Disclaimer: Super Smash Bros Brawl, Subspace Emissary etc are not mine. Never will be.

Author's Note: This is pure stupidity on a stick. I saw a fic similar to this one on this site some years ago; I have attempted to find it again, but have failed. Perhaps it is deleted. Some of this story borrows elements from that fic; if this is considered plagiarism, I will remove it with haste.

I decided to take a day off from writing 'Within the Cardboard Box' and wrote up this piece in half an hour. It's got absolutely nothing to do with anything. Oh God. The only reason I wrote it is because that little Subspace Enemy called Mizzo was highly intriguing. I thought, hey, there's only one specimen of it. But it must have had some kind of use.

So this was created. It's in Tabuu's POV. Most of the entries are utter nonsense, yet there is a kind of insane logic in there somewhere. (Waits for flames)

First, catch a Mizzo. This should not be hard; there is only one specimen available, which is stored away in the Halberd. It is a very versatile creature that may change depending on surroundings. Go through the rooms in order until you come to a display room containing various types of the Subspace Army - however, you should take great care not to touch the other specimens. They are mostly hostile and will attack anything that moves; and even if you damage one, there are plenty out there. There will be a glass case containing a round creature attached to two blue tentacles, with two thin, spindly arms and legs, and sporting a tasteful greyish-blue colour. This is a Mizzo.

Second, examine the Mizzo.

The Mizzo is making a energetic, but not wild, swimming movement: This is normal behaviour. You are a highly pleasant fellow. Look forward to winning many brawls in the future.

The Mizzo is thrashing around wildly: You are a restless person, perhaps too much so. You need to seek some form of relaxation. If you're interested, Nurse Peach is providing some massage therapy in the infirmary.

The Mizzo is hovering, alive but weak: Meta Knight must have forgotten to feed it. If you could remind him, then it would be most greatly appreciated.

The Mizzo is a bright blue: Your love life is in order.

The Mizzo is a shocking-pink colour, wears a monocle and a top hat, and discusses metaphysics with you: Congratulations. You have delirium tremens.

The Mizzo is alive, but still: You have the most mesmerizing stubble and eyes. Either that, or a wonderfully curled mustache. Mizzos like that.

The Mizzo is flexing its arms, but not legs: You're a lonely woman seeking a man.

The Mizzo looks terrified: You're admittedly not good at a poker face; however, you know how to clearly state your thoughts.

--

Third, look at the Mizzo from a sideways view. Get a 30cm ruler.

The Mizzo's arms are under 15cm in length: You possess a great memory, especially when it comes to nourishment.

The Mizzo's arms are over 20cm in length: Perhaps Meta Knight needs to buy a new container?

The length of the Mizzo's arms are equal to the length of its legs: You are highly inquisitive.

The combined length of the Mizzo's arms are equal to the circumference of its body, multiplied by the square root of the combined length of its legs: Is someone thinking you particularly tiresome?

The Mizzo is a perfect sphere in body shape, with more than four appendages that are spread out equally over its body: Dr. Mario's free this Saturday, you know.

The Mizzo has one eye, is mostly silvery, and has no arms and/or legs: That's not a Mizzo. It's a Glire. Get a real Mizzo and start over.

--

Now stand up and walk away from the Mizzo. Walk forward a few paces and observe its reaction.

The Mizzo keeps on swimming: Fortune is with you. Good luck in your brawls.

The Mizzo twists to the left: You will soon meet your adversary in a match and you may well lose. Run for it.

The Mizzo twists to the right: Take care. Someone's going to displace you in the Tier List. Especially if you happen to be a red-clad plumber - watch out for your younger brother. He's frolicking around with a homicidal mercenary when you're not around, and also claims to be better than you are in this tournament. Which is unfortunately true, by the way.

The Mizzo struggles desperately to get towards you: Ah, it likes you! Consider adopting it!

The Mizzo is completely still: It's dead.

It took me ages to create this creature, you know. I demand compensation.