"Are you sure my hair looks okay?" Rachel asked me, reaching her manicured hands to pat her chignon again.

"It's beautiful, "I insisted, taking her hand in my own and drawing it back down to her lap. "You're beautiful. Now stop worrying and relax. The ceremony is going to start sooner than you think and Paul will be ecstatic no matter how you wear your hair."

She smiled and reached out, drawing me into a hug. I wasn't really comfortable with physical attention, but smiled and squeezed her briefly before pulling away. It was her wedding day, of course she was nervous. I wondered briefly if my own wedding day would be this happy, or if I would be filled with regret.

I was already filled with regret. I was filled with regret the moment he left the clearing. The entire drive home I berated myself for willingly subjecting myself to the pain of his loss and had to pull over twice while I gasped for air. I barely made it home in time to shower and change before Jacob came home from work. The warm water and some eye drops helped hide the traces of my tears and thankfully he was so worked up about being stuck on patrol with Seth the night before his best man duties that he was oblivious to my mood anyway, and he didn't come home until just before dawn, tired and happy to catch a few hours of sleep before the ceremony.

No such luck for me. As a bridesmaid I had to get up early to begin preparing myself and helping Rachel prepare. I was grateful for the distraction. It was hard to focus on my sorrow when Rachel was so excited and happy she couldn't contain herself, walking out of the room giggling with her sister about married life and the long years ahead with a man she adored. It was easy to get caught up in her happiness, well at least for most of us.

Leah was the only one who seemed less energetic than I. Surly and angry was normal for Leah, but I had assumed that she would have been able to put aside her bitterness for one day. I was wrong. Time obviously hadn't made things easier for her. She had been a bridesmaid for Emily and Sam, so I wasn't sure why she seemed angrier now.

"Do you want some help with that?" I asked her, gesturing towards the long zipper in the back of her sage green gown. She didn't say anything for a moment, only glaring at me. I chewed my lip and held up my hands in surrender. "Sorry, just thought you might need some help."

"That would be fine, thank you," she finally said with a small smile. It didn't quite reach her eyes and could easily have been mistaken for a snarl but it was Leah, so I brushed it off and waited for her to turn around and face the mirror so I could zip her up. I was beginning to wonder if this was somehow my fault. Perhaps the announcement of my engagement to Jake had upset her. The rest of the pack had paired off and found mates. Only Leah remained, her heart having long ago been given away and discarded.

"Hey, um, is everything okay?" I asked hesitantly. "You seem kind of upset today."

She smirked, her eyes flashing in the mirror as they met mine.

"You could say that," she said slowly, her eyes never leaving mine. She turned around to face me, looking away only long enough to check that nobody was within ear shot. "So how long has the vamp been in town?"

I sucked in my breath, my heart beginning to beat wildly. When had she seen Edward? I had hoped he had left town already, but if she knew he was here it was only a matter of time before the rest of the pack knew if they didn't already. I needed to call him, to tell him they knew he was there so that he could leave before they came looking for him, before anybody I cared about got hurt.

"Vamp?" I whispered. "There's a vampire in town, now?" I was a horrible liar, but I hoped she'd not catch on. Her lips curled and she glared at me in open anger now. Apparently she had caught on.

"Cut the crap, Bella," she snarled. "I saw you with him yesterday. I heard everything you said. How can you stand yourself, cheating on Jake like that?"

The blood drained out of my face and my stomach plunged. I was going to be sick. I sat quickly in a nearby chair, afraid my legs wouldn't hold me, I was shaking so hard.

"I don't know," I whispered. "I just, I couldn't seem to stop myself."

"That's bullshit!" she exploded, her shape becoming almost fuzzy around the edges she was shaking so hard. "When you promise to love somebody, you don't break that promise! You don't betray them!"

"I know," I sobbed miserably. "I know. That's why I ended it Leah, I sent him away! I couldn't do that to Jacob, if he knew it would destroy him, and I don't want that. I love him, I do. All I want is for him to be happy. It's over, I swear it is."

This seemed to pacify her enough for her to calm down, her shape becoming more distinct. I covered my face with my hands and wept, the guilt finally bursting from my chest, my sorrow at the pain I had caused everybody, and fear all mingled together until I couldn't contain it anymore. I couldn't lie to myself anymore; I was a horrible selfish person. Even in doing the right thing I made it all about me. My sorrow at losing Edward, convincing myself I was Bella the Martyr, giving up my soul to make Jacob happy. I was nothing more than Bella the whore, the selfish woman who had to have her cake and eat it too. I didn't deserve Jacob. I didn't deserve anyone.

"You're going to tell Jacob yourself," Leah said, her chin jutted up. "Because I can't avoid him forever, and as soon as I shift, everyone is going to know anyway."

"I know, "I nodded, resigning myself. "I'll tell him"

"When?" she demanded, refusing to leave me with a way to dodge it.

"Tonight. I'll tell him after the reception."I promised. "I don't want to ruin the wedding. Just give me until the morning to tell him."

"Tomorrow then," she agreed. "But if you want to make it through this wedding without him knowing, I'd suggest you fix your face. You're a bit of a mess, aren't you?" She raised a single eyebrow at me, stared pointedly in the mirror as she smoothed a stray hair, and stalked out of the room, leaving me to face myself and the mess that I had made.