Warnings: Language, hell references (obviously), futurefic, lack of spellcheck, etc. Slightly cracky but not too terrible.
Notes: Written uber-quickly...you may find it a bit sad but I find it kinda amusing XD

Under

"Welcome." The tall man with a black goatee said. "I see you have a reservation."

"Uh, why am I in the underworld?" Kaito asked, looking around. He noticed the flames burning random folks who had apparently done badly back on Earth.

"You stole for years, fooling the woman who loved and married you. You made Nakamori Ginzo's blood pressure increase. You tortured Hakuba Saguru, Kudo Shinichi, and Hattori Heiji. You loitered and littered. I see no reason why you wouldn't be here." Lucifer replied, writing something down in his pink notebook with a smiling panda on it.

"Well," Kaito frowned, "I didn't know I even died."

Lucifer shrugged. "Most don't. You had a very exciting death."

Kaito blinked. Exciting? His eyes lit up. "I got revenge on my father's killers? I saved Aoko from being hit by a bullet? I jumped into a fire to save innocent citizens from death?"

"Nope, you were at the aquarium and the glass shattered, releasing millions of gallons of water on you. You drowned in a sea of marine fish." Lucifer said casually.

Kaito shivered. "I knew they'd do me in. Any chance I can escape my fate? I still have some things to do in life, you know."

"Such as?" The demon asked.

"Help my son grow up, tell my wife I love her, torture detectives...lots of cheesy stuff. Or corny. You can choose your food-related adjective." Kaito replied.

"Sorry, I can't do it." Lucifer said with a tiny smile. "I'm not even in charge anymore. We had a new dictator come in and take it all over, and frankly this king's scarier than any other. I peed in my pants during our meeting yesterday."

"Who is it?" Kaito asked, almost afraid of the answer. There were only two people more frightening than Lucifer himself...

X

"What a wonderful collaboration." Akako said cheerfully, clinking her glass against her partner-in-crime's. "I should have known that upon your death, you would take over Hell. I gladly accept the position of grand advisor to Hell's ruler. Naturally, I am not dead yet, seeing as I am magical and cannot die. I shall help you anyway."

Ai Haibara glanced at her uncertainly before giving Akako a smirk. "So, shall we torture Gin some more today? Or will it be Vodka?"

"Both." Akako said viciously, waving her hand as the two late gang members began to shriek in pain in the distance.

"Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" The witch cried as Kuroba Kaito entered the room.

"Hey, Akako, my old friend!" He said warmly.

"Ah, look who has arrived." Akako said, crossing her legs. "What do you require of the king?"

"Can I go home? Please? Even if you hate me, you don't want Aoko to be sad." Kaito said, looking much like a puppy dog.

"Ugh..." Akako rolled her eyes, annoyed to admit that he was right. Aoko wouldn't be much fun to hang out with if her husband were dead.

"Very well..." She muttered. "But in return, you must stop littering!"

"Sure, anything." Kaito said with a grin.

X

"I'm so glad you lived through that." Aoko admitted as they left the hospital. "What a freak aquarium accident."

"I knew that the fish were dangerous." Kaito muttered before remembering something. "Hey, Aoko?"

"Yes?" She asked, crossing a puddle.

"Is Akako your best friend?"

She considered. "Other than you, yeah."

Kaito hugged her. "Good choice on that friendship! If you ever die, you'll understand why I'm saying that."

Aoko stared at him for a long time before deciding that she did /not/ want to know.

X