Disclaimer: I do not own Bobobo.

A/N: I'm trying to make this resemble more of the manga/anime series, with the crazy antics and everything, but with OC villains and techniques and such. There probably won't be as many Japanese references though as in the actual series, only to other mangas/animes. I also use the Japanese name for Don Patch's doll; it's "Ya-kun".

The sun was shining brightly in the azure-blue skies as the Bobobo-Gang was walking through the desert. They had been traversing the seemingly endless landscape for days on end, and every member of the group was beginning to grow tired and weak. Their gang currently had Bobobo, Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Beauty, Gasser and Softon.

Wiping some sweat from his wet brow, Gasser asked aloud, "Gah...when will this torment end? I need a rest..."

Beauty nodded and let out a small mumble in agreement.

"Let me check the map! There might be a village nearby!" Bobobo exclaimed, and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a large Alaskan Tuna.

"THAT'S NOT A MAP! WHY DO YOU HAVE A FISH IN YOUR PANTS, ANYWAY?" Beauty shrieked, snapping out of her recent slump.

Bobobo stared at the fish for a few moments, then turned to Softon, who was carrying a bowl with the liquefied essences of Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler floating inside. It seemed that they had melted due to the heat.

"Does this look like a fish to you?" The afro-sporting warrior asked him.

Softon grunted. "Hell if I know..."

"YOU'RE SO...STUPID!" Bobobo shouted furiously as he smacked Softon across the face with the fish.

"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Gasser cried.

Suddenly, Beauty moaned in pain and collapsed to the ground. "Ooh...my...my head...I can't see straight..."

"OH MY GOD! Beauty!" exclaimed Bobobo as he just finished off eating the fish.

Running over to the pink-haired girl, Gasser quickly checked her pulse and pressed his palm against her forehead.

After a bit, he stood up and said, "I think Beauty's suffering from heat stroke! We need to get her to a hospital and out from underneath the sun as soon as possible!"

"But that's impossible!" Softon explained, "According to my calculations, the closest village with a hospital is miles away from here! Plus, there's nowhere we can find shade in this accursed desert!"

Don Patch, who seemed to have reformed offscreen along with Jelly Jiggler, smirked and replied, "We need shade? If that's all we need...why don't we just blow up the sun?"

"WHAT?" Gasser exclaimed.

"I'll destroy that big ball of fire in one fell swoop! Jelly...strap it on!" Don Patch snapped, looking over to his blue gelatin friend.

Jelly Jiggler nodded and strapped a large cucumber to the orange man's back.

"Good luck...and god speed!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, and he saluted as he lit the bottom of the cucumber, sending Don Patch flying high into the sky. Everyone watched in anticipation as Don Patch came closer and closer to reaching the sun...until he flew directly into it.

"DAMMIT, DON PATCH!" Bobobo shouted, "WHY ARE YOU SO USELESS?"

"C'MON, GUYS! THIS IS SERIOUS! BEAUTY COULD DIE!" Gasser exclaimed, trying to get his friends to focus on the real problem here.

"Gasser is right!" Softon proclaimed, "We need to stop acting like ditzy Kansas City faggots and get serious!"

"Who's a ditzy Kansas City faggot? Not I!" Jelly Jiggler snapped, now wearing a girl's high-school uniform with lipstick and a blonde wig. He also had a badge on his chest that read 'I'M FROM KANSAS CITY' on it in chinese characters.

Struggling to carry Beauty's limp body, Gasser said, "Softon...I need you to carry Beauty. You're stronger than I am..."

Softon nodded and took Beauty in his arms, making sure to be gentle. Meanwhile, Bobobo seemed to have mysteriously disappeared.

"Ah! Mr. Bobobo! Where are you?" Gasser called out, but no one answered. In the back, Don Patch fell from the sky and landed headfirst into the sand, now a burnt charred mess.

Then, suddenly...

Bobobo burst out from underground, wearing a mole costume.

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Bobobo smirked confidently and said, "Don't worry, gang; I've found a great place that'll take care of Beauty...for free!"

"Really? Where is it? What's it called?" Gasser asked, glad that they were finally getting somewhere.

Bobobo pursed his lips, furrowed his brow, and thought deeply for about five minutes.

"...I forgot." Bobobo said eventually, shrugging and sticking out his tongue all silly-like as if he thought he was being cute or something.

"YOU DUMBASS! HOW DARE YOU FORGET!" Softon shouted, and he pulled the Alaskan Tuna out of his pocket and smashed it across Bobobo's face.

'Just what the hell is up with that tuna...is it stalking us, or is the poor thing just really unfortunate?' Gasser wondered.

'I AM stalking you...' the tuna thought, smiling lustfully at the white-haired boy.

Suddenly, a voice from behind said, "I overheard you speaking, and I believe I can help you with your dilemma..."

Everyone spun around and came face-to-face with a stranger completely hidden underneath the trench coat and brown hat he wore...and he was riding atop a cowboy like he was a horse.

"Please...just let me see Jack again...I beg you..." whimpered the cowboy, but he was kicked in the face by the side of the trench coat man's shoes, who snapped, "SHUT UP! YOU ARE MY HORSE! AND HORSES DO NOT TALK! GET WITH THE PROGRAM, ENNIS!"

"OH MY GOD! IS THIS GOING TO BE A PARODY VERSION OF 'BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN'?!" Gasser screamed in horror, but the mention of the gay-cowboy movie seemed to stir Beauty a bit.

"What? No! D-Don't be ridiculous! P-Please, just shut up!" stammered the man in the trench coat, failing to hide his embarrassment.

"Whatever; your sexual orientation is of no interest to me!" Bobobo declared, "Just tell us how you can help save Beauty!"

"Yeah! Tell us!" Don Patch added, just so he can show the others that he was still alive. As usual, though, everyone ignored him, and he literally froze on the spot.

'Wow, he got the cold shoulder...' Gasser thought.

The trench coat man nodded, and then turned around and pulled out a small remote from his pocket. He pressed down the large red button in the middle, and the entire desert began to shake violently.

"AHH! AHH! I'M...I'M JIGGLING! I'M JIGGLING!" Jelly Jiggler screamed in horror, as he was indeed jiggling.

"OH NO! IT'S AN EARTHQUAKE!" Gasser exclaimed.

"HURRY...SOMEONE SAVE THE TUNA! HE'S JUST A CHILD, I TELL YOU!" Bobobo cried.

"FORGET THE TUNA; SAVE MY DEAR YA-KUN!" Don Patch shrieked, wearing his infamous lipstick-eyeliner combo, waving his dear "Ya-kun" around happily.

Without a word, Bobobo snatched the doll from Don Patch and crushed it with his bare hands.

Suddenly, a huge building began to arise from underneath the sand; it resembled a demonic castle from ancient Japanese fables, and a huge sign on top of the structure read '0-Block Base'. An evil demonic air seemed to flow off from the frightening base.

'0-BLOCK BASE?! THIS IS A HAIR HUNTER BASE?!' Gasser realized. There was no way that Bobobo would actually willingly enter what is obviously the enemy's base...right?

"Follow me." The trench coat man purred, and he and his cowboy/horse/thing walked towards the castle

"LET'S GO! I WANT MY MACARONI!" Bobobo exclaimed furiously, and he grabbed Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler and dragged them across the ground as he rushed ahead.

Softon just grunted and followed suit, Beauty still unconscious in his arms.

'Dammit...I should have known he'd go...' Gasser thought with a sigh as he reluctantly followed the rest of the group.

The trench coat man was having trouble keeping himself from bursting out laughing as he lead the Bobobo Group to the front gates.

'Heh heh...how foolishly foolish can these foolishly foolish fools foolishly be? I mean...they are so foolish! They have no idea that they are falling right into my foolish trap! Wait! It's not foolish! What am I saying - I mean, thinking? Goddammit, I got lost in my monologue again...'

Eventually, they reached the front doors of the castle, which were covered in graffiti and bad penis drawings. There was also a sketch of Suzu there, for some reason.

"So...are you all ready to die - I mean, foolishly die - I mean, come inside?" the trench coat man asked.

Bobobo nodded. "Of course; you obviously don't mean any harm."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DOESN'T MEAN ANY HARM? DIDN'T YOU JUST HEAR HIM TALK ABOUT US FOOLISHLY DYING?" Gasser snapped.

Chuckling, the trench coat man knocked on the doors and exclaimed, "YUOHIAOHFOJFHUOHJOAHKOUEORJLVNSMSDFMHGOSJS!!"

"THAT'S A FREAKIN' WEIRD ENTRY PASSWORD!" Gasser noted.

"I liked Beauty's freak-outs more! Stop copying her!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, smacking Gasser in the face several times with his 'NU' purse.

Gasser snatched the purse from Jelly, tore it in half, and snarled, "I. AM. NOT. COPYING. HER."

Today, Jelly Jiggler learned that mocking Gasser's freaking-out abilities was like pissing off the Devil itself.

Slowly, the doors began to open. Too slowly, actually...

"...How long does it take for us to even be able to go through?" Softon asked.

The trench coat man thought for a moment. "About 3 hours, 2 if we're lucky."

"NOT...GOOD...ENOUGH!" Bobobo exclaimed, and he slammed his right fist into the doors, shattering them into pieces.

"Hell yeah! Let's get going inside!" Don Patch said.

"Hopefully, we can still save Beauty in time..." Softon muttered.

"GWAH! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE DOORS COST, YOU SUNUVABITCH?" The trench coat man shouted. Cursing under his breath, he unsheathed a knife from within his coat and charged at the afro man.

"DIE!"

Unfortunately for trench coat man, he had forgotten Bobobo was the hero...and the hero ALWAYS won. Unless this was Death Note or something.

"SUPER FIST OF THE NOISE HAIR: SMASH N' CRASH!"

Using his two long nosehairs, Bobobo entangled trench coat man and swung him around wildly before smashing him headfirst into the ground.

Coughing up blood, the trench coat man's last words were, "D...Dammit...I should have...at least gotten a name before...I died...ugh..."

"Oh, yeah! Awesome job, Mr. Bobobo!" Gasser exclaimed, pumping his fists in the air.

Crying tears of joy, the cowboy trench coat man had been riding ran over to Bobobo and hugged him rather affectionately as he cried, "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much for saving me! Let me return your kindness...with a kiss!"

Bobobo stood completely still as the cowboy drew his lips closer and closer...

Then Don Patch stabbed his onion sword right through the cowboy's stomach, and the poor man collapsed to the ground, dead.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU KILL THAT POOR GAY COWBOY?" Gasser cried.

"Does it really matter?" Jelly Jiggler asked with his elbow on Gasser's shoulder and looking smug.

"...I guess not."

Now that all the distractions were eliminated, the Bobobo Group finally entered the 0-Block Base, unaware of the insane evil they would soon encounter inside...