Hello again, author here.

This took a long time to punch through because this chapter out of the other three was actually very difficult to put into words. It might have been because this is more of a personal reflection than anything else, lol.

Mai-hime belongs to Sunrise. Lyrics belong to Eve 6 - On the Roof Again, with some mingling with Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps

The two best friends sat across from one another with small plastic lunch boxes set out in front of them. The somewhat bruised and battered Kaichou sat in her customary chair and Mai sat across from her on a borrowed seat. The office was empty save for the two of them, which was just as well. Natsuki had shut the doors earlier and dug into her lunch silently while Mai merely picked at her food. Deep down, she knew where the inevitable conversation was going to go and she personally dreaded the coming of it. Natsuki and Shizuru and seen the two of them leave Mai's room when they were in the process of stopping by. No words were shared between the four of them, but Reito's suddenly quiet expression was more than enough for Shizuru to narrow her eyes and for Natsuki to set up this meeting in short, clipped tones. And now Mai sat, and picked through her lunch some more before finally clapping the lid on the lunch box shut and pushing it back into her bag. Natsuki watched her go through the motions before she finally set her chopsticks down and closed her empty lunch box. The Kaichou leaned back and rested her arms against the arm rests of the chair before she sighed.

"You think it's too soon, don't you?" Mai began softly.

Natsuki tapped her fingers against her lunch box before resting her chin on the palm of her hand. In this position her lips were already pressed into a firm line, making it difficult to distinguish between separate emotions.

"It's not my place to say much of anything about what you're doing, especially if you're already set on this," Natsuki replied in a muffled tone, but the frown on her face was clearly visible.

Mai nodded to herself but already she could feel the slow burning churn of anger settle in the pit of her stomach. This was unfair. She was the one who got cheated on and her best friend was staring at her with those slightly disapproving eyes? Granted, Natsuki did beat Yuuichi around the roof and gave him some fantastic facial rearrangement, but all Mai had done was entertain Reito over for dinner a few times and now she was being given the stern Kaichou treatment in response. Maybe Shizuru was interrogating Reito right now on one of their numerous lunch meetings, but Mai doubted it. Those two had a similar relationship in that they were close friends who rarely asked pressing questions, plus Shizuru did not look to be the interrogating type, unlike Natsuki who was quite fond of asking blunt questions.

"We aren't doing anything together. He's keeping his distance when it comes to me."

"For now, you mean. Sooner or later that's going to change." Natsuki closed her eyes for a moment. "Mai, I thought you were better than Tate. At least tell the idiot that you're seeing someone else before you run off with that someone else."

Mai's lips twitched.

"... It's not like you've ever had to deal with anything like this."

Natsuki gently laid a hand on the desk, causing Mai to flinch slightly. She had almost expected her friend to pound on the desk and make all sorts of noise upon hearing that statement, but Natsuki did nothing of the sort as she leaned forward.

"You know, the two of you are more alike than you'd like to realize," Natsuki replied in a low, steady voice. "Always assuming that the other person never went through what you are going through now. Tate did it when he cheated on you, and you're doing it now by assuming that I've never had troubles with Shizuru and our relationship was always a steady one."

"But you're together now and happy," Mai argued. "You had your arguments, sure, but you're still together."

"One year and seven months."

"... Huh?"

"That was how long it took for us to finally get like this, after the Carnival."

Natsuki leaned back and folded her hands on top of her stomach.

"During that time all we did was argue until even that turned into a stony silence. It wasn't pretty to say the least. We held a lot of guilt over what we did to one another during and after the Carnival, and we didn't know if we were ever going to get back to normal... Whatever normal was at the time, anyway. And I was scared, but you already knew that. The point I'm trying to make here is that, we weren't given some mythical chunk of happiness to keep for the two of us."

Mai wanted to tell her that she was wrong, terribly wrong, and happiness was merely sitting on their doorstep this entire time. They didn't have to work for it like she had to, only to have it slip from her fingertips just as she thought she had it in her grasp. She bowed her head and frowned.

"... I know that."

"Yeah, but you aren't being very conscientious over it."

Natsuki sighed.

"Listen. I think I can emphasize with you. But the fact of the matter is, you're doing something similar to what Tate did to you, even if it isn't in the same level. The relationship isn't even officially over yet, not while the two of you keep avoiding one another. The least you can do is tell him, at least."

"... You can't even drop that professionalism of yours for one second, can you?" Mai whispered bitterly.

Natsuki's eyes dimmed, giving the black eye even more prominence than it should have been given.

"Sorry, Mai. You've helped me out when I was in a rough spot and I'm forever thankful for that. You're my best friend and that's why I took this case personally. But if you're going to run around without thinking and fall into that same trap of trying to find happiness in that manner, then I can't help you."

Mai stood and placed both of her hands on the desk. Natsuki looked up at her best friend impassively, maintaining a patient silence as Mai struggled to voice her thoughts into words. It took a minute or so of fidgeting but finally Mai took in a deep breath and sighed.

"You know, I used to wish that you and Shizuru-san wouldn't get back together. Hell, I even used to wish that the fights would never end."

Natsuki raised an eyebrow at Mai's statement.

"Why do you say that?"

Mai fidgeted again for a second before she sighed and smiled sadly.

"I need more affection than you think, Natsuki," she muttered.

"... More affection?" Natsuki cleared her throat. "... From who? Me?"

Mai cleared her throat and her voice grew slightly louder as she gazed into those patient emerald green eyes. At least her friend wasn't attempting to derail the subject right now, so everything could finally be aired out.

"I used to think that we were more compatible back then. You seemed more open with me than with her, and during the Carnival it just looked like you were going to fall apart because of what had happened to you. And for those last few days before the end of the Carnival I used to think that it would have been nice, just the two of us wandering around together."

Natsuki shook her head slightly and smiled a crooked grin.

"Well... sure, I'll give you that. But that was then. I'm sorry, but I can't feel the same way about you. Plus you have Mikoto and Kanzaki... and you had Tate. Hell, you had a little harem running around at that rate."

She shrugged and chuckled, and Mai's heart twisted painfully in response at the carefree gesture.

"Honestly, I can't compete."

"I see." Mai tilted her head slightly. "I'm somewhat jealous of what you have, to be honest."

"Mh... You did have the same slice of happiness in your grasp before I did," Natsuki pointed out quietly before she stood up from her chair. "But this exercise is really getting us nowhere, especially if we're going to run around the past like this."

The bell rang, alerting the two to the five-minute warning before the next rotation of classes. Mai quietly packed her things and Natsuki watched her with a small frown on her face.

"Kanzaki is a good guy despite being a slimy little bastard when it comes to business deals," Natsuki announced finally. "But Tate needs to at least know. Don't burn all of your bridges down, Mai."

Mai said nothing as she threw Natsuki an unreadable look. Then she turned and walked away, but Natsuki caught her message and she sighed wearily as she watched her best friend leave. Maybe, maybe if the past wasn't so different, Natsuki would have said yes. If the strain and heartache really was too much to bear, then maybe she would have taken the easier path out. And she had to be honest with herself, of course there were those inklings of feelings that intensified whenever the two were together. There were many things in the past that she could have said to break one girl's heart and earn another's in return, but Natsuki had stuck firmly to the straight and narrow and refused to look anywhere but forward, towards those waiting crimson eyes. Had she looked back at it and given her past self an honest critique, she might have taken some points off for that headstrong demeanor. Right now she was happy, of course. Happy about herself, about Shizuru, and of course about their lives together. But it was a difficult thing to study objectively, this happiness of theirs. It never felt like a burden or a particularly hard struggle to maintain. She felt momentarily lost as she sat back down and folded her hands over her stomach. Her cell phone rang its familiar tune but she let it ring for a few seconds as she looked at the caller ID on the front screen.

Shizuru.

The past wasn't calling for her anymore. This was the here and now, not the what-could-have-been. Still, she watched impassively as the phone continued to ring.

I need more affection than you think.

Mai's voice tickled her mind and she rubbed her forehead.

Wait. They don't love you like I love you.

Love...

Love...

"... Loved."

She spoke this lone word aloud, breaking the chant in her mind.

"Nothing more, now."

Natsuki picked up the phone.

"Yo, Shizuru."

She paused and frowned contemplatively as her girlfriend spoke.

"... Really? That's interesting. No, she's pretty set on what she wants to do. I can't stop her, and quite frankly I don't feel like getting into another fight over the same deal."

She listened to the chuckles on the other line and cracked a faint grin. Natsuki leaned over to shuffle through a few papers.

"No, I shouldn't be busy then. Should I meet you there or are we going to go together?"

She leaned back on her chair.

"Together. Right. Still... That's kinda strange. But alright. See ya."

She hung up and tapped the phone against her lips.

Fuuka was always on fire with rumors, but Tate Yuuichi wasn't in any of them right now to his knowledge. Indeed, the boy had fallen off the face of the earth as far as the school's gossip-life was concerned. He attended his lessons, did the work required of him in the Student Council office, and kept his relative silence when with others. Little whispering followed him, for the situation had now taken a curious turn of events that he had almost expected in light of the consequences he had invited onto himself. Reito and Mai. Mai and Reito. Kanzaki and Tokiha. The rumors had started up when he had entered high school, and they were now continuing as he slaved through his final year in these refurbished four walls. Okay. He had expected this. He even thought about it once on a whim when they were still together and things were alright. In hindsight, everything was alright. He had these revolving conversations where his mind was firmly parked in reverse as he sat on the corner of his bed during these lonely evenings.

What else was there to do?

He attempted to quit the Student Council, handing off the papers to a silent Kuga. The Kaichou had shot him a look from underneath a partially-closed eye but she looked over the papers and handed them back two minutes later. When he looked at the papers he realized that the red stamp was not one of "Accepted" but rather "Rejected." She pointedly refused to meet his gaze even as he spent the rest of the afternoon sitting there with his eyes solely focused on that desk. When she finally picked up her helmet and tucked it under her arm, she paused and spoke only one sentence before leaving him behind.

"If you really didn't care, you wouldn't be giving up like this."

Of course, she was correct. But maybe he lied somewhere along the line and now he was realizing it. Were you allowed to go back when you realized this? Not really, but every night he laid his head down to rest and forgot about the past for seven or so hours. Waking up to an unmarked future was somewhat reassuring, but he knew that it wasn't completely clean from past blemishes and that observation only served to keep his mind firmly rooted in its own little set of iron bars. That was how he lived his life, now, sitting at his desk with his eyes never completely focused, his mind always everywhere but on the here and now.

What about Mai and Reito? He should have chased after them, caused a big ruckus, and taken his girl back with him on his majestic steed. Yuuichi found himself shaking his head every time this thought came up. No, that was a stupid idea. He wasn't the hero in this story. Everyone had changed subtly with every turn of the pages that brought them from their initial meeting in the ferry to the final conflict where the world was at stake. They weren't the same people that they were even when they had those frightening powers. These were different people now, fleshed out with circumstances that did not involve an underlying concern over victory or death. Not everything in life led to a quick and painless death. Sometimes he wondered if death would be the same now that he wasn't involved with someone like in the Carnival. He wondered if he would drift off into green sparks, or if he would shut down like a machine after having served its usefulness. This fear would freeze his insides and he oftentimes found himself wondering just what was wrong with him. With those thoughts came these late nights, and with these late nights came the late night wanderings down the streets. The weather was getting colder and colder now, and he wrapped himself up in a heavy parka and tramped down the streets with nothing much on his mind save for a desire to clean it up.

But how could you clean up that much garbage?

He absently rubbed his hands together as he waited in front of a vending machine. He made his selection after a few moments of thought and bent down to pick up two canned coffees. At least this would help his fingers keep warm for tonight. He carried the cans tightly as he walked past the streets and amusingly picked out the students currently violating curfew. If he was in particularly bad enough mood he would have berated them, but he merely shrugged and walked past them, tucking the warm cans in the pockets of his parka and closing his hands around them. It wasn't much use, anyway. People weren't always going to be caged in just because someone in a position of authority told them to go home.

Oh, but he wasn't going to change.

He walked further down the street until it took him to familiar territory. The shrine's gate was strangely welcoming and he stood next to it with a contemplative expression on his face. He had grown up around here, spending his summers tormenting a wide-eyed girl with strange pink hair. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen her in days. He wondered what she was up to, but he merely turned and walked away from that shrine. It was silly to think that after all this time and especially with the current state of events in hand for him to even consider speaking with Shiho again. He had taken in her satisfied expression upon seeing him again with a busted nose upon his reentry to the Student Council room and knew that he wasn't quite welcomed back into her arms. Fair enough. It wasn't as if he had expected to be.

Where on earth did this all go wrong?

He popped the collar of his parka up and continued to walk. No, it didn't do any good to go over the situation in his mind. His memory was shot to hell from too many replays and he couldn't concentrate well enough to recall anything especially specific. He was done being angry over it, now that he finally faced the fact that it really wasn't his right to go stomping around all over Mai's heart. Mai... He paused. He loved her, right? Not just the idea of her, at least. He liked to tell himself that he loved everything about her, but that was another fable in the book of lies he had written for his own viewing pleasure. No, it was more like the idea, now that he thought about it. The idea of stability, the idea of leaving insanity with some success rather than wallowing in failure like some of the others had taken to. Hell, even Kuga and Fujino weren't wildly successful from their jaunt outside of the Carnival, and Yuuichi had thanked his lucky stars that he didn't have to deal with that loaded mountain of drama. That was a while ago. Now he wondered if things would have been better if he had tasted that sweet misery earlier when there was still time to work things out.

Time... Time to do what, exactly? There was no time to do anything right now. Kendo still met for practice, the Student Council was now entering crunch time in preparation for another high-profile meeting, and life was more hectic than ever. Sometimes he was thankful for that kind of busy work. At least he could still his hands and let his mind focus on something rather than everything at once. But with this reprieve came the all-too-real feeling of something slipping away from his fingertips that he could not quite put words to. Of course it had to do with Mai—everything had to do with Mai. He paused, though, hesitated through explaining just what Mai had to do with anything involving his life. Who was she, anyway? Nice body, kind eyes, gentle hands. A summer's child in words and actions, an unwilling heroine in a bizarre tale. Who was she to him? The world? He couldn't say. The pit of his stomach grew uncomfortably cold as he thought through this. Really. What was it? Maybe there was no such thing as happiness. He sighed quietly and watched the white steam of his breath trail up into nothingness above him. It was all the same. Life had him tethered and chained, stuck with a growing millstone around his neck in place of some semblance of wanting to know the truth. His feet took him to the window front of a rather popular cafe frequented by a good number of students with extra pocket money. He raised an eyebrow and considered getting a coffee when something caused him to stop cold.

Reito and Mai.

Mai and Reito.

Sitting. Laughing.

Happy.

They hadn't seen him yet which was a miracle considering he was staring at them with his mouth slightly agape. They were sharing what looked to be a slice of cake, and Reito was eagerly digging into the whipped icing while Mai smiled at something he had said. Yuuichi wondered how humorous it was before he snapped himself out of it. There it was, the something that Yuuichi had found terribly missing in his own attempt at salvaging happiness with Mai. Her eyes were alive. He slowly began to remember himself and the common rules of society. It was impolite to stand and stare for seemingly no reason at all. He was going to draw a crowd and act embarrassingly out of place for a Vice President of the Student Council. All of these thoughts thudded into his brain hard enough for him to jerkily turn and march away from his impending disaster. He felt someone bump into him and he stumbled for a second before regaining his footing.

"Hey—"

Shiho froze mid-yell as she registered a silent Yuuichi. Now her brief outrage morphed into a disgusted frown.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked.

Yuuichi tucked his hands into his pockets and returned to walking once more. He didn't want to deal with this all at once, but he could hear the footsteps following her and he inwardly groaned. No, he didn't even deserve to groan at the rate he was going, so finally he stopped and turned, facing Shiho with a somewhat patient expression on his face.

"Taking a walk," he replied before she could ask her question again.

"... This late?"

"I could ask the same of you."

Yuuichi began to walk once more but his steps were slower. Somehow, being with this person was enough to slow him down. He began to notice things as he walked around the block that he had probably marched through at least three times this night. After taking in a deep breath and expelling it, he found himself walking alone and he stopped, turning to see Shiho standing still slightly behind him. She seemed to fidget with herself, fingers squirming as they clasped onto each other, but she finally pursed her lips and looked up into his tired brown eyes.

"... There's a boy in my class who confessed his feelings to me," she began softly. "He wanted to know if he could go out with me."

Yuuichi exhaled in one long, drawn out breath.

"What did you tell him?" he asked after a moment.

"... Nothing yet."

She licked her lips nervously and he realized the gravity of this situation. There had never been anyone else for this girl in front of him. No one else but him, and he had trodden all over that by blatantly pushing her away. She must have suffered over this new development in her life, feeling equal amounts of bewilderment and apprehension. Was there really someone beyond him? Could there even be someone beyond him? These roads they walked on were never all that straight despite how rigid they tried to make their footsteps. Honestly he never even gave it much thought, but now the situation had presented itself to him and he was forced to look on as those troubled eyes searched for an answer that only he could provide. He turned and faced the street, consciously avoiding that gaze.

"What kind of guy is he?" he asked in a halting tone.

"He's in the soccer club," she replied, now turning her gaze to the ground. "He also gets pretty decent grades, and he's somewhat popular with the other girls."

"Well, he doesn't sound half bad."

Shiho sighed.

"You don't sound very impressed with him at all, Yuuichi-kun."

"Yeah... Sorry. I'm just not in the mood right now."

She seemed to understand his sentiment as they began to walk once more. This time they stopped at the local park and took a seat on one of the benches. He shuffled around in his pockets and extracted one of the canned coffees that was starting to cool down in the nippy temperature. She took the offered beverage and opened it after shaking it slightly. She sipped the coffee with measured sips and waited patiently as Yuuichi struggled with his can. When he finally managed to open it without spilling most of it on himself, she found herself wanting to continue this sad conversation of theirs. Was this what a break-up entailed? They weren't even together. Then why did it feel like she couldn't even swallow the coffee she was drinking? She wanted desperately to throw the can down and shake the boy beside her until he finally did something other than stare off into space, but there was no use. Instead she leaned back and finished half of the can before cradling it in her hands.

"... Did you love Mai?" she asked softly.

He took a sip of coffee.

"I would have liked to say yes to that. It would have made life a lot easier if I could just say yes from the bottom of my heart."

"I wonder, Yuuichi-kun, if you ever did love anyone from the bottom of your heart," she continued after a quiet moment.

He thought about it, long and hard, pushing the heat-of-the-moment confessions in the line of fire and the first night at the hotel room back in Kyoto. When he did push these events away, the answer became quite clear but he did not falter. He had no reason to falter.

"I honestly wish that I could say that I did."

If the realization hurt Shiho, she was doing a remarkable job of hiding it away. He was doing a remarkable job of not looking at her. Instead she finished her coffee and set the can down beside her for a moment. He continued to sip from the can even as the coffee ran dry, if only to occupy his hands and mouth with something to do in light of the situation. He didn't want anything more to do with these people, so he stood and picked up his can and the can beside Shiho. Methodically he tossed these cans into the designated bin and tucked his chilled hands in his jacket pockets once more. He looked up, momentarily blinded by the street lamp before his eyes accommodated to the bright globe of light in order to pick out the pinpricks of stars in the sky. He found himself smiling ruefully as he caught Shiho's eye.

"You should try going out with this guy," he remarked with a crooked smile. "Who knows? Maybe you'll like him as much as he likes you."

She stood and joined him as he returned to staring at the stars.

"You know, I kinda held out on hope for the last second there," she admitted softly. Her face was hidden from his unseeing eyes. "But I knew you would say something like that."

"... I'm sorry. I wish I could have given you what you wanted."

He wasn't sure he meant these useless words at all, but he had to say them before his heart completely froze over. She shook her head and smiled a tight-lipped smile at his efforts.

"No, you don't have to be sorry. You're not being very honest when you attempt to apologize after all."

She stood and straightened her jacket before turning to walk away. She failed to say anything more as she walked, but he knew what she was trying to say regardless. He watched her go with an unreadable expression on his face before he frowned to himself.

"Well, that's it, isn't it."

So went the downfall of a rather neurotic young man, a face that wasn't quite recognizable due to its relatively normal appearance. Yuuichi took to eating his meals on the same roof where he got his face punched in, but the memory was a mere haze as the months came and went. Now it was December, a season of good cheer and a much-needed break. The Student Council meeting had called for a break, so now he was on the roof bundled up in his coat and a frumpy scarf he found at the bottom of his dresser. He munched on his packaged sandwiches and stared down at the athletic field in front of the school with a bored expression on his face. The paperwork was still piling on but the workload was surprisingly not as bad as he had feared. Indeed, now that they had an established routine and a team of four willing to work together, they found that their paperwork was slowly growing more and more scarce, just in time for break. Briefly he wondered if Fujino was going to be stopping by the Student Council room today on account of her birthday coming up soon. Kuga was a remarkably efficient Kaichou but her lack of aptitude for remembering important dates was somewhat alarming. He would have been in for an afternoon of rare fun, but with Fujino came Kanzaki, and with Kanzaki came the still unbearable desire to punch his face in. Of course, he was merely being superficial over the entire thing, but that didn't stop him from having his irrational thoughts over his unfair hand in life. But his hands no longer ached to punch their way through the problem, and he was resigned to simply sitting still and eating his sandwiches.

Yuuichi saw more of Mai and Reito, together and separately. There was no doubt in what was occurring despite not hearing a thing about it. He had locked himself in his room with paper and pen and struggled with himself for several days before setting the pen down and folding the papers together. This letter he then threw into his bottom drawer in a lock box with a key. It wasn't the time to be writing letters when everything was already said and done. He met this soccer player of Shiho's only once, during a break in classes where he had walked out to stretch his legs before the next teacher in their rotation appeared. It was then that he saw the tall, brown-haired individual with expressive eyes and an easy smile. He wondered briefly if that was how he might have looked to Shiho's obsession-addled eyes in the past, but then the boy opened his mouth and spoke with a voice refreshingly filled with honest conviction. This boy wasn't going to stray back and forth across the line, Yuuichi realized. So when Shiho walked up to him and they exchanged cordial greetings, he found himself smiling instead of frowning possessively. This was an easier pill to swallow. At least the boy did not know him well enough to be considered a friend. At least Shiho was looking towards someone who could look back at her with honest eyes.

His lone reverie was interrupted when the door to the roof opened once more. He turned and caught the familiar glasses-laden eyes of his colleague and Executive Director. Yukino seemed just as surprised as he was, but she merely nodded her quiet greeting and walked over to the railing with her hands gently resting on the metal. He watched her for a moment before returning to his sandwich. She seemed cold enough in that flimsy green jacket and lack of scarf, but the only indication that she felt the same way was from the brief shiver that left her shoulders. He finished his first sandwich and clapped his hands free of bread crumbs before standing up and stretching his arms above his head.

"You look kinda cold," he noted.

She shrugged.

"It's not so bad," she replied in her soft voice.

He offered a hesitant smile before walking closer to her. For some reason she failed to acknowledge this as she continued to stare out into the athletic fields below her. He leaned an elbow against the railing and looked down as well.

"Anything interesting going on back in the room?" he asked.

"Not really. Fujino-san and Kanzaki-san are there right now on another one of their visits."

Something was missing from this little explanation and he frowned. Now, he wasn't too observant, he knew that. Maybe if he was, none of this would have happened in the first place. But that was in the past, and right now he liked to tell himself that maybe he did have something to learn from his mistakes. Right now that something new he learned was telling him that Yukino was sounding too dismissive, too resigned to a realization that he had yet to discover. So he replayed her reply a few times in his head before noticing that the third member of that vaulted Student Council trio hadn't been mentioned in her terse explanation.

"What about Suzushiro?" he asked after a moment.

"Haruka-chan is still on campus at University," Yukino replied.

Ah, there it was. He mentally congratulated himself on finding the source of her consternation before reminding himself that it was only half of the situation. He took in her troubled eyes and uncharacteristically stern expression for a moment before he flicked his gaze away.

"Is that so? I guess she was busy, then—"

"She's avoiding me," Yukino said bluntly.

Yuuichi frowned at that.

"Eh, I'm pretty sure she probably had something to do," he offered in an uncertain tone.

Yukino shook her head and refocused her gaze out to the athletic field.

"I heard about what you did," she murmured. "Back in Kyoto. And how it affected Mai-san."

"... Yeah."

"Why did you do it?"

Yuuichi rested his chin against his palm and sighed.

"... I guess I was trying to find something I already had, now that it's all said and done."

"Happiness, you mean?"

"Something like that. But that's beside the point, isn't it? Look, it's been a while since all that happened, almost a month and a half." He felt his voice grow stronger. "And sure, I know I wasn't exactly in the right, but listen, I know that now. Kuga pretty much punched it into me if you didn't remember."

Yukino offered no reply for a few minutes and Yuuichi shook his head.

"... It's just so annoying," he muttered.

"I heard Haruka-chan might be dating someone," she said finally, causing him to stop.

"... Wow."

As he struggled to formulate a viable picture of what it might be like for that unholy terror of Suzushiro in an actual relationship with someone, Yukino sighed. Yuuichi looked over and noticed for the first time how troubled those eyes seemed beneath those glasses.

"I heard from Kanzaki-san," Yukino explained in a hushed voice. "Apparently he saw them together in various places and wanted to ask me about it. As if I was going to know. Even Fujino-san was surprised."

"That's rare for her to be surprised," Yuuichi remarked.

"I just don't understand. She never said a word about it."

This was going to be a slippery slope. Yuuichi found himself grasping onto the railing as he thought about it. How nostalgic, really. He tried to shake himself free of those thoughts, but here beside him was an individual who was slowly starting to emulate his own struggles. This was different, though. He knew her feelings for the boisterous and hard-to-handle Suzushiro. It wasn't any different from the happily-attached-to-the-hip Kaichou couple, yet Suzushiro to his knowledge was completely against the idea of two girls being together. It wasn't even a calm dismissal. He had heard the words from Mai once when the future was still reeling from events in the past. They spent hours curled up together, mumbling to one another about who-did-what and what-happened-here. Mai had been worried, of course, almost too worried for Yuuichi's comfort. Kuga was plagued by these heavy thoughts then, by fears that her feelings were merely residual emotions from that Carnival. It was then that he had learned about Haruka's impassioned statement about how Shizuru's slow descent into obsession was unhealthy, and wrong. But he could not forget Yukino's own accusations of Shizuru masquerading as Kuga's friend only for that moment. That much was a lie, of course. So on, and so forth. He honestly wondered how the four of them managed to sit in the same room civilly, much less Kuga and Yukino sharing the same office together. Maybe it was all of their faults and they were merely acknowledging this, but a quaint fact still stood. Some things ran deeper than the water used to wash them out.

So long, childhood contentment.

It was the first snow of the season, and Yukino's short hair flew this way and that from the harsh winds on the rooftop. Yuuichi watched the white flakes fall with a slightly fascinated expression on his face.

Hello, world.

It came to him now, like a lightning bolt zeroing in on his head. He nearly found himself getting bowled over by this realization.

What is happiness?

Everything, and nothing.

It was something that could be both created and destroyed, something that could be found and lost. The girl beside him was losing her little piece of happiness right now, letting it slip from her fingertips like these flakes of snow that melted upon contact. No two of them were alike. There was never going to be another Suzushiro. There was never going to be another Shiho, another Mai. Yuuichi found himself grinning before he began to chuckle to himself. Yukino frowned and looked over towards her colleague. Yuuichi shook his head but the chuckles spilled out of his lips, shaking his shoulders and tumbling out into the bitter cold.

"Go after her, Kikukawa-san. Seriously. Chase her down to the ends of the world and confess to her."

Yukino opened her mouth, shut it, then her lips parted to show a flash of white teeth before she merely frowned at the boy beside her. He cocked his head back and stared up at the whirling flurry that descended upon them.

"Look at me, giving out advice. But do it. You shouldn't sit and regret things while crying over them when no one else is looking."

"... Like you do, with this rooftop of yours?"

Yuuichi tore his gaze from the sky and looked down at Yukino who now had a bit of an understanding light in her eyes. For some reason he hated this look, but he remained relatively still as she finally sighed and nodded.

"It's odd for you to be like this for so long," she explained with a forced shrug. "For some reason, I wonder if you enjoy being this downtrodden."

She knew, then, the pain beneath his accepting eyes. She knew what he knew, about the still small meetings between the girl he had abandoned and the man he had grown to resent over the years. No one had said a word, but it wasn't too hard to assume this at all. Yuuichi tightened his grip over the railing and shivered slightly.

"Well, I'm a man who's down on luck and life, apparently. It's a sad thing to behold, but one of us has to do it."

"... It seems like you are a little too accepting of yourself."

Yuuichi wrinkled his nose at that.

"Hey, if I jumped off the roof right now, what would you do?"

Yukino blinked.

"... Well, I don't really know. You're being a little too dramatic right now."

"Yeah. Would you try to talk me down?"

"I don't think I'm the right person for that." Yukino adjusted her glasses and sighed, finally. "You don't want me to talk you down, Tate-san."

"... What do you mean?"

She shook her head and turned around to go.

"It's just like what I said. You don't want me to talk you down. You want Mai-san to talk you down."

Yuuichi watched in a slack silence as Yukino quietly exited the roof.

Your heinous highness broke her hymen, hey man try to quit your crying.
I know she broke your heart but try to come down, try to come down.

A few days later, the door to his room opened silently and he looked up. His chin was growing rough from lack of shaving and now he was sporting the stubble-ridden beginnings of a rather scruffy beard. For some reason he had an inkling over who it could have been. There was really only one more person to visit him in this stage of recovery, after all. Mai looked at him silently for a few minutes before she let herself in and shut the door. The room was swallowed up in darkness once more until she walked over and absently flipped the light switch on. He stared at her through this lone light, his eyes hollow and his lips firmly clamped together as she stood in front of him.

"I thought this was going to be extremely difficult to do," she began. "It really isn't, actually."

He nodded numbly to indicate that he was listening to her. His palms were starting to sweat as his hands grasped onto his knees.

"You probably already know why I'm here."

"I do. He's a good man. Better than I can be, anyway."

Yuuichi offered a bitter laugh that sounded too deep for his normal voice. Mai watched him quietly until his shoulders stopped shaking.

"So... did you find it?" she asked.

"I did." He shook his head. "Then I lost it. Or I let go of it, interpret that any way you like."

"So... what was your happiness, then?"

Yuuichi took in a deep breath and let out a reedy little sigh that spoke of chest congestion and sleepless nights.

"You wouldn't stray, and I thought I could stay the same for you. Forever. But I guess you can't stand still forever, or else you'll get punched one too many times for it."

He looked down at his hands and finally released his knees.

"I saw the two of you, in the coffee shop some time ago. Can't remember when, exactly. But you were beautiful and your eyes were alive."

He looked up at her eyes and saw the familiar glimmer to them.

"We used to have that. But I grew nervous, too anxious, wondering if the world was going to change overnight. And soon that started to die from your eyes, and I panicked. So I did what I thought was going to bring me that happiness back, and all I managed to do was ruin everything in the process."

"... Are you sorry you did it?" Mai asked in a hushed tone.

"Every night, I like to say I am. It's not a lie, I'm very sorry for what I did. I strayed, Mai, I turned away and I strayed. And in the end, so did you."

Silence invaded the room once more as Yuuichi's statement weighed down on Mai's heart. She made to argue against his point, but it was a bit useless.

"I didn't do anything with him," Mai said weakly.

"No. He's a better man than I will be."

Yuuichi leaned back and sighed before flinching slightly.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Just remembering some of the more brutal hits I took from Kuga. It's fine now. I deserved it anyway."

Her unspoken question was laid to rest before she could even ask it. She stared at his body sprawled out on the chair and she stood quietly.

"It's not going to heal overnight, isn't it?" she asked softly.

"You better get away while you still can," Yuuichi muttered in response. "I'm not going to ask you to come back to me after what I did."

"You'll let go of me that easily?" Her brow tensed. "What about Shiho?"

"Hm? She has a boyfriend now."

At Mai's shocked expression he offered a small shrug.

"Yeah, some soccer player. Looks like a good kid and she's giving him a chance. So far it's been alright."

"I see. So then... that's it, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It's kinda weird. I had expected some huge fight, but this is better for us."

"Yeah..."

They eased into a more comfortable silence before Mai sighed. Yuuichi looked up and frowned contemplatively.

"Wait. Have you heard anything about Kikukawa?"

"Yukino-chan?" Mai frowned. "What about her?"

"She mentioned something about how Suzushiro wasn't visiting campus again like Fujino-san and sempai."

"Oh... so you've heard something, at least."

Mai sat down again and drew her chair a little closer to his.

"Apparently Suzushiro-san is hanging around an upperclassman in the university, a male teaching assistant. I'm not sure what's really going on but if anything it's more a business-related arrangement than anything else."

"I see. So I guess that isn't too much to worry over after all."

Their conversation continued in this slow and ponderous manner with Mai offering small explanations to simple questions that Yuuichi asked. It almost felt like the past was reliving itself in his dorm room again but this time it didn't plague him as much as he had grown to expect. Soon Mai checked the clock and absently gaped at the fact that she had spent two hours more than she had expected, but soon she gathered up her things and made her way to the front door with Yuuichi following in a slightly lethargic pace. She turned around suddenly and nearly bumped into his chest, but he stopped in time to keep their distance more platonic than anything else. She merely rested her forehead on his chest and stood there as he tucked his hands into his pockets and did nothing but stare at the closed door.

"He's probably waiting outside right now, knowing him," he murmured finally.

"I wish you could say something other than that," she whispered. "Did those years really mean nothing to you?"

"Everything, Mai. They meant everything. But I can only say that now because I lost them, and I'm not going to get them back by begging you to stay here with me."

"Why not?"

"... It's just not going to happen."

She shook her head into his chest before finally letting him go. He failed to see her face as she turned to walk out the door, but he found feel the wetness on his chest as a blast of wintry air hit him on her way out.

His feelings. Her feelings. Their feelings.

The story would never end, as time passed them by and the world turned around and around. The seasons would change and the climate would shift but their struggles would never cease to accommodate for these constant changes in venue.

Throughout it all Yuuichi learned two things.

Happiness was relative.

Happiness was never concrete.

But what was happiness? This he would never be able to put into words, and that was alright for him now.

The Student Council was on break right now, and Yukino and Shiho were out fetching papers while Natsuki manned the fort for the time being. He stood on the rooftop once more. A spring wind blew on his face, carrying with it the feeling of warmth and cheer. He spread his hands and felt the wind tickle his fingertips, causing a small grin to grow on his lips. His open jacket flew back and the cloth rippled behind him through this constant breeze.

He laughed. For two minutes he laughed until his lungs heaved and his stomach hurt from the spasms. Anyone looking up at him at this moment would have had some serious concerns over this boy's well being but he merely laughed until the laughs died and his lips trembled from the lack of sound. His arms fell limply to his sides and he shook his head.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

Gonna jump

Gonna jump

Gonna die this year...

When he opened his eyes, he felt the world stop for a quarter of a second before it sped back up to him.

"Oh... it's just not worth it."

Yuuichi looked up at those impossibly blue skies that lasted from now onto forever. What would he discover from now on?

"... It really isn't worth it."

He took several steps back and turned. He walked the fifteen steps from the railing to the door, opened the door, and walked back in with a definitive push behind him to get the door closed. He wasn't going to resist his future today, or the day after that.

He was now off the roof.

AN: Well, here it is.

As I said, this was a bit of a personal reflection, which could account for the abrupt end of this piece. There might be an extra, but I would probably finish Winter's Road before I think about it.

That said, if there are any pressing questions, do feel free to ask them. If there are more than a few, I could even post a general question and answer piece in response.

Cheers, and remember, happiness doesn't really make sense unless you give it a meaning.