All my life, I've been told I'm nothing special, that I was easily replaceable. I never really understood how someone, anyone really, could say that to a little kid. But now it's sunk in. I was created for a purpose, and if I didn't do what I was made for, then I was going to be replaced.

I guess all I was looking for in him was love of some sort. I got everything but that and this is how it all began. . .

Sei's eyes were always full of expression, and I remember very clearly that they were the darkest blue they could possibly be without being black. I think that's the only thing I didn't hate about him after I had left. His dark, raven hair and pale complexion seemed to add to his indifference of me. I suppose I had found qualities in him that I lacked in myself. I wanted desperately to feel wanted, and now I had my chance.

Sei had grabbed me by the hand, leading me through the dark hallways until we reached his room. It had been almost midnight, and we had definitely missed curfew, but he didn't seem to mind all that much. Lessons would begin in the morning, and I was feeling apprehensive about it. My name hadn't come out yet, and Sei was close to believing we weren't a pair anymore.

He pulled the covers back on the bed, climbing in. I stood there, pulling at the hem of my shirt. He hadn't ordered me to sit or lay down.

Finally he sighed. "You can sit without my permission. Ritsu was being a bitch when he said you had to follow my every order." I sat, and he pulled me close to his chest. I didn't really feel anything but the strain the position was putting on my back. Sei patted the pillow next to his head. "Lay down with me until we get up, then. Ritsu isn't expecting us until eleven, so we can sleep in today."

"When will my name come out?" I asked.

"Dunno. If it doesn't then I guess you'll be replaced. Nagisa might keep you around, but it's unlikely she'd let you stay here if you're completely useless."

If I had been expecting anything more than a blunt reply, coated with razors instead of sugar, then I had been sadly mistaken. Sei's rough manner of speaking didn't earn him any points with anyone.

Training hadn't gone exactly as I had thought it would, either. Ritsu gently removed my shirt, telling me to put my hands on the wall. More instructions came out of his mouth as the whip snapped against my back and I tried to follow them. I didn't cry out, I didn't even make any noise. Sei watched with interest as Ritsu struck me several more times, leaving deep gashes between my shoulder blades. I felt it tingle, but kept my eyes closed, breathing past the pain he wanted me to feel.

"Teacher, what's the point of beating him like this?" Sei asked.

"If he adjusts his pain tolerance, little spells in battle won't affect him at all. The purpose of this training is to make you used to pain so you can fight no matter what happens. It was the way I trained Soubi."

Soubi, his only prized student. The Beloved Sentouki. Nagisa hated him with a passion unlike no other. Her desire to kill Beloved drove her to create the Zero series, and Sei and I.

We were Hollow. Unlike the Zero units, we felt pain, but we were meant to enjoy it, not fear it. With Ritsu's training, we would be untouchable.

"Rei, hands on the wall. We'll start again," His voice rang out in the room.

I nodded, placing my hands against the wall once more. He cracked the whip on the floor once, and then struck me again. It didn't even tingle this time. I was already used to it now. I imagine Nagisa hadn't wasted her time and research on nothing.

Sei had dressed the deeper wounds on my back before we left Ritsu's session. My Sacrifice had showed no mercy, dumping the anti-septic on without hesitation. I clenched my fists in agony. It was worse than being struck with the whip.

"Did that hurt?" He asked, sounding amused. I shook my head, breathing deeply. "Liar. That hurt like hell and you know it."

"It's only his first day, Sei. Give him a few months and I'll have him up to the standards Soubi was above," Ritsu commented, running his hand through my hair. He lifted my chin, and I stared at his face. "Never forget what you learn here, understand?"

I nodded, and he dropped my face. I stared at the cold, tiled floor. I wanted nothing more than at least a hug from Sei, but I was denied even that.

Sei didn't even like me, and somehow that hurt was more painful than the gashes in my back.

Weeks passed by, and the training got more difficult. I had a pearl white scar around my right wrist from Ritsu's carelessness. The whip was no longer effective, and he was now engaging me in battles without Sei to build up tolerance and strength. He explained that when a Sentouki fights without a Sacrifice, their power is halved, and if the names don't match it was halved again.

All he bragged about was Soubi and Loveless, marveling at how they fought, and won, at half of their individual strength. Maybe it was just apathy, but I didn't think it was so special.

Being forced to fight with higher level students proved difficult. My spells amounted to nothing due to lack of confidence, and theirs tore at me as if I were a paper doll. Once Sei was brought into the fighting, everything changed. Ritsu's words echoed through my mind as we fought Sleepless.

"You must fight to protect your Sacrifice, and no matter what, you must win."

My spells had more purpose than before, and the fact I felt I had a purpose boosted my certainty that the spells would be effective.

It was around that time I began to realize there would eventually be a sexual aspect to Sei's relationship to me. I was fifteen, he barely thirteen, and I hadn't ever considered bringing it up with him. He was nowhere near mature enough to understand those confused feelings.

At least, that's what I had initially thought.

I began to slowly realize just how much Sei didn't want anything to do with me. He would tease me, letting me kiss him, and would touch me, getting me hard, but deny me the satisfaction of relieving myself. I felt even more worthless and when I trained with Ritsu, I found myself talking to him about things that Sei did to me.

On one such day, I told him about Sei's hands, and how they would wander, only to leave me unsatisfied.

"I guess that's the price of one's power. Soubi had similar experiences with Seimei, and I helped him through that, but I'm sure you aren't interested," He commented.

"Why does he do it, though? That's what doesn't make sense to me. If he's not going to finish what he started, why bother doing it?" I sighed, rubbing my arm self-consciously.

"It's a power struggle, Rei. He doesn't feel in control, so he puts you in a position where he has absolute power over you. Seimei demonstrated similar tactics with Soubi. He used him efficiently, though. It seems like Sei is still a child," Ritsu sounded disgusted as he spoke about my Sacrifice. "Soubi wanted to feel loved, but Seimei wouldn't allow it. That's why he can't bring himself to ever leave Ritsuka. If he does, there will be no point to his existence."

I didn't understand. "How is there no point?"

Ritsu studied me for a moment. "Without Sei, what purpose do you serve?"

"...None, I suppose."

"If Seimei hadn't ordered Soubi to go to Loveless, then Soubi most likely would have killed himself, or died of a broken heart," Ritsu sounded like he was confessing something, rather than telling me. "He never got the chance to consummate his feelings for Seimei, but then again, Seimei would have rejected him as before."

"But I thought he didn't have his ears?" I asked, feeling a little embarrassed asking about someone's sex life.

"If you find yourself in a similar situation, I'll show you the same kindness I showed him."

"I don't understand."

Ritsu motioned with his hand for me to come around the desk. I hesitantly did so, and stopped about a foot from him. He leaned forward, reaching out and grabbed my arms in his hands. I let him pull me forward, but resisted a little.

"Sei needs to feel in control and when he doesn't, he will always become mean and do these things to you. What you need to do is give him something he can't take; A compliment, something simple."

I wanted to frown and point out to him that's what boys do when they like girls, but ignored the impulse. "I need to get going now, though." I said instead.

Ritsu smiled, ruffling my hair. "Of course, Rei."

Sei was waiting impatiently for me back in our dorm room. His posture told me all I needed. I stopped in the doorway, fearing he'd hit me or worse, but when he stood up he only handed me some money.

"We're going out, Rei."

We ended up wandering around the central part of Tokyo with little more than fifty dollars. Sei was demanding, as usual, and tugged on my hand. I felt like maybe he was growing up a little more, but the illusion was soon to be shattered.

I felt a faint humming just beneath my skin. The feeling was so odd I couldn't ignore it. Finally I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and gripped Sei's hand tightly. "Hold up, I think we've got company."

Sei frowned at me. "What the hell is with you now?" His tone sounded annoyed, like it was my fault this feeling wouldn't go away.

"There's a fighter, I think."

"Do you feel his battle parameters?"

"Not exactly, my body feels like it's humming and that's never happened before," I tried to convince him I wasn't trying to be a pain, that something was feeling very, very wrong to me.

Sei just stood there, but shook his hand out of my grip. "Look, I'm going to keep walking on ahead. If you feel the need to follow, please do so. Or you can just stand here and think we're going to be attacked."

I bit my lip, wanting to wrap my hands around his skinny throat. Why the hell would he argue with me about this? Could it be he doesn't feel it? "If I turn out to be right, you aren't going to feel very clever, are you?"

Sei glared at me, raising his fist as if to strike me.

"I wouldn't treat your fighter like that," Suggested a voice from behind me.

I turned around in a panic, finding myself almost eye level with Agatsuma Soubi. Next to him was, of course, Ritsuka.

"Fuck off, I'll treat him like he acts. He gets was he deserves." Sei replied haughtily.

I didn't say anything as I backed up in front of Sei. I felt an odd sensation against my right wrist, but didn't have time to check it as Soubi started to initiate the system. The more I stared at his face, the more I felt I saw myself in his eyes. Even our appearances seemed alike.

"And he deserves better than you," Ritsuka shot back. "You'll have horrible karma in your next life if you keep this up."

"Don't worry, love. The road to Hell is always paved with the best of intentions. If it's a fight you want, then you'll get it." Sei growled.

I wanted to turn him around and slap him across his pale face, but I didn't. I did not want to fight someone I was training to be, to replace in Ritsu's eyes. I did not want to see how little I'd progressed, to see how far I have yet to go.

"All right, see if you can find us within the next hour. If you're fighter's senses are this sharp already, you'll have no problem finding us to have your little desired wish." Soubi chuckled, hailing a cab. "But I warn you, we won't be easy to find."

As the cab sped away, I turned around. "What the hell did you challenge him for?!" I yelled angrily.

"Don't raise your goddamned voice at me, Rei. He snuck up on us, cloaking his presence. Only villains do that. And don't expect me to talk you up to Ritsu if you win or lose."

"I won't lose if you can command me properly," I replied in the same condescending tone he spoke to me in and he obviously did not like it.

"Keep it up, and I'll leave your ass here to be stranded. Got it?"

I kept walking in the opposite direction of Sei. I didn't want to deal with him right now, I just couldn't handle him. He wasn't mature enough to realize anything beyond his own needs and desires. He just didn't understand I wasn't ready to fight Agatsuma. It had been almost an hour of walking and I felt my skin tingling again. I stopped dead, looking around in a panic. Soubi was staring at me from across the street. I froze, unsure if he meant for me to come to him.

He was sitting at a coffee café, but I didn't see Ritsuka anywhere. Maybe they had split up to cause me confusion? Finally he motioned for me to come to him. I crossed the street and stood in front of him, pulling at the hem of my shirt timidly.

"Stop that, it's freaking me out," Soubi scolded, grabbing my hands. I didn't know how to react beyond shock. "I used to do that all the time when Ritsu was explaining things to me. You have no idea what it's like to see myself at fifteen again."

I frowned, my heart still pounding. "What do you mean seeing yourself again?"

Soubi cocked an eyebrow. "You can't tell me you don't see the similarities, can you? It's not easy to accept, but I'm afraid we're at least related. Your mannerisms are almost exactly like mine, even your hesitance to decide something on your own. Minus the fact your Sacrifice can't order you the way you'd love him to, we are the same."

"Don't tell me that you've come to this conclusion from one meeting. I don't know you, and you definitely don't know me. Stop spouting shit that isn't going to make sense if you don't have a point."

"Did Nagisa make you? Or were you born?"

The question shook me. "I don't know. I've never asked about it."

"I suppose you were born, otherwise you'd be yet another Zero series. It's a shame though, because it would be so like her to make a genetic copy of what she strives to destroy." Soubi chuckled. I glared at him, unable to think of something mean to say back to him.

"What? You don't think Nagisa would clone me and use it to destroy me? You aren't that naïve, Rei." Soubi whispered, his expression seeming sadder than before.

I sat down across from him, suddenly intrigued. How would Nagisa have been able to clone Soubi? It just didn't make sense to me at all. If she hated Soubi, why would she make me after him?

"It's a power struggle, Rei."

I glanced at Soubi, recognizing certain features I myself had. The way his eyes would catch everything happening around him was something that had been pointed out to me several times. His hair was almost the same shade as mine, just a little lighter. Probably from too much sunlight. I watched how he sat against the back of the chair, his legs crossed the way a woman would cross hers and his hands resting casually in his lap. I felt like I was staring at a mirror. This just wasn't possible. It couldn't be.

"Notice anything similar?" Soubi teased. "Don't be too shocked by it. At least she didn't clone Ritsuka. That would be quite a travesty if she had."

"So this would make us…Brothers?" I asked uneasily.

"Genetically, yes. Naturally, no we aren't. Don't worry, we'll help you get back to Gora before too long. I suppose you don't have permission to leave in the first place or you wouldn't have been arguing with each other?"

"No, we don't have permission to leave. Sei just handed me money and we left. I didn't ask why we were leaving."

Soubi chuckled again. "I swear, this is the craziest thing that's happened to me. I never thought I'd be able to see myself in another person so clearly. I always wondered what kind of kid I'd been, since I blocked most of it out."

I remained silent, listening to him talk.

"But everything is okay now," He continued, "I'm able to accept myself, as I hope you eventually will."

"Accept you, or accept myself?" I decided to ask.

"I don't matter to you, but you should care about yourself just a little bit more. Don't just go with your Sacrifice because he gives you orders. I never thought I'd be able to defy any order given to me, but believe me, when you know what you're doing is wrong, don't do it. Guilt is a lousy friend, and so is regret."

I followed Soubi back to his apartment. The lights were on, and Ritsuka was waiting inside. I was eyed suspiciously, but Soubi explained some things to him. Soon I was soaking in the tub, just exhausted. I wanted to go to Sei. I could feel him, somewhere, somehow, I knew exactly where he was.

I got dressed and went to the door, where Soubi caught me by my arm.

"Don't go unless you think you can handle his punishment."

"He needs me, and I feel sick for leaving him. I have to go," I pleaded with him. "I know exactly where he is, I just have to go to him. He isn't doing so well… I don't know why."

"Would you like us to come with you?" Soubi asked.

"…Just follow me until I find him."

Sei was sitting against a wall in an alley way, his face smudged with dirt and grime. I kneeled in front of him, touching his face. His eyes fluttered open in anger, but he realized when he saw it was me.

"It's about time you came back, dammit. I've been waiting forever for you," He whispered, his eyes closing again.

"Sei? Are you hurt?" I asked, trying to pick him up. He hissed in pain, grabbing my arms and pushing them away.

"I'm fine. We should go back, Rei. I'm…I'm not sure we can be together anymore." He wasn't making sense anymore.

"Sei? Why can't we be a unit anymore? Sei, we promised," I tried to make him explain, but he just looked away with distant eyes.

Soubi had picked Sei up, saying something about going back to his apartment. I held my arms out, wanting to hold Sei myself. Soubi passed him to me and I embraced that tiny figure so tightly I thought I would crush him. I could feel his pain, I wanted to feel his pain. I started to whisper to him kind words, words without pain. Slowly Sei's form relaxed and I felt his fear and pain inside my own chest. Soubi had stared at me in wonder as I whispered to him.

I was too slow to realize Sei had been hurt almost everywhere. Someone had found him, and they hadn't been very kind to him. Without me, there was no protection for him. A Sacrifice could not initiate the system, which meant he had been lynched.