Author's Note: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the dreadfully long delay. My excesses are only essays, three week pracs, mid year exams, and a massive research project which I've had 6 months to do and naturally I left it until the last month. Needless to say for about a month the idea of sitting in front of a computer screen and typing made me sick. Also I had a minor (read major) writer's block. But I have overcome these massive obstacles to bring you chapter 5 so please enjoy.

Chapter Five

Kurogane stared down at the boy kneeling in front of him. The boy's body was wracked with sobs, which threatened to tear him apart.

'Damnit.' Kurogane thought as he watched the kid cry. 'What the hell am I supposed to do now?' The stoic ninja stared down at his apprentice and realised that as the kid's master, it was his duty to look out for his student, both in body and in spirit until he was capable of doing it himself. The kid was so serious all of the time, that Kurogane sometimes forgot that the boy was also a teenager, who was trying to make sense of life through a haze of hormones.

Unsure of what to do, Kurogane stepped closer to the boy and leaned his leg against him – silently offering him his support. When Syaoran sat up, he placed his hand on top of the kid's head and stared out over the ocean, silently sharing his pain and watching over him in his moment of weakness.

* * * * *

The walk away from Syaoran had been one of the hardest things that Sakura had ever had to do. With every step she had taken, the pain in her chest had grown. With each heart beat, a thousand knives slashed at her soul, which cried out for her to stop. However she bravely fought off her weakness – telling herself that this was for the best.

She barely managed to make it inside the house, before she shut the door and collapsed brokenly in the middle of the passage way.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." She whispered painfully as she drew herself into a ball, in a desperate attempt to hold herself together. Despite her actions, she still felt as though she was falling apart at the seams. "It wasn't supposed to hurt like this. It wasn't supposed to hurt Syaoran either."

Even as her body shook with gut wrenching sobs, Sakura couldn't help but wonder why it hurt so much. Logically she had thought that the emotions that she felt for Syaoran were still new and thus easily dealt with. However, judging by the pain that was coursing through her body, she had fallen for him far deeper and quicker then she could ever have imagined.

"What have I done?" she whispered achingly.

As she huddled against the door, feeling her heart shatter, the sound of footsteps reached her. She looked up in time to see Fai and Mokona heading towards her – the concern evident on their faces.

"Sakura, what's wrong?" Fai asked anxiously, as he knelt down in front of her. "What's happened?"

Mokona leapt off Fai's shoulder and into her arms, where it hugged her gently. "There there. It will be alright, Sakura."

"No it won't." Sakura choked out. "I've hurt Syaoran so much. I've ruined everything!"

Silently, Fai gently helped her to her feet and led her to the kitchen. There, he seated her at the table and proceeded to make her a cup of warm tea, laced with honey and a dash of liquor to ease the tension that radiated off her.

"Here. Have a drink." He said as he placed the cup in front of her. "It will calm you down and make you feel better. Then we can talk about what happened."

Obediently, Sakura took a sip of the beverage and immediately felt its soothing warmth spread through her. That, combined with the faint humming which was coming from Mokona, managed to turn her violent sobs into a steady trickle of tears which cascaded steadily down her cheeks.

When her tears eventually abated, Fai handed her a handkerchief and asked, "What happened, Sakura?"

Slowly and with many pauses to sip her tea, Sakura told Fai about her latest memory, her conclusions and the dreadful actions that had followed her decisions.

"And now it hurts so bad." She concluded. "I can't help but feel that I've done something terribly wrong, but without all my memories of my past, I can't seem to move on with the rest of my life." Slowly she raised her liquid green eyes to Fai's sorrowful blue one. "Have I done the right thing?" She whispered, the pain and confusion clear in her voice.

* * * * * *

It was sometime later that Syaoran's tears abated, and he had joined Kurogane in his silent vigil of the roaring ocean. It was only after he had wiped his tears away, that the usually stoic ninja at his side, spoke up. "Sometimes life hardly seems worth living but you shouldn't give up. Not when there is so much more to live for."

He looked down at the agonised pupil who was still staring resolutely at the crashing waves. "My offer still stands. If you want to talk, I'm here."

For a long moment, Syaoran remained silent, and Kurogane began to wonder whether the kid was ever going to open up to him. Eventually, Syaoran looked up and met his gaze.

"When I paid the witch's price, I had no idea just how much pain it would cause me." He looked away. "I love the princess and I thought that she might love me too."

Kurogane's gut tightened when Syaoran referred to Princess Sakura by her title and not her given name. Clearly the previous day's romantic success had been short lived.

"I know that she will never remember the relationship that we had, but a part of me always hoped that that wouldn't matter." His voice darkened with self-loathing. "And for one glorious day, I was foolish enough to believe that we could start afresh."

"And now…" Syaoran stumbled, over the words. "She says she can't love me because she thinks that she is in love with someone back at Clow. Someone that she never told me about before this mess happened." Bitterness seeped into his voice. "Clearly I wasn't as important to her as she was to me."

Kurogane stared at the broken hearted boy, his mind a whirl. He was a ninja, not a therapist. His solution to a problem had always been to kill it. And now, he was completely out of his element.

Syaoran shook his head, as if trying to banish his darker thoughts. "I know I'm supposed to be happy for her." He paused mulling over his own words. "And a very small part of me is, I guess. But it still hurts to know that the one I love will never return these feelings for me. The thought of watching her love someone else makes me livid but most of all it just hurts, Kurogane." He sighed hopelessly as he rested his head on his knees. "I don't know what to do."

Carefully not looking at Syaoran, Kurogane finally spoke. "There is a story in my country which tells of a similar situation to the one that you are going through now. I'm not sure if it will help, but it might, so pay attention because I'm only going to tell it once."

Kurogane cleared his throat. "There was once a… man who fell in love with a woman. She was everything that he was not. She was delicate, while he was brutish. She was sensitive to the people around her, while he just couldn't give a damn. She was his reason for living and yet he would gladly give his life for her if it meant that she would be happy. Unfortunately, his love was the one thing that could not make her happy. As much as he longed to shout his love of her to the world, he could not. Not only were there class differences between them, but their roles in society outlawed a union such as theirs. He knew that his love for her, was the one thing that he could never tell her. It would cause too much pain on both sides if he told her of his love. All he could do was protect her from the shadows. "

"He loved her with all his soul, but he loved her from afar. He was never to let her know the depth of his true feelings."

Kurogane knelt down in front of Syaoran and placed his hands on his shoulders, forcing Syaoran to look at him.

"I told you this before, "he began, the compassion clear in his voice, "If you are a man with a job to do, you always have to look ahead. Don't regret things that you cannot change. There are some things that no amount of will power can overcome. All I can tell you is that you must be her lover from afar. Be there to protect her from the shadows. It will be up to you to pick up the pieces, especially as we travel. Be her silent pillar of support."

"It will be up to you to protect her so she can get back to the person she loves. Take happiness in her happiness. Wish her all the best with her love, but do yourself a favour kid, never let her see it, otherwise it will make things unbearable for both of you." Kurogane paused as he watched the reality of the situation sink in and harden the glint in Syaoran's brown eyes.

Kurogane grunted and continued. "I know that this sounds harsh and I wish I could tell you that things will get better but some things are just meant to be, regardless of how much you and I wish it weren't."

Syaoran mulled over Kurogane's painful words. He had sworn to protect Sakura and return her memories to her. He longed to remove himself from his situation where he would not have to feel the agony in his heart. But short of dying or falling into unconsciousness for the rest of his life, this would not happen.

Even separating himself from the princess would not work. Not only would he be breaking his oath to get back her soul, his very being rebelled against the idea. He just couldn't stand the pain of not being near her. He longed to escape the pain of rejection, but he knew the pain of breaking an oath would rip him to shreds as a man.

He had sworn to return the Princess's memories to her and that was what he intended to do, regardless of how much pain he would suffer, be it physical or emotional. He was honour bound to fulfill his promises to her

Syaoran nodded, his throat constricting. Kurogane was right. "Thank you. I'll try keep all that in mind."

* * * * *

Fai sighed slightly, wondering how exactly he was to consol someone who had just had her heart broken and was unaware of it. He knew that he couldn't fill in her 'blanks' or gaps in her memories, which would help her understand her situation. He had been there when she had remembered her relationship with Syaoran and had seen her collapse when the memories had been removed. Fai knew that he couldn't truly tell her what she was feeling and why.

However, he was determined to guide her thoughts in the right direction and hopefully, reunite Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan.

In attempt to gather a few more moments to think about what he wanted to say, Fai stood up. "I think we need another cup of tea." He said gently, as he gathered her cup from her and began preparing another batch of soothing tea.

Glancing over his shoulder, as he waited for the water to heat up again, he watched Sakura forlornly stroke Mokona. He wondered briefly if Mokona's humming was the creature's attempt at a reassuring purr or one of his secret techniques before turning back to the dilemma at hand.

Fai knew that Sakura and Syaoran had paid a heavy price to get back her memories, and it was times like this that he felt that they had paid far too harsh a price.

From what he could gather, Sakura had received an incomplete memory the night before. What was significant about the gaps in the memory, was the fact, that as far as the witch's price went – the gaps could only be possible if the memory had included Syaoran. If it had been a memory of anyone else it would have come back in one piece.

And since he was a magician of impressive caliber, Fai had deduced that the person Sakura had wanted to confess her love to, had to have been Syaoran.

For a moment he smiled, before he winced at the irony of the situation. Sakura believed that she was in love with two different people, when in fact they were one in the same. The fact that she had fallen in love with him again, clearly demonstrated that the two were meant for one another.

However, the witch's price appeared to not only have removed their past relationship, but it now seemed as though their current relationship had been placed on the table as an additional payment.

Resolutely, Fai decided that, while he may not be capable of restoring the relationship they had shared in Clow, he was not about to watch Sakura destroy her chance at love now.

When the tea had been brewed and he had added liberal doses of liquor, Fai handed a cup to Sakura and sat down in front of her.

"Sakura-chan," Fai began gently. "I know that you think that you have done the right thing but I wonder if you really thought about your entire situation."

"Oh Fai, please don't say that I've made a mistake." Sakura exclaimed as she clutched her teacup tightly. "I thought about what my dream meant. What it would do to poor Syaoran and what would happen to him if I let our relationship develop. And I don't know what would happen to the other person when I return to Clow. Since I'm not with the other person I couldn't judge that relationship so…" She faltered.

"So you decided that you would cut off the relationship that you have now." Fai stated emotionlessly. "Did you even consider your situation at all?"

Sakura fidgeted under his accusation. "I didn't want to hurt him. I thought that if I ended it now, it would be less painful for him, then after months or years of traveling and a confrontation at home."

"What if there is no confrontation waiting for you at home, Sakura-chan?" Fai asked. "What if the person that you loved didn't return your feelings?" Briefly Fai wondered why he said those words – even though he had already decided that the person in the memories was Syaoran. 'I'm trying to protect her from remembering something that she will forget as soon as she remembers it.' Nodding mentally to himself, he continued. "What if that person isn't there anymore? You risked your relationship with Syaoran based on a 'what if'."

Sakura released her hold on the tea cup and clutched the folds of her skirt as the depth of her actions truly hit her. She finally realised that she hadn't really thought things through.

Fai reached over and squeezed Sakura's hand. She raised her head, and Fai winced at the tears that were sparkling in her eyes. He hated saying such harsh things, but he knew that he had to force her to really look at her situation. "I'm sorry for being so mean but I think you need to look at what you have now – not what you don't have. You need to look at who is standing next to you, who has been with you every step of this journey."

"Don't worry about the past, Sakura-chan. It's not important. Please don't let your future be destroyed based on 'what ifs'. You need to live for today. You can't deny that there is something amazing between you and Syaoran. Don't ask if it is right or wrong. Let it bloom and grow. You never know, but this relationship between you and Syaoran might just overshadow the one you dreamt of."

Almost pleadingly, Fai added. "Don't make decisions based on memories that you are unsure of or ones that are incomplete. Use the memories that you have made since starting this journey, because this journey is the sort of thing that shapes your future – much more than your past ever could have."

Sakura nodded. "Thank you Fai." Standing up and cradling Mokona under one arm, she picked up her tea and drained it. "Will you please excuse me?" She asked. "You've given me a lot to think about. I would like to be alone for a little while. Do you mind if I stay here, rather than go out with you?"

Fai shook his head and smiled slightly. "You do just that. I'll survive the market." He stood up and led her to the kitchen door. "I'll tidy up here. You go and think."

"Mokona wants to say with Sakura." The little white creature said. "Mokona will keep Sakura company 'cause Mokona thinks that she needs something to hold to make her feel better." Mokona gazed up at her solemnly. "You can hold Mokona as tight as you want. Mokona will make you feel better."

"Thank you Mokona." Sakura said, hugging the white manju tighter. She paused and stared at Fai a moment, before bowing and whispering "Thank you Fai," before disappearing down the passage under Fai's thoughtful gaze.

Fai smiled, pleased that she appeared to have forgiven him for being so mean to her. "Not at all Sakura-chan. You do all the thinking you need to get this all sorted out."

* * * * *

Kurogane cleared his throat gruffly. "Well now that's sorted we need to get back to training. You've got a princess to protect and to do that you need to finish you training."

Standing up slowly, Syaoran grasped his sword and once more turned to face his master in combat. Bowling slightly, the lesson commenced.

The two lonely souls, then spent the next hour training rather extensively and it wasn't long before Syaoran had managed to drown out most of his pain with grim determination.

Sheathing his sword and bowing to Kurogane, Syaoran turned and stared out at the crashing waves. "Do you mind if I stay out her for a little while?" Syaoran asked. "I want to make sure that I am capable of facing the princess properly." His voice broke slightly. "I don't want to hurt her because I can't keep my emotions under control."

Kurogane nodded and turned to the stairs which would lead him back to the street. "I'll keep an eye on the princess for you." He called over his shoulder.

"Thank you, Kurogane." Syaoran said, bowing to the retreating figure.

Once Kurogane had disappeared, Syaoran made his way to an outcropping of rocks, which were just above the spray from the waves. It was an ideal place for him to sit and meditate until he could keep his emotions in check.

An hour later, Syaoran opened his eyes, feeling far more in control of his aching heart. While the pain in his heart lingered, the majority of it had been replaced with a grim determination to follow with his promises that he had made to the princess.

Leaping off the rocks that he had been sitting on, he made his way along the beach, passing the occasional group of beach goers, who he smiled politely to, just to see if he could manage a smile. Many of them smiled in return, so he knew that he was successfully masking his true feelings. Perhaps hiding his feelings wouldn't as hard as he had originally thought.

As he walked resolutely back to the rented house they were staying in, Syaoran once again vowed that he would protect the princess – regardless of her feelings towards him.

Author's Note: Once again, I really sorry about taking so long for this update. As a way of apology I have made this chapter really long and hopefully up to your standards. I hope that you enjoyed it and feel inspired to leave a review.