Disclaimer:
Tite Kubo owns Bleach. I own angst!Bleach plot-bunnies.
A/N:
Welcome back, readers! This is the sequel to "I Hate Being Yours". That title still needs to be changed... it eats at me. I thought long and hard about how to start this introductory chapter, and I hope I finally got it satisfactory. I'm not quite sure... So please don't be surprised if I change the content from time to time. I just want this to be great work.
Check out the song on the intro while reading.
Warning:
The following storyline is a continuation of a fictional homosexual work. The previous story contained homosexuality, and the following will as well. Expect to come across sex, language, and more adult themes.
My Thanks To:
My readers. It takes a big boot up my bum to get me moving, and I think my fans helped move me along. Thank you, boots!
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"If
I'm so wrong
How can you listen all night long?
Now will it
matter after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned
thing"
My Chemical Romance, "Disenchanted"
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Byakuya's sobs wretched the noise from the room, focusing all attention to them alone. The other Shinigami were probably in shock, seeing such an accomplished man falter before the eyes of the others. Had this man ever once really cracked? And even now, this was a demolition. This was no chip off the darkened, aged paint.
Renji stifled his own sobs as he felt his control corroding under the pressure his dearest friend was smothering him with. What would it take to make him forget? What would it take to ease the hurt?
He dropped to his own knees and jerked the broken taichou against him, feeling heat streak down his own cheeks and blur his vision of the raven-headed beauty collapsing in his arms. He buried his face in Byakuya's hair, hands fisting the mane gently as he breathed hard into the man's ear. Weak apologies spilled from his mouth as Renji felt his mask crumble before the entire elite Gotei Thirteen.
What would it take to remove his presence from Byakuya's life?
"Make me a ghost, Byakuya," his voice urged, breaking and trembling in his insecurity. "so I can't hurt ya anymore..."
"I love you... I love you..." Came the sniveling response.
And it became obvious to Renji that there would be no repose from this most earnest ache.
.: :.
Manicured fingernails drummed noisily against the firm tabletop. Chapped, pale lips suffered between two rows of perfectly straight teeth. Narrowed navy-blue eyes studied the file before him.
Byakuya sighed and relaxed his wrist, causing the file to thud to the tabletop.
"I'm not interested." He said firmly, before pushing the manila folder away.
He was greeted by twin intakes of breath.
"But, Kuchiki-Taichou! Your division needs to have a Fukutaichou! It's your duty-" One exclaimed, but Byakuya raised his hand to silence him.
"Do not speak to me about duty. It is my responsibility and I will handle it accordingly."
"But, Sir!" The other gasped. Again, the plea was silenced by a dismissive gesture.
"Report back to Yamamoto-Soutaichou with news of my decision. You are dismissed." Finality reigned in his deep voice.
The two messengers exchanged worried glances before gathering up their papers and standing.
"Understood. We'll be on our way, then." Said the first, and both bowed.
Byakuya didn't bother watching them leave, instead turning to the window. Outside it was cold. The trees were dying, and their leaves covered the dry grass. It was Fall, which meant...
"It has already been a month," he said to no one in particular. Upon hearing his own words, he felt his eyes water. Really, it was so foolish of him. He had a duty to the Seireitei. He couldn't just fall in love... Especially with his subordinate. Such a scandal. Were the Kuchiki elders to find out, Renji would no doubt have an 'unfortunate accident'. Yet another example of his nobility being his downfall.
His eyes trailed to the desk in the corner, left untouched on Byakuya's orders. Still messy. Still unorganized. Still... Renji's.
"Will you come back to me, I wonder?" He whispered.
Byakuya's words rang hollow in the empty office.
.: :.
Abarai Renji lifted a tanned arm to shield his eyes from the thin sheet of rain. It was an early Sunday, and the air was cool and misty as it beat against his face from his perch on the roof. He breathed in the sighs of Karakura Town. How long had it been now?
Ocher eyes caught sight of the slim scarring that rooted itself into the hairless spaces of his forearms. Memories incapable of being forgotten, resurfaced on the forefront of the. He felt the corners of his eyes tighten as he averted his gaze.
Soft footfalls came up behind him, and Renji's breath caught in his throat. With a trembling pulse, he turned for a greeting.
Midnight eyes glared down at him, accentuated by tight lips and a hard jawline. Black hair billowed loosely around his shoulders, and a fresh black shihakushou draped along the lean figure.
Renji's wide eyes searched for an opening, a way to escape the inevitable. What on this being's person was concrete? What was stable? If he were to reach for him, would his hand move through the layers of fat, muscle and bone, or was this real? His fingers lifted from the roofing as if to reach for the figure, but he immediately felt foolish and stifled his reaction.
As expected, the black robes fell away from svelte curves, and dark cerulean eyes muddied into a warm chocolate. The expression continued to scream vexation, and Renji wasn't the least bit surprised. He turned away from Ichigo with a quiet sigh.
"Oi, Renji," came the sour call, followed by closer footsteps. "I talked to Hat 'N Clogs. The hell are ya still doin' here?"
Renji pulled a leg to his chest absently and bit his lip. The thin rain ceased, and as he took in a sharp breath, he brightened his face with a forced smile.
"Ichigo! What's up, kid?" He answered almost excitedly, grin securely in place.
Ichigo seemed to scrutinize his expression for a moment, before scoffing and kicking the redhead sharply in his side. "You can't fool me, fuckhead. Why-are-you-here?" He accentuated each word with a harsh jab in Renji's ribs with a sneakered foot.
Renji winced at the onslaught, but otherwise held his composure. "S'that really how ya treat a superior officer, Ichigo?"
Ichigo gave him a look before dropping beside him. "Same old ass-hole, I see."
Renji spared him a chuckle. "Same ol' ass-hole."
They shared a companionable silence. Ichigo turned worried eyes to his friend, who kept the same lop-sided grin plastered to gaunt cheeks.
"You lost weight?" Ichigo asked casually, looking the redhead over. Renji dropped the smile and looked at his own belly, poking it for reassurance.
"You kiddin'? I'm such a fatty, look at this," Renji proceeded to open the front of his gi to show Ichigo the well-defined muscle structure shaping his torso and abdominals. Ichigo stifled a laugh before lifting his shirt to carry on the ride.
"Yeah, check this out. Been working on the sides for a whole month now. You know, since ya left last time." He pointed along the sharp ridges of the muscle structure in question. Renji grinned and closed his uniform, looking upon the boy with something akin to pride.
"No' bad, li'l Ichigo. Pretty soon you'll be a big boy like me, uh?" Renji joked, giving Ichigo a sharp elbowing in the very muscles the boy was showing off. Ichigo jerked and hunched over while Renji laughed in response.
"Fuuuuck! Not cool, dude! Those're sore as hell!" He whined, and Renji draped his legs back over the edge of the roof with a breathy chuckle.
"Che. Ever th' pussy, huh?" He ragged, and Ichigo hissed an opaque response. Renji gazed across the gravel road that led to the home he was perched on. "So, ya talked to Urahara-san, huh?"
"Mm." Ichigo lowered his red tank and sighed, hunching over his knees to look over the side. "Yup."
"'N what'd he tell ya?"
"Whaddaya think?" Ichigo spat, hands tightening around the corner to the point of blanching. Renji stared at him expectantly, eyes hard and jaw set. Ichigo sighed at the lack of response and looked away.
"He said you were... sad." Ichigo muttered, and Renji felt the tension set back into his muscles.
"About what?" He demanded, and Ichigo staggered for words.
So, Urahara had taken the opportunity to tarnish Renji's already atrocious name. What exactly did the shopkeeper think he knew? Renji hadn't said a word about why he'd needed a place to stay.
"I had no clue you were into... uh..." Ichigo began, red flourishing his cheeks. Renji watched him delicately swallow before braving on. "I mean, I didn't know... you were that way."
A tattooed eyebrow rose, and he could feel understanding fall on his features. "He said that?"
Ichigo pulled his lips between his teeth in a way of avoiding the question. Renji merely watched him, content at first to let the boy have his moment of gracelessness.
"You 'ave somethin' against my kind?" Renji asked, tone ending on a harsh note. "I mean, since yer so ready t' single me outta the pack."
Ichigo cheeks flushed further and he sputtered to answer. "N-no! Ren, that's not what I meant!"
"What'd ya mean, then?" Renji asked calmly. Ichigo searched the older man's eyes for as long as he could endure before looking away again. Renji gave a stagnant laugh, more a bark, really, before gazing back at the horizon. "S'what I thought."
The companionable silence seemed to have eaten itself into nothingness as Ichigo struggled for a response.
"I don't know what to say, Renji."
"I'm not askin' you t' say anything. For one, it's nun'na yer damn business who I feel like fucking," Ouch. That one had left Ichigo wincing. "And for two, I didn' come 'ere for some kinda pity party. So back the fuck off, Ichigo."
Hurt. He'd wounded his friend, and it was obvious on Ichigo's reddened face. "I didn't mean to insult you, Renji. I think you're jumping to conclusions."
Renji smirked belligerently. "Whatever it takes to get ya t' sleep at night."
"You're not seeing my point of view-" Ichigo began, sounding almost desperate now.
"An' yer not seein' mine." Renji snorted.
"If you would let me talk, Renji-"
"So I can watch you fuck yourself deeper into your pit? I don't think so." Renji chuckled sardonically. "I mean, that seems to be my thing now, isn't it, watching guys fuck themselves?"
"Shut up and lemme talk, ass-hole!" Ichigo shouted, shoving Renji onto his elbow.
The redhead glared at him, pinning Ichigo with an acidic glare. His reiatsu spiked harshly, and Ichigo winced again. Four long seconds passed between them, until finally chocolate eyes trapped him until Renji had calmed himself.
"I don't have a problem with what you like, Renji. I think I came off that way because I was raised to have a problem with it. My dad never really appreciated anyone talking about that kind of thing."
"Isshin? Isshin has issues with fags?" Renji exclaimed. He couldn't wrap his head around that kind of ex-taichou being indurate.
"Do you actually call yourself that?" Ichigo asked in shock.
"Well, yeah. I don't care what people think of me, so I guess I don't really take offense to the word."
"And yet you flipped when you thought I was rejecting your choices?" Ichigo demanded, eyes wincing in skepticism. Renji looked thoughtful. He made a good point, but Renji had a better one.
"Well, yeah, but you ain't in with the others. You're my li'l Ichigo, so what you think matters." Renji said, and after ruffling Ichigo's orange hair, gave the boy an apologetic smile. "Sorry I went off like that."
Ichigo sighed, easing into the lack of tension with gratitude. "God, never lemme get you mad at me again. I thought we were about to have a showdown."
A thud sounded behind them, and both boys turned in shock. The trap door to the roof was the only thing capable of making the noise, and both brown and amber eyes fell on it.
"Th' hell?" Renji wondered, staring. Ichigo sighed.
"I wonder who was listening." He mused. "Probably Hat 'N Clogs. He felt your reiatsu peak like that and freaked."
Renji chuckled in understanding. "Makes sense." He turned back around, observing the mixing colors on the horizon.
"'Little Ichigo'? If I wasn't so flattered by the possessiveness, I'd think it was an insult."
"Possessiveness?" Renji asked.
"Mm. Subliminal-like." Ichigo laughed, and fell onto his back with his arms behind his neck. Renji, after a moment of thought, repeated the action.
"Subliminal, huh?" He marveled. Ichigo was always a strange one. Had Renji really come off as... possessive?
"Hey, Ren..." Ichigo began slowly, hesitance lit like a fire on his face. "Since we're alone for sure, now... Can I ask something?"
Here it came. The dreaded question.
"Who was it?" Ichigo asked.
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A/N:
How was that for a debut? There's been some issues at home, so I don't know when I'll be opening up with a second chapter. Hopefully soon. Until then, I expect everyone to review with their comments! I really need some good, positive criticism! What do you think will happen in the chapters ahead?
Thanks guys, and R/R!