I don't own Naruto, and I sure as heck don't make money writing fan-fiction.

WARNINGS: Yaoi. Mixing of present and past tense. Usage of second person. Lots of technical terms. Mentions of suicidal thoughts.

Genres: Romance/Angst/Humor

Just FYI, for those who didn't see it, Identity Crisis Chapter 7 was added on Sept. 7

This is a very different type of story for me. First of all, it's not in the ninja universe. Second of all, I'm writing this in first person for both Naruto and Sasuke, with second person mixed in. Naruto and Sasuke will use both present and past tense when they speak. Their past will probably be in present tense. Why? I dunno. That's how the mood struck me to write it. It might sound odd, but it flowed for me. Even so, you have been warned.

Enjoy!

Highs and Lows

Chapter 1: Introduction

(Uzumaki Naruto's point of view.)

There was silence in the car as my Mom drove. I dictated this silence because I was annoyed, and angry, and my Mom was being way over protective and Mom-ish.

"It'll be good for you. You could always use extra support. I've heard these support groups can really help people, especially someone your age," my mother said, her voice kind, though there was that hint of "I'm your mother and I know what's best for you even if you don't think I do" tone underneath the kindness. Yeah, I heard it. She wasn't fooling me.

"I'm fine," I mumbled, but even as I said it, I felt just a little bit guilty. I hadn't told my Mom how high I'd been last night, though I was sure she knew because I know I had left the syringe in the bathroom, and in the morning it had been in the sharps container.

Yes I get high, yes I use syringes, yes I'm going to a support group (not by choice mind you), but no, I don't do drugs.

Confused? Well tough because I don't want to explain it right now. Though not wanting to explain it makes me wonder if my blood sugar is low. I tend to get very defiant when my blood sugar's low. Usually I'm a very energetic, easy to get along with person, but when my blood sugars get too low or high...well, then not so much.

Yeah, some of you might have guessed it already, so I'll just say it. I'm diabetic.

I sigh to myself as I think about being diabetic, which makes me remember that my defiance possibly means I'm having a low. Now that I am thinking about it, I can feel my hands trembling slightly. I lift both of my hands up to eye level, watching as both my right and my left hands shake. My left hand has a tendency not to shake as much as my right (don't ask me why; I don't know, and my blood sugar is low which means I get on edge which means I'm likely to snap at you if you ask because I just don't know) and if my left hand is shaking it usually means I ought to test my blood sugar.

So I decide I will. And I guess I'll tell you a little about myself while I do it, kinda like a story. Here goes.

Even though my Mom probably knows what's going on (aka my low blood sugar), I still try to be quiet as I lift the flap to the pocket on my cargo pants, the velcro making its usual ripping noise as I pull out my tester.

So, okay, I don't know many other people who call it a "tester," but I do. Calling it a Glucose Meter or a glucoumeter just sounds weird (and glucometer doesn't show up on spell check anyway). Tester just roles off the tongue so much easier, and that's what I do with it. I test my blood sugar with it. Tester. Makes sense to me.

Okay, since you're probably new with some of this terminology and stuff, I'll take it slow for you. You're lucky I'm being so nice right now. I don't explain this to many people when I'm having a low.

You may have seen some testers…er…glucometers on the TV, you know, the ones that say you can test on your hand or your arm or whatever? I don't waste my time with them because even if your blood sugar is low or high, they tell you that you ought to test on your finger anyway, and I find that the kind that you can use elsewhere hurts your fingers more. That's my preference anyway.

I have a Precision Xtra meter. I like it. It has a cool little light thingy on the top so I can test my blood sugar in the dark, plus the body of the tester glows in the dark. Yeah, okay, I'm getting sidetracked. Where was I? Yes, right, test strips next.

The test strips are straightforward. Test strips are where the blood goes to test to see if you've got a good blood sugar reading or not. It should be 80-110 for me when fasting. For most people, you should be 111-140 two hours after eating. For me, I tend to spike, and I usually am between 150-170. Some people spike two hours after eating. I'm one of them. If my blood sugar were only, say, 115 after eating, I would have a low blood sugar in an hour's time. But that's just me. Each diabetic is different. Oh, and I'm a type one diabetic versus a type two diabetic. There's a big difference. Type one is more severe than type two, though type two is more common.

Umm, I'm sidetracked again, aren't I? Yeah, so the things I use to prick my finger with are called lancets. They're pointy. That's about all I can think to describe them.

Yes, so, lemme tell you the best piece of advice I ever got about lancets when pricking your finger to draw blood. When you test your blood sugar, prick the side of your finger. Hurts a lot less when you put the lancet in the little clicker thingy (I don't remember what it's called, but you put the lancet in, put the cap on, press a button, and it pricks your finger) and then test on the side. In the middle there's lots of nerves and that hurts more. Anyway, after I get blood from my finger I put the blood on the test strip that's in the machine and the tester reads my blood sugar.

Okay, so, that's the basic run down. (I've been doing all that as I explain it to you guys.) Now, I watch as my meter screen counts down from 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 ... 54. (It's mg/dL is the unit measurement if you want to get technical, but I rarely do and I forget what the hell the mg/dL stands for anyway.)

54 means my blood sugar is low. Not cool. That means I need sugar. When you're low, you need sugar to pick you back up. When you're high, it means you need to have insulin. I use an insulin pump to get my insulin. (I'll talk more about that later; I don't want to overwhelm you with too much information right now.) If my blood sugar is higher than 200, then I use a syringe to give myself extra insulin because it brings my sugars down faster by injecting it in at a different locale. Lots to remember, right?

And people say I'm dumb.

Right, low blood sugar. Back to that. To get myself back to normal I always carry little juicy juices with me. They're fifteen carbs (aka carbohydrates) each.

I reach into my other cargo pant pocket and pull out a juicy juice, stuffing the straw all the way in past the little ridges so I can sip up all the juice. They have glucose tablets that also help bring blood sugar levels back up, but those things make me gag. All chalky and funky. No. I'll stick to my juicy juices thank you.

"And that's how I bring my blood sugar back up."

"Are you talking to yourself again dear?" my mother asks.

"No," I snorted. I'm talking to you guys (and gals), but, ah well. She doesn't need to know that.

Right, so, I'm a bit more bouncy from subject to subject at the moment. Low blood sugars do that to me. Why had I started talking about this again? Right. The support group my mother's driving me to.

I'm eighteen (no I don't drive yet – another story for later – which is why she's driving me – though I might not go on my own if I was in charge of my transportation). The reason I'm going to this support group is because my Mom thinks that since I've started college and all that stuff that I need to go talk to people "my own age" about the similar problems that we have.

Why is she making me go? I don't know. For the most part, my family is pretty supportive. I have my Mom and my Dad, and that's all I need. While I don't mind talking to other people about being diabetic, sometimes I wonder if people don't look at me and feel bad for me for some reason. I don't want people to think of me as different. I want people to see me as me, Naruto. That's why I don't hesitate to tell people I'm diabetic. If I hide it, people look at me like I'm different. I make them forget I'm diabetic, that I'm no different otherwise.

That's why I don't like the idea of being in a "support group" for people "like me." It makes me feel like I've done something wrong and need help. I don't like being labeled as abnormal. Being as normal as possible is what I try and do. My friends totally freaked out on me when I got landed in the hospital and diagnosed with diabetes. A couple people thought I was going to die young (which, yeah, is possible, but not as likely today as it was fifty years ago). I love taking to other diabetics, don't get me wrong, but it just feels a bit cornered when you put me in a room with tons of them. There are certain things that I can't do and being reminded of it by talking to lots of other people with the same issues isn't really all that comforting. Perhaps the idea behind a support group with other diabetics is to imply that "you're not alone" or "there are others who you can talk to who understand you" or whatever bull shit that is.

Sorry. I'm not usually this bitter. Like I said, it's the low blood sugar. And no, it's not an excuse. It's really being low. Trust me on it – every other diabetic that I know (plus there's research on it) knows that when the blood sugars are too high or too low it affects personality. If you know any diabetics that don't have a slightly different personality when their blood sugars are too high or too low means a) they're hiding it or b) give them kudos from me to them since I wish that were the case with me.

"We're here," my Mom says quietly. Oh wow, we really are. I was zoned. If you know any diabetics who have their driver's license, never drive with them when their sugars are off – especially when low. Things can get fuzzy. If the sugars are too low there can be "black out" periods. If you take care of yourself, that doesn't happen, but even the people who do what they can to take care of themselves still have issues. I've known people who have had issues with low blood sugars while driving. For instance I know someone who ran through six red lights, side-swiped another car, the police had to chase him down, cuff him, and the diabetic didn't remember hardly any of the incident except for the police officer finally finding the insulin bottle and realizing the guy was diabetic.

Even after the cops gave the guy several of those nasty glucose tabs to get his blood sugar back up, the blood sugar upon testing was 26. That's AFTER the glucose tablets had been in his system for twenty minutes. That's just scary.

Hey, why are you looking at me like that? I never said it was me...I never said it wasn't, but hey...and no – it wasn't me! Just someone I know. Why are you looking at me like you don't believe me?

"Naruto!"

"Sorry Mom. Got lost in thought. What did you say?"

"I'm not gonna let you sit here sulking in the car. You'll enjoy it once your blood sugar comes back up," she said. I grumbled at her but unhooked the seatbelt and got out of the car. I scratched the back of my head as I looked around at the front of the hospital. It was eight in the evening, and it was different to come to the hospital in the evening than in the day. Usually I went to this hospital during the mornings or late afternoons to get blood work done (normal check up every three months). The support group meeting was being held in a smaller building behind the hospital that catered to out-reach patient services. I got out of the car and followed my Mom to the smaller building, trying not to drag my feet in the process.

We weren't the first one's to show up, but we weren't the last ones either. I could feel my body going back to normal as my blood sugar stabilized, and with it, I was sorting getting excited about the whole thing. While I usually hate to talk about my diabetes with others when my blood sugar is low or high, I love talking about it other times. If I don't want to talk to someone about something it means my sugars are low (or high, though my sugars go low more often than they go high).

I especially love talking to other diabetics about their experiences. I know there are some diabetics who do not talk to others about their diabetes unless to other diabetics. That was the point of this support group: talk to other diabetics. The point of this little conference was to meet kids my own age and share our mutual experiences through mingling. First there was a short little speech by someone or other from the hospital about how it's important to talk to others for moral support and to strengthen our emotional support groups, and yadda yadda yadda. After that there was time for all of us diabetics to get together and talk to each other. The parents could talk to other parents, and the diabetics could chat with other diabetics. My Mom headed right over to talk to another parent, and I started talking to another diabetic who seemed strangely reluctant to share about his "diabetic experiences" but still seemed willing to talk about it. Most diabetics I know are like that. They may not like talking about being diabetic except to other diabetics. Er, did I mention that already?

Anyway, as you may have guessed, I don't mind telling anyone, but I'm serious when I say there are people who really hate to share it. I've met a bunch of people who don't tell others.

Well, I mean, there are the people who think you're on your deathbed when they find out. (I had a friend who got so freaked out after I became diabetic that I got watched like a hawk at lunch to make sure I ate…stupid, over-protective Lee.) But total strangers will freak out. Like this one time my Mom and I broke down and had to call a tow truck for help. After getting back to the shop, I realized my blood sugar felt low (yeah, I can feel it – remember I shake? Though not all diabetics can feel it or even feel it in the same way I do). So I tested, and my blood sugar was 71. Borderline low. I wanted to eat food instead of "treating" (I was hungry!) and so I went out to find my Mom who was talking with the tow truck/mechanic guy. I told her I was 71 and asked if she knew when we'd be able to go and get something to eat.

The mechanic/tow truck guy looked at me funny. I mean, if a seventeen year old (I was seventeen at the time) says that they're 71, it must seem odd and out of context to people. My Mom told the guy I was diabetic and needed food and the guy freaked. I still remember his expression and the first words outta his mouth, "Oh God!" He started rattling off food that they had at the tow truck place – candy bars were the first thing he listed – and then said they had donuts in the back if I wanted one or there were crackers in the vending machine.

I opted for the crackers. You may ask why not the donuts or the candy bar?

Let's get one thing straight about candy bars, or more specifically, chocolate bars. Why is it that people think diabetics can't have chocolate or candy? Okay, I have a good idea why, but it's not that bad. First of all, a regular sized chocolate bar has LESS carbohydrates than a nutri-grain bar (for the most part anyway, depends on the brand and all that). The problem is, is that it has FAT. And if you have too much fat and don't know how to account for it then you're screwed. (There are lots of things that affect blood sugar. Carbohydrates are just one of them.) So, the point of that is I can eat pretty much what I want – in moderation. I mean, I can't go all out and scarf everything down that I want, but I can do small doses.

What was the other thing? Oh, right, donuts. Donuts don't always have as many carbs as people think – again, lots of fat though maybe not as much as you'd think. In the morning if you gave me a choice between a bagel and a donut, I'd choose a donut because the donut's less carbs, and usually less fat. Usually. Again, moderation. I eat one donut, not three.

Back to the story. The crackers did the trick. Best bet is to go for crackers or for pretzels when there's no immediate sugar to be found. I usually have juicy juices with me, but sometimes I forget to put one in my pocket. I also use airheads but it takes longer to chew. Juices and sodas are good for quick fixes as well. I drink diet soda most of the rest of the time. (If you're not diabetic I strongly recommend not drinking diet soda. It has artificial sweeteners in it that makes your body produce insulin and that makes you hungry. Being type one diabetic means my body doesn't produce any insulin, so it's not bad for me.)

Umm...why did I start on this story again? Oh – yeah – that's right! Because of why some diabetics don't like to talk to non-diabetics about being diabetic because of weird reactions. Yeah, some diabetics also don't like to talk about it just because other people don't know the lingo. (You gotta admit, there's a lot to know.) In other words, some people don't like to talk about being diabetic because others just don't know all the lingo. Even more on that, some people just don't understand because plain and simple, they've never been through the issues of being diabetic.

Take my buddy Gaara for example. He was known for fighting and getting into trouble at school, even in elementary school. (Actually, he's still known for getting into fights, but that's besides the point.) It wasn't until I was diagnosed with diabetes and ended up meeting him in the nurse's office at school that he ever talked to me. (In school I had to go to the nurse's office before lunch every day to test my blood sugar there, and he and I would see each other testing. I was diagnosed during the summer, so the next year he seemed surprised to see another diabetic testing in the nurse's office.) I think he knew me by sight (I know I knew him by sight) but we hadn't ever talked before. To be honest, he sorta scared me. But once he saw me testing my blood sugar, he introduced himself (like I didn't know who he was – everyone knew him). I was surprised that he was diabetic. I'd never known that before. He explained he'd been diagnosed at a very young age, around two or three.

I told him I had had no idea he was diabetic. He shrugged and said he didn't like telling people who weren't diabetic. He went on to explain how he'd gotten into a fight with an administrator one time outside of school because he was testing his blood sugar and had kept looking around to see if anyone was watching him. The admin thought he was doing something dodgy, and Gaara got into a fight with the guy because he wouldn't tell him that he had only been testing his blood sugar. Gaara just didn't like telling people. But, he didn't mind sharing with me because (as he put it) I understood him.

We've been friends ever since. Now, I don't hang out with the guy on a regular basis or anything, but we talk whenever we see each other (mostly when we had seen each other in the nurses' office which was every day before lunch).

I later found out that part of the reason he fought so much was because his blood sugar would get high and he would get the urge to punch something. (To be quite honest, I sorta knew where he was coming from on that one. When my blood sugar gets high I get confrontational too.)

That reminds me of this one time when he and I were in the nurse's office together. His blood sugar was high (his goes higher more often than mine) and mine was low. So he and I were in there chatting away while we're waiting for our sugars to normalize before going back to class. One of Gaara's friends (or if you ask me, the guy was more like a flunky) came in and saw us talking. He looked flabbergasted. The look on his face was pure: Gaara's talking to this guy? (This guy being me.) Gaara didn't seemed at all fazed by it, and he and I were sitting there talking technical stuff about our insulin pumps and what not. He always has the latest information. (His sister, Temari, works for the insurance company that handles my insulin pump insurance information. When she called and talked to me the first time about insurance info, she said she had heard about me from Gaara and confirmed that her brother was the "little terror" that I probably knew. She gets him to do trials of cool test stuff before it comes out.)

Right...okay, so my blood sugars are still low since I'm still rambling. What was the point of that story again? Oh, right, yeah, so Gaara's friend/lacky was absolutely miffed at the fact that Gaara and I were friends, but we're friends 'cuz we're both diabetic.

Gaara also listens to me about "diabetic stuff." This one time he had some random kid pinned up against a locker in the hallway, and I gently touched Gaara's shoulder and told him he ought to go to the nurse's office since his blood sugar was probably out of whack. The kid looked shocked that I would even go near Gaara, let alone touch him at that point, but Gaara just looked at me, nodded, and headed to the nurse's office.

It's different when other diabetics talk to diabetics, at least in my experience. We can say stuff to each other when our numbers (blood sugars) are off, and it's not as offensive as "an outsider." It's not like we want to be the way we are, but it does make a big difference talking to someone who knows what we've been through. I mean, for the most part. There're always exceptions. Remember, this is just my experience here. I haven't met every diabetic so I don't know for sure, but you get my point.

And while that story may seem random to you, it brings me back to my current place. Me, sitting here, at a meeting for others who can "understand" me. Part of my excitement is that it's true. They get me. I get them, well for the most part.

Which is why when I saw this guy sitting over in the corner looking as broody as hell, I wondered, is he a new diabetic, or are his blood sugars just outta whack? The dude looks like he wants to kill something.

Me being me and unable to leave people to be quiet to themselves, especially now that I'm pretty sure that my blood sugar is back to normal, (and the fact that the first guy I had talked to wanted to go and check out this cute diabetic girl on the other side of the room) I went over to the loner.

"Yo. My name's Uzumaki Naruto. Yours?" The guy was silent for a moment, and he looked like he'd rather be anywhere else. Even so, he didn't seem mad at me per se, and finally obliged me with a response.

"Uchiha Sasuke."

"Hi Sasuke, nice to meet you." His black eyes (yeah, totally black, cool and creepy at the same time) gazed at me. I noticed his eyes matched his black hair and he stared at me for a while before blinking once and sighing. I got the feeling his Mom or Dad had probably dragged him along and he didn't want to be here. I asked him as much. He shook his head.

"My parents don't even know I'm here. I am trying to find a place to belong," Sasuke finally said quietly, "but I don't know if I fit in, even at a place like this."

His words chilled me. He didn't sound bitter or angry, just...lonely and exhausted. Like he was tired of everything but didn't know where to turn. Okay, so maybe that wasn't the case, but that's what it felt like. He excused himself right after saying that and got up and left.

I watched him go by me, and I felt dazed. Something about the guy just felt...wrong. Maybe it was just because he sounded like he needed help working out his problems. Maybe it was because I'm me and I have issues leaving lonely people alone. Maybe I'm just so used to talking to other people about being diabetic I like when other diabetics share with me. Either way, I ran after him, hoping to find out what the hell the guy's problem was.

Chapter 2: Just What the Doctor Ordered

General information about diabetes:

Type I is more severe than Type II, though many think that Type II is the more severe form for some reason. (I actually thought that when I was diagnosed. I've since been heavily educated.) Type I means a person produces no insulin and is insulin dependant. Type I diabetics must use insulin shots, pens, or pumps. Type II diabetics vary in their severity. Some can control their diabetes by diet and exercise alone. Some need pills. Some also use insulin if it has gotten too bad.

Diabetes causes death through high and low blood sugars as well as other health complications. Both of my great aunts died of it in their early thirties around forty years ago. Technology has come a long way since then.

An insulin pump is a small machine attached via a needle and tube. (The needle is generally pulled out while the tube remains.) Go to Google Images and type in "Paradigm 522" to see the type of insulin pump model I use. (I have the purple one.)

Blood sugars, fasting (before food) should be between 80-110. Two hours after eating, blood sugars should be around 111-140. Each diabetic is different.

Notes about my life:

So, I am diabetic and therefore this story will be loosely based off of actual events in my life. For instance, my friend, who I will not name, really is/was like how I describe Gaara, and his Mom, not his sister, has helped me get good insurance deals with my insulin pump. I use juicy juices for quick carbs. A tow truck driver really did go "Oh God!" when I told him I was diabetic.

If anything is confusing (as there's a lot of information here) I'll do my best to clear it up. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! - Jelp