmosphere. Everything was familiar yet distinctively foreign… Le Havre, was to be their first port in France.

She turned and waved a thank you and goodbye to the impressive steamship that had borne them across the sea. Though the crossing had been enjoyable, she was not sad to finally put her feet on solid ground again. Though solid might in that moment be a bit of an overstatement as the ground still moved as if she was at sea.

Many interesting people had been aboard the ship, and Rhett who seemed to know everybody everywhere introduced her to them all, ensuring that she had enjoyed a full dance card every evening when the orchestra struck their first tune. Afternoons where spent playing cards, whist was her preferred game, and she had to her surprise discovered that she had quite an apt head for the game. It was a curious mix of people, and the classes that were such a distinct part of life as she had lived it had melted away. Background, family and future had not seemed to matter as much, as long as you had the money to spend on travelling first class. Some she was sure would never have been received in the homes of the prim and proper families of Atlanta, but no body had seemed to put any measure of importance on this during their weeks on the sea.

More importantly though than all these pleasures had been the opportunity to spend all this time undisturbed with Rhett. Lounging until late morning in their large bed in their luxurious cabin. Varying between long talks on topics she could not even have begun to be able to imagine and more animalistic talking, where they engrossed themselves in the feat of bringing pleasure to the other and themselves. He had told her stories of his life, entertaining stories, but also stories that she knew he would rather had forgotten. She was immensely thankful for this trust he had chosen to put in her, and it had opened up new sides of his multilayer personality that she had never even begun to suspect existed. For the first time through their long acquaintance she actually felt that she was starting to get to know him.

They had actually been able to touch on some of the more tender spots of their past as well. Without the whole thing exploding in their face. One evening particular stood out to her.

They had been enjoying a night of dancing and had decided to retire fairly early as the giddiness of the champagne had encouraged them to dance a little bit too closely. Rhett had dragged her outside on the deck for some illicit kissing. The moonlight had been soft and glowing, and the stars had shone more brightly than ever. Before Rhett's kisses had grown too insistent he had swept her up in his arms and carried her back to the cabin. When they had entered the cabin the mood had been light and playful, all of a sudden though Rhett had gone sombre. She still didn't know what exactly had triggered the change in him. But he had abruptly set her down on the edge of the bed, without meeting her eyes. He had turned his back to her and for a moment it had looked as if he would bolt out of the door. After pausing with his hand on the doorknob for one excruciatingly long moment however he had changed his mind and instead sat down at the bureau his long legs stretched out in front of him. He had gazed pensively out in the nothingness, clearly seeing something that she wasn't. She had looked at him puzzled, wanting him to include her in his thoughts. Feeling alone and left out in a way she hadn't for a long time.

"Rhett..." Her voice had been sounding timid almost scared in the plush silence of their cabin. No reaction from him had indicated that he had even heard her, so far away in his own world was he. For a moment she felt the anger bubbling inside her. How mean he was to exclude her again, she was hurt and wanted to hurt him back.

Something though had held her back. His posture as he sat on the small chair seemed slightly defeated, and there was kind of a lost look on his face. Instead, still feeling slightly resentful, she had gotten up slowly and walked over to him.

"Rhett..." She had repeated, placing her hand lightly on his shoulder. He had distractedly turned his head and looked at her for a moment with unseeing eyes before turning away again. Their eyes had just met for a fleeting second, but the expression in his eyes had just been so tormented and heartbreakingly sad that the last bit of her anger had melted away, and all she had wanted to do was to take this strong handsome vulnerable man in her arms and shield him from whatever it was that caused him such pain.

"Rhett... What is the matter... Rhett" She had spoken as softly as she could. Falling down on her knees, though this pose was very awkward for her since she was still wearing her evening gown. This position enabled her to see his face, and establish the contact she so wanted. She stroked his leg silently, not knowing what else to say to break through his trance. For a while they just sat there, the mantle clock sounding impossibly loud in the silence slowly counting away the seconds as they passed.

"I see her;sometimes she is just so clear to me" His voice startled her, it came from a far away place, and she didn't know if he was really speaking to her, or just needed to let out the words.

"I see her. She smiles, winks, dances and twirls, always just out of reach only a faint image of herself, though undeniably her. I hear her voice, sometimes it calls for me, and sometimes it is just an indiscernible flow of words. I hear her voice though it is not really her voice, only a faint echo. I don't know if it is a blessing or a punishment. Part of me wants to close my eyes and will her to go away, but at the same time I am scared that I will hate myself forever if I do that. I took her life from her, how can I take this small part of being away from her as well? I wonder why it is that I have to go on living when she wasn't allowed to… I miss her, Oh God I miss her. I miss her so unbelievably much. I miss her, not just her smile but everything about her, and I wonder if the pain will ever lessen?" At the last words a constricted sound broke from him, somewhere between a sob and a cry.

Scarlett had looked at him with amazed puzzlement, before realization had dawned on her. Never in a million years had she imagined that this, their beautiful little girl. The girl that so roughly had been stolen away from them was what was on his mind. Her eyes grew misty as the longing and sadness over the loss of her youngest daughter washed over her. Normally, she with an iron will steeled herself and blocked all images of that perfect little creature out of her mind. This, out of the blue reminder, took her by surprise and she had no time to put up the façade. Oddly also she felt that now, with Rhett at her side, living the same pain, she might actually be able to stand it. Able to stand facing the pain and reliving the nightmare.

"Oh Rhett, I do too, I do too, so very, very much" her voice broke and she buried her face in his lap. Finally letting the tears, that she so hated, flow freely. Submitting her self to the weakness letting go of herself and her barricades. First he had not reacted, had just absentmindedly put his hand on her bent back. Whether from his slowly soaking pants or from the insistent sound of her sobs he was at last shaken out of his trance, and slowly he pulled her from the chair up into his lap. She curled up to him, not unlike their late daughter, and gave her tears free reign.

"I know" he said slightly surprised, though it was a dull surprise that didn't really stir anything in him. Of course it had not been easy on her to lose a child either, he had just never really seen how much. He had all the way through harboured an abstract belief that she had not cared enough for their daughter to actually be devastated by the loss. The belief had served him conveniently when he had left her, and as they hadn't talked about these more dark matters from their life before part of him had held on to this belief. Bonnie was one of the subjects they had carefully avoided up till now.

"I know" The need for him to be strong for her, was oddly helpful. And he felt the world coming back into focus again as he stroked her back, trying to convey comfort and security to her.

"I am sorry Rhett" her voice was muffled against his shirt.

"Sorry for blaming you, back then" it felt important for her to say. Her words to him that night still haunted her. But she had been so filled with anguish that hurling it all out had been her only release.

"Sorry for saying all those nasty things, I never meant them. Not even then."

"You know I didn't mean it, don't you?" She lifted her tear streamed face from his chest and gazed into his eyes with eyes begging for understanding and forgiveness, praying with all her heart that he could. His hold on her tightened. He hadn't realized how much her blaming him had stuck with him, and her words now soothed the still raw wounds on his heart, that his daughter's untimely departure had caused.

"Shhh my dear, shhh now, don't worry, it's all right. I forgive you, I forgive you even though there isn't anything to forgive" His voice was thick and filled with unshed tears. The last bit perhaps wasn't strictly true, but he understood where the anger she had spawned had come from. He too had been resentful at destiny for pulling such a mean trick on him, on them. In truth, he could just as easily have been the one shouting blame. If only he hadn't blamed him self so much.

It hadtaken them the better part of a year to get there but finally they were able to find comfort in each others arms for the loss of their precious child.

They sat for a long while entwined on the chair, letting loose all those pent up feelings that they hadn't been able to share before.

When the chair got too uncomfortable they moved over to the bed, not bothering to undress as it would mean letting go of the other for even such a short time. Instead they lay down, tightly entwined, her still curled up against him.

When their tears finally dried up they started talking; sharing small anecdotes of the small life that was no longer. Remembering things from Bonnie's all together too short life that they thought long forgotten, but now the memories seemed to grow from long repressed corners of their minds. Some memories were sad, others were happy. Scarlett even surprised herself by giggling a few times, feeling at first that it was vastly inappropriate, but on feeling Rhett's grin against her hair she relaxed, and realized that it would be an injustice to Bonnie not to be able to enjoy the spirited, silly and funny moments that had been such a great part of her and her life. As the hours of the night faded away, they in their little cocoon felt almost as if she was their with them, playing, asking strange questions of the world that puzzled her or embroidering on a tall tale to get to the ends that she wanted.

Only as the sky lightened they had been able to fall asleep.

Scarlett blinked rapidly, trying to get herself back to the present. She felt Rhett's questioning eyes on her, and she smiled at him reassuringly. She knew he still had a tendency to feel jealous if she was dragged into too many floaty daydreams, still not entirely trusting that her daydreams evolved around him, and not Ashley Wilkes as had been the case for the greatest part of their marriage.

It annoyed her, yet it was also something that stroked her vanity. And in this moment she didn't want to initiate a fight that might mar the beautiful memory she had just relived, or the joy she felt at finally being at their destination.

He eyed her warily for a moment; every time she got that far away look in her eyes he felt as if the air was being forced out of his lungs.

"Where had you gone of to My Pet" His use of that old name for her, showed his touchiness on the subject.

"Where do you think" She couldn't help but reply teasingly. Though seeing the cloud that immediately passed over his features at her words, she decided that she didn't want him in a sour grumpy mood for the rest of the day and continued hastily.

"I was just thinking about how amazingly lucky I am to have you my dear husband" She smiled sweetly, fluttering her lashes at him.

"You sure are... but how can I be sure of what goes on in that conniving mind of yours" He managed to get the slight annoyance to stay out of his voice, and instead hit her note of flirty teasing. He smiled, but his eyes did not have the sparkle that she enjoyed to see.

"Ah, Monsieur, you can't... but pray tell me, who would I be dumb enough to dream about when you are right by my side" Still sensing his unspoken doubt, she leaned in and kissed him so soundly on his lips, as to leave not an ounce of doubt lingering. It still amazed her how easily now she sometimes read Rhett. It was as if she had been given the secret key to decoding his moods. Of course she still often failed, but it was very reassuring that she just as often, such as now, got it right.

"Now, how was that for convincing" She gave him another enticing smile. This time he returned her smile with conviction.

"Madame you fairly take my breath away" accompanied by a slight mocking bow, as he grabbed her hand and placed a light kiss on it.

It annoyed him that he wasn't able to completely let go of the lingering jealousy. It wasn't that he didn't fully believe in her love. He did. Still the residual jealousy he just was not able to fully let go and get rid of.

He hadn't realized fully exactly how much it still stayed with him, but it had caused one of their angriest outbursts yet. It had been an evening of dancing on the ship like so many before. He however had been away for major parts of the evening to sort out some business deals with some of the Captain's friends. He had wanted to make sure that all was agreed on before they got to close to their final destination. In his experience the best deals were always made when far away from the mainland. It was as if people lost their sense of reality when they were out where the big blue stretched seemingly endless in all directions. Perhaps it was being so close to the sky that did it. Perhaps the thought that dead could be just around the corner, after all it was never more evident than when you found yourself amidst the mysterious wide stretched seas of the world. Not that he ever cheated anybody to a bad deal. Definitely not, that would ruin his business reputation quicker than a blink of an eye. No he just ensured that he always got the better end of the bargain. And his many years aboard ships had told him, that few people drove as hard a bargain out here as when they were home in the comfort of their own living rooms.

He had left Scarlett at their table along with some of the people they had made friends with, including some of his old acquaintances of lesser repute. Some he would never have introduced Scarlett to were it not for the fact that they had to spend so much time together in a relatively small space, that it would seem odd if he didn't introduce her to them.

Scarlett had been in her natural element that evening, fluttering her eyelashes at all the men at the table, smiling sweetly, simpering at the men's clever comments. It always amused him to see her pay tribute to the belle she had been. He had left her assured that she would have an amusing evening.

And so she certainly had. She had been drinking flutes of champagne, flirting and flowing from the arms of one skilled dancing partner to another. When he had come back in she had been dancing a little to closely for his taste with one of the men he had been doing business with during the war. The man's name was, Tom Farrington, not in Rhett's opinion a fitting name for the snake that he was, he had been his friend, or the closest thing to it, until he had turned around and stabbed him in the back. He had been displeased to find him on board the ship, but feeling it would cause too much of a stir to completely ignore him, he had accepted his presence. He was a handsome blonde man, a few years younger than Rhett himself. He was a skilful dancer and flirt, and had a way with words, a skill that he was currently applying expertly to Rhett Butler's wife this very moment. Leaning in and whispering something probably not completely appropriate, judging from the shocked giggling that erupted from Scarlett. Rhett had felt his brow furrowing at the sight, and also felt the beast of possessive jealousy stir within him: Seeing Scarlett in that particular man arms, made his insides go sour. He knew she had no way to know of their history, but it still hurt him as he could still feel the sting of the other man's betrayal. The fact that he looked a tiny bit like Ashley Wilkes was grounds enough for Rhett to justify his anger at her as well. The tune ended shortly thereafter, and Scarlett turned around looking out for her next dancing partner. Instead she had spotted him leaning against the mahogany walls of the ships ballroom. She smiled at him and immediately steered herself amongst the tables standing around the edges of the dance floor to where he stood. She smiled happily and leaned in to get her reward in the form of a kiss from his lips, but he didn't move to grant her that reward, and she pulled back looking puzzled and a little hurt. He hated himself for causing that look on her face, but he couldn't help it. The irrational emotions that the scene he had just witnessed had set in motion in him were not easily staunched.

"I see you've been enjoying your self" His voice held a hint of malice and his face was blank.

Scarlett had withdrawn herself a little further from him, steeling herself, trying to brace herself for what would come next. A hard glint presented itself in her eyes. His insides where already screaming to her that he was sorry, but he just couldn't rein in and stop himself. It was as if some perverse part of him took pleasure in facing the destruction of her happiness, never really believing that he had deserved it. Therefore not surprised to see it go.

"So what if I have, is there any crime in that" jutting out her chin, looking at him defiantly.

"No, my pet, not in the slightest. Though it is never pleasurable for the husband to be forced to face his wife offering herself up to all the scum that casts her a friendly smile and a pitiful dance" The malice this time was evident, and his southern drawl more pronounced than normally. As it always was when he was as carefully and dangerously controlled as in this instant.

Scarlett's mouth opened, forming a surprised O, clearly not expecting even such a low attack.

"Isn't he your friend?" she asked timidly, still not really believing where this anger of his was coming from.

"And a very friendly treatment you gave him, Mrs. Butler"

"Rhett, it was only a dance" She almost pleaded, hoping that she could magically change his mood back to the sunny disposition he had left with earlier. Perhaps his business had gone wrong, and that was the cause of his anger, though she still found it unreasonable and was hurt by it. She was about to ask him if that was indeed the case when he retaliated.

"Ah... is that what they are calling it these days"

Her eyes turned as hard as flint at those words.

"You low down, superficial excuse for a man. You skunk, you cad, how can you say such a thing" She hissed the words out between clenched teeth, feeling the almighty blinding helpless anger rise within her, the anger that on previous occasions had caused her to fling hard objects at him.

"Dear, is that really all you can come up with, I think you are losing your touch" She glared at him angrily one more time before pushing past him, disappearing in a sky of silk and lace.

After she left he slumped slightly. Regret that already started to kick in. Why did he always have to ruin what he found most beautiful. In the early days of their acquaintance he had taken great pleasure in riling her until she spit fire and lost for words would resort to more physical means of giving her anger vent. But then, even if she had been hurt by his words, she had never looked at him with so much betrayed hurt as she had done now, and he felt like the greatest oaf alive.

"Was that your wife leaving" The captain approached him.

Rhett carefully masked his emotions and erected himself.

"Yes sir, I am sorry she didn't really feel that well" For a moment the captain eyed him questioningly, Mrs. Butler had seemed bubbly and happy all evening, but who where he to judge, so he let it go. "I was wondering if I could tempt you with a game of cards then?"

"Sorry Captain, but as I said, Mrs. Butler did not feel quite like herself so I better go see if it is anything serious"

The old man bowed politely and turned his back to Rhett Butler. He stood for a moment taking in every detail of the ballroom. It had struck quite a good note between being anonymously elegant, though the amount of crystal chandeliers added a touch of decadence to it that created the right atmosphere for the slightly freer form of interaction that involuntarily erupted on board such a ship as this. Happy people were every where, dancing, chatting, playing cards, or languorously taking in the sight of people enjoying the amenities.

Suddenly the world blurred and Rhett felt nauseous and he rapidly exited the festive room before making a spectacle of himself in front of the other passengers. Out on the deck he ran to the railing, leaning heavily against it waiting for the world to settle back in its place. He breathed deeply. Finally his stomach settled itself again. But he still felt sick, sick to the bone at how he had treated Scarlett. She had smiled so happily at him, and he had turned it all sour. He hoped she would forgive him, even if he didn't deserve it. So many times when they fought it was hard to tell who started the fight, but this time he was the sole responsible person, and it tore at his heart. He felt the past repeating itself, every time life finally seemed to be working out for him he would end up making a mess of things. Blurred images from his childhood pressed themselves forward in his mind, but they had been repressed for so long. They were images from a long distant past, insignificant, disjunct events that had been perceived through the eyes of a boy and had been made significant by a boy's perception of life. Together with his father's constant reinforcement of that point of view, they had grouped together into a twisted view at life, where he was the undeserving jinx. Something he if not always believed, at least in the darker hours of his life he did. It was not something he consciously acknowledged, except for such a time as this, but it had followed him none the less, being part of his reluctance to bare himself and let himself go. A woman had once told him that the early scars heal the slowest, and his deepest scars had been inflicted when he was still young, more had followed later, but with a few exceptions, he hadn't let them hurt him in the same way. Now, he really wanted to succeed in his relationship with Scarlett, something within him though seemed to work against this, doing its best to sabotage all his progress.

He slowly dragged himself towards their cabin, wanting to find her, yet being scared of the outcome. He recognized the feeling he had had after that night where he had carried her up the stairs. Back then he had hid out at Belle's for several days before gathering up the courage to face her. It had been a mistake to do that then, and hiding away from the confrontation would be an equally big mistake. Though he wasn't sure, that had he been given circumstances in which he could avoid her for some days, would he not have taken the cowards road once again. He hoped not, but he didn't know for sure, and it scared him. Was he really willing let go of something he so wanted that easily.

He opened the door and expected to be met by angry shouting or even a hairbrush hurled at his face. But nothing. He went inside, curious to see if she would have chosen a sulking punishment approach instead. When his eyes got used to the semi darkness of the room he realized it was empty. His heart constricted in his throat, where was she, he had been so sure that she would have just stormed back to their rooms but apparently not. Things were just as calm and undisturbed in there as they had left them.

He searchingly went out on the deck again. Not many people were about, as they either would have already retired, or enjoyed another opportunity for late night festivities. Even now he could hear the sound of a lively tune through the semi open door.

He went to the front and the back of the ship, there weren't many places that a woman in a ball gown could hide out. To his dismay she wasn't to be found anywhere, he began to worry. Could she have done anything stupid, worry filled him as he went back to the ship's grand parlour to request the captain to start a search party. He opened the partially opened door slowly, hoping to get in without attracting too much attention. For some reason he didn't want to attract too much attention to the fact that his wife had disappeared off the face of the ship. As he entered the door he stopped dead in his tracks, whom other than said missing wife was to be found surrounded by a flock of admiring followers. All his resolve to beg forgiveness melted away and anger surged through him, what a devilish vixen she was.

"Glad you decided to rejoin us after all Captain Butler" The Captain greeted him with a sly smile, only serving to fuel Rhett's anger. His face was completely blank, though for all his effort his dark eyes flashed dangerously.

He approached the groups surrounding Scarlett nimbly and noiselessly.

"Ah my dear, I see you have returned to your rightful element" His tone of voice was silky smooth, and to anyone not knowing him as well as she did, it might have sounded pleasantly conversational. But she knew better, nevertheless she had decided to not give a toss what the high and mighty Rhett Butler did tonight.

"Your eyes do not deceive you Mr. Butler, I am glad to see you have rejoined our party" She gently inclined her head to him. For one moment breaking the steely eye contact between them. Despite her sugary sweet words, he could see that she was as livid with him, as she had been when she had left the room not too long ago.

"I hope this means you will allow me the next dance"

Again she inclined her head in acceptance, and slowly stuck out her hand to him. While in actuality, she would much rather had flown at his face, scratching at his black blank eyes, while screaming her pain and hatred at him. For once she didn't look forward to dancing with him, rather she abhorred the forced intimacy it would create between them.

"What do you think you are doing Scarlett?" All pretence had left his voice as he hissed the words, at the same time directing her to a less occupied corner of the dance floor.

"Well I am only doing what you suggested I was doing. Enjoying some pleasurable company"

"You know bloody well that wasn't what I meant, what are you playing at going back here? We need to talk, and I suggest we go somewhere else to do it"

"I am not going anywhere with you Rhett, I have nothing to say to you"

"Ah but you have my dear, you will leave with me, and you will do it now, even if I have to drag you all the way over this polished floor kicking and screaming the whole way"

She eyed him for a moment, to divine if he was serious. She decided he was. Raising her head to the proper 45 degree angle to her shoulders she let go of him, and quickly hurried across the floor heading for the nearest exit, leaving a grim Rhett following in her wake. They caused quite a few turned heads, but neither cared. Gossip on the boat was generally short lived especially when it came to minor fights between a husband and wife so evidently in love as Rhett Butler and his insanely charming and beautiful wife.

"So what is it that you want to say to me Rhett" she turned to him as soon as the door clicked shut behind. She looked at him defiantly as if she couldn't care less what he said, but that she had been hurt by his two outbursts this evening was evident.

As he stood there taking in every detail of her he noticed how lost she looked and the anger melted away. She wanted so look so strong, yet in a blinding epiphany he realized that his ability to hurt her, now was just as powerful as her ability to hurt him. Perhaps he had unknowingly always wielded that power, but with the knowledge of it also came responsibility to wield that power with care. And in that respect he had failed miserably tonight.

"I am sorry Scarlett" He knew the words were insufficient but perhaps it was a step in the right direction.

She looked at him guardedly, wanting to believe him and forgive, but the pain of his betrayal of her trust still stung.

"I am so, so sorry, can you forgive me"

He stepped closer one step at the time, looking for any reaction from her side.

When he stood right in front of her. He with a hesitant movement lifted her chin looking into her face.

"You are a fool Rhett Butler, a damn fool" she said with all the venom she could muster. As if the words let something loose within her she coiled her fists and started raining them down on his shirt front.

"You are a fool, a fool, a fool"

"A stupid, stupid fool"

Her words grew more and more high pitched while still her fists connected again and again with his muscular front. Until her voice suddenly broke and she fell crumbled against his body.

His arms closed around her and she sobbed quietly against is white shirt.

"Never, never, never do that again, or I'll never forgive you" she repeated the words again and again in between her sobs.

When her sobs finally grew infrequent and he sensed that she was beginning to calm down, he took her to the chaise-lounge in the part of the cabin that constituted the living room. Carefully and depreciatingly slowly he tried to explain why he had reacted as he had done. At first his talking was slow and guarded, but as he felt she listened, and in part understood. So leaf by leaf, like the peeling of an artichoke, he told the story, removing the layers that protected his heart.

In the end it had been a reassuring experience, and he sincerely believed that their love had grown stronger for it. Though it was not a method he would recommend to any other couple as a way of addressing their marital problems.

This time it was Scarlett who pulled Rhett out of his reverie.

"I hope that faraway look doesn't mean that you have your mind on any other girl than me" She smiled at him possessively.

"You know, you are not the only one that can be jealous." She puckered her lips, in mock annoyance. This time it was his turn to kiss her, which he did a little more soundly than the one she had granted him with.

"Quell your suspicions my dear, I have room for no other girl than you in my head... and even if I did, where would I have met her? We've been stuck on that boat for so long. And as I am sure you noticed the men far outnumbered the women, no less talking about the attractive women that might hold an appeal to me" he ended his sentence on a playful note, lightly side stepping as she swatted out at him.

"I dare say, I will have to keep you on a tight rein once we get to Paris" She smiled at him flirtatiously. In that moment completely sure of his love for her.

Their long weeks on the sea had brought them closer than she had imagined possible in such a short period of time. It had been a great adventure so far, and they had only just begun their travels. A month maybe two in Paris before going on to England, where they were to meet up with Rosemary who had reluctantly agreed to bring over Wade and Ella. It had been the compromise she had been forced to make in order to be allowed her tour of Europe. She had been willing to sell her right arm and left leg for it, so when she learned that by accompanying two children, for the first part of the travel it had seemed like at sweet deal. Scarlett hoped that she wouldn't come to regret it in the middle of the ocean, but apart from that she was pleased with the agreement. It would give Rhett and her plenty of time on their own. But much to her own surprise she found that she actually was looking forward to being reunited with the children from her previous marriages. She was just happy it was still some time away.

Life with Rhett would never be boring, and after what they had conquered, what they had learned over the past few weeks, she hoped that they would be able to weather all storms thrown their way. She smiled as she took Rhett's hand in hers, she felt young, young, free and immensely happy, and eager to see what life had in store for her. For them.

The End. Though of course never for Rhett and Scarlett ;)