A/N: Two awesome Sci-Fi shows, very different but both brilliant, together at last. You have to know both Red Dwarf and Doctor Who for this to make any sense. R&R! I've been having a bit of trouble finding a Beta for this story, which I daresay doesn't bode well for how it will be received. But I like it, so it's going up!

Disclaimer: I don't own Red Dwarf or Doctor Who

It was a quiet day on Red Dwarf. In his room, Lister was making a nice spicy kebab while Cat sat in disgust at his make-shift eating utensils ("Embryo Refrigeration Unit?!"). Rimmer was enjoying a rare moment away from his idiotic traveling companions, watching old home movies, remembering better times from when he was alive. Kryten was using his groinal attachment for a bit of light housekeeping. None of them imagined that at that moment, not one, but two distinctly non-human life forms had appeared on their ship. One would very shortly manifest itself as part of Listers meal, then as part of his wardrobe. As for the other...

The Doctor was left alone, as always. Still, he thought, that's fine. He had wallowed in self-pity for a while, same as he always did. And now he was itching for an adventure. He had set the TARDIS to take him somewhere random. The controls indicated that it was somewhere around the year 3 million. As her engines quieted, he poked his head out the door. Just an average ship, it seemed. Nothing special. It was rather quiet, though. He decided to take a look around, grabbing his coat before heading down the empty hall.

"Blimey, this ship goes on, doesn't it?" He said to no one in particular. He had been wandering down corridors for the better part of twenty minutes and had yet to meet another living soul. Finally, as he rounded yet another corner, he heard muffled speech from behind a thick steel door. He pulled out his stethoscope and listened in. "I don't want you to panic, Arn, but it does appear there's a very tiny possibility that there may very well in all likelihood possibly be a non-human life form on board." Well, it seems they were expecting him. Better go introduce himself.

"Hello! I'm the Doctor."

"Doctor? Doctor Who?"" Rimmer's nostrils flared with indignation. What right did this man have to come on their ship? And anyway, Holly said there was a non-human life form on this ship. He obviously wasn't it—he was human, clear as day.

"Just the Doctor. Who are you?"

Rimmer cleared his throat and gave an overly-elaborate salute. "Arnold J. Rimmer, acting commander of the Space Corp Mining Vessel Red Dwarf."

The Doctor nodded. "Ah, Space Corp? Late 21st century, yeah? Off in search of new life forms. Brilliant. Ah, it is a bit odd though, where is everyone else? These ships generally hold thousands, I thought. And...well, the TARDIS must be a little off, she told me it was the year 3 million."

"Listen, I don't have time for your stupidity right now, " Rimmer groaned, "All I want to know is how you got on this ship and where you came from."

Just then, there was screaming from a few doors down, and the Doctor and Rimmer both ran to see what was happening.

They got there just in time to see Lister crumple to the floor. In front of him stood a huge slimy monster, who immediately released his suctioned grip on Lister and turn into...a bunny?

"What?" The Doctor rushed into the room as the white rabbit hopped away. "What?" As the others rushed to help Lister, The Doctor followed the bunny. Only, when he got into the hallway, it was gone, and there was a rather suspicious-looking tennis racket leaning against the wall. "What?!"