"There are two ways to think of love: as a chain that binds or a choice that liberates." --Anonymous
The weeks passed like the wink of an eye, or a whisper of wind. And with these weeks came the first full moon after Greyback's death. After his transformation, for five minutes, Remus-the-wolf went completely wild, digging its teeth and claws into everything within a four foot radius (including his friends), but after those minutes it was almost as if he had been in his right mind. He was not calm, per se, but more like resigned. It was as if the part of Remus that was now the minority in the Wolf's mind knew that the only way he would be free of his burden would be to meet the same fate as his creator.
Along with the Moon came the end-of-year exams. The NEWTs left all of the seventh-years stressed and unable to sleep or eat properly. Dora meanwhile was doing her best to study for her own exams and help her seventh-year friends study at the same time. To say that they were grateful for her help would be a massive understatement, especially when it came to Peter, because when all of his friends were studying for the same exam he had no one to help him.
They all finished their exams at the same time, after the Defense Against the Dark Arts final, and headed out to the beech tree beside the lake in high spirits. Peter was weighed down with worry that he had missed several questions that were imperative to his passing the exam, but the rest of them were perfectly confident that they had breezed through the test easily.
With a contented sigh, they all sprawled onto the grass in a lopsided circle, their heads in the middle and hair fanned out gracefully. The day could not have been more perfect for this. Warm sunlight fell from the sky and bathed them all in gold. Everything around them sparkled, and looked so surreal it was as if the magic that clung to the air had suddenly become visible. There was just enough humidity to still be comfortable, and fluffy white clouds drifted tantalizingly across the forget-me-not blue sky. The grass was cool and soft, and it whispered sweet nothings as the gentle breeze traveled through it.
Everyone simultaneously sighed with relaxation, and closed their eyes contentedly. "I can't believe the year's almost over," Lily said after a long and comfortable silence.
"I can't believe we're graduating," said Sirius.
"If I even graduate at all," Peter grumbled darkly. Everyone joined in a chorus of affirmation on his behalf, until the sound of a muffled sniffle made them fall silent again.
"Dora?"
"You're killing the mood; what's wrong?"
Dora clasped a hand over her mouth until her shaking stopped, and wiped her eyes. "I just…" she sighed before her voice hitched again. "What am I going to do without you all next year? I'll be all alone again."
As if on cue, everyone but Dora turned over onto their stomachs and began rummaging in their robes. "We anticipated this outburst," Sirius informed her when she looked at them questioningly.
"And it also turns out that my parents, whilst cleaning out the basement, found a whole case of these things," finished James, pulling out a set of two-way mirrors. Dora rolled over onto her stomach and gaped at them as they each pulled out their own pairs in turn and presented her with one mirror from each set.
"How…?" she weakly asked with wide eyes as Remus gave his mirror to her last and with a very red face.
"This was in my room; Dad owled it out a few days ago," he muttered, and Dora beamed at them all. Abruptly, as if there had been some sort of explosion of emotion inside of her, every color of the rainbow flashed through her hair until it settled on a radiant shade of bubblegum pink, and her eyes a sparkling violet.
"Thank you," she finally said, and true gratitude dripped from every syllable. "Thank you all so, so much." Everyone murmured you're-welcomes as Dora stowed the mirrors into her bag and they all settled back into the grass.
As she gazed up at the sky, the afternoon sun kissing her eyes tenderly, an overwhelming feeling blossomed in Dora's chest. It was as if someone had lit a torch and was currently bathing her soul in its warming yellow glow. The feeling bloomed and grew until it had consumed her fully, and only then did she fully understand what it was.
It was love.
She loved these people around her in the grass, and she was almost certain that they loved her too. She loved her parents, despite the fights they may have had in the past, and now knew that everything they had done to irritate her had been out of love. She loved John Lupin like a second father. She loved Remus Lupin in a way words could not describe. And someday, she might even begin to learn how to love herself, but there would always be that struggle there, just as Remus would constantly endure a similar struggle that would undoubtedly last until his dying day. If Remus hid his internal battle so well, and could still manage to smile every day, then Dora could bring herself to do so as well.
She had never allowed herself to dream of the future when she had always been on the brink of ending the possibility of that future, but now, when she dared to, one thing was certain: Remus Lupin would be there.
"Okay, I'm going to explode if I don't ask," said Peter in a rush, breaking the silence yet again. "Are Moony and Dora an item or not?"
There was another collective sigh around the circle, and to everyone's surprise, James answered with: "Moony and Dora aren't going out, Wormtail."
"What?!" Dora, Remus, Peter, and Sirius simultaneously asked. Lily was not at all phased, instantly sprouting suspicion.
"It's true," said the Head Girl calmly, "Dora and Remus couldn't possibly be a couple."
"Why?"
Dora and Remus blinked confusedly at one another, curious as to why they felt so suddenly defensive.
"Well, it's obvious, isn't it?" asked James with wide-eyed innocence. At the others' blank stares, he and Lily elaborated.
"You've never held hands unless one of you was in mortal peril," James pointed out.
It was suddenly as if Dora and Remus's hands had been transfigured into magnets. Their hands slid the few inches through the grass, and their fingers interlocked like the gears of a clock. It was too perfect to be a coincidence. They refused to look into one another's eyes, as if their racing heartbeats would be detected if they did.
"You've never sat closer than about two inches apart," added Lily.
The action was, again, involuntary. At first they thought that Lily had just not seen any of the times they sat close together, but then realized that they really hadn't ever been less than two inches apart. They started sliding their bodies subtly toward one another, the whisper of the breeze covering up their sounds so it couldn't be detected, when suddenly they both had obstacles: Each other. They turned bright red but didn't move away.
"You've never touched each other in places that wouldn't be considered only friendly," said James.
It was as if they had been put under the Imperius Curse, without the euphoria and with added nerves. Remus's right hand smoothly slid over and trailed across Dora's stomach, the movement lasting only a second, but making her shiver. She shyly reached with her left hand and rested it for a moment upon his thigh. Then, unable to look him in the face, she instead buried her eyes in his shoulder.
"You've just never had that…moment," Lily described vaguely. At James's sound of question, she elaborated. "Well, it's this moment, and…well…. You look into each other's eyes, and you say 'I love you' without really saying it…. I mean, well…you don't even mean to say it, it just happens! Or…oh, I don't know, but it's a pivotal moment between friendship and partnership anyway."
Neither Dora nor Remus had ever felt such fear in their lives, even when the threat of Greyback hung over them. This was the moment that their friendship could be torn apart.
If I look at him, Dora thought in panicked tones, and he can see it, but doesn't feel the same way…I think I would die.
I can't do it, Remus internally decided. I just can't. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't! If she didn't…or if she did…and I couldn't give her everything she ever wanted…it would kill me.
But they had never really had any choice in the matter.
Dora's head slowly pulled away from Remus's shoulder, as if she were trying not to do it, and Remus bent his head down so he could see her better. Dora's hands shook as she managed to force her head up and looked directly into Remus's golden-brown eyes. Neither looked away for a very long time, scrutinizing every glimmer in one another's irises.
And then it happened.
With gasps as great that they may have just survived drowning, Dora and Remus shot straight up, past even sitting up and going straight to standing. Their hands flew away from one another as one continued to gape at the other in shock. They were both breathing heavily, and their hands were trembling, and none of the others looked very surprised. They could practically feel James and Lily's smugness rolling off of them in pulsating waves, but they didn't care.
"M-m-maybe we should…uh…" Remus ran a hand roughly through his hair as he finally tore his eyes away from Dora, scuffing the ground with his toe.
"Yes?" asked Dora, taking a timid step closer. Remus glanced at her for the briefest moment, and then looked away again rapidly, wondering if she could hear his heart thudding as well as he could.
"M-maybe we should…erm…head…inside…now…"
For the briefest moment, Dora almost looked disappointed. But then she enthusiastically nodded and earnestly said "Yeah, definitely."
And yet they didn't move.
Remus's eyes shyly traveled up Dora's frame until they finally landed in her brilliant eyes, and the most peculiar pang of emotion rang through him like a bell. His shaking hands were suddenly like small earthquakes at his sides, and his palms were sweaty and he couldn't have felt more alive if he had just been born. Looking at Dora, imagining that shy smile creeping up her flushed cheeks every time she laid eyes on him, he thought: Maybe that smile really was just for me all along.
And it made him happy. Happier than he'd ever felt before. Because now, looking at that smile on her face and knowing that it was just for him, he let himself embrace those half-imagined future he had always dreamt up against his own will. Ever since he had been bitten, and his father would weep the day of every full moon, and his mother left them, he had never let himself imagine a future. He had been far too fragile then, too lonely and breakable, to imagine a future. But when he slept, and he had no choice, he would dream. Not of little cottages with daisies round the door, or even dozens of children frolicking in the garden, but of that person. That one person in the world who knew not only what he was, but who he was as well, and loved him despite that. The one who would always be there after the full moon, able to face him without cringing with fear (something that was even becoming difficult for the other Marauders with his increasingly violent transformations). The one who told him they loved him every day, and not because they were obligated to do so.
And he had found her.
Dora was just like him in so many ways. She, too, had troubles with herself. She was a Shape-Shifter, a supposed "dark creature," just like him, but she was still good. She fought against those who were more like her than anyone in the world, if they used their abilities to service the Dark Lord. She wasn't afraid to cavort with other Dark Creatures, if she had seen that they were good in their heart of hearts.
Yes, they were alike in so many ways, but in some ways they were also different. Dora chose when she changed her shape, if her physical state allowed it. Remus was a slave to the moon. Dora's only internal enemy was herself. Remus's internal enemy was the cursed half of his soul. When things were looking up, Dora was goofy and loud and always falling over. Remus, even at the best of times, liked things quiet and forced himself to always be calm and couldn't get tripped up by only a stretch of bare floor even if he tried.
But they fit together. Emotionally and physically, they fit perfectly together.
And Remus refused to let that one person in the world who truly knew him, slip from his grasp.
But still, he was a coward. "We really should go inside."
Again, Dora nodded, so Remus turned away.
Dora could feel her stomach twisting in knots as Remus seemed to turn away in slow-motion. His eyes lingered on her for an abnormally long time, and somehow she knew. She knew, deep within her heart of hearts, that this was the time.
It was now or never.
He was probably two steps away before the words were bursting forth from her like a dam exploding.
"Oh, just kiss me!"
Instantly, as if he had also known that this was their only chance, or that he had known she would speak before she did, Remus spun on his heel nearly before she had finished speaking, took her face in his long thin fingers.
She didn't kiss him.
He didn't kiss her.
They kissed.
Even if the past several months had been trying on all of them, even if Dora and Remus would be fighting with some part of themselves for the rest of their lives, even if Dora would never reveal what had happened in those hours she had been alone with Greyback, as their friends leaped to their feet and thanked Merlin that it had finally happened, Dora and Remus knew that everything would be alright. They had weeks, months, maybe even years to just be there for one another.
In their young eyes, that was better than forever.
END