(I hate) Everything about you

By Lily Maxwell

Miharu hated Yoite.

He had forced him against a wall – a wall that involved consideration towards others, that involved going against previously mentioned others, that forced him to a road of no return. Shinrabanshou would have to be used, no matter how scary, how overwhelming, how dangerous it was.

He made him promise that he would tell no one. That he would have to carry the burden of a secret for as long as time needed him to. He would be then forced to act behind the back of others, if that would mean safety for them. What they can't see, can't hurt them. Miharu didn't see the beauty in secrets – it just made his life more complicated.

He made it impossible to him to ignore his deteriorating existence. He was dying. He was dying, and he didn't care. And he made Miharu see it; he made it clear how much of a self-depreciating person he was. And he wouldn't let him talk, he wouldn't let him come closer – they were still but strangers in opposite positions.

For every step forward, he would take two backwards. He was confusing. He would seek him, he would call out his name, but he wouldn't, at any given moment, acknowledge him as an ally. He was but a tool. And he called that tool by its given name, as if they were intimate. How ironic.

He hated the way he hid things from him. He hid his past, he hid his feelings, he hid his heart. He hated how sad his eyes looked, and how he would simply hide that feeling away by hanging his head down. When Izuna Shingan was used against him, he was so desperate – it was so obvious he needed help. But he denied it. He denied help, he denied confronting whom he was. He denied everything.

What Miharu hated the most about Yoite was how he made him want to save him so badly.

He knew what it was to deny yourself, and deny the world, and try to live within the shadows, until one day, you would live no more. He knew what it was to have a past so clouded, one part of you would always question you about it. He knew what it was to have a scary power within you, and how it seemed to consume your very being. And yet, he'd do anything to get rid of it.

And knowing, simply knowing that made everything in him ache.

Miharu hated Yoite.

And he simply hated how, without a single doubt, he couldn't turn back anymore.

He would save him.

And maybe, along the way, he could save himself.