Deeper into the descent I continued, driven by this force. Driven by the power of memories I wish I could have forgotten. Events and people best left within the darkness. I always knew I was different from the others, I noticed that the day I touched my chest and realized, though without horror, my heart rested silent. Did I even have one? As the days have gone by I slowly remember everything. The pain has grown immense to know I was never supposed to exist in the first place. How could she tell me that... That's just the fate of a nobody.

We don't even exist...

I ran away from the truth. It was easier that way, to run and cast aside everything that I was, everything I was supposed to be. To shed the heavy black robes of my brethren and try to hide myself as something I wasn't nestled away here amongst the whole and human. I was a fool to think that could honestly happen. To think that a nobody thought they might have an honest chance at existence. I was a fool. I thought I could run away. It just seemed so much easier that way..

Axel had called after me. I ignored him, disappearing into the darkness of the night and becoming swallowed up by my own delusion. A desire to be free and whole again. Isn't that what we all want? He stands in front of me now, the pain etched in his eyes so obvious that I forgot him and everything about us. There was an 'us'... wasn't there? Yes, of course there was. I loved him, held him, kissed him and made love with him. We brushed and moaned and cried in sweet ecstasy together.

How could I forget the one thing that truly made me whole?

I truly am heartless in retrospect. The fact that I could turn my back on Axel that night and abandon him and the Organization altogether. Drowning myself in my own questioning. The willpower it took to not run back into his arms as he begged and pleaded for me to return back home with him was immense. It took every ounce of what little I had left to leave. I just wanted to scream and run into his arms, hold and cry against him as he pet me and showered me in tenderness only he could ever show me. Even though we had no hearts our souls had become one.

Now as I stare up into that chlidish face topped with those outrageous spikes I want to scream and run back into Axel's arms. At the time it had been so much easier to run. Now I see I had only deluded myself thinking the answers would be black and white and so easily obtainable. This is the truth, I tell myself. I'm a nobody and I have no right to exist. Hell I never was supposed to. Something takes hold of my body, tearing and ripping me apart. I want to run away again. It would be so much easier now, to run away and fall back into Axel's arms and plead for him to erase the hurt. To take me and make me whole again.

I thought it was easier to run...

I couldn't have been more wrong...