A/N: (Copypaste from deviantArt.) I've been mulling this idea over in my head for some time. I wasn't sure if I wanted to actually write it or not, but I guess I am. Please note that the rest of the story will not be written from this perspective. After the prologue, it will be in third-person omniscient, past tense. I just felt that this point-of-view was fitting for setting the...er, emotional scene?
Oh - I almost forgot: there will be BL/yaoi in further chapters, along with incest. If that doesn't float your boat, this can be read as a stand-alone fic.
(Addition.) The title was taken from Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek." I definitely suggest listening to it while you read this.
Hιδε αηδ Sεεк
Prologue: Only to Me.
"You always have…and always will…belong only to me…"
How long has it been, Riff, since I said those words? How long since we saw the last moments of our lives together? I have yet to see Heaven, Riff – have you found it? Perhaps it has come and gone, and I missed it. Who would have thought Heaven to be merely a passing notion, an opportunity that could simply pass one by should they blink at the wrong moment? I do hope that you have found it, for I would not be able to bear the thought of you spending an eternity without that final chance at peace. You deserve it so much more than I.
It seems like an eternity since you promised to accompany me into Hell, and now that vow echoes childishly in my memory. I would sooner face that fire alone and naked than steal away your last happiness. As much as I want to be held in those strong arms of yours again, I wouldn't be able to drag you away from paradise with a clear conscience.
I will endure this midnight alone for you, even though I don't know how anymore. It's been so long since I've had to suffer anything by myself, and I've long forgotten how to deal with solitude. Even when I thought you'd betrayed me and left me forever, you returned and kept the loneliness at bay. I will have to readjust. It hurts, Riff, and I don't want to do it, but I will do it. For you.
Is this what love is? Is this what selflessness feels like? If it is, I don't know how you've managed it all these years, for I've never known a greater agony. I was comfortable in my selfishness and ego, in thinking that you would never leave my side; letting you go makes me want to cut out my heart and bleed out into the blackness. You deserve it, though, so I'll ride out the pain as best I can. You spent the better part of my life doing nothing but giving and sacrificing for me, so it's my turn to do the same for you, my Riff.
--
Are you alright, Lord Cain? In this swirling darkness, are you alright? I have not been able to find you, even though I promised that I always would. I reach for you and search again and again, but I am blind, deaf, and dumb. If you are right in front of me, I cannot see you; if you call for me, I cannot hear you; though I want to say your name, I cannot speak. The idea that you may be suffering alone somewhere is too much for me to bear. Are you still refusing to cry? Are you still keeping your despair bottled up within that fragile heart of yours? I want to be there for you, hold you and protect you from everything that causes you harm.
I fear that, perhaps, it is not you who are lost this time, Lord Cain, but I. I, who promised to always find you no matter where you were, cannot even find myself. It is a pitiful situation, and I am ashamed that I cannot keep my promise. I will not stop trying, however; a promise is a promise, and a promise to you is worth more than anything. I swore to accompany you to Hell, but I am alone, and this is hardly fire and brimstone. In fact, I daresay that this is what "nothing" feels like. Are you feeling it too? I hope that you are faring better than this. It hurts to imagine you hurting and lonely, waiting for me to find you. But how can I find you when I cannot even find myself…?
I will trudge through this darkness for you until I can hold you again. From end to end, I will not stop searching. Even closed off as I am, without sight or sound, nothing will stop me from being there for you as I always have, Master Cain.
--
"Is it a boy or a girl, Mary?!"
"…They're both boys, Oscar."
"Both…?"
"Yes. Twins. Cain…and Riff."
TBC.