ver. 1.20 (April/2010)
Neon Genesis Evangelion:
GLiA
Act 1
Dissolution / Escape The Silence
1st Cranial Nerves Section, NERV hospital. Ward 303.
Shinji sat on the stool by her bed. It had been several days since he had last came to visit her. Sunlight poured in through the windows, and the chirping of a bird could be heard faintly over the background noise of the life support machines.
"Almost everyone's gone...most of the city...our classmates...even Penpen."
His words were almost whispers. Shinji did not even have the energy to get frustrated anymore, as he had the first several times when he visited her. Now he only felt guilt, and the familiar sense of dread.
"It's so quiet without you...the phone never rings...the TV is never on..."
He merely sat and watched her.
"It's so empty."
The sound of the bird had long since vanished before Shinji noticed its absence.
Unbeknownst to Shinji Ikari, a struggle to survive was taking place in ward 303.
A personal war of loneliness and self delusion. Pride and lies. Denial, conditioned behavior. Frustration, anger, hidden truths.
An uncountable array of thoughts, memories and events that had brought Asuka to this point in her life.
Asuka's hair and plug suit were still dripping with LCL as she ran down the corridor. She moved with purpose, a look of satisfaction on her face.
"Mama, I did it! I beat the angel all on my own!" She exclaimed proudly.
The door at the end of the hall was in sight now. Asuka felt like laughing; she wanted to enjoy her hard earned victory as much as she could.
"I didn't need anyone's help! I proved that I'm the best pilot!" Asuka boasted.
The door at the end of the hall grew closer. She was almost there.
"Aren't you proud of me Mama? I grew up strong just like I said I would!"
Openly smiling now, she flung the door open in her excitement. "Look Mama!"
What she saw froze her in place. Her smile vanished as Asuka's features contorted into an expression of pure horror.
Hanging from a crude noose, Asuka's naked corpse swung gently in place.
The pale face was as empty of life as its eyes. Its dead gaze slowly swept over her as it continued a rotation around the room.
Asuka did not hear herself scream.
The room was bathed in the orange glow of the evening sun.
Shinji sat slumped in the stool, staring sullenly at the tray of hospital food he held on his lap.
"I miss...eating dinner together. I don't cook anymore."
Despite not eating properly for two days, the contents of the tray were of no interest to him.
"I wish you would wake up..."
The cup of soup had gotten cold. The slices of toast were beginning to dry out.
"I...I don't know how much longer I can go on like this..."
Asuka was alone in her room, lying on her bed as usual. The rest of the room was bare, the door was closed and the light was off.
A dim beam of moonlight came through the window, or perhaps the city lights. Asuka did not know what time it was.
It did not matter to her; it was always dark outside. She simply stared at the shadows on the wall, idly tangling her hair around her finger.
Misato might be home.
"Why should I care?" Asuka whispered absentmindedly.
Misato lets you live with her. Misato cares about you.
"She never really cared about me to begin with...just part of her job..." She said softly.
Don't you want Misato to talk to you?
"Misato can't even help herself. She's pathetic..."
Kaji might phone you.
Asuka stopped playing with her hair.
"He abandoned me."
Shinji might be home.
Asuka hesitated a moment before answering. "So what? He leaves me alone."
Don't you want to him to cook for you?
"Nah." She said casually, relaxing slightly.
Don't you want him to do the laundry?
"No."
Don't you want him to run you a bath?
Asuka sat up on the bed, the light from the window revealing a look of frustration on her face.
"What? No!"
Don't you like it when he does things for you?
"He just saves me the trouble!" Asuka was clearly annoyed.
Don't you want to tell him what to do?
Her eyes widened at the accusation. "...No! He's just...convenient!"
Don't you enjoy telling him what to do?
"I only do it because it's so easy." Asuka stated, inclining her head in an arrogant manner.
Don't you want him to knock on your door?
"I like being alone." She declared icily.
Don't you want him to talk to you?
"No!" Asuka blatantly yelled the denial.
Don't you want him to chase you?
"He's useless! He's nothing to me!" She fervently denied.
The little girl sitting on the end of the bed kept her back to Asuka. A stuffed monkey doll protruded over the child's shoulder, held like an infant in a mothers embrace. It peered back at her with its little eyes.
"I DON'T NEED ANYONE! I DON'T NEED ANYONE'S HELP! I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!" Asuka screamed.
But you can't.
The curtains were drawn on the windows for the night in the hospital ward. Shinji was awake, lying uncomfortably on the small hospital bench tucked against the wall. The nurse had at least left him a small pillow this time. His SDAT player was laying on the floor just within reach, its batteries long since dead.
Shinji could make out the shape of her bed in the feint lights of the monitors. Sometimes he could just make out the sound of her breathing.
There was nothing but silence back at the apartment, and the empty darkness. Most nights; Misato did not even come home.
At least here, he did not feel so alone.
"Misato used to ask about you...but she doesn't anymore. I haven't seen her in awhile."
He longed for sleep; it was an escape from all of this. Lately it was getting more and more difficult to do so, and he never dreamed anymore.
It was going to be a long night.
Asuka sat in the entry plug of Unit 2. Her knees were curled to her chest, her arms wrapped around them in a self embrace.
All the monitors were black. The hum of machinery was the only audible sound. She could feel the Eva in the edges of her mind, just out of reach.
She knew any attempt to connect with it would be a waste of effort.
"What...what do I have left..."
A memory of Kaji walking away from her. The smell of perfume lingering after him.
A memory of Misato leaving the apartment, not saying where she was going.
A memory of Hikari looking back at her sadly, before walking through a door.
A memory of her Father packing a suitcase.
A memory of her Mother's tombstone.
"Everyone just leaves me behind in the end." Asuka spoke softly into the LCL, tightening her arms around herself in a vain effort to escape her own thoughts.
"I'm in the way...nobody wants me anymore..." She whispered in anguish.
Then Asuka remembered more.
Her grandmother held her tiny hand as she watched them lower the casket into the ground. Everyone around her was dressed in black.
"I have to be strong! If no one wants to take care of me...I'll do it all on my own!"
Asuka stood amongst a sea of legs. A cacophony of condolences, soothing comments, and people crying swallowed her thoughts.
"I won't cry anymore!" Her childish voice declared.
She was riding in the backseat of a car. A woman's arm was around her.
"I will be strong."
Then she opened her eyes.
Asuka immediately noticed she was wearing her school uniform.
"Where..?" She was standing in a familiar white room with a large observation window.
"No..."
She looked around for an exit, but was met with only bare walls.
"Not again! Not here!" Asuka shouted in denial; her fear clearly visible on her face.
Sinking to her knees, she began to shiver. Asuka put her arms around herself, as if to keep warm.
"I don't want to be here! ... I don't want to be here... I don't want… to be here... I don't want…"
Her voice trembled more and more with each ragged syllable.
A muffled sound from the adjoining room brought Asuka to her sounded like someone was talking.
Cautiously, Asuka made her way to the window. She knew the room beyond the glass; it was burned into her subconscious.
The bed was in the middle of the ward, the blinds pulled shut on the windows beyond it. The night-stand stood beside the bed with a fake plant on top of it.
What looked to be a person was lying down in the bed. The sheets were drawn over the body, making it hard to judge the gender and age of whoever it was. Asuka wanted to see the person's face, but there was something in the way. Something that was not from her memories.
A person was sitting in a chair facing the bed, totally obscuring the identity of the beds occupant. Asuka could not make out who it was; it was like her eyes suddenly refused to focus.
Behind her, people began to whisper.
Female Voice: Nothing we...medical...wait and...
Male Voice: Second... child.
Female Voice: Ever since...found... that...
Straining to hear better, she looked around herself trying to locate the source of the voices.
Male Voice: Ever...up?
Female Voice: For...praise...others?
Male Voice: Young...can...wait...
Female Voice: I...even you...hate...everything.
"This is who I am." A clear voice said suddenly.
Asuka turned in the direction of the voice and recoiled in surprise. Beside her, looking through the window stood a mirror image of herself. She was the same height, wore the same clothes, and even had her hair in the same style.
Asuka took a step back reflexively. "...What do you mean?"
Staring intently into the other room, she did not react to Asuka's question.
After a moment, she spoke. "I don't want this."
It bothered Asuka to hear her own voice sounding so sad.
"But what choice do I have." The girl continued.
"I…I don't understand." Asuka said disquietedly.
She turned to look at Asuka. Her every feature mirrored Asuka's perfectly, except her eyes. They were blue like her own, but cold and vacant.
Asuka could never look at someone like that. It unsettled her.
"I don't have anything to live for. I don't have anyone left, besides Mother." The girl told her remotely.
"Mother is…dead." Asuka replied, narrowing her eyes.
"Mother will always be with me." She stated distantly as if Asuka had not spoken.
Anger flared up in Asuka. A familiar feeling, but it seemed like something she had not felt for a long time. "What are you talking about? She left me behind just like everyone else!"
"Everything is fine now." The strange version of her went on absently, turning back to the window. Asuka followed her gaze.
Within the ward; the chair stood empty. Upon the bed was a child, she was lying on her back. The young girl was staring blankly at the ceiling with her blue eyes; only half open.
Red hair spilled around her frail face on the adult sized pillow. She looked pale, sickly.
"This is what Mama wanted."
Asuka recoiled from the window, a look of shock plain on her face. "That…that is not me!"
"Mama will be so proud of me."
Asuka made her hands into fists, she visibly trembled with rage.
"You bitch!"Asuka growled as she struck out at the other girl. She stumbled and nearly lost her balance as her fist sailed through the suddenly empty air.
Shinji had opened the curtains at first light. The nurse had brought him some water and had refused to leave until he had drank it. He stood now beside Asuka's bed, her hand held in his.
"What should I do Asuka?" He pleaded.
His gaze was fixed on her, the pale morning light framing her serene expression. She seemed so delicate.
Her hand was completely limp in his own; a somber admonition.
"I don't understand why you won't wake up. Please...Asuka." The strain was obvious in Shinji's voice.
As always, nothing but the rise and fall of her breathing. The beeping and humming of the machines.
"You're the only one that...that hasn't left me...I...I need you...to..." Shinji fell silent as the meaning behind the words escaped him.
He gently placed her hand back at her side.
Sighing deeply, he rubbed his tired eyes at the morning light. His appearance was sullen and disheveled, his clothes wrinkled.
He turned and walked to the door, but hesitated before opening it. Shinji moved slightly; as if he meant to turn around.
With a pained expression on his face, he turned the handle and stepped through.
Managing to regain her balance, the ground crunched under Asuka's feet as she landed in a crouch. First, she noticed that she was wearing a black dress, and then she became aware of something prickling her hands.
Grass?
Standing up, she noticed the air was thick with fog all around her. Row upon row of gravestones loomed within the glimpses it permitted. The only sound she could make out was her own breathing. Asuka was dimly aware that she had been here before.
A slight breeze began to stir her hair and dress. Just ahead, the fog was parting. Leaning forward slightly, she could make out a figure standing before a single grave. Seeing no other options, Asuka made her way in that direction. Getting closer, she thought the figure might be a boy. It looked like he had short hair.
He began to walk away as Asuka approached. Running after him, she called out. "Hey! Wait!"
The figure was quickly swallowed by the thick expanse of mist.
Sighing in defeat, she settled for finding out what the person was doing here in the first place.
Asuka approached the grave. It looked recently filled; the tombstone was new and untouched by weather.
It read:
Soryu Asuka Langley
2001-2015
Asuka looked around in confusion.
No one will care that I'm gone. I'm just a burden.
Her own voice echoed in her mind.
"But…"
I'm alone anyway. What does it matter?
"I'm not dead! I'm still alive!" She protested.
I'll do just what Mama wanted!
"No!"
I always wanted her to be proud of me!
"You're wrong, damn you!"
I won't be alone anymore! I'll be with Mama in heaven!
Asuka was on the verge of crying. She squeezed her eyes shut; forcing back the tears that threatened to escape.
"NO! This is not what I want! This is not what I want!"Asuka desperately objected.
Without warning, seemingly hundreds of voices were beginning to speak.
They were all Asuka's voice, all saying different things. They became louder and louder as they quickly grew in number. A dizzying assault of memories and images clouded her mind as she put her hands over her ears in a futile attempt to stop the now deafening noise.
Tears freely streamed down Asuka's face as seemingly everything she had ever said or done in her life boiled forth in a chaotic torrent. The girl tried to scream over and over again. She tried to tell it all to stop, but no sound escaped her lips.
Now doubled over before the grave; Asuka hung by a thread as it all threatened to swallow her whole.
And then there was a sudden silence.
Asuka's mind raced. Trembling, her breathing was shallow and frantic. With unsteady hands, she wiped her eyes.
The sight of tears on her shaking hands stilled them. Her shock quickly turned to disgust.
I can't be weak again. Not now. Not here.
She became angry at her tears, angry at her surroundings, angry at herself.
"That wasn't...No none of this is what it should be!"
Asuka looked around at the murky surroundings dubiously before turning defiantly back to the grave.
"This is not my grave! Do you hear me? This is not my grave!"
_
The tombstone read:
Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin
1974-2005
Come...die with me...Asuka...
Asuka's anger began to forge a steely resolve, deep within her.
"...I...am not going to end up like you."
Don't you want to die with me Asuka?
Clenching her hands into fists, she looked down at her Mother's grave with solemn remorse.
"...Never."
Two figures emerged from the fog behind her, both taking up a stance on either side of the grave.
"I will be strong, like I always have!" The child told the tombstone in her small, determined voice.
"I will live on." The strange reflection of herself said assuredly.
"I can't give up. Not yet." Asuka declared. Her dress was gone; she felt more comfortable in her plug suit. It gave her a sense of purpose.
She watched the child disappear into the shrouded rows of the graveyard before turning to the other girl. Asuka noticed that she also wore a plugsuit.
"Who...are you?" She inquired warily. The girl's expression was muted, betraying nothing as she looked Asuka in the eye.
As Asuka peered back into her blue eyes, she confirmed they were identical to her own. However, she discerned something foreign or extrinsic in them that bothered her. It was an impression familiar to Asuka, but she could not identify it.
Asuka wondered if they really were her own eyes gazing back at her.
When the other girl smiled at her, it caught Asuka completely off guard. Almost humbled, she merely blinked in surprise.
The strange girl kept smiling as Asuka found herself continuing to blink rapidly; her eye lids suddenly becoming heavy.
Asuka tried to keep them open, but her efforts were in vain. She completely lost all sense of balance as her eyes began to irrevocablydrift closed.
Time seemed to slow as Asuka felt herself falling forward.
In that instant; she thought she saw a little boy with white hair standing in place of her other self.
And then she saw nothing at all.
Somewhere, a machine was beeping.
It beeped at a steady pace. It was joined by the low humming of other electronic machines. The sounds were familiar.
Her eyes were having a hard time adjusting to the light. Her vision was blurry, but she could make out a white ceiling. It was all too bright.
"Where am I...now?" She whispered faintly.
- ENdE /-/-/
Authors Notes:
Thank you for reading.
There are gaps, grey areas, questions and mysteries throughout the Evangelion story. Some of these are terrible, ugly or depraved, but above all; unknown. Some could be inspiring or even beautiful.
My intent with this project is to visit some of these aspects, and explore new ones. I hope to broaden the experience of an already deep story so many people enjoy.
Welcome to Neon Genesis Evangelion: Glia.
This chapter starts a short time after the events of Episode 24 in the original Evangelion series.
I don't know long this project will be, but I currently have 6 chapters outlined. This being the first completed chapter.
I encourage you to direct your love/hate, suggestions/ideas and any other form criticism or inquisition you may have to here or to my e-mail.
Tell a friend! Keep Eva fiction alive! love/hate/rage/suggestions, ideas and inquisition in all forms are welcome and encouraged~
Glia - pronounced [glahy-uh, glee-uh, gli-uh] -
The delicate network of branched cells and fibers that supports the tissue of the central nervous system.
For a pronunciation example and more check out .com
Ende - German for "End".
v.1.10 - Wow, a final draft at long last! Hurray for rewrites and feedback!
v 1.11 - Fine tuned the ending and other various parts for smoother reading.
v.1.20 - Final Edit. I'm going to go ahead and call this done.
Original Evangelion concepts are copyrights of Gainax. Co. Ltd.
This fic is for fun/entertainment purposes only and not for any form of profit.