Disclaimer: Naruto and all of its characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto, and only Masashi Kishimoto. (Much to my dismay)

Spoilers: Probably around Chapter 277 in Naruto, and spoilers will probably continue onward from that/those chapters.

Summary: Tenten has been assigned a mission to become an undercover Akatsuki member to spy on their actions and plans. However, when Deidara is also assigned to "take care" of the new member, problems begin to arise.

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Chapter 1: Surprise
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It wasn't the easiest of days, Deidara had to admit. He'd lost the nine-tailed fox and his partner had been killed. Hell, he even lost both his arms thanks to that damned fox boy. The Boss'll be eating him out for weeks on this one, and this blonde was not looking forward to it.

After—disdainfully—calling for help, Akatsuki sent a dark-haired, overly energetic man wearing an orange mask to Deidara's rescue. Man, was "overly energetic" an understatement. It was like this guy lived on sugar pills. The Boss sure had strange tastes when it came to recruitment.

Tobi, the makeshift partner, grabbed Deidara's loose pieces—or more specifically his arms—and followed the limping blonde back to the Akatsuki hideout. Deidara ignored the pain that shot through his body with every jump; he was too determined to get back to the base (wherever the hell it was) to care. Walking around without arms was going to be difficult, especially since they were his weapons. He had to get back to the hideout to fix that problem, and the fact that it was so hard to find was really pushing it. It's certainly a pain to be an S-ranked criminal; you have to live in a base found in the middle of freakin' nowhere.

"Goodness, Mr. Deidara!" Tobi exclaimed in the middle of a jump, "How do you manage to go so far without these? Surely you have some balancing issues." He lifted Deidara's arms and gave a hearty laugh, warranting a glare from the blonde.

Judging by his wonderful memory and disability, it would probably take a little less than a week to get to his destination. A week of traveling, armless and with a talkative clown.

Betraying his country and joining such an infamous group had better be worth all this crap.

--

As soon as he stepped into the base, he was greeted by a pale, stitched face and a pair of beady black eyes.

"What a welcoming face you have, Kakuzu, yeah?" Deidara remarked sarcastically, brushing past the walking corpse.

Kakuzu ignored the blonde's indirect insult. "I assume you'll be needing my help," he grumbled as Tobi shoved a pair of arms into his face.

Deidara threw him a glare and a frown, then continued walking.

"I'll meet you in my room, then."

"Yes, dearest," Deidara called with a raised upper arm.

Upon entering Kakuzu's room, Deidara flopped onto the nearest couch and shook off the remainder of his tattered cloak. He stuck out his arm stubs and frowned down at them. Damn that fox boy for taking both his arms and leaving him vulnerable.

"Sit still," Kakuzu more or less commanded as he walked through the door, Tobi following close behind.

Deidara groaned. "What, pumpkin-face has to watch?"

"Don't worry, Mr. Deidara," Tobi said with a laugh, "I'll keep you occupied while Mr. Kakuzu fixes you up."

Deidara groaned once again, then sat back against the couch. He looked around the dark room as his left arm was stitched back together. He felt Kakuzu's weird black strings crawl across his skin and dig through his flesh. His eyes darted around the room, entertaining him by scanning through the assorted body parts that had accumulated on the walls over the years.

"I didn't know you had a hobby of collecting... things," he commented with a snort.

"If that's what you want to call it," Kakuzu replied, his voice scratchy and low. "I'm finished."

Deidara looked at his arms in slight alarm. Not only did he not feel any discomfort, besides a few tickles from the strings, the job was also done in a matter of seconds. He wiggled his fingers, then smiled widely.

"Hey, thanks ma-"

"Now get out." Kakuzu stood up and motioned to the door.

"Sheesh, what a stiff, yeah?" Deidara muttered under his breath as he scooped up his cloak and left the room.

Tobi followed his senior eagerly, exaggerating each step with a little hop. He watched the blonde throw on his ruined cloak.

"Oh, Mr. Deidara, sir," he began.

"What is it, Tobi?" Deidara asked, his eyes still glued to his re-attached arms.

"Mr. Leader told me to tell you that he needed to see you after you got..." Tobi paused and put a finger to his mask where his lips would be, "patched up."

The corners of Deidara's lips turned down. "Aw, geez," he groaned, "Now I'm going to get my ears talked off."

"He wants you to meet him in his room," Tobi finished before turning away from Deidara and retreating from the hall.

Deidara pulled a clammy hand down his face and sighed heavily. The Boss never had private chats with anyone unless it was either extremely important or he was going to lecture them about how they failed and how it would set his world domination plan back. Deidara already had both kinds of private chats and he wasn't looking forward to repeating either of them.

Nevertheless, he trudged toward the dining room, glaring at the door as it came into view. It was better to go through Boss's speech than to ignore his special request to speak with you.

Continuing to glare at the door, Deidara pushed through and entered the room. For a moment, he stood in the entrance as the last rays of light disappeared with the door closing behind him. He blinked twice, and twice more, to adjust to the dark. Mysterious Mr. Leader was always a shadow, one way or another. What made him even creepier was that his eyes always glowed a bright orange, even in the darkest of places.

After a few minutes of silence, Deidara finally spoke up. "You called for me?"

A pair of wide orange eyes peered at the blonde through the darkness.

"Yes," came his distorted voice, "I'm glad you made haste in coming."

"Naturally."

"You may already know, as you were in a similar situation, that Sasori has fallen."

Deidara remained silent at the mention of his ex-partner.

"I don't need to remind you of my disappointment, am I correct?"

"No, you don't."

"I thought not." The orange glow from Leader's eyes faded as he closed them. "To make up for your failure, I ask that you care for our newest member."

"I think pumpkin-face can take care of himself," Deidara muttered with a scoff.

"Tobi is not our newest member."

Deidara's eyes shot up. "Wait, another one?" he asked with a frown. "I thought Tobi was enough to replace Sasori."

A sinister chuckle ripped through the silence that followed the blonde's outburst. "Oh, this one was necessary."

"You deemed him necessary, you mean."

"I trust you'll take care of the newcomer?"

With a click of his tongue, the blonde nodded his reply.

"Return to your room, Deidara. I think you'll find a pleasant surprise there."

No other retorts came across Deidara's mind, so he hastily made his way out of the room. The immediate contact with light blinded him for a few seconds before he blinked and continued to his room, his battered cloak flowing behind him. His steps quickened as he neared the door, then faltered as he reached for the handle. Only then did the "surprise" come across his mind. What had Leader planned for his return? A punishment, perhaps?

Without another thought, Deidara closed his eyes, took a short breath, and pushed open the door.

"Hello?"

It was a woman's voice; a young woman, no older than twenty-five, he guessed. He heard her light footsteps approach him.

"May I ask why your eyes are closed?"

She sounded uncertain and perhaps a little nervous. What kind of stunt was the Boss trying to pull? Did Leader think he needed a squeeze or something?

"Hello?" the young woman repeated, now sounding a little irritated.

Deidara slowly opened one eye, then the other. At least she'd be an attractive squeeze. She was a young woman with dark brown eyes and shiny brown hair that went a little further than her shoulders. Most of her body was hidden by Akatsuki's famous black cloak, decorated with red clouds. He could still tell, however, that though her body frame was somewhat small, her... assets... were graciously full.

She would be a very attractive squeeze. Boss sure was generous when it came to women.

"Hey," he finally replied, "are you my surprise?"

Her eyebrows went up and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "What?"

His mouth curled into a sly smirk as his eyes roamed her body shamelessly.

The young woman frowned and her cheeks burned hotly. "If you're done undressing me with your eyes, I'd like to know your name," she muttered.

"Ah, of course!" Deidara laughed, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "The name's Deidara. Now tell me yours, yeah?"

"Kaiyan." she answered flatly.

"I think I'll call you 'Kai' instead, yeah?"

Kai furrowed her brow in frustration, but she nodded.

"Judging by your earlier response, you're not my squeeze," Deidara said, a little disappointed and changing the subject. "So what are you doing here?"

"I'm a member."

Of course she was a member. The cloak said it all before she even opened her mouth to answer. Still, Deidara's eyebrows went up. A female member? Boss must've been in his dark little room way too long. What good was a girl outside of the bedroom or kitchen? What did she do to make her way in?

"Do not mock me," Kai said in a lowered voice. "You have no idea what I'm capable of."

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to."

The blonde's mouth curled up into a smirk once again. She had a smart mouth to accompany her lovely appearance. Clever girls were always amusing, especially after they've succumbed to Deidara's irresistible charm.

As the girl walked past him to close the door, Deidara took this chance to walk up behind her and pin her against the wall. He swiftly turned her around to face him, nose to nose.

"Oh, I'm sure you're capable of great things, yeah?" he whispered into her ear.

He felt her shiver under his grasp, ever so slightly, and it made him giddy. It was certainly surprising when she reached out and pulled him closer. Maybe he was better than he thought. Is it possible to be too good?

"ACK!"

Guess not. As soon as she pulled him in, she immediately brought her knee up to his... tender parts, leaving him quivering on the floor.

Kai's hands flew up to her mouth as she blushed and stuttered, "S-sorry, sir," then opened the door to run out.

Deidara, with a hand still holding his crotch, stumbled out after her. He stopped and looked out into the empty hallway.

"Tch. Damn woman," he grumbled. "Just wait 'til she gets back."

"What'd you do to the poor girl?"

Deidara turned around briskly, falling back when his face met the blade of a scythe.

"I don't know what you mean, Hidan," he said, regaining his balance and pushing the blade away.

The silver-haired man laughed and leaned against his massive weapon. "Don't be stupid, kid. A flustered girl just ran by and I see you holding your extremities with a delightfully pained expression on your face."

Due to Hidan's immortality, he often acted superior, or old, around Deidara. The blonde didn't appreciate it when he was denounced.

"I... fell."

"Odd way to fall, eh Deidara?"

"Shut up, yeah?"

Deidara wouldn't take this from an over-religious immortal like Hidan. Instead of hearing any more from him, Deidara went back into his room and slammed the door behind him. He blew away a few stray strands of hair, frustrated.

What did Leader expect him to do? He wasn't a babysitter, and he wasn't a very patient person either—albeit, more patient than Sasori was. He wondered how long he would be "taking care" of this new member. This was definitely a good punishment. Damn the Boss.

Perhaps it was time for a shower, he quickly decided. A shower and a clean change of clothes would be good for a tiring day like today.

--

The Akatsuki hideout was difficult to find, and when found, difficult to enter. It was, however, worth the stay, even if for short amounts of time. Most of the halls were brightly lit with many torches, and the living quarters were large and had all the necessities.

Deidara's room was decorated according to his taste and needs. The most unique features in his room were the assorted blocks of clay and his desk, where he made clay figures or new explosive designs in his spare time. Another thing that made his quarter different from the others' were his works of art that were scattered around the room, residing on shelves and tables.

But aside from all that, he was just glad that each quarter had its own bathroom. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to bathe with any of the other members... besides Kai. Bathing with a female probably wouldn't be that bad. In fact, maybe not bad at all.

The blonde continued to wonder about bathing with the opposite sex while the warm shower water massaged his dirtied skin. He washed himself down, from his hair to his still-sore...to his toes. Finally, he stood still, leaning against the wall, and watched the dirty soap water circle down the drain. Whenever he showered, he liked to just feel the water trickle down his body. It gave him a sense of comfort and peace, so different from the rest of the world around him.

His peaceful state of mind was broken when he heard a door open and close. Someone had entered his room.

With a heavy sigh, Deidara turned off the shower head and stepped out of the shower, throwing a towel around his hips. He reached out for a second towel, but found that it wasn't there.

"Damn it."

He poked his head out of the bathroom and found Kai sitting on the couch, polishing a weapon of some sort. With another quieter curse, he sighed.

"Hey Kai, help me out, yeah?"

Kai looked up from her weapon and, visibly against her will, blushed. How many times had this girl blushed already?

Not enough, he decided with a grin.

"What do you need?"

Flexing a few aching muscles, Deidara smiled and answered, "I need another towel."

The corners of Kai's mouth twitched, then formed a frown. "What do I look like, your personal maid?"

"I think you owe me one," he said, "I don't really appreciate you kneeing my 'twins' into my stomach."

She said nothing in reply and only resumed her polishing.

"Please?" He put on his best pout.

Kai sighed and put her katana down on the table beside her. Standing, she took another glance at the dripping blonde before leaving the room to complete her task.

Deidara couldn't stop smirking. She was obviously pleased with his ever-so-toned body, and he was pleased that her cool front was so easily washed away. Perhaps this assignment wasn't going to be such a punishment after all.

"Thank you, Zetsu, sir."

"It is no problem, Miss Kaiyan," Zetsu's light half replied.

Kaiyan had known Zetsu longer than the other members. He was assigned to teach her about Akatsuki as a newcomer while Deidara was away on a mission. Zetsu was definitely one of the strangest men she'd ever met. Not only did he look strange, with the two leaf-looking things sticking up on either side of his head and his two skin colors, was he also schizophrenic?

After talking to him a few times, she'd come to give nicknames to each of his halves. Bai-Zetsu for his light half, and Hei-Zetsu for his dark half. She never said the names aloud, but it amused her to have the names floating around in her mind.

"It seems Deidara already has you on a leash," Hei-Zetsu snickered.

Kaiyan shook her head. "No, it's more of a favor."

He sneered. "Keep telling yourself that, darling."

Zetsu pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I apologize, Miss Kaiyan," Bai-Zetsu said with a frown. "I'm sure we didn't mean that."

Hei-Zetsu gave a "Hmph," but Kaiyan thanked him again and left to find Deidara's room.

Though the hallways were long and the doors all looked the same, Kaiyan knew where to go. She had to admit that her sense of direction was one of her best characteristics, among others. Also, Deidara's chakra was hard to miss. It seemed all of his chakra flowed into his hands. Perhaps it had to do with his hobby, or his method of fighting, or... whatever.

She approached the wooden door and knocked once, making sure he wasn't nude or otherwise unpresentable. The door opened with Deidara still wearing only a towel around his waist. She would have considered this unpresentable, but he thought otherwise.

"Kai, what a pleasant surprise."

He grinned at her, and she pursed her lips, throwing the retrieved towel at his head.

He pulled the towel from his matted hair. "Gee, thanks," he muttered sarcastically.

Giving no reply, she returned to the couch and grabbed her katana, swiftly going back to where she'd left off. From the corner of her eye she watched Deidara. She watched him dry his hair, pull out his clean clothes from his closet, set his clothes on his bed, and settle down in a chair in front of his desk. He immediately grabbed a chunk of clay from a block beside him and began molding.

"Like what you see, yeah?" he asked suddenly, making her jump.

She became flustered and hid her face behind her hands. "I wasn't loo-"

"Don't worry, I'm used to it." He turned to give her a sly smile, then went back to his work.

"Conceited bastard..."

"Ouch, kid. I have feelings too, you know."

Kaiyan muttered incoherently under her breath and went back to polishing, still glancing up every now and then at the blonde. He still wasn't wearing anything but a towel, she noted, but it didn't really bother her. He wasn't bad to look at, she had to admit, but he really did have an ego the size of a mountain.

Soon, she had stopped what she was doing and was just staring at Deidara's back. With her knees tucked under her chin, and her chin resting on her knees, she stared.

Without thinking, she asked, "When are you going to put on your clothes?"

Deidara turned around, eyebrows raised and mouth slightly agape. His surprised expression didn't linger too long, for his open mouth quickly turned up into a smirk. "Do you really want them on?" he asked, giving her a wink.

Kaiyan blinked. This guy was incorrigible. Everything she made the mistake of saying would be twisted by him, no matter how innocent her statements were.

Seeing her unamused expression, however, Deidara's smirk faded away.

He sighed. "I don't like putting on my clothes while I'm still wet. It's uncomfortable, so I wait until I'm dry."

She looked up at him in slight surprise of his decent answer. "Oh."

"But seeing as how it's making you uncomfortable," he continued, getting out of his seat, "I'll put on my clothes."

Kaiyan smiled and grasped her katana once again. Her smile faltered when Deidara started to unwrap his towel... in front of her.

"W-wait!" she stuttered. "You can't just...!"

Deidara laughed. "I was just joking, yeah?"

He disappeared into his bathroom, where she heard the shuffle of clothing. A relieved sigh escaped her mouth, then a yawn. It was late, and all the "excitement" with Deidara had worn her out.

"Good night, sir," she said, opening the door.

Deidara reappeared, fully clothed and visibly disappointed.

"Aw, you're not staying the night?"

She frowned at him.

"Ah, another joke," he said with raised hands in his defense. "But yeah, see ya tomorrow."

She gave him a curt nod and turned to leave.

"By the way, don't call me 'sir' anymore," he called as he flopped onto his bed. "'Deidara' sounds better for a guy like me, yeah?"

Kaiyan turned to him with a small smile. "Yeah."

Closing the door behind her, she made her way through the halls and, soon, out of the base. Once outside and away from the entrance of the secret hideout, she crouched to the floor and looked around, searching for chakra, or people, that may be nearby. Nothing. Her hand dug into her pockets for a blank scroll and some ink. Dipping a finger into the black ink, she scribbled a quick message, then held her arm out. She heard the beating of wings and waited until a small bird flew onto her arm and pecked at her fingers. Glancing back once, she tied her message around the bird's claw and watched as it flew away into the night.

Kaiyan stood up and looked at the stars that decorated the black sky, so far away from where she was. Only the stars would know her true self, for they are as heavenly as her given name. Tenten would remain undercover for as long as necessary.

"Day seventeen: complete."

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End Chapter 1
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A/N: Kaiyan is Tenten in disguise, if anyone failed to catch that bit. ;3
Also, the Akatsuki base I put in there isn't the real one. I just had to make it up, since they didn't really seem to have one... So imagine it to be real, yeah?

Okay, so first piece is now complete! How did I do? I can take constructive criticism, I promise. In fact, I encourage it. (I practically decided to join and post stories because I wanted to improve my writing. :D) So yeah, Read and Review (a.k.a. R&R).

Let me tell you right now that I won't be updating consistently. I have to balance tons of homework, drawing, writing, and taking care of household tasks. Don't give up on me if I take forever!