Message in a Bottle
Disclaimer: No mine. Except the stuff that is.
A/N: Man…I am on a 'tag' roll lately. Actually…I think I'm distracting myself; see, I have a lot of homework to do for a class of mine and I really don't feel like doing it. So, I'm distracting myself.
This isn't one of my favorite episodes, but the SamJack hand-holding…gotta love it. Ahhhh…happy sigh.
So, in chapter 4ish of the episode (DVD speak, people) Jack tells Teal'c that he screwed up. Teal'c thinks he's talking about the orb-thing. My take on what Jack was really referring too.
I'm psycho, I know.
Earlier dialogue in straight from the episode.
ENJOY!!
Jack could feel the big man's presence as he slowly came to. He'd been in and out of it since this whole damn ordeal started. He knew Daniel was researching his brain out trying to figure out what the symbols on the device meant and that Teal'c was standing guard over him…should any violent alien being decide to appear. And Carter…well, he knew Carter was doing her best. Working her ass off to save him and the base. But, Jack liked to think she was doing this mostly for him.
It's easy to think selfish thoughts when you're dying. There's no guilt because you may not have a tomorrow.
"I blew it." Jack murmured, his lips like glue and his vocal chords tight. He saw Teal'c react to his voice, raising an eyebrow. "I screwed up." Jack knew that Teal'c wasn't thinking along the same lines as him even before the man spoke. There was no possible way he could know.
It was times like these that he wished he applied his 'rules are meant to be broken' policy to a certain regulation. The 'no fraternization' one. 'It's always when imminent death is involved.' Jack mused ruefully. The only reason he didn't blurt out everything to… her…was because he respected her too much and wouldn't allow her to lose her career over him. He wasn't worth it; there was no way she felt the same way about him as he did her.
She was young, brilliant, gorgeous…he was just him. Nothing special there. But he regretted not telling her. He regretted dying with the weight of his secret still firmly on his chest. He regretted not being honest with her.
Jack squeezed his eyes shut as another wave heat flared inside him and his throat hurt from the effort of speaking.
Teal'c looked toward the orb. "I also believed we should retrieve the object."
Jack slowly opened his eyes and took his time mustering the strength to reply. "It was my decision." 'Yeah, Jacky-boy, it was your decision. You chose to hide because you were afraid. Afraid she would laugh in your face. Afraid she'd reject you…because she would. That's exactly what she'd do.' Jack silently lectured himself. It seemed that his mind was the only part of him working at top-speed…and he really wished it wasn't. Being alone in his head sucked.
'That's what you get for letting your guard down.' He berated himself. 'You let her in and you let her win.' Granted, it hadn't taken much. He had willing opened up to her…even if he didn't let it show. She probably had no idea how much she had changed him for the better…how much she meant to him. Now she probably never will. 'Yeah, that's what you get when you fall in love with your 2IC, you stupid man.'
"If we are to meet the challenge of the Goa'uld and further your race…risks must be taken." Teal'c answered wisely…honestly. He knew what his friend was referring to and knew that the only way he could talk about it was with double meanings. He and Daniel Jackson had seen the signs between their friends and tried to gently push them towards each other…but they were too stubborn.
Now that O'Neill faced the all too real possibility of death…Teal'c was going to help in whatever way the younger man would allow.
Jack opened his eyes and stared at his friend. Could Teal'c read minds? He was pretty sure that the big Jaffa couldn't, so…why did it sound like Teal'c was talking about something more than the mission.
Teal'c thought for a moment, then turned his head away again, making sure the colonel knew he was no longer speaking about personal relationships. They still had to keep up appearances and Teal'c spoke louder. "Your decision was correct." 'But only in military matters, O'Neill.' Teal'c finished silently. 'I believe your decision regarding the future of Captain Carter and yourself is most unwise.'
Teal'c wished he could comfort O'Neill. Tell him that Captain Carter felt the same way about him. That, right at this very moment, she was stalwartly refusing to give up. Refusing to give him up.
Jack opened his mouth to say something. To disagree with Teal'c. He knew his friend had reverted back to the subject of their current predicament, but Jack wasn't ready to stop talking yet. Unfortunately, his brain and his mouth did not seem to be on the same page, for all that came out was a small, strangled sigh. Jack closed his eyes and gave his head a small shake, knowing he had to drop it. He shouldn't be talking to Teal'c about this…he should be talking to Carter.
He would talk to Carter.
TBC
A/N: Short chapter, mucho sorry! Part 2 up tomorrow! Please R&R!