Disclaimer: I do not own the plot or any of the characters from Artemis Fowl. Everything else I do own.

Thanks for all the reviews i got so far :) I admit I expected a few more, but oh well lol

So anyways, Chapter 3 is up! Read and Review pleaseee :D

The Lower Elements, Haven City

A slender elf with shoulder length auburn hair sighed contently as she slipped into the steaming bathtub. The temperature of the water would have left a human with severe burns, but it was exactly right for the elf. Slowly enjoying the nettle smoothie next to her, she closed her eyes and smiled happily.

Ahhh... now I know what it's like living the "good life". No chasing bad guys for two weeks, what more could I ask for?

The elf lay in the sea of bubbly water, savoring every moment, when suddenly, her fairy communicator vibrated violently beside the bathtub. A slender arm blindly reached for the rumbling device. Unfortunately, the elf's hand was slippery from the bubble bath, and the communicator slipped out of her grasp and into the bathtub.

Shit.

Grumpily, the elf fished the device out of the soapy water.

Thank god Foaly made all the LEP equipment waterproof.

She clicked the answer button, and the face of Trouble Kelp, now Commander of the LEP, appeared on the screen.

Well... there goes my two week vacation...

"Hello, Captain Short, really hate to interrupt your two week holiday, but it's an emergency. I need you to report at Headquarters ASAP. Is that okay with you?" asked the pixelated image of Commander Kelp, an apologetic look on his face.

No, it's not okay. This better be good...

"Of course it's okay, it is my duty as Captain to respond to emergency situations, right?" Holly replied, saying exactly the opposite of what she was thinking.

Kelp's apologetic face was replaced by a look of relief.

"Excellent! I knew I could count on you, Captain!"

"What is this "emergency" anyways?" Holly asked, curious.

"It's too complicated to explain right now. I'll get Foaly to fill you in on the details when you get here. Anyways, I have to go, I'll see you later."

"Later" Holly said, reaching for the close conversation button with her finger, when Kelp spoke.

"Oh, and Captain?"

"Yes Commander?"

A grin split Trouble Kelp's face.

"Nice chest."

Only then did Holly realized that she was no longer covered by a sheet of bubbles. She quickly covered herself with her arm, her face twisted with raging anger. If looks could kill, Trouble Kelp's face would have been vaporized on the spot.

"YOU PERVERTED SON OF A - "

And before Holly could finish her sentence, the LEP Commander gave her a wink and closed the video call.

LEP Headquarters

Holly walked into the headquarters and quickly headed towards the briefing room. Foaly was sitting on his modified chair with an impatient look on his face. Spotting Holly, the centaur got up and greeted her.

"Well Princess Holly, you sure took your time getting here, didn't you?" Foaly said with his hands on his hip in mock anger.

"Well sorry Foaly, last time I remembered, I was still on vacation, isn't that right?" Holly replied with a grin.

"Okay, point taken." Foaly admitted, before sitting back down next to his computer. "Anyways, let's get down to business. Take a look at this picture one of my satellites took this morning at 8:47 am. And prepare yourself, this ain't gonna be pretty."

Holly took a seat next to Foaly. She wasn't worried. She'd seen lots of pretty disturbing things in her life, like Mulch's hairy behind.

"Whatever Foaly, spare me the drama, just show me the picture."

Foaly just nodded and clicked a button. An image popped up on the screen. Holly took one look and clutched her stomach.

"D'Arvit.." Holly swore.

"I have satellites located in every major city on Earth to monitor any unusual occurences. This photo was snapped in Downtown, Toronto." Foaly explained, pointing to the photo. Six bloodied human corpses laid in a dirty alleyway, some of them missing arms and legs. A seventh body was slumped next to a wall a few meters away from the rest of the bodies.

"So what attacked them?" Holly wondered out loud.

"Well honestly I really don't know. I did some close inspection this morning on the picture. See here..."

Foaly zoomed in on the neck one of the mutilated bodies.

"Look at the neck."

Holly stared.

What could it be?

"Looks like bite marks to me. A vampire...?" Holly guessed.

"Correct. Exactly what I assumed this morning. But something isn't quite right, can you see what it is, Holly?"

Holly glanced at the neck for a few seconds.

"No." She replied, lamely.

Foaly grinned.

"Thought so. The problem is, when a vampire bites, only its two large upper and lower canines penetrate, therefore leaving its victim with four holes in the neck. This bite here leaves eight holes. Do you understand now, Holly?"

"Well Mister Smartass," Holly muttered, "maybe there were two vampires."

Ignoring the insult, Foaly continued on his lecture.

"There are three more problems in this situation. Vampires are very greedy creatures, therefore they always hunt alone, so no one else can steal their victim. Secondly, vampires have lived peacefully among humans since the 18th century, so a vampire attack seems extremely unlikely. Which brings us to our third problem... If what attacked them wasn't a vampire, what is it then?"

A silence loomed in the room, both Holly and Foaly deep in thought.

Finally Holly spoke.

"I have an idea."

"Lemme guess, Holly, you want to ask Artemis Fowl for his help, am I correct?"

"What other choice do we have? We can't figure this out on our own, and it wouldn't hurt to have help from a boy genius now, right?"

"I suppose you're right. I'm genuinely stumped this time, and if anyone can help us solve the case, it's Artemis Fowl."

Holly stood up quickly.

"Alright then, I'll go grab a pair of wings and pick him up now." She said, not wasting any time.

Just then, Trouble Kelp walked into the room. He winked at Holly, then turned to Foaly.

"I'm guessing you have filled her in on all the details, Foaly?" Kelp asked.

"Yes Trubs, got it covered." Foaly smirked. He never passed on a chance to be an ass to someone.

"Don't call me Trubs you little pony, it's Commander Trouble Kelp!" roared Trouble Kelp, his face turning a deep shade of red. If Holly didn't know better, she would have thought Julius Root's spirit was channeling through him.

"Ok guys... try not to kill each other, I'm going to go." Holly said, as she walked towards the door.

Suddenly, she turned around.

"Oh, Commander Kelp, I almost forgot to tell you something!" Holly exclaimed.

Kelp walked over.

"What is it, Captain Short?" He asked, his curiousity getting the better of him.

Holly leaned her head next to Kelp.

"Now we're even!" She whispered, and kneed him in the crotch, making him double over.

Trouble Kelp swore and covered his crotch, writhing on the ground in pain.

"Ughhahhh! My crown jewels! My poor babies!" He moaned loudly.

Holly grinned, winked at her commander, and walked out of the room.