Disclaimer: Not my characters or copyright, unfortunately.

Notes: For the kink meme. Requester asked that Edgeworth gives GS4-era Phoenix an ultimatum - shave, or it's over. Welllllll...

Warnings: Mischievous Naruhobo is mischievous. ;)

Edgeworth sighed, and irritably broke off the kiss. It had been grating on him - literally and figuratively - since his return. The subject had come up a few times, but Phoenix (he couldn't manage to think of him as 'Wright' anymore, now that they had nothing to do with each other in a professional setting; nothing to do with each other except making out in his office chair like this, that is) kept just brushing it off. "Phoenix."

"Mm?" Despite the fact Edgeworth's mouth was otherwise occupied, Phoenix was still busy working at his jaw, his ear...

Edgeworth finally grabbed his shoulders and simply held him at arm's length. "You're going to listen to me this time, and do as I say."

"Ohhh," Phoenix said with a bright smile and a knowing nod. "That game again, is it?"

...That was a tempting thought, but Edgeworth shook his head. "No games - I'm not doing anything with you until you've shaved."

Phoenix rolled his eyes, turning his head away with an exasperated sound. "You're being ridiculous. Look, it makes me feel a little more my age, more like a grown man. ...Someone should look like a man around here, and given your fondness for frills and pink, it's sure not going to be you."

Edgeworth ignored the barb - he'd been hearing that one for ten years now - and sent the chair rolling back from the desk so that he could dump Phoenix off his lap. "I mean it. You've been ignoring this one simple request for months. I'm tired of feeling as if my chin has been sandpapered, Phoenix - either you shave, or you're not touching me again."

"What does touching you have to do with it?" Phoenix asked with a shrug as he held up his hands, waggling his fingers a little. "See, no stubble here, right? I haven't had to worry about hairy palms since you got back from Germany, that's for sure."

Edgeworth simply crossed his arms and fixed the man on his floor with a glare, despite the fact that the position Phoenix was in was rather compelling, considering what they'd been up to moments earlier. He remained firm, however, and eventually Phoenix scratched his head through that ridiculous hat and sighed. "Fine, fine... if it's that important to you, I'll shave. Okay?"

"Excellent." Edgeworth let the glare relax somewhat. "...I have a spare razor and some supplies in the bathroom," he suggested, nodding towards the side door, "if you would care to resume right away."

"Since you didn't completely kill the mood with your picky demands or anything," Phoenix muttered, pushing himself to his feet, "I might as well."

The bathroom door closed behind him, and Edgeworth sat at his desk, waiting. He heard water running, the hiss of the can of shaving foam. ...Though he had never been accused of having much imagination, especially when compared to Phoenix, he could picture the other man smoothing the foam over his face, drawing a careful path down his cheeks and under the chin. It might have been only that he was more impatient than he'd let on, but Miles found the image strangely fascinating. Possibly he should have offered to help. But no, he'd just wait.

...It seemed like he was waiting a rather long time, since it wasn't as if Phoenix was shaving off a full beard - just a little stubble. What could possibly be taking him so long?

Finally, he emerged. "There you go," he said simply, stepping around Edgeworth's desk and resuming his prior position, straddling Edgeworth across the chair. "All nice and smooth, just for you."

Edgeworth was staring up at him, hoping his annoyance was showing more than his confusion. "In what sense?" he asked incredulously. "You haven't shaved at all."

"Au contraire," Phoenix said, sliding forward to grind their hips together. "I did so shave, and very thoroughly."

"But..." Edgeworth protested. Unless his face was just filthy... but reaching up to run a finger along Phoenix's jaw proved that it was indeed his five o'clock shadow, intact. Edgeworth couldn't even smell the scent of his shaving foam. "What's this, then?"

"Well," Phoenix explained, matter-of-factly, "you never said precisely what you wanted me to shave."

Edgeworth thought about this for a moment. The sudden heat in his cheeks could have been due to embarrassment or rage, or possibly both. "...I said," he reminded Phoenix hotly, "that I was tired of having my chin sandpapered. How could you possibly think I meant anything other than your face?"

By way of reply, Phoenix pressed two fingers against Edgeworth's lips. And wiggled the fingertips. Edgeworth's cheeks burned hotter, and this time it was definitely embarrassment. "You're not going to go back on the deal, right?" Phoenix asked, seemingly in perfect innocence. "I did shave..."

"You're an insolent, childish idiot," Edgeworth told him when the fingers were removed, but that didn't stop him from yanking the idiot's head down and kissing him. Despite the roughness, even.

He could feel Phoenix grinning against his mouth. "Next time," Phoenix murmured, "you'll have to remember to be more specific."

"I'll make a mental note to that effect." But for now, Edgeworth tried to ignore the disturbing thoughts creeping in about the likely state of his sink at present, and resettled Phoenix back onto his desk, having decided that he might as well take advantage of this misinterpretation. Phoenix's idiocy was all too frequently charming.