BPOV
A month. It's only been a month since Edward left me. Every night, I've had nightmares. I haven't said a word to anyone, except I occasionally talk to Charlie, or else he might bring me somewhere, for 'help'. Ever since he left, I've been wearing dark colors, but don't get me wrong, I'm not goth. I've just never worn blue since he left, because he said it looked amazing on me.
Lately, the nightmare have been getting worse. I wake up in sweat, and I find a new bruise somewhere.
Everyday is the same now. I never smile. People say I walk around like a zombie at school. My friends have given up on me, they just make up more stories about me. They say I'm goth, I cut, and much more.
But they don't know anything. The reason why I've been having nightmares is partially because of Edward, but I didn't mention that I was raped. By Jake. The week after Edward left. Thankfully, I am not pregnant, but I can barely step foot in my own house anymore. Charlie was gone with Billy, then Jacob came over and... you know the rest.
One day, I decided to be different. I didn't go to school. Its Friday, and I don't care anymore. I was going to leave a note for Charlie, but then he would just come looking for me. I wrote a note saying I was going on a shopping trip with my girl friends, so I would be gone all weekend. But I have no intention of shopping.
I got in my car and went on the highway. After driving for a couple of minutes, I turned down the familiar but haunting driveway. After making it to the house, I got out, opened the door, and stood in the doorway.
It looked exactly like the way they had it. Its like they never left. I walked around the living room, remembering all the wonderful times we spent together. I wonder if they will ever come back, and I hope they will forgive me.
I walked into the room with the piano. One final song won't kill me, I thought. I laughed at my inside joke. I walked up to the piano and sat on the chair. I started playing, then I started singing.
I'm
so tired of being here These wounds won't seem to heal
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And
if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause
your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me
alone
This pain is just too
real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When
I cried you'd wipe away all of my tears You used to
captivate me These
wounds won't seem to heal When I cried you'd wipe
away all of my tears I've tried so hard to tell myself that
you're gone When I cried you'd wipe away all of my tears
When I'd scream you'd
fight away all of my fears
And you held my hand through all of
these years
But you still have
All of me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life
you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant
dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
This pain is just too real
There's
just too much that time cannot erase
When I'd scream you'd fight away all of my
fears
And you held my hand through all of these years
But you
still have
All of me
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all
along
When I'd
scream you'd fight away all of my fears
And you held my hand
through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
After I finished the song, I noticed I was crying, something I hadn't done since Jacob raped me. I thought that if I cried again, maybe he would come back and do it again.
I stood up, and there was a rustle in the bushes. I didn't care. It was probably some animal. I walked upstairs. Everyone's room was just as they left it. I walked past Edward's room, without even opening the door. I went into the bathroom, to look at myself one last time. I took out my knife, and placed the tip on my left wrist. I slowly dug it in, spelling...R...A...P...E...
I closed my eyes, let the darkness take over; hopefully taking the pain away. I listened to the birds outside, and I could feel the warm blood running down my arm. I was finally free...