Breathe Me

A/N: Hey guys! I'm back with yet another story. I'm sorry for not updating SE or HAS recently, but if I start to UD all my stories really frequently, the writing gets bad. I need diversity.

This will be a multi-chapter story, and slightly lighter than my other stories. It takes place 4 years after high school, and everything from 5x05, etc has happened. You'll most likely catch on, but if you don't, feel free to ask me questions in your reviews. (You know how I love reviews!)

Haha, thank you to Corey and Chey for reading over some of this for me. And for the rest of you, enjoy!

Summary: He speaks it in a strange tone – his words filled with sadness and regret, exhaustion and admittance, denial and repression of something unspoken. She could ask him about it…why is he glad she came, but the words don't come. BL

;;;

Chapter 1: Lose Some Time

I'm not saying I don't love my friends. 'Cause I do. A lot. It's just that it's been so long, and I know the whole experience is going to be awkward. Especially since I'm going to be the only single one there. Nathan and Haley have each other, and of course Jamie will be there too. Then there's Peyton, Jake and Jenny. And then Lucas – with his girlfriend? I don't even know…Haley might have mentioned they were engaged?! God, I've missed so much.

So it's not like I don't want to go. 'Cause I do. But like I said – it's going to be awkward.

;;;

She's been driving along the Maryland coastline for way too long. Her iphone tells her it's only supposed to be 18 minutes from the freeway to the house – it's been 43.

"Fuck," she mutters under her breath, switching into low gear to coast down a hill. The road has gotten rocky, and her Porsche is not built for these kind-of conditions. She must have missed the turn-off.

"Hello?" she sputters angrily into her phone, picking it up on the first ring.

"Brooke?" Haley's chipper voice comes on the line. "What happened? You were supposed to be here like an hour ago."

Brooke pulls over onto the shoulder of the road and cuts the engine. "I think I'm lost," she resigns. "I definitely went too far."

;;;

I definitely went too far. In life? Maybe. In work? Definitely? In love…god, who even knows? I've been in love once – and who's to decide when you've got yourself in too deep. My opinion of love lately, is that it's a constant reminder of your faults, and how hard you have to work to not let your own issues piss your significant other off.

I think my mother has brainwashed me.

;;;

"What town are you near?"

"Oh, I remember passing East Bumblefuck a few minutes ago."

"Brooke."

"Okay, okay. Lanesville, I think?"

"Jesus, Tigger. That's 45 minutes down the coast."

"Damn it," Brooke groans, banging her head against the steering wheel. "I have no idea where I am."

Haley sighs. "Don't worry about it – I'll send Nathan to come get you."

Brooke doesn't even bother arguing – Haley's already hung up. As she waits for Nathan, she lets her eyes pass over to the blue, shimmering Atlantic. The beach always gives her mixed feelings, simply because it reminds her of Lucas. And when weren't her feelings about him mixed?

Her head is throbbing. She almost feels bad about being a bitch on the phone – almost. She had her head bitten off this morning by Bitchtoria when she found out Brooke was taking a two week vacation at a beach house in Maryland…oh yeah, without internet or cell phone service.

Whatever. Brooke is past letting her mother dictate her life – more or less. She hasn't been on a real vacation since she was 18 anyway, and despite the fact that these weeks would be, as if she hasn't said it enough, awkward, she could use a break.

Bored, Brooke amuses herself for a few minutes with the skylight – then with those random buttons on the dashboard that she's never known the purpose of. And wow, she really has too much space in this car, especially since it's only her using it…and shouldn't she be more energy efficient?

Before she knows it, she's trying to think of all the ways she can reduce her carbon footprint, and – oh, all of a sudden there's another car pulling over.

Now, Brooke's forgotten a lot in these four years, but she definitely recognizes that car – and it's definitely not Nathans.

"Fuck," she mutters, pushing open her car door, and stepping out into the breezy, salty air.

"You don't look like Nathan Scott."

"Yeah well you don't exactly look like Brooke Davis."

Lucas Scott walks towards her, with shorter hair and a nice tan, but altogether looking pretty much the same. Brooke looks down and regards her own appearance: Knee high boots, designer jeans, and a silk halter-top. Aviator glasses cover her eyes (and most of her face), and her shorter, redder hair brushes her cheekbones.

"How've you been?" he asks.

"Worse than you, probably," she responds, and they both have to smile. Things are surprisingly, non-awkward, considering the last time they saw each other, they were both wasted, pretending to be engaged, and he had both kissed, and tried to sleep with her.

;;;

Of course, Brooke thinks, as they hug and she's instantly reminded of home, he was probably too wasted to remember any of that evening.

"Why don't you follow me back?" he suggests, and Brooke nods.

;;;

Sex. I slept with a few guys last year, but honestly, it's really lost all the appeal it gave to me in high school. I've basically realized I used it for attention, and as a way to punish my parents for the sucky childhood they gave to me. I slept with 3 guys senior year: Chris Keller, Lucas Scott, and Chase Adams. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking all three of them.

;;;

The house is big, but a lot more rustic, or rather "beachy," than Brooke had imagined. It's literally on the beach, as in, sand runs up to the doorstep, and practically in the door, according to Lucas.

"Brooke!" Haley's shriek is carried by the wind up the driveway, and Brooke abandons Lucas with her luggage to run up to Haley and envelop her in a hug. The former blonde, but now brunette again, smells of soap and sea salt, and Brooke breathes in the scent gratefully.

"Oh, it's so good to see you, Brooke!" Haley holds the brunette at arms length. "You look so…you look amazing, B."

"So do you, Hales. Thank you so much for inviting me up here."

"Well, if it weren't for you, there would be no 'gang.' So I guess the invite was kind-of implied," Haley says through a smile.

Brooke follows Haley in to the house, Lucas trailing behind with Brooke's luggage, grumbling slightly. He drops the suitcases on the floor, turns to Brooke and puts his hand on her shoulder. "Nice to have you back, Davis," he says, and then disappears out the back door with a smile.

"So, this is it. I know it's not much – but at least it's big. There's always sand on the floors – so don't worry about wiping your feet. We basically keep the windows open all the time – the house is constantly bathed in light.

"Three bedrooms are on this floor – Nathan and mine, Jake and Peyton's, and then Jenny and Jamie are sharing. Yours is upstairs – next to Lucas's."

Brooke's nodding along to Haley's ramble – but her gaze us fixed on the view right outside the large living room windows, which have been thrust open. There's the ocean – waves crashing on the beach, blue sea shimmering for miles.

"God Haley, it's gorgeous."

Haley stops mid-sentence, as she had been rambling on about how the power sometimes goes out, but how really, it's nothing to worry about, and blushes. "Well, I wanted a place we would all like – and, I mean, who doesn't like the beach?"

Brooke smiles a little, lost in her own thoughts. "Yeah, who doesn't like the beach?"

;;;

They deposit Brooke's luggage upstairs and Haley mentions that everyone is down on the beach, and that's probably where Lucas headed off to.

They walk out of the house, and the hot sand feels amazing between Brooke's toes. She's already shed her jeans, boots and top, and changed into a bikini and a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. It takes her just a split second, looking down the beach, to spot the curly mess of blonde hair, before she takes off running.

Peyton starts at the same time, and they meet halfway between Haley and everyone else, falling over into the sand with the force of their hug. They laugh and hug and shriek, and Brooke swears it's the first time she's smiled for real in a very long time.

Jake jogs over and lifts the two girls over the sand. "Do either of you need a bodyguard?" he asks, in a mock serious tone.

"Jagielski!" Brooke squeals, barreling in to her old friend. "It's been way too long."

"Wish, I could say the same, Davis," he responds with a teasing wink, and Brooke laughs, pushing her hair out of her face and sticking her tongue out.

"Daddy!" A high pitched shriek and a whirl of strawberry blonde hair. Jenny comes running up to her father, and Brooke is shocked by how much she resembles Nikki. Except in the eyes. The eyes – their softness – those belong to Jake.

"Hi, Jenny." Brooke crouches down to the seven year old's height. "Remember me?" she asks, softly.

"Daddy," the small girl repeats, whispering to Jake. "Who's that pretty girl and why does she know who I am?"

"That's your auntie Brooke," Jake says, gaze lost completely to his daughter.

"Oh, okay," Jenny responds, clearly not grasping or caring for the matter, already lost in her own little world. She turns on her heel, and sprints off down the beach to where Nathan and Jamie are splashing around in the water.

Brooke smiles, following the girl with her eyes, feeling a small pang in her heart for the bond that Jake and Jenny share. But the moment of envy is lost, as Haley and Peyton flank either side of her, and pull the brunette down the beach to say hi to Nate, and to meet Jamie.

But all the while, as Brooke hugs a soaking wet Nathan, and is greeted shyly by the godson she never got to know, a small part of her brain wanders off and gets caught on one question.

Where's Lucas?

;;;

"Where's Lucas?" she asks, later that day, as Peyton and Haley lie sprawled across her bed, and she folds things from he suitcase neatly into the chest of drawers.

Peyton shrugs while flipping through a copy of B.Davis. "I don't know. He probably disappeared on one of those emo walks he's been taking lately. Hey – are you still selling these scarves, cause someone stole mine from me at the gym."

Brooke reaches in to her suitcase and pulls out some material, tossing it to Peyton, who squeals and wraps the scarf around her neck. "How are things between you guys? Is it still ridiculously awkward?"

The blonde shakes her head. "I mean, I think after I pretty much refused to marry him, he realized it was a stupid mistake and that yeah, we were that dream couple, but reality just got in the way. Besides, he found Lindsey soon after and that kind-of distracted him."

"Yeah, where is she anyway?" Brooke asks, curiously. "I haven't met her yet."

"You didn't get my email?" Haley asks, confused. Brooke shakes her head and Haley lowers her voice, as if it could carry to all corners of the house. "She left him a few weeks ago. Said that he wasn't willing to commit to the relationship enough."

"What? I thought he proposed."

Haley lets out a short laugh. "Well, she did all she could to try and get him to. It kind-of sucks, though. I really liked her." She pauses for a split second. "Anyway, he's pretty broken up about it."

Brooke shrugs. "I guess he didn't seem very sociable earlier. I wonder where he went."

;;;

She finds him out on the terrace drinking a beer and watching Jamie and Jenny play out on the sand.

"Old habits die hard, huh?" She sits down on the porch swing next to him.

He laughs. "You're the same old smartass you were in high school."

"New York City clearly didn't do anything to my character."

"Relatively."

She turns to him. "What do you mean."

"Look, Brooke, I'm not trying to lecture you, especially not on your first day of vacation. It's just – I can already tell you're stressed out, and that something's on your mind."

"Nathan – "

"I'm just saying…" the younger Scott averts his gaze. "Lucas is fading fast, and it would really suck to have another friend fall in to that winding circle of angst."

Brooke sighs, deciding between pushing the matter of Lucas, or letting it slide. She glances at Nathan, his brown eyes following his son on the beach, his left hand clutching the bottle of Budweiser loosely.

"I know it's none of my business," she says slowly. "But do you know why Lindsey left him."

"He wasn't willing to commit," Nathan responds through a shrug.

"I know – but why? Do you think it had to do with Peyton, and worrying about that kind-of rejection again?"

"I don't think so." The brunette shakes his head. "Lucas pretty much admitted to us and himself, that he proposed to Peyton out of fear."

"Fear of what?"

"Feeling, for once. Fear that his relationship was fading fast, and thinking that the only way to salvage it was to propose. A dumb decision, on his part, but he's admitted that by now."

"So now he's trying to do the opposite?" she asks, confused.

Nathan looks at her, seemingly mentally deciding whether to speak or not. He lets out a short breath. "You want to know my opinion? I think he just didn't love her enough. He didn't love her in the same way he loved Peyton…or you."

There's a short silence. Then, Brooke stands. "Maybe he's still looking for The One."

She heads for the screen door, opening it with a creak. As she disappears inside, Nathan mutters something he probably assumes she can't hear.

"Or maybe he's waiting for The One to come back to him."

;;;

If Nathan and Peyton hadn't started dating in high school, I would definitely be in Haley's shoes right now. Only a nightmare version of Haley's shoes. See, Nathan and Peyton clearly hated each other. But for me and Nate – the constant banter was based on our years of friendship when we were younger, that we tried to pretend didn't happen. We slept together once, but if he and I had officially gotten together, I definitely would have ended up pregnant. Just trust me – I can tell. And let me say – thank god for Peyton, because if he hadn't been with her, he wouldn't have gotten together with Haley. And a Nathan-Brooke marriage wouldn't do anyone any good.

;;;

Later that night, in the hours after dinner (which Lucas had missed), Brooke has retreated to her bedroom. She pulls open the windows, letting the salty air into her room. When she breathes deeply, and smells the ocean, she's reminded of home, Tree Hill, where, on certain days, you can smell the seawater from all over town. She's donned a pair of boxer shorts and a big t-shirt, and though it's barely 9:00, she's already thinking of turning in.

Jamie and Jenny have long since retired to their bedroom, exhausted from their day of running around on the beach. Peyton and Jake have gone on a walk, and Nathan and Haley are downstairs watching Casablanca.

Where's Lucas?

She steps out on to the balcony, and all she can see in front of her is the moon shining on the water, and faintly illuminating the beach. She realizes, in this moment, that if she could, she would stay here forever.

"Hey."

Brooke turns, abruptly. Lucas is standing in the doorway to the balcony, with his electric blue eyes looking oddly dull.

"Hey…where've you been?"

Lucas shrugs. "I took a walk."

"Oh…" She could mention that the 'walk' he took, was over three hours long, but the words don't come. Instead, she gives him a soft smile.

"Look…I just wanted to stop in and say goodnight. And…I'm really glad you came."

He says it in a strange tone – his words filled with sadness and regret, exhaustion and admittance, denial and repression of something unspoken. She could ask him about it…why is he glad she came, but the words don't come. She whispers a thank you, and then comes their goodnights, and then he's gone.

;;;

I think I misinterpreted this trip. And not because now it turns out I'm not awkwardly alone in my 'singleness.' It's just, for the few hours I've been here for, I've slipped in to this dreamlike daze. And part of me is almost upset that I came – cause I'm not going to want to go home.

My friends need me here. All of them. And I need my friends. All of them.