No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.

-The Weepies

He knows he shouldn't be doing this. That it's irresponsible, unrealistic, and most of all just plain stupid. But Katherine's all hard edges and hard bodies and hard words and her hair is brownblonde so he doesn't have to choose between the two anymore and honestly, since when has he ever been that responsible?

And as he walks into the White Party with the hottest girl he could imagine on his arm, his knees practically buckle at the sight of her, Katherine, with him, her husband, on her arm. If this is what Blair felt like whenever Serena was with him, he should buy her a pony or a diamond necklace or a palace or something to apologize for this awful, awful feeling that just won't leave him alone.

Jealousy sucks. Even with his extensive, expensive, going-on-four-years of education at a top private school in Manhattan, those are the only two words that he can think of that describe the situation accurately.

God, he needs a drink. Maybe scotch. Then again, definitely not.

As he lusts over his…well she's not quite sure what they are to each other but he sure is turning up the puppy dog pout, she laughs to herself. Her fake boyfriend is her best friends ex-boyfriend who also happened to be the guy she lost her virginity to at a bar during a wedding and now he's jonesing after some old(er), married woman and she pines after a different ex-boyfriend who lives in Brooklyn. It must be something in the overpriced bottled water. It's almost pathetic to see the way that her pseudo-boyfriend looks, scratch that, stares at Katherine. But at least he isn't looking at her that way anymore, and they can handle pseudo-relationships without awkward sexual tension or mad best frenemies or complicated pasts. Just two best friends.

But she would still do almost anything to wipe that sad little look off of his face and smack it right onto that bitch's Botoxed face. So when he wishes out loud practically the same thing, it kind of surprises her how easy the idea comes to her. Because she shouldn't be thinking of him that way, and he definitely doesn't think of her that way, and there's just too much heartbreak between the two. Besides, she's in love with Dan. Absolutely positive about it. Though somehow, that doesn't stop her from kissing him hard on the mouth and smiling and giggling that five year old laugh that Dan loves so much. She twines her fingers into the curls on the bottom of his hair, and enjoys the whole thing entirely too much.

He was taken aback at first, that's for sure. But this is Serena, and even though the part of his heart that loves, loved, her has been trampled on and torn apart and left bleeding in the middle of the street, it's still there. So when her lips smile against his, he kisses them again. And again. And again. Because being with Serena comes all too easy to him, and he remembers bar stools and yellow dresses and champagne. Which also reminds him of brown eyed does and sharp Brooklyn wit and wedding rings and other reasons why they never work out. So he breaks off he kiss, and knows that the corner of his heart is going to need more stitches tonight. Then he looks over to Katherine to see if she'll bandage it for him.

When he breaks it off, she remembers why she kissed him in the first place and notices his eyes are right back on aforementioned Botoxed bitch. Turning around to see Dan sitting there though, all thoughts of Nate are practically wiped out of her head like Dry Erase marker. Because he, Dan, the one who she loves right now, right this instant, so much that it hurts hurts hurts when he looks at her like that, is here.

And then she remembers that she was just making out with Nate. They look at each other, and some sort of epiphany slaps her across the face. Nate makes her feel like sophomore year. All giggles and alcohol and first times and "please take care of me".

A part of her heart, a little itty bitty part that didn't pound when Dan looked at her just then, was happy beyond belief and wanted to keep kissing the beautiful boy with bright blue eyes. And she knew that he felt that too. But that part was much too small, and the other beautiful boy in her life (the one who really counts) is staring at her with pain and jealousy and love in his eyes and relief floods through her system.

But she thinks of the unbelievable ache she feels at night when she's laying in bed by herself and all of a sudden the world seems a little less stable and a little more shaky. And god oh god oh god why does life seem so damn tragic when it's really simple? After all, that throbbing ache will go away if she just tries to explain instead of giving in to the slightest temptation in her fingers to grab Nate and kiss him till Dan can't watch anymore. Because she loves Dan, and he loves her.

So she goes after Dan and tries to explain and he ends up with Katherine in some bed with white white sheets. Because even though Nate makes her feel like sophomore year, Dan makes her feel everything. And that is just so much better.