Author's Note: Alas, the Labyrinth is not mine. This is just a bit of silliness that occured to me on the bus as I neared campus. Since I was still rather sleepy, this may be retarded, but some of you may also be amused!

4 September, 2008
7:30 AM
Unexpected interview with Jareth the Magnificent, transcribed in a sleepy stupor by Quillerella

Well, good morning to you, madam. Don't fall off the seat now, you wouldn't want to disrupt your fellow commuters. Of course I'm real, silly girl. How else could I be talking to you? How did I find you? Simple, really. You see, I was browsing this ingenious thing you mortals have called the Inter-net, I believe is how it is pronounced, and I discovered that I have a large array of subjects Aboveground as well as Underground! I just had to let them all know about their King!

Of course I don't have any goblins living Aboveground, silly girl. I mean all of the thousands of fans swarming all over this fantastic web of yours! You yourself are a subject. Oh don't look so surprised. You write stories about me, do you not? Thousands of people do, from the looks of it, and I must say right now, I am extremely pleased. You all amuse me so much. I spent many hours in the past few days trolling through your fascinating stories. Oh all of the relationships I've had, all of the situations you have put me in, and not just you, but that Jim Henson, all of the authors here and elsewhere, all of the drawings...I must admit, I do believe my hair has grown all the more voluminous to fit the extra ego you all have inflated me with.

A fantasy world? My Labyrinth? Please. It is as real as this fat, smelly, man sitting next to you on the bus. Though definitely not that malodorous. Oh I forgot, I must pass on a message from My Sarah before we continue. Yes, yes, Sarah is my wife, and my Queen. Of course, I know you all expected that, but really. She was the only one to defeat my Labyrinth. Who else was I going to marry? Some pretentious Fae prissy inabiting the Fae council? They're much to fluffy for my tastes.

One thing at a time. I must pass on my dearling's message before I indulge in the tale of our love...(here the Goblin King sighs wistfully and a blissful smile curves his lips before he snaps back to his alert, kingly self) Sarah is jealous. Very jealous. I must say, I find this focus on me fascinating but Sarah...ahem. Well, she is er - uncomfortable - with the idea that so many young women here seem to be rather infatuated with me. She's not at all pleased that thousands upon thousands of women have imagined romances of mine that did not involve her. Personally though (because I know she will never read this), I encourage you all to continue. These stories are just so amusing! When I'm having a terrible day with those dreadfully dull goblins, I know I can come here and sink myself into a story where everything comes up smelling like roses (which is a rare occurence in the Castle, sadly).

Fine, fine, I shall tell you how I wooed my darling Sarah. I showed up on her doorstep with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates and we hit it off from there.

You don't believe me? Of course you don't. It is much too mundane for the likes of me. I was just curious to see how many of you would actually believe me capable of such a low method. No. I arrived in her room in a shower of pink glitter with a magnificent crystal necklace on bended knee (don't worry, I waited until she had matured, for goodness' sake). I explained to her how I hadn't stopped thinking of her since she triumped, and would she please be mine? Of course she could not refuse. We have lived happily ever after since that blissful moment.

That sounds too cliche to you? Well that's the only truth you're going to get. That's a private story that I like to entertain myself with. It took some work, let me tell you. But let us move on, shall we?

My favourite colour is purple. How dare you laugh? Purple is a manly colour. Gender-colours aside, purple glitter is the most effective of all colours. No I would never wear a bright purple top. That would clash with all of my tight pants and poet shirts. Yes, I really do wear tight pants. I know you're trying not to look at them. Just get it over with, I can wait. Although you may want to tell that man next to you to stop drooling, it is ruining your school bag.

My favourite pastime is reading in the library with a good Sarah curled up on my lap. Yes, you can 'aww' and 'oooh' and 'oh that's so sweet' all you want, but physical closeness is just so necessary when you are in love. We like to read history books, actually. The history of the Underground and the Labyrinth is fascinating, and if you had several centuries, why, I could give you a full course! I also like to garden. My private garden is the magnificent stronghold of my privacy. It is the only place the goblins cannot urinate in, vomit on, destroy, litter with chickens and garbage, or drink in. It is pristine. I prefer crysanthemums and scarlet roses to any other flower. And hedges. And I also like there to be many tree-sculptures of myself. I'm so handsome, don't you think?

The hardest thing about being a Goblin King is most definitely the drunken parties. Those goblins seem to be under the impression that I will sing ridiculous songs for them. Can you imagine such a thing? I wonder where they got that idea from.

The easiest? Kicking goblins out of the window, of course. Those goblins are surprisingly light, you know, and they always go with a satisfying 'phunt' noise. You should try it sometime when you are stressed. It does wonders for your mental health.

My favourite thing about being the Goblin King (aside from my lovely Goblin Queen, that is) is the magic. Those crystals are so fascinating and fun. It is too bad that you mortals don't have magic. Rather, I should say, that you cannot recognize magic. What a shame.

I have never been drunk! I don't even know why I let those goblins drink. I didn't mention those drunken parties to give you the impression that I stumbled around slurring my words all night. The most I've ever enjoyed is the finest glass of OakFae wine. That is only served at high-end Fae gatherings.

My favourite food is most definitely cheese. Especially when it is melted, drizzled over pickles. Oh don't look so disgusted! It is quite tasty, and stress-relieving. You should try it before your classes get you too overwhelmed. Of course we grow cheese in the Underground. You mean you don't grow it here? How odd. It grows on square purple bushes in my private garden.

Why would you want to hear about my childhood? It was an utterly boring 2499 years. No, I will not tell you no matter how hard you beg. And besides, it looks like we've reached your stop. Enjoy your day, madam, and do pass on my greetings to your fellow writers.

Jareth the Magnificent promptly disappears in a shower of purple glitter, leaving the occupants of my bus rather dazed and confused, and my schoolbag is drenched in drool.

Interview completed 8:00 AM

Heh. A lot of silliness. This is what a tired mind does when it is forced to wake up at 5:00 in the morning. I'm not sure if you will all find this funny. I think it's definitely wierd. Let me know if Jareth should visit again to regal us all with tales of his childhood. ;P