Just a small note, ** means flashback

:)

Ichigo closed his eyes once again and let his tears fall down his cheek slowly, one by one, with the speed rapidly increasing. He stood there, hands clenched by his sides, head hung down low, and his chin brushing his chest. The gentle sound of waves crashing against rocks were heard in the distance, the beach of Karakura settled right under them where a railing forbade the children to fall to their horrible sandy death.

Minutes of silence passed by until Rukia gently set her bag onto the ground and slowly walked over to where Ichigo stood, her shoes crunching against the ground. When she stood right behind him, for once in her life as a perfect role model student;

Kuchiki Rukia was speechless.

She decided to use actions instead of words and slowly wrapped her arms around his torso, her tears coming down with his own. Her tears left stains on his shirt that went unnoticed as he held her hand with his right and continued to cry silently in the sunlight with his crush's arms wrapped around him. His grip tightened when the voices of the past haunted him again.

MOM!

His mouth twisted into a grimace as the bloody smell of copper came back to his nose.

No words left her mouth as she tried to speak.

Ichigo heard a muffled I'm sorry from the girl clinging onto him. He rubbed the scar on the back of his head tenderly, more tears threatening to fall.

**

9 year-old Rukia smiled happily as she swung up and down on the baby swing that had a chain in front of her stomach to prevent her from flying out. Her older sister Hisana smiled brightly at her, facing her front as she pushed Rukia's legs to make her go higher as the young girl commanded.

It was sunset, the sun wavering in the distance one last time before slowly sinking in to the inevitable night that was to come. Rukia forcefully stretched herself so that her toes could brush the ground, slowing down her swings. Hisana noticed this and gave one last bright smile before wiping the sweat off her forehead. Rukia finally unclasped the chain and stumbled off, into her sister's grasp. Hisana held her tight and laughed as Rukia started to scream in joy and laughter at her older sister swinging her around like a helicopter.

After settling down with giggles, Hisana bent down to one knee and looked eye to eye with Rukia.

"Rukia… it's time to go home now," she began. Rukia's eyes widened and she shook her head furiously.

"No!"

"Rukia-"

"No!! Hisa-nee!!" Rukia protested. Hisana laughed as Rukia suddenly scampered off into the small, cylindrical tunnel coloured red. She peeked from her small hiding spot and glared at her sister. Her glare held the same fierce and intensifying danger as her older brother in law. Hisana laughed. She glanced at the setting sun and saw it was sinking dangerously low behind the city scrapers. There was a boy and his mother playing around but it looked as if they were about to leave too.

Hisana smiled at Rukia and bent down to eye level with the tunnel-engulfed Rukia.

"Tell you what. If you don't come, then me and Byaku-nii are gonna eat all the cookies and milk!"

That one statement had Kuchiki Rukia run out of the tunnel like she was chasing after her life. Hisana laughed and ran ahead of her sister to call her husband in secret to buy cookies. At first, Rukia was upset that Hisana beat her in running but she cared less right now. She just wanted those cookies.

Unbeknownst to the two, as Rukia ran by a 9-year-old boy with fiery orange hair, slow motion seemed to ensue as she brushed past him in a gentle manner. She stopped at the park bench where her sister sat, just finished talking to someone on the phone. The young boy noticed nothing as he walked with his mom to the traffic crossing lights, while he carried 5 heavy plastic bags and his mother carried 9.

"Ichigo, are you sure you can carry those yourself?" Masaki asked lovingly. Ichigo puffed his chest out and held the plastic bags high up, his elbows making a straight line with his shoulders.

"Of course momma! My name means number 1 protector, so I'll protect you from pain!" he exclaimed, trembling all the while. His mother laughed and they waited patiently at the traffic crossing. Though there were no cars, they were forced to wait for the WALK sign. Ichigo looked up at his mom, confused. "Momma, why don't we just go? There aren't any cars…"

His mother smiled down at him. "Honey, you have to wait, other wise you won't know if a car will speed by or something and hit us! So, at all times when crossing the road, we must be careful." Ichigo nodded and faced the road again, waiting for the light to turn blue.

So what would happen if you crossed 'accidentally'?

Hisana ran ahead of her sister again, challenging Rukia to a race home. Racing 10 metres ahead of Rukia was her sister, as Rukia's small legs couldn't carry her as fast as skinny, agile Hisana. Once again, time slowed down as Rukia's shoulder had bumped into the boy she saw at the park earlier. She turned around in a second, in a reality that actually felt like ages, as she watched the young boy topple. He fell, eyes wide with surprise as he landed on his mother, causing her body to propel forward heavily with the force and weight of the grocery bags pushing her further onto the road.

Both children were forced to watch as a car sped straight for the woman.

**

The gentle crashing of waves against cliff had soothed their ears from the deadly ring of silence. Only Rukia's muffled sobs could be heard. Ichigo's grip on her hand tightened to the point of where pain was inflicted on the poor girl. But she could care less. How could you care after being the reason of 3 innocent people's lives being taken? Of course you would care. You'd feel a monster. But at the moment, let's wallow in the guilt of killing one person, and wallow in self-pity with added guilt later on the verge of insanity, after killing three people.

Let's save that guilt for later.

And tell you why this guilt should come first.

"I never thought…" she hiccupped in between sobs. "You were that boy…" Ichigo's red eyes opened, more tears still falling. He stared blankly at the ground, and then at the hands that were clasped at his front. "I always wanted… to say sorry to that boy… I always… wanted to beg for forgiveness."

The cool night air began to sway slightly, brushing against the tears of the boy and girl, making them ever so slightly cold.

"I never ever wanted something like that to happen again… Never. I wanted to find that boy…" Ichigo closed his eyes tightly. "I wanted to find him and beg on my knees if I had to, anything," she paused. "Just so he would forgive me."

Well you found that boy, Ichigo thought bitterly. And begging for forgiveness won't bring her back. But he found himself upset when the arms around his torso had let go. His eyes widened in shock when he heard a sudden drop and the dirt under his feet crunching. He turned around to find her on the ground, hands pressed to her forehead, body bent in a bowing position.

Kuchiki Rukia, the richest and most perfect person in the world-

Was on her knees, begging for forgiveness.

Her gasping voice could barely be heard, but to Ichigo's well-trained ears, her voice was as clear as crystal.

"I'm so sorry. It was my entire fault your mother died. I give you permission to hit me, kick me, inflict harm on me, even kill me, even if it just makes you the tiniest fraction better," she sobbed. "Even if it doesn't make you feel all better, even if it just makes you the tiniest bit happier, just the tiniest bit, I allow you to do anything to me."

She whispered the last part so softly, Ichigo had to strain his ears.

"I don't deserve to live. Punish me." Ichigo couldn't take it anymore.

So he did what he thought all teenagers would do in his place.

He nudged her with his foot, and called her name, demanding her to stand up. She didn't budge. He nudged harder. His voice came out as a harsh command. He kicked at her shoulder and she let out a small cry of pain, trying to muffle it as best as she could.

"Get the fuck up!" he yelled. "I don't see why you're making such a fucking big fuss about this, when this was all my fault, how was it yours?!"

**

Ichigo didn't know what to think. But he watched, he saw everything, every tiny little miniscule detail as the car had hit his mom. The back of his head was bleeding, cut open from when he fell backwards, multiple bruises on his body from the heavy shopping bags that toppled on top of him. Not to mention that little girl who bumped into him. Silence met his ears when the car sped straight towards his mother, his heartbeat thumping loud enough for him to hear.

If only I were stronger.

If only I were not so childish… if only we left earlier… if only I was strong enough to not topple over and push mom… if only this, if only that, just IF!!

His heart thumped loudly one last time, before finally hearing the sounds of reality crashing down on him, the screeching of wheels, the crash of a body against car.

If only I could protect momma like I said I would.

Screams were heard as Hisana had watched from afar, hands reached up to her face in pure terror. Rukia's eyes were wide in horror, as she witnessed and provoked something that should never have been seen or done by a 9-year-old child. Ichigo watched in equal horror to the girl as his mother lay on the ground, bleeding. High heels clacked furiously on the ground as Hisana ran towards the woman and driver, calling the ambulance all the while.

Ichigo raced over to his mom, ignoring the shots of pain that flew through his body, and especially on his head. His heart raced in his chest, hurting his rib cage as he dropped down to his knees and began to scream for his mother.

His screams were barely heard.

**

He stopped kicking at her slightly bruised body and panted. Her small sobs overtook her sentence in the form of hiccupping.

"Not long after your mother's stay in the recuperation unit of the hospital, my sister went in too."

Ichigo stood still, listening intently.

"We heard your mother had a small possible chance of surviving. And that your mother could only live with a blood transplant. So my sister tried to give blood."

Ichigo suddenly started to feel the guilt he felt when the girl on the ground cried practically a waterfall.

"She gave so much blood, and not once, did she blame me for Masaki-san's death. Not once…" she trailed off. She choked back another sob and continued. "When your mother died, we attended her funeral and yet, my sister was terribly ill, so she remained in the hospital ward."

She suddenly let out strangled cries.

"I really didn't want to break it to you Ichigo, I really didn't want to be the one!"

Ichigo's eyes widened.

"I swear I didn't!"

**

Rukia shed many silent tears as she held Hisana's hand in her left and Byakuya's in her right. Her small black dress that was so cute and frilly brought her down even more as she remembered the reason she bought it. Hisana wore a black, feminine kimono while Byakuya wore a suit. The funeral for Kurosaki Masaki was over, and it was a very sad one at that. With such a loved one dying so suddenly like that, it was unexpected, and twice as overwhelming.

But alas, another soul was destined to rest early too.

Kuchiki Hisana was diagnosed with breast cancer, a cancer that spread to her body mysteriously from Kurosaki Masaki's body. Rukia was devastated. Her small accident had led to a chain of death.

Hisana told her so many times not to blame herself but how could she not?

Rukia trained her eyes to stay on the ground until they had reached the limo that was acquired to take them back to the hospital for one more check up to estimate the date with death for her sister. Except Rukia didn't think this date would have any romance in it, and it would last a long time.

She held her sister's hand tightly in the limo ride, thinking about her actions. Except thinking wouldn't help her go back in time and save her sister, or that young boy's mother.

Rukia blamed the stupid doctors too. What the hell was the point of returning old blood back? After giving what the doctors said was a copious amount of blood, they decided to give it back after it ran through the veins of the dead woman, Kurosaki Masaki. And the dead woman had cancer in her veins. Rukia found herself at fault for those two deaths, and the closing off of her brother.

Of course, a nine year old like her shouldn't have felt so bad, but she understood perfectly well.

**

"Your mother was going to die later on anyway Ichigo…" she said, half wailing and half sobbing, the honorific at the end of his name totally forgotten. "She was diagnosed with cancer. That cancer passed from your mother, to my sister! I'm sorry!" she cried out from the ground. Ichigo stared down at her.

Either way, it seemed like fate hated his mother, and cursed her from the living.

Cancer, or car, either way she'd die. Ichigo knelt down and grabbed her hand gently. She looked up, her face tearstained much like his own. But his tears had dried now.

No more would he cry. He just seemed to find strength from her suddenly. He pulled her up gently, and she closed her eyes once standing, his hands on either side of her facing, thumbs moving gently up and down to brush the tears away. She opened them again when they were dry, and he smiled gently at her.

Never, in his life, did he think someone was so perfect.

After his mother of course.

But he reminded himself-

Perfection never lasted.

He held her body close to his and gently ran his hands through her hair, her small arms wrapped around his figure, seeking comfort.

She was covered in dirt, tears stained her cheeks, she confessed killing two people and though Kurosaki Ichigo was trying so hard to find a flaw in her, and he witnessed many today-

He decided to let her off and not count them as flaws.

Maybe another time.

"It wasn't your fault at all Rukia…" he whispered to her. She held on tighter and mumbled into his shirt.

"But I pushed you and then she fell…"

"For now, let's not blame ourselves. After all… 9 year olds couldn't have possibly done these kinds of things… right?" A silence hung in the small space left between the two.

"But we did."

Ichigo chose to ignore that statement that was so true, and held her closer.

Why can't you understand I just need someone to hold right now?

She never bothered to mention the third person she had killed.

Author's Note -

I'm so sorry! I have taken like, FOREVER to update this story! But to be honest, I didn't really find the motivation to write this story, since I'm working on a few others. I'm sorry!

This chapter wasn't as good as i hoped it would've been, and I hope your day isn't too down reading some crap chapter like this.

I will try to do better on the next chapter!

Rukia-Chappi-Chan