i found this story posted on the Warriors Wish Proboards Beta Forum and thought it was really funny so I posted it here. enjoy

Crowpaw's claws were gripped tightly in the side of his silver blue duffle bag, which had his school's mascot, a wolf imprinted on it. The Warrior High Wolves, named for their school football team. The black tom stood looking at the massive building for a moment. "Ashfoot, you're evil" He told himself.
The building loomed over him immensely. Now, that he had been out of elementary, he was going to junior high. Recently, he had left Starclan's Learners to come here this year.

So here he was.

Knowing none of the students and teachers, and now he had no idea where to go. Crowpaw's crystal blue eyes scanned across the lawn of the school, all about teachers were milling about, checking their lesson plans or exiting their Mouse-vettes and Badgers.

"Don't just stand their! Go inside!" An icy voice yelled at him. Crowpaw turned to see a large, tabby tom yelling at him. Maybe he's right... Crowpaw thought.

With a shrug of his shoulders, he slung his duffle bag across his bag and took his first few steps towards the building.
As the apprentice walked up the white, marble steps of the building, he noticed something: He could hear a lot of voices coming from inside the gym. The apprentice shrugged and turned that way and started walking.

Crowpaw reached out his paw and opened the double doors. Instantly he was hit with the scent of many cats. The black apprentice calmly strode into the gym where he was greeted by a number of eyes.

All the others had stopped talking and stared at him. Crowpaw could feel his heart burning with rage. "QUIT LOOKING AT ME DAMNIT!" He yowled to Starclan above. The cats all blinked at him and turned back to their chatting.

Crowpaw scanned the crowd. Cats were all seperated. One group all had she cats gathered around them and another had the strange scent of snot wafting from them. But the thing that caught his eyes the most was a scraggly, gray she cat sitting all by herself in a corner.
Maybe she's new here also... He thought. Crowpaw silently started to hum to himself and made his way to the scrawny she cat. Her amber eyes were dull and she stunk. Really bad. "Hey my name is--"

Crowpaw was cut off as he was barreled into by a flash of gray fur. "DON'T TALK TO HER YOU MOUSEBRAIN!" The gray cat screeched. Crowpaw found himself pinned up against a wall with the gray cat staring at him. The she cat didn't even look his way, instead, she stared off into space.

"Uhh, excuse me, but can you please get off of me. I don't want my first impression around school to look like I'm gay" Crowpaw said curtly. The tom nodded and stepped off of Crowpaw's stomach. "Thanks, my name is Crowpaw, what's yours?"

The gray cat looked at Crowpaw. "I'm Graypaw. Just don't EVER go near that cat again and you'll be fine. Her name is Yellowpaw... she's really creepy and has bad hygiene. She also thinks everybody loves her and the she cats are jealous of her. The preps said that in high school, she'll probably be voted Most Likely To Suck Eggs... or marry Raggedstar" Graypaw explained. "Come on, let's go meet the crew"

Crowpaw watched Graypaw walk ahead of him, humming a merry tune. A flick of his tail told Crowpaw to follow him.

Graypaw led Crowpaw to a set of bleachers where five other cat were hanging at. A small tortoiseshell, a gray she cat, a black tom with a white tipped tail, and a flaming red tom. The crew, according to Graypaw. Graypaw flicked his tail once more for Crowpaw to stay where he was.

"Everybody, meet Crowpaw! I just rescued him from Yellowpaw, introduce yourselves" Graypaw informed. The tortoiseshell she cat took a step forward.

"I'm Sorrelpaw White, possibly the only sane one in our group. My daddy, Whitestorm, is the school counselor, so if you ever need your scedhule changed get me!" She explained. Sorrelpaw stepped back as the black tom walked forward.

"I'm Ravenpaw, and I think the world is going to end. The world, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! DONT LEAVE WITHOUT ME!" Ravenpaw shrieked. Sorrelpaw walked up to Ravenpaw and clouted him with a paw. Ravenpaw calmed down slightly as the flame colored tom walked up.

"I'm. Fire. Paw. I'm. Emo." He said. Graypaw raised his eye brows and nudged the gray she cat forward a little awkwardly.

"I"M CINDERPAW! IM A HYPERACTIVE NINJA WHO JUST LOVES TO BE HYPER! CAN YOU TELL! MY FULL NAME IS CINDERPAW RUNNING AND GUESS WHAT? I CANT WAIt--" Cinderpaw was cut off when Graypaw pushed her away.

"Well, anyway, the bell should be ringing soon. Do you have your class list yet?" Graypaw asked.

"Yeah" Crowpaw replied and started to dig through his duffle bag-- only to find it was gone. "Where is it!?" He yowled. Crowpaw looked around himself frantically. It was only when he looked up at Graypaw was when he saw his new friend pointing to Cinderpaw.

Crowpaw growled and walked over to the she cat. "Give it!" He snapped and snatched his bag up. Cinderpaw sat on her haunches and 'hmphed' angrily.
Crowpaw then took out his list and handed it to Graypaw. The apprentice jumped. "SWEET! We have the same dorm AND classes. Oh, Ravenpaw, you're with me and Crowpaw here" Graypaw informed, reaching out for Crowpaw's head and giving him a noogie between his ears.

"Stop it!" Crowpaw whined and pushed away his friend. "Now when does the bell ring?" He asked a bit calmer. He looked over to Firepaw who had a watch on, the only thing was that the watch was black and was decorated with skulls and mouse bones.

"It. Should. Ring at. 7. : . 30" He said slowly.

"And what time is it now?" Sorrelpaw inquired.

Firepaw showed his watch to her. They still had ten minutes left. "So now what do we do?" Crowpaw asked.

"Tell you how to tick off Ms. Nightcloud. Easy, call her Nightcloud or you can just keep claiming that you don't get what she's staying. She's the math teacher. Or you can just ask a bunch of questions, that's what the seventh graders told us that they did last year" Graypaw explained.

Sorrelpaw blinked her green eyes. "Or you can just ask her to let Thistleclaw pass" She giggled. Crowpaw looked at Sorrelpaw and turned his head.

"Who's Thistleclaw?" He asked. Ravenpaw snorted.

"He's the oldest sixth, seventh, and eigth grader who was supposed to go to college 15 years ago but Nightcloud won't let him pass because he always fails the test and Bluestar says that until he learns to pay attention, he can't go to seventh grade" Sorrelpaw informed.

"Oh yeah! Tell him about Tigerstar!" Graypaw said excitedly.

Cinderpaw had finally calmed down and decided to talk. "Wellllllllllllllllllll, Coach Tigerstar is the head coach and is very big. He loves to yell in cats' faces and get his way. His greatest enemy is Redtail so all you have to do is say 'Redtail' around him and he'll go crazy. Watch, I'll tell you what to do at P.E. later today if he tells you anything" Cinderpaw said evilly.

"Oh, did you tell Crowpaw about your little 'problem' Graypaw?" Ravenpaw said calmly, still a little bit shaky though. Graypaw's eyes widened. "Tell him" He urged. Graypaw looked down at his paws.

"I'm... a crackhead..." He mumbled. Ravenpaw nudged his side. "I'm a crackhead" He said a bit louder.

"No, say it louder so Crowpaw can hear you" Sorrelpaw giggled again. Graypaw shot her a Death Glare Level 12.

"I"M A CRACKHEAD" He yowled to Crowpaw. Crowpaw flinched a little. "Now, as I was say--" Graypaw got cut off by the loud ringing sound of the bell.

"There's the bell. To Ms. Nightcloud!" Graypaw proclaimed, striking a pose like Superman.

"You. Watch. Too Much. TV" Firepaw said emo like. Sorrelpaw and Cinderpaw both chuckled. Crowpaw watched the four start walking away and he too, followed after them. Let's see who Nightcloud is...

--
"Ugh, it's to early for math..." Graypaw muttered, putting his items on his chair. Graypaw then turned around and asked Sorrelpaw for a pencil

"Hello Ashfoot, thanks for picking me up from school today" Crowpaw growled.

"SIT DOWN MR. TORN AND MR. THUNDER, STOP FLIRTING WITH MS. WHITE!" Nightcloud roared from her desk.

"Bitch, I was not flirting so you need to shut the Hellclan up" Graypaw cursed. Crowpaw looked at his friend wide eyed.

"Did you just curse?" Crowpaw asked in disbelief. Graypaw nodded. "And she doesn't do anything about it?" Graypaw nodded again. "So that means I can curse her out if I ever wanted to?" Graypaw nodded his head one more time. "SWEET!" Crowpaw cheered.

"STOP TALKING TO MR. THUNDER MR. TORN!" Nightcloud roared again. Crowpaw swore that somewhere in history they would mention her name in Lionclan.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SKANKY ASS BITCH! GO GET LAID BY TIGERSTAR!" Crowpaw sneer/ roared. Nightcloud glared at Crowpaw and muttered something about having a new student to torture. "I don't like the sound of that..." He whispered to Graypaw.

"Don't worry about her. She always needed to get laid anyway. Like last year, Jaggedtooth told her off because she threatened to take a flame thrower to his girlfriend, Fernpelt. Ever since, she finally got her first heat" He chuckled.

Crowpaw stared at his friend for a long period of time.

"Are you serious? She has never became pregnant?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah, and according to Scourge, she's still a virgin too. And she's like, 37" Graypaw informed.

"Will you two shut up! Starclan! I'm like trying to like, like paint my claws, with like, claw polish!" A she cat yowled at Graypaw and Crowpaw. Crowpaw turned around to see a ginger colored she cat seated behind him.

"Who's that?" Crowpaw asked. Graypaw's whiskers twitched.

"That's Sandpaw, Stormpaw's girlfriend. She acts likes she owns this place" Graypaw explained. Crowpaw raised his head and nodded. Sandpaw only snorted and said something.

"Because I DO own this place! Stormy said he's going to buy me own Mouse-vette for our aniversary coming up in three weeks!" She cheered. Crowpaw looked at Graypaw.

"Please, you've only known him for one day and you're already having an anniversary?" Graypaw's expression seemed to say. Crowpaw turned around in his seat when he heard Nightcloud get up from her rolling chair by her computer. The smoky black she cat walked to the front of the room with a clip board in hand.

"Now, some of you ex- fifth graders might have heard of me. I am Nightcloud, but you should all have not known that except for Thistleclaw who has made it his life goal to not get anywhere in life" She growled.

"Shut up you hoe" A large tom sneered from the back of the room. Crowpaw turned around to see a large tom with multiple nose piercings and was wearing a shirt that said 'Only operational when stoned' sitting in a desk that had skulls drilled into it.

"Whatever." Nightcloud growled and returned back to the class. "Now to call roll. Shrewpaw" Everytime she said a name, somebody replied. "Graypaw?"

"Here"

"Crowpaw" She asked and looked around the room.

"Here" He replied. The she cats eyes narrowed.

"So it was you who said that earlier" She growled. Crowpaw yawned and nodded his head yes. "I'm watching you" She warned. Crowpaw dismissed her threat with a flick of his tail. Nightcloud growled in response. "Whatever, since I'm your homeroom teacher, I have to assign you all your lockers. Your last block teacher will assign dorms to those who paid in advance" She explained. "Now come on" Nightcloud added with her tail.

The class all gathered up their objects and followed Nightcloud out the door. Crowpaw walked beside Sorrelpaw and Graypaw, the only two friends of his that were in this class. Firepaw, Cinderpaw, and Ravenpaw were in Skywatcher's class.

As the class walked down the hall, Nightcloud would turn around every so often to see if Crowpaw and Graypaw were still there, when they were, she would turn back around.

Crowpaw would look at Graypaw and Sorrelpaw every once in a while and keep going. Nightcloud took a left down a narrow hallways and stopped in front of three sets of lockers, for her class. She started to read aloud a list of names and numbers.

"Crowpaw, locker number 48. Graypaw, locker number 47. Sorrelpaw, locker number 46. Please come get your combinations" She called out. Crowpaw and his two friends all strode over to where Nightcloud, now nicknamed Demon From Hell, or DFH, stood and grabbed a sheet of paper from her paw.
Crowpaw walked back to his locker and read over the paper. " 35 - 5 - 31" He read quietly to himself. Crowpaw grasped his silver, metal lock and put the combination in and pulled. Nothing happened.

"Er.." He told himself and tried it again. Still, nothing happened. "Oh come on!" He snarled and dialed it again. Nothing. Crowpaw tried six more times and nothing happened. "Graypaw, can you help me?" He asked his friend who was already putting his notebooks and stuff away in his locker.

"Sure" He shrugged and walked over to his friend. Graypaw grabbed the lock and dialed Crowpaw's combination in it. And it opened.

"Wha? How could you get it!?" He yowled. Graypaw shrugged.

"Because Crowpaw, you're supposed to put it in your lock, not your neighbors" He sighed. Crowpaw's face darkened when he saw he ahd, indeed, been putting his locker number in Swiftpaw's lock.

"oops..." He muttered sheepishly. Swiftpaw glared at him.

Crowpaw turned back to his locker and started to put away his stuff. "So Crowpaw, why did you come to Warrior High?" He asked. Crowpaw stared at his friend with a blank expression.

"I don't know. My mother and father, Tornear and Ashfoot, both said Starclan's Learners was becoming filled with gay teachers and students. She said she had proof because she said Tallstar works there" He explained.

"Starclan's Learners? Gay people? Heh, you should look behind you at lockers numbered 23 - 37" Sorrelpaw piped in with. Crowpaw turned around to see a large group of students all talking in a voice that sounded TOO nice.

"Owlpaw, Mousepaw, Heatherpaw, Onewhisker, Willowpaw, Twig, and Rainfur. They're all gay along with a few others like Skywatcher and Shortwhisker" Graypaw informed. Crowpaw thingyed his head to the side and stared at Graypaw.

"AND YOU LET FIREPAW, CINDERPAW, AND RAVENPAW GO THERE!?" he exclaimed.

"Well duh, everybody knows that Skywatcher is gay. Why do you think he's been hitting on Tigerstar and Redtail for 28 years already? Moonflower once asked him out and he turned her down saying that what he really wanted a piece of was Tigerstar in his bed. Creepy" Talonpaw called out from his locker beside Sorrelpaw.

Crowpaw's eye widened so wide he would have sworn that they would pop out of his head. "O... kay... so what are we going to do right now? Do we just hang around our locker or what?" Crowpaw asked. From somewhere behind him, he heard Nightcloud walking up to him.

"Nope, NOW DROP DOWN GIVE ME FIFTY!" She yelled. Crowpaw looked at Nightcloud like she was off her ridlin or something. "NOW!" She added. Crowpaw just stared at her some more. "NOW OR IM GOING TELL BLUESTAR THAT YOU'RE BEING A BIG MEANIE HEAD!" She whined.

"Crowpaw, please give her something to make her shut up" Sorrelpaw complained.

"I guess.." He muttered and took out his wallet. He dug around inside of it and fished out a fifty dollar bill. "Here we go!" He proclaimed loudly. Crowpaw raised the dollar high up in the air in front of Nightcloud. "Here, take your crummy fifty" He growled.
Nightcloud snorted and snatched it out of his paw before padding away to her desk. "Crowpaw, that wasn't real money was it?" Sorrelpaw asked.

"Nope"

"Then what was it?" Graypaw asked.

"Play money. I took it from some pre k -er before this fiction even began. I think his name was Snowkit or something..." He replied. Graypaw smirked at his friend and raised his paw to him.

"Rock on buddy"

"Rock on" Crowpaw replied as they smashed their paws together. Crowpaw felt something shoot up his paw and looked at Graypaw who was fighting back tears. Crowpaw felt his eyes water too before the two looked at the ceiling and screamed in unison:

"OOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"Are you two done being retards or can we get back to class?" Sorrelpaw interupted. The two friends stopped their screaming and stared at her with a pleading look. "Okay, one more time" She sighed. Graypaw and Crowpaw smiled at each other and began:

"OOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Somewhere on the other side of the planet, people who read warriors figured out how Snowkit went deaf.

"Now can we go back to class?" Sorrelpaw asked again. Crowpaw and Graypaw looked at her and blinked.

"Sure" They replied in unison and walked off.