The finale is finally (pun) here! This is the epic conclusion of this fanfic, which I hope will be enjoyable to all the fans of this story. AND SOME HUGE THANKS TO THOSE WHO REVIEWED! You guys are just so many kinds of awesomeness and deserve a lot of the credit for the completion of this. And so my friends, I present to you one last time, the infamous Edward Cullen's Last Night on the Town:

And in case you didn't get it in the last seven chapters, Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. "Fo sho?" you say. "Fo sho." Says I.

EPILOGUE

Tense cannot begin to describe the mood of the drive back to Forks. Imagine having someone sitting next to you who mutters things like "snap his neck" and "I'll yank all their balls off if we don't make it in time".

Total shit is the more appropriate word.

But nevertheless, Edward made it safe and sound to the site. Emmett, Jasper, and a foul-looking Rosalie pulled in behind them. Edward wasn't sure which was colder: the glare of disgust she gave him or the backhand she gave the side of Emmett's head when he shot a thumbs ups to Edward.

Ironically, the Denali clan had all made it here before any of them had pulled in. It seemed that Rosalie and Alice had placed enough fear into the three blondes to encourage their speedy arrival.

Now, Edward smile inwardly. Let's grab my tux and get this party started!

\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\

The wedding had gone on without a hitch (well, discarding the fact that the poodles tried to crash the party and acted like a bunch of whiney little turds). Bella had her dream wedding and Edward finally got into Bella's pants.

He was also extremely proud of the fact that he broke the bed on his first night in more than twenty years. Hell yeah, son. Sadly, he got a little too excited and made her prego.

And a bunch of other stuff happened afterwards, but it's not important.

\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\

-On Edward and Bella's Anniversary-

"Hurry up Edward, the movie's about to start!" Bella hollered.

Edward walked down the stairs and took a seat at the long couch in front of the television with his wife. It seemed Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett was joining them also.

"So, what are we watching?" Edward asked.

"Oh, just something me and Rose picked out. Should be pretty funny." Alice said cheerfully.

"Sounds great." Edward sat down on the couch and wrapped an arm around Bella's side.

Something was wrong though. Edward could hears Jasper's flipped-out thoughts shouting "Oh fuck, this is not good, this is not good at all!". Jasper even looked claustrophobic.

Oddly, Emmett wasn't thinking at all. Not even about nude women. He just stared blankly at the carpet under his feet.

The title of the movie explained it all. We're Dumb Fucks: Edward Cullen's Last Night on the Town. The Bachelor Party Edition.

On Edward's left, Alice smiled at him malevolently. "I made it."

Edward's eyes widened. "Oh fu-"

Alice's hand swatted Edward in the mouth. Rosalie, on noticing Bella's confusion, held her hand and said. "It's okay, Bella. Alice and I are on your side."

The movie looked like it was made with Window's Movie Maker. All the pictures, video, and even some very unflattering audio of Em, Jaz, and Ed's awkward conversations during his joke of a bachelor party; Alice had somehow managed to find them all.

After nine minutes the movie finally came to an end. Alice stood up and bowed.

"I showed you this Bella so you wouldn't be fooled by him. Underneath that glitter lies a craven and sinful beast bound to no moral code. Me and Rose both had the same problems."

"And we thought we had gotten rid of these tendencies, but it seems we'll have to redouble our efforts." Rosalie added.

Jasper shuddered.

Bella's normally pale face turned pinkish red from the mix of embarrassment and anger. "Edward Cullen."

"Bella, honey, I can explain—"

"Fine. You explain anything you want to me in three weeks. When I let you back in the house."

Edward's face became crestfallen. "Uh… Yes ma'am."

"Don't worry, Edward. At least you won't be lonely." Rosalie said. "Emmett and Jasper are getting six weeks outside for actually plotting the whole thing."

No wonder they were both so freaked out.

\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\

It had only been two days into their punishments, and the trio looked as if they had gone insane.

The girls, along with Renesmee, had decided to spend a few weeks in Europe as revenge against their husbands' previous debauchery. Carlisle and Esme, under orders from the three girls, refused to let them in. They seemed to get quite a bit of humor from the whole situation, but then again, Edward couldn't blame them. The whole predicament was pretty funny, at least looking at it from a bystander's point of view.

The only thing the three could do to pass the time was smoke some of Emmett's weed he had hid in his very own hand-dug man-cave complete with a circa 1992 cassette player that refused to eject the Willie Nelson tape that had been stuck in it for two decades, a box full of playboy's from the 80's and 90's, and a blue tarp spread across the ground which they sat on smoking their ganja. Regular ganja, thankfully. Not that weird psychedelic shit Emmett had from a year ago. Even so, Jasper politely refused and studied the playboys instead.

"That bachelor party was fun though." Emmett said, while he and Edward took turns between joints playing Russian roulette with an airsoft revolver.

"In some ways, others…not so much." Edward held the revolver's barrel against the side of his head. Click. He passed it to Emmett.

"Yeah true," pfft! "Ow! Those little fuckers hurt." Edward and Jasper had a laugh at Emmett's expense.

"All and all, it was some pretty damn cool things we did, so…thanks guys. And I mean it. A great way to end my bachelor's lifestyle."

The two vampires looked at him, astonished.

"Edward Cullen just said thanks and actually meant it? Where's that fucking camera when you need it?"

-End-