Deep Secrets

Bella

McKenna Lewis

"Bella!"

Oh, crap. I knew what was coming when Alice sounded like that. It meant that she was going to do something either extremely annoying or extremely embarrassing to me. Preferably both, in her opinion, although she didn't see it as annoying or embarrassing from her point of view.

My five-year-old daughter, looking like she was sixteen, was sprawled over the couch, intent on the movie we were watching. Nessie had been fascinated with the story of Romeo and Juliet ever since I'd let her read the book, so the screen versions naturally called to her. It was her first time seeing this particular version of Shakespeare's original tragedy, and I didn't want her to miss any of it.

"Not now, Alice," I hissed. "We're watching a movie." I was pleased to have an excuse to stay out of Alice's silly little games.

She appeared in the doorway to the living room, sinking gracefully into a chair. "Bella, you've seen this movie more times than I care to count, both human and non. Surely you've memorized it by now? Therefore, Nessie is the only one watching the movie, so you are available to do whatever you want to do, and right now, you want to come with me."

Nessie laughed, a tinkling melody of wind chimes. "She's got you there, Mom." She lazily reached out one finger to touch my cheek. Se was envisioning me going off with Alice. I'll be fine, she told me mentally. I always am.

I sighed. Alice grinned, then grabbed my arm, yanking me upstairs.

"Alice!" I complained. "I know how to walk!"

She didn't say anything, just laughed as she came to a stop in her room. To my surprise, Rosalie was there, and Esme.

"What is this, a girls' party? Why wasn't Renesmee invited?"

I heard Nessie laugh again, and, as Romeo had just killed Tybalt, I doubted her humor was from the movie. So, my own daughter was in on the plot.

I shook my head, trying to distract Alice with a question. "When are the guys getting back?" I missed Edward, and knew Alice missed Jasper, just as Esme and Nessie missed their men.

Renesmee's and Jacob's unorthodox relationship had taken a turn to the physical, much to my dismay. I didn't want to see my daughter and my best friend cuddling, or falling asleep in each other's arms at night. Ugh.

Alice frowned, obviously aware of what I was doing, but answered. "At 1:27 tomorrow morning. And you won't stop me with useless questions, Bella. We're going to play a game."

Rosalie laughed. "Why don't you tell Bella exactly what we're doing," she suggested.

"Yes," I agreed acidly. "Please, let Bella in on the secret."

Alice took a deep breath, beaming at everyone. "Deep Secrets."

Crap. We'd played this game before, and I knew it would only end when I was truly embarrassed. I leaped up, planning to sprint as fast as I could to the woods, but Alice knew my plan the second I decided it, and she moved to block me. "Sorry, Bells," she grinned. "We're playing."

"You might as well sit down," Esme laughed gently. "She even dragged me into it."

Glowering, I resumed my seat, and Alice's expression turned evil.

"Rules," she announced. "Each of us will ask one question, and the rest of us has to answer it, whether they want to or not. Before everyone else answers, though, he asker has to answer. Oh, and Bella? You answer last this time. Everyone clear?"

I nodded glumly, having heard the rules recited often. Alice always chose a random person playing to answer last. The others could answer in any order they wanted.

"Mom did ask the right question earlier," Nessie spoke from the open door. "Why wasn't I invited? This sounds fun."

My eyes widened, and I shook my head frantically at Alice. I knew the kind of questions that was usually asked, and I did not to hear my daughter's answers, nor did I want my daughter to hear my answers.

Alice, however, smiled welcomingly. "Of course, Nessie. I wasn't sure if you'd want to play, so I didn't ask. Come sit by me."

She wasn't sure if Nessie would want to play. Right. I didn't believe that for a second.

Nessie folded her legs next to her aunt, stretching out her arms.

"What about the movie?" I asked desperately.

"It sucked," she replied nonchalantly. "Claire Danes is so not Juliet, and DiCaprio is a lame Romeo."

Alice just smiled at me. "Oh, Nessie? You have to answer out loud. Ready?"

She was answered by varying degrees of enthusiasm. I didn't say anything at all.

"Nessie," Rosalie asked. "Did you want to ask first?"

She looked uncertain. "Um... I don't really know what to ask. You go ahead."

Rose thought for a moment, then smirked. "What's the kinkiest thing you've seduced your man with?"

Nessie froze. Oh, God, Rosalie. Why did you have to start out with such an inappropriate question?

Rosalie answered herself. "I dressed up as a bear for Halloween night one year." She waggled her eyebrows at us suggestively.

Alice simply smiled. "Actually, that Halloween is my answer, too. I was a very promiscuous cowgirl. He loved it."

Esme looked as if she'd be blushing of she could. "I was a nurse that Halloween."

"Wow," I muttered to Nessie. "I'm glad I missed that year." She laughed.

"Hmm," she thought out loud. "A dead rabbit."

We all stared at her, wondering how in the world you could seduce anyone with a dead rabbit.

"Well," Rosalie stuttered. "I suppose he is a wolf."

I closed my eyes. I don't want to know, I don't want to know, I chanted to myself.

"Mom? Your turn to answer."

I kept my eyes closed as I spoke. "Ice cream."

The room erupted into giggles. I opened my eyes to glare at them and saw Alice smiling smugly at me and Nessie looking faintly disgusted as she laughed.

"Please!" Nessie chuckled. "I do not need or want to know what goes on between you and Dad!"

Rosalie was laughing so hard she would have had trouble breathing were she human. "Ice cream?" She forced the words out between her giggles.

I grimaced. "You really don't want to know, and I wouldn't tell you if you did."

Alice resumed control then, and I was grateful for that.

"Esme? Your turn."

I was relieved. I knew Esme wouldn't come up with anything too humiliating, and I was right.

"When was the first moment you realized that he loved you?" she asked, smiling at us gently. "For me, it was a week after my transformation was over. Carlisle was teaching me to hunt, and the way he looked at me... I just knew he loved me."

Rosalie sighed. "I knew Emmett loved me the second he saw me. He looked at me like I was an angel, and Edward told me that Emmett fought the pain by thinking of my face." A smile lifted up the corners of her mouth. "Of course, Edward had to ruin the moment and tell me that he was getting rather sick of seeing my face in Emmett's thoughts."

We all laughed, and I could imagine Edward speaking to Rosalie in irritation about it.

Alice grinned impishly. "I knew Jasper loved me before he knew it himself, of course. It was one of the strongest visions I've ever had. And he figured it out the night he met me."

I was suddenly worried about my daughter's response. Surely she knew by now that Jacob loved her. If not... well, I wasn't going to be the one to tell her that.

But Nessie was pondering over her answer. "I've known that Jake loves me for quite a while now," she said slowly. "I'm not sure he even knows that I know. I've been very careful not to think it through my hands. I knew when Mom came back from her first hunting trip."

I gasped. I hadn't even known about Jacob's imprinting then. I hadn't even known Nessie would remember that. I supposed it shouldn't surprise me.

My daughter turned to look me in the eyes. "He was so protective of me. I knew he hated me before I was born. I couldn't understand why he would put himself between you and me – you, my own mother! The only explanation I could come up with was that he must love me, no matter how mind-boggling it was."

Her expression became eager. "Your turn." She loved hearing her father tell stories about my human days, and she rarely got to hear them from me, as my memories weren't clear. I smiled at her.

"I can't really think of the moment I knew he loved me. I was so sure that I wasn't right for him, I didn't pay much attention to his feelings for me. Subconsciously, though, I knew Edward loved me when he saved me from the van. Consciously... I only knew for sure when he told me, and even then, I could hardly believe it."

Nessie looked enchanted. I told myself that we would have to talk together, just the two of us, and I would have to tell her my side of my life.

Alice spoke up again. "Nessie? Are you okay with asking now?"

My daughter thought for a moment, then grinned. "Sorry Alice, I'm not ready to ask a question that would embarrass everyone here. So I guess I'll ask the follow-up to Esme's. "When was the first moment you realized you loved him?"

She glanced around expectantly, then her face crumpled. Oh dear. She forgot that she had to answer her own question. She looked guiltily at me, and I understood that she was afraid to say it in front of me.

"It's okay, Renesmee," I murmured. "I've known this was coming for a while. And don't worry. Nobody here would tell him. Rosalie hates him too much, Esme wouldn't if we asked her not to, and Alice wouldn't dare unless she wants Edward and me after her. Go ahead."

She smiled shyly, the continued. "I... I realized I loved Jake – " I couldn't help but notice the look of adoration on her face when he said his name " – when we were ready to fight the Volturi, and I thought I was going to have to leave you. I thought that – that maybe I could give some of my love for you to Jacob, so that it wouldn't hurt so much to go away."

I stared at her in shock. I hadn't expected that. "Oh, Nessie," I whispered. "It's all right. I'll never leave you."

She looked up at me with a tragic face. "I just never took back that little bit of love from Jake to give back to you."

I made a mocking face. "The dog can keep it. He needs a little more love from this family." I deliberately smirked at Rose.

"What, my turn already?" She grinned. "And I'll forget that totally wounding remark, Bella, if you help me wash the cars later."

I winked at her. "Deal."

"Good." Rosalie's face cleared. "I knew I loved Emmett when I realized that I couldn't stand to let that bear kill him. I knew I loved him when I realized that I had to save him."

Esme's eyes twinkled. "I'm like Bella," she told us. "I loved Carlisle in my human life, before he ever thought anything of me."

Alice sighed. "Esme, you know Carlisle couldn't stop thinking about you, even after he fixed you. And anyway, I knew I loved Jasper when I knew he loved me. I just didn't know that I knew yet." She sighed again. "My life is so boring compared to all of yours."

I snickered. "I won't argue with you on that one, Alice." She glared at me, and I grinned back. "What are you going to do to me, big sister? Take me shopping? Scary."

She faked a growl at me, and I shook my head. "I knew I loved Edward," I told Nessie, because everyone else knew already, "when he found out that I knew about vampires. He didn't kill me immediately, like he should have, and he answered my questions. And he promised to see me the next day." I struggled to remember more clearly.

Rosalie grimaced. "Bella, you are so easy to get to. Any little emotion, and you take it way overboard."

"Whatever, Rosalie," Nessie defended me. "I'm glad it worked out the way it did. I came out of this unconventional relationship, remember."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Your turn, Bella."

I had my question ready. "What was your happiest human memory?"

"Umm... Mom?" Nessie tugged on my sleeve. "I'm still human. Well, partly human."

"What was your happiest memory before you started the new life?" I clarified. "For me, it had to be when Edward heard you before you were born," I spoke to my daughter, "and he said you loved the sound of our voices."

She frowned slightly. "I remember that." She sounded awed. "My happiest memory was when I heard your voices, and I knew that I belonged with both of you."

I smiled hugely at her, amazed that we could have so much in common even when we were both weak.

Alice cut in. "Hate to break up the mini revelation party, but no human memories from me. Désolèe."

Rosalie looked sad. "And none of my human memories are ones I wish to remember. I guess you could say that my happiest human memories are of being human."

"That does make sense," Esme said quietly. "Especially in your case, Rosalie. My happiest human memory would be having an amazingly handsome doctor treat my broken leg."

"Okay, okay." Alice was impatient. "My turn."

It was a curious feeling when an unworking heart sinks in horror. I knew that expression on her face, I knew that sly laugh. Alice was planning on embarrassing someone, and the most easily embarrassed here would be... me. Crap.

She seemed to have trouble holding in her laughter as she quickly spat out the question she'd obviously been holding in the whole game.

"What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?"

I froze. She couldn't know... Oh crap, crap, crap. Edward was going to kill me. And her. I couldn't tell them... Crap.

Alice winked knowingly at me, and I fought back a snarl. I'd let Edward deal with her if he didn't kill me for telling them. She started speaking.

"The weirdest place I've ever had sex was in the American Eagle women's dressing room in the Mall of America."

Esme didn't look at any of us as she said, "The janitor's closet in the hospital in Denali."

Nessie looked absolutely mortified, capturing my feelings perfectly. She glanced wildly around that room, her eyes resting on me, and suddenly I knew.

Dammit! I was going to murder that mutt! He'd promised. Then I smiled in my head. I could let Edward take care of Alice and that stupid, flea-ridden dog.

I didn't want to hear Nessie's answer, but I had to admit, I was curious.

She bored a hole into the carpeted floor as she choked out her answer. "Emmett's jeep."

Rosalie stared at her in surprise. "Wow. Wait till Emmett hears about that. He'll be wanting a new one."

Nessie was suddenly glaring ferociously at her. "You will not tell anyone, Rosalie Hale. I don't care how tempting it is."

Rose blinked. "Okay, okay, I won't tell him. Purposefully. He might, er, coerce me into telling him. And I'm not in control of anything that comes out of my mouth when we're – "

"All right, Rose," Nessie muttered, sounding tired. She looked beyond guilty, like she'd murdered someone. "It's your turn."

I knew she just wanted the attention off of herself. I decided to let it go until later.

Rosalie tilted her head, considering. She had a lot of sex to sift through, and I was sure most of the situations were pretty bizarre. But nothing prepared me for her response. "The It's a Small World ride in Disneyland."

Nessie stared at her, openmouthed, while the rest of us burst into laughter. "How did that work out?"

"Well, it was late at night, the boat was empty, and the ride is pretty damn long. I was humming that stupid song for hours after. The only bad thing that happened was that I left my bra in the boat, and the guy working the ride – this obnoxious, pimply teenager – picks it up and puts it in his pocket." She snorted. "And I wasn't about to go get it back."

My daughter shook her head. "You're crazy," she told Rosalie.

"Haha," she replied. "Wait till you hear your mother's. I wouldn't be surprised if it was worse than mine."

Instantly, all laughter stopped, and they looked at me expectantly. I kept waiting for my cheeks to start burning, for my heart to pound, but the only sound in the room was Nessie's heartbeat.

"Come on, Bella," Alice goaded me. "We're waiting."

I glared at her. She knew. She'd planned this whole thing out so that the main entertainment would be my embarrassment. I thought I'd spare Edward the trouble and kill her myself.

"Fine," I muttered. "Edward and I were downstairs, you all were hunting, and Nessie was God knows where. Anyway, we didn't quite make it to our house, so we sort of... used... the piano."

The room fell completely silent except for Alice bursting into laughter and Esme running out of the room. From downstairs, I heard her get out a bottle of something. A piano key clunked, and then I smelled bleach, and I realized what Esme was doing. Cleaning the piano.