A/N1: This is my other entry for the latest round of Jibbsfest. Things to be included were: "You did what?!", off duty, and the rest of the team. Go and check out the other entries!
A/N2: The reason this is my other entry is because Lily does something in here that she definitely shouldn't do. Lily strolled into my head as the writer's strike began and started making demands. I do not support anything she does in this story.
Special thanks to Kristen, my wonderful beta, who came up with the title.
Nuclear Nuptials
Ducky stuck his head round the door. "Jennifer," he warned. "It's bad luck to see the groom before the wedding."
The redhead turned and smirked. "I'm not wearing white; ergo I am not the bride."
Ducky winced slightly. "I do apologize, Lily."
Gibbs barely looked up. "The one time they're not dressed identically and everyone still mixes them up."
Lily grinned back at him. "I was seriously tempted to walk down the aisle instead of Jenny."
"Don't you dare," Gibbs growled.
"If you change your mind, I've got sedatives, duct tape, handcuffs, enough strychnine to kill a bull elephant, a bull elephant, a nice collection of knives, and a flamethrower on hand."
"Why do you have enough strychnine to kill a bull elephant and a bull elephant?" Ducky queried.
If it were possible, Lily's grin widened. "Need to know."
Gibbs muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously along the lines of how all crazy CIA agents should have been barred from the wedding, and possibly the country.
The door was pushed further open and Ziva appeared. "Jenny is asking for you," she told Lily.
The redhead stood up and straightened her dress, making herself look more presentable. "Did she say why she wanted me?"
"She mentioned something about the last wedding you attended."
Gibbs looked up sharply at Lily. "What did you do at the last wedding you attended?" he demanded.
"I thought the ceremony was getting boring," Lily admitted.
"So what did you do to liven things up?"
"I… might have… set off a bomb."
"You did what?!"
"In my defense, the bride and groom wrote their own vows and they were the most appalling, soppy things I'd ever heard. And I only blew up the altar. No one got hurt."
Gibbs stared at her, as did the others. It took him a moment to realize that it did make sense, in Lily's usual, slightly deranged way.
Lily walked over to the door, joining Ziva. She glanced over her shoulder. "If you hurt Jenny, I won't kill you but I will make your life so miserable that you'll wish you were dead."
He nodded his head slightly to indicate that he understood. He was determined not to mess up marriage number five, and he guessed Lily knew.
The redhead and the Israeli left, although Lily couldn't resist having the last word. "Just think, LJ. In less than an hour, you'll be my brother-in-law."
Gibbs shuddered. He'd deliberately not been thinking about that. He pulled out his cell phone and hit speed-dial.
"Fornell… No, I'm not planning to jilt her… Any chance of sweeping the chapel for bombs?... I don't care if it was checked yesterday, do it again… And look out for any other surprises… Call it a gut feeling."
He ended the call and looked over at Ducky. "Why didn't I insist on running away to Vegas?"
Jenny glanced up slightly as Lily and Ziva entered the room. "How much did you scare him?" she asked.
Her sister stopped by the bouquet and started fiddling with it. "I wasn't trying to scare him," she replied.
"And bulls do not fly," Ziva added.
Abby continued to sort out Jenny's hair as she provided the translation. "It's pigs."
"Bulls do not fly either. Why must it be pigs?"
"Because it is!"
The sisters shared a look, Jenny ordering Lily to intervene.
"Has anyone seen Tony?" Lily inquired, changing the topic completely.
Her tactic succeeded as it took Ziva and Abby a few seconds to think. They both shook their heads in the negative just as Tony stuck his head around the door.
"Nice dress, Ziva," he leered.
Lily attempted to throw the bouquet at him, and was only prevented from doing so by Jenny grabbing her arms at the same time. "Behave," she hissed.
"I am behaving," Lily hissed back.
"Probie," Tony yelled back into the hall. "Chick fight in thirty seconds!"
He was treated to two identical Shepard glares.
"Maybe not then," he muttered.
Jenny turned back to her sister. "If you can't handle this…"
"I can handle weddings. I do have problems with the odd funeral though."
"I'm simply saying that if you don't want to be here…"
"My husband was not murdered at our wedding; I can do weddings. I might not like them, but I can cope."
"You were married?" Abby squealed.
"I don't talk about that," Lily warned, stopping the Goth before she could get started. She decided to use her previous tactic again. "How's the planning for your wedding coming along?"
Abby bounced up and down while holding on to Jenny's hair, causing the redhead to wince. "Timmy said that I can have whatever I want, so I've picked out this really nice black dress and I'm looking at a couple of venues, but Tim mentioned Vegas and –"
"Why didn't you get married in Vegas?" Tony asked Jenny. "It would have suited Gibbs; no fuss, no planning."
"He said I could have what I want," Jenny told him. "I always wanted a church wedding and Lily had a quiet word with the priest."
Jenny's tone indicated that the 'quiet word with the priest' had not been anything of the sort, and probably involved a combination of blackmail and a bribe.
"Anyway," Jenny continued, "Lily wouldn't have let us…"
She paused and turned to glare at Lily, who did her best to look innocent.
"I may have put LJ on the 'no fly' list so you couldn't go to Vegas," she confessed.
Jenny rolled her eyes. "Promise me that you're going to behave."
"You've already made me promise three times! I promise I'm not going to interfere with the wedding."
"That includes claiming that Jethro's still married."
"I wasn't going to do that."
Jenny quirked an eyebrow.
"So I might have thought about it, but I'm not going to do it."
Jenny turned to Ziva. "If she does anything, you can incapacitate her."
"You want her alive?" the Israeli checked.
"Alive, yes. In pain, definitely," Jenny confirmed.
Tim stuck his head around the door. "Someone mentioned a chick fight?"
And so it came to pass that Lily watched her sister exchange vows with Gibbs. She thought that the ceremony was boring, but she had promised not to blow up the church this time.
Although she hadn't been made to promise anything about the reception…