A quick little sidetrack from my main project, purely because... erm... I'm not sure...

Warning. This story is silly. About half way through, it all goes a little… weird. To those readers who are not willing to read about a ridiculously OOC Light Yagami, I suggest looking away now, or when Light thinks…

'He would do it.

He was the only one who could do it.'

To the rest, I merely wish you good luck. Please don't lose your sanity whilst reading this.

DISCLAIMER: No, Death Note is not mine.

--

Alter Ego

Light averted his gaze from the computer screen, his head muzzy from hours of hard work at the case. He was tired, and bored, and feeling the thick dryness at the back of his throat that was the result of too much coffee and not enough sleep.

At times like this, he often wondered… how could L live like this?

Looking over at the detective, Light wasn't entirely surprised to find him completely unfazed. They had been working for at least – he looked blearily at his watch – eight hours straight now, with no breaks; and still L was crouched on his chair, tapping away at his keyboard in that curious way of his.

"… I'm feeling a little drowsy, Ryuzaki," Light murmured.

"Hmm," said L. "I see. Perhaps you should stop working on the computer for a while." He reached over, grabbed a handful of papers between his forefinger and thumb, and passed them gingerly to Light. "You can look through those instead."

Sighing audibly, he settled down to his work.

It was evident, from glancing at the first few pages of the document, that nothing here would be of use to the case. After all, they had gathered all of the basic information they required already – they knew it was a member of Yotsuba – and all that they could do now was observe and intervene as and when the time came. Looking at the company's financial background would do nothing but perhaps help them predict the next victim. And even that, he knew, wasn't entirely reliable.

L would have known this. Perhaps, he smiled, L had given these to him to give him a chance to rest a little. Though he was a slave driver most of the time, L wasn't completely heartless. He knew that other people weren't as quite as adjusted to this kind of lifestyle as he was. L respected that. Moreover, L respected him.

Light supposed that he should be glad. His friend genuinely seemed to care for his wellbeing. Though neither of them said much in the way of compliments to one another, he truly felt that L was one of the best friends he ever had.

But…

When he looked at L, he could always see the distrust in his eyes. More than that – every aspect of his mannerisms exuded an air of wariness.

L believed Light to be Kira. Because of this, neither could truly feel comfortable around the other. L would always be watching, keeping an eye on him… and no matter what he did, he knew that there was little chance in him ever being able to disprove these fears, even though he knew that he wasn't Kira.

Though, Kira's ideals did seem strangely close to his own…

No.

No. He was NOT Kira.

Kira killed people indiscriminately. Whether his goal was righteous or not, murder was unjustifiable. He would never take another's life: that proved that Light Yagami was not Kira.

So how would he go about making the world a better place? How would he even begin to change the attitudes and values of those around him? How, even theoretically, would he promote the kind of positive lifestyle that he believed everyone was entitled to?

Light looked over at L. At his hunched form, his rapid fingertips, at the curiously vacant expression on his pale, drawn face.

And suddenly, everything fell into place. He knew how he would improve the world.

It was so simple, and yet so brilliant. He was surprised he had never considered it before. He could change everything for the better – and, as an added bonus, prove to others that he was not Kira. That he could never be Kira. That he had never been Kira.

…

He would do it.

He was the only one who could do it.

"L," he said. "I need to use the bathroom."

L swivelled his chair to face him, and scowled. "… Do you have to, Light-kun? I happen to be in the middle of something very important."

"Yes, it's pretty urgent," said Light, adopting a slightly pained expression.

"… Urgent."

"I'd rather not go into detail. It's a very… personal problem," he winced. "It only hurts every once in a while, but when it plays up, it really plays up…"

"I don't think I want to know…" L wrinkled his nose, and tapped a few buttons on a nearby control panel. A large screen that had only just previously shown one of many angles of Misa Amane's room flickered momentarily, then displayed the length of a corridor: the corridor, in fact, that led from the control room they were in, down to a nearby bathroom. "I'll let you go on your own, and watch from here. I have no cameras in that particular restroom, so you don't have to worry about me prying into any… personal matters."

L reluctantly removed the handcuffs.

Light walked out of the room.

Exactly as planned…

He walked casually down the corridor, and straight into the bathroom.

The décor, as with most of the building besides L's control room, was luxuriously extravagant. One could be fooled into believing that the place was a high-class hotel.

Light eyed a set of black drapes attached to the wall. This would take some improvisation…

L chewed his thumb nervously. His dark eyes scanned the screens before him.

Light had been acting suspiciously. Not suspicious in the usual way, either. It seemed almost as though he was actively planning something.

Of course, this made things interesting. Knowing young Yagami as he did, he suspected that the plan he had was not particularly serious. Light Yagami was more intelligent than that – he wouldn't be so boringly predictable as to act suspiciously, which was exactly why he had removed the handcuffs. What exactly was this plan of Light's?

Suddenly, there was a blur on one of the screens. Something dashed from the bathroom door, swirled its cape behind it when it made its way down the corridor…

… Cape…?

The door slammed open. In the doorway stood…

Light-kun. In a cape and superhero's eye mask – which, on closer inspection, both appeared to have been made hastily out of a pair of curtains.

L stared.

"Make way for… Posture Man!" said Light, in a stereotypically heroic tone of voice. He darted forward, and without warning, dived directly at L. After a particularly awkward scuffle, Light emerged triumphant, though with his belt somehow removed; L, however, found himself tethered rather tightly to his chair, his spine pulled poker-straight and perpendicular to the chair's back, his feet touching the floor.

He was sitting NORMALLY.

"What is the meaning of this, Light-kun?"

"Ah-ah-ah… Posture Man. My name is Posture Man." Light beamed smarmily.

L sighed. "… No, Light-kun. You are Light-kun in a mask and cape. Made out of a pair of curtains."

The masked fool coughed. "For your information, young citizen, I am Posture Man. The defender of good posture, as my name suggests. I fight for personal physical health. I fight for a minimum of eight hours' sleep a night. I fight for a balanced regulated diet spread across three square meals. I fight," he said, his smile broadening, "for justice."

"What exactly does a healthy diet and good posture have to do with justice?" asked L, his eyes narrowing. "Just untie me."

"Indeed I will," said Light, swirling his cape for dramatic effect. "That is, after I have freed you from the evils of a Dowager's hump developing upon you in the next fifteen to twenty years!"

"Do you want me to call in security?" L snarled.

Dejectedly, 'Posture Man' removed his mask, his eyes wide and innocent. "Security?" he said, obviously a little hurt. "Ryuzaki, don't you see? I'm doing this to prove to everyone – to prove to myself – that I can make a change. I'm trying to change the world for the better! I'm the only one who can." He tightly clenched his left hand into a fist as he spoke, gesticulating animatedly towards L with his right before continuing. "There are far too many who are lazy and unconcerned with the posture and general well-being of others. Something needs to be done about this. If I can re-align the spines of slouchers… if I can show people the path to good oral hygiene and balanced diets as opposed to that of halitosis and fast food, I believe I can make a difference. I, Light Yagami, am Posture Man – as I must be. As the world requires it. Who else could straighten the back of a hardcore, repeat-offence sloucher such as yourself, Ryuzaki? I, and I alone, must carry the tremendous burden of responsibility for healthy lifestyles – not just for myself, or for my family and friends, but for all who truly deserve it. I have the determination, the guts, the intelligence and the cape – I can make this world a better, brighter place, L – and you would deign to stop this?"

L stared blankly at Light before finally responding. "… You know… that little speech of yours sounded remarkably like…"

"Yes, yes, Kira, I know – don't go on about it."

"Mmm… twenty-six percent."

Light sighed. "Fine. Would the percentage go down if I were to untie you?"

"… Maybe. I could cut a deal if you promise to discard the cape and mask.

--

Author's Note: …

Yes. Weird.

It's basically a wonderful little piece of nothing I came up with one day, and have only managed to write down recently.

Thanks to FFYP-det-Lawliet for helping me redraft the ending here. It really did seem to cut short before.

… To everyone reading, I would like to profusely apologise for my weirdness, and assure you that I'll be writing coherent things from now on. A.I Chapter 14 is currently in the works.

Keep watching the skies…